Is settling down worth it? When?

[Hiatussin]

My father first married at 44. He worked as a chemist and as a dentist in Holland, England, South Africa and Indonesia. For ten years he lived by himself in an apartment in Amsterdam without attaching to any person or place.

He never lived with anyone all this time up to 44. He never drove anything but motorbikes and a small 2 seater sports car.

He seems to have married only because he ran out of time and energy to live like this. He´s my 65 yr old cynical dad now. He says he married too young. My mother never settled down before either, she was 34 at the time and had been an intercontinental flight attendant for years, living in company hotels around the world. Dad seems kinda disappointed that I´ve been with my gf for 2 years now.

My gfs parents met in High school and are each others first. Their family all have breakfast together every day and talk about the weather. twice a year or so they make a car-vacation. Both her parents have had the same job since they started working.

My father hasn´t been able to work in 13 years and my mother doesn´t work either. We still have more than my gfs family.

I feel weird. I´m starting to doubt everything

 

[Lestat]

This is a very good question.

I'm 28 and live with my GF now. Things are good and they are headed in the direction of marriage, family, etc. But I hear about so many divorces and people saying they got married too young... it is scary.

 

[The Shadow]

..never settle.....



NEVER

 

[Hiatussin]

I´m 100% that my gfs parents are happier in everyday life than mine.

Then again a kid with Down´s I know does nothing but laugh and get excited all day too. They´ve like, probably never even flown before. Their view on life consists of folk wisdom sayings.

 

[Lestat]

I'm not talking about SETTLING as in compromising and not getting what you want.. I'm talking about settling down.. as in giving up the single life, etc.

 

[KillahBee]

It's all relative dude. NOBODY can tell you the answer.

 

[milo hobgoblin]

SOOOOO what your saying is that your girlfriends parents are retarded?

 

[stilleto]

..never settle.....



NEVER

he asked about settling DOWN, not settling. lol
hiarobutussin, its individual... what would work for some would be a life of misery for another.
do what is in your heart and stop thinking so much.

 

[alien amp pharm]

The number one thing not to do is get into a routine after you get married. Sleep/Wake up/Job/Dinner/TV/Sleep/Repeat.

If each person in a marriage stays busy with activities and hobbies, traveling, etc (with and without the significant other) then I think the marriage will be much better. (tis why BF/GF relationships work so well)

Of course having kids pretty much ruins this plan.

 

[The Shadow]

My point is that waiting until you are "X age" is totally cool......dont cave to societal pressure to conform to THEIR idea of the "marrying age"


I was married very young, and while, in the long run, we didnt make it, I am a better person for knowing her and having the experience.

 

[Frisky]

My father first married at 44. He worked as a chemist and as a dentist in Holland, England, South Africa and Indonesia. For ten years he lived by himself in an apartment in Amsterdam without attaching to any person or place.

He never lived with anyone all this time up to 44. He never drove anything but motorbikes and a small 2 seater sports car.

He seems to have married only because he ran out of time and energy to live like this. He´s my 65 yr old cynical dad now. He says he married too young. My mother never settled down before either, she was 34 at the time and had been an intercontinental flight attendant for years, living in company hotels around the world. Dad seems kinda disappointed that I´ve been with my gf for 2 years now.

My gfs parents met in High school and are each others first. Their family all have breakfast together every day and talk about the weather. twice a year or so they make a car-vacation. Both her parents have had the same job since they started working.

My father hasn´t been able to work in 13 years and my mother doesn´t work either. We still have more than my gfs family.

I feel weird. I´m starting to doubt everything

This statement is disturbing. So you have more what? Money? Nicer car, house?

 

[Hiatussin]

I'm not talking about SETTLING as in compromising and not getting what you want.. I'm talking about settling down.. as in giving up the single life, etc.

She´s my first. I don´t look elsewhere actively. Only passively. Every now and then I´ll have a conversation with a costudent girl that I find interesting and attractive, but it never makes me consider leaving my gf so far.

 

[Lestat]

My point is that waiting until you are "X age" is totally cool......dont cave to societal pressure to conform to THEIR idea of the "marrying age"


I was married very young, and while, in the long run, we didnt make it, I am a better person for knowing her and having the experience.

Can I ask why things didn't work out? how old were you when you married?

 

[alien amp pharm]

My point is that waiting until you are "X age" is totally cool......dont cave to societal pressure to conform to THEIR idea of the "marrying age"


I was married very young, and while, in the long run, we didnt make it, I am a better person for knowing her and having the experience.

[announcervoice]This Halmark moment brought to you by The Shadow [/announcervoice]

 

[Frisky]

Can I ask why things didn't work out? how old were you when you married?

LOL

wanna get some idea huh?

 

[The Shadow]

Can I ask why things didn't work out? how old were you when you married?

The main issues were:

1 - age

2 - divergent wants and needs


#2 stemmed from #1 of course.


I was 22, she had turned 20 three days before.


We ended the relationship in a manner that was deserving. She's getting remarried next week and we still talk fairly often.

There are those, who for whatever reason, feel that its not "ok" to have a relationship with an ex. That says more about their relationships than it does the one in question.

 

[Hiatussin]

This statement is disturbing. So you have more what? Money? Nicer car, house?

Yes, that is what I meant. and yes it makes a big difference. We´re not rich. Not even close to it. but they´re just struggling, except for that they´re stable.

I booked us a dinner+party that ALL my friends are going to for New Years. If I have her pay her share, there´s not a chance that it is on, because of the price. It´s like that all the time. It´s hard reality.

 

[Lestat]

The main issues were:

1 - age

2 - divergent wants and needs


#2 stemmed from #1 of course.


I was 22, she had turned 20 three days before.


We ended the relationship in a manner that was deserving. She's getting remarried next week and we still talk fairly often.

There are those, who for whatever reason, feel that its not "ok" to have a relationship with an ex. That says more about their relationships than it does the one in question.

I think relationships (friendships) with exes are fine, and actually natural/normal for people who had strong and healthy relationships that didn't work out for whatever reason.

22 is young in my opinion to get married, but its all so subjective and relative.

Glad you both are happy now.

 

[Hiatussin]

SOOOOO what your saying is that your girlfriends parents are retarded?

No. that happiness can´t be taken as a measure of virtue or success. since it can be bought in small pill form anyway.

 

[Frisky]

There are those, who for whatever reason, feel that its not "ok" to have a relationship with an ex. That says more about their relationships than it does the one in question.

I agree.. however there are situations where one just can't 'let go' and its hard to maintain a comfortable relationship.

Two years, and still having to remind my x that we are 'not' getting back together. I value a friendship with him, he is the father of my children and feel its a must to be able to communicate openly about our children, school, etc.

Just seems the more we talk, no matter what the issue at hand, the more i end up dealing with his hopes for us.

Its a lose/lose situation still for me.

 

[The Shadow]

I agree.. however there are situations where one just can't 'let go' and its hard to maintain a comfortable relationship.

Two years, and still having to remind my x that we are 'not' getting back together. I value a friendship with him, he is the father of my children and feel its a must to be able to communicate openly about our children, school, etc.

Just seems the more we talk, no matter what the issue at hand, the more i end up dealing with his hopes for us.

Its a lose/lose situation still for me.

Thats not what Im saying......


Its not for everyone...but cmon......if you cant remain friends after a decade together, then you let shit get out of hand and let it drag on too long.....imo at least

 

[Hiatussin]

I agree.. however there are situations where one just can't 'let go' and its hard to maintain a comfortable relationship.

Two years, and still having to remind my x that we are 'not' getting back together. I value a friendship with him, he is the father of my children and feel its a must to be able to communicate openly about our children, school, etc.

Just seems the more we talk, no matter what the issue at hand, the more i end up dealing with his hopes for us.

Its a lose/lose situation still for me.

forget about that "friendship". See him as much as caring for the kids demands... other is apparently useless

 

[bigmann245]

my opinion is you have to do what YOU think is right. marriage is tough. real tough at times. just make sure you fully know thw person before you make the commitment. make sure both your views of marriage and parenting are the same as one another or it will cause major problems later in the marriage. believe me, i speak from experience.

 

[Hiatussin]

my opinion is you have to do what YOU think is right. marriage is tough. real tough at times. just make sure you fully know thw person before you make the commitment. make sure both your views of marriage and parenting are the same as one another or it will cause major problems later in the marriage. believe me, i speak from experience.

You can never fully know another person. and no two people have the exact same ideas about parenting and marriage.

 

[Frisky]

Yes, that is what I meant. and yes it makes a big difference. We´re not rich. Not even close to it. but they´re just struggling, except for that they´re stable.

I booked us a dinner+party that ALL my friends are going to for New Years. If I have her pay her share, there´s not a chance that it is on, because of the price. It´s like that all the time. It´s hard reality.

Hard reality it is..

There is no price tag on happiness, love and family. Money will never buy any of that for anyone. Just from our past conversations, your posts etc, I see that you sometimes seem infatuated with money.

Struggling/Stable? How is that so?

I am sure you see it this way because you have never had to do without. Where as, her family has lived this way for a long time, and they may be very content with what 'material' things they posess.

It only takes one split second to lose everything you own, Everything. I've been there.. and then you realize just how much you never missed any of that anyway, when you walk away with what is most precious. Your life, your family and your health.

 

[Frisky]

Thats not what Im saying......


Its not for everyone...but cmon......if you cant remain friends after a decade together, then you let shit get out of hand and let it drag on too long.....imo at least

Oh we are friends, and if i have my way, will remain friends.

My comment was that its not easy for both parties, esp if one refuses to move on and takes things the wrong way.

I

 

[Frisky]

forget about that "friendship". See him as much as caring for the kids demands... other is apparently useless

Not true, at all.

 

[bigmann245]

You can never fully know another person. and no two people have the exact same ideas about parenting and marriage.

well then, sounds like you have all the answers.....

 

[Hiatussin]

well then, sounds like you have all the answers.....

That would be permanent though. I guess its what my dads train of thought was...

 

[velvett]

I feel weird. I´m starting to doubt everything

A few thoughts - one you are not your parents, you are a product of your parents and you have the power to choose to be like or not be like, to take their positive traits or their negative and it is up to you to decided which is which. It is up to decide what kind of person you want to be and what sort of people you want to surround yourself.

As for your father, he's probably a person that was not made to be married - there are many people like this. For some being a half of a couple or a part of a family is not what brings them joy, it doesn't mean their are selfish it just means that their desires for happiness in life differ. I have found when these people marry they will usually regret this but being that they don't want to face their perceived failure of their choice they stay in their situation and stay there miserable.

In regard to you monetary observations and concerns (?) I will tell you that what you are feeling is a red flag and this flag isn't necessarily to do with your girlfriend but with you. It's much like growing up in a white collar family and being unable emotionally to date blue collar or vice versa - that is something that stems from the influence of family and peers, so you will either continue that "tradition" or you respectful come to your own conclusions between your family’s and outside influences.

When in doubt don’t make any rash decisions – doubt is a time to reflect and grow as a person.

 

[velvett]

We ended the relationship in a manner that was deserving. She's getting remarried next week and we still talk fairly often.

There are those, who for whatever reason, feel that its not "ok" to have a relationship with an ex. That says more about their relationships than it does the one in question.

You should probably mention that she jumped into living with a guy she just met and is rushing into marriage to a man she has only dated for a few months. Talk about settling. LOL

I am, as you know, one of "those" people.

Maybe it's a Northern thing (we're just assholes, yano) but unless you have children with your ex-spouse I really don't see why you would remain intimately friendly - polite and diplomatic in public when you run into each other yes but sleep over/ gossip buddies - no.

I don't know anyone that is divorced without children that has remained that close friends with their ex and if they did so it was for booty calls between boy/girlfriends.

Now when you have had children together I think you have to be at the least friendly or if that is too much cordial and respectful for the best interest of your children.

There are no absolutes I guess some people can do one thing and others another - to each their own right? But to suggest that there is something wrong with someone because of how they choose to find normalcy within certain intimate situations is so Kettle meets Black.

 

[velvett]

It only takes one split second to lose everything you own, Everything. I've been there.. and then you realize just how much you never missed any of that anyway, when you walk away with what is most precious. Your life, your family and your health.

Amen sista.

 

[Testosterone boy]

I just settled down between 5pm and 6pm.

Since I now feel refreshed, I would say it was worth it.

So........give it a shot. What have you got to lose?

 

[*MissFit*]

u ask alot of questions.. have u hit puberty yet?

 

[musclemom]

I am close to turning 41, I have been a married person since I was 18 going on 19. Two marriages, one biological child, one divorce ...

I've come up with some basic rules for marriage. They're not earth shattering, but after 22+ years they haven't changed a lot, either:

1. Dog people should not marry cat people (okay, there are people who like both but I'm talking about people who are VEHEMENTLY anti cat or dog); this also applies to people who love the mountains/hate the ocean, pro-life/pro-choice, vegetarians/carnivours. The reasoning is pretty simple, you can change your mind, but your basic philosophy/moral framework, NEVER. I don't care how much you love that person, if YOU think abortion is wrong and THEY think it's the mother's right, this will become an issue.

2. Never fight about sex or money, ever. These two issues you must ALWAYS be able to bring to the table and discuss.

3. Do not go to bed angry with each other.

4. Marry your absolute best friend .. not the best friend you've ever had of the opposite gender -- your best friend, period. Marry someone that you'd love even if they were the same gender as you.

5. Marry a person that if you woke up tomorrow and they could read your mind, it wouldn't bother you.

6. Don't marry someone you don't respect.

Every divorce I've ever seen results from ONE or more of those rules (or the reasoning behind them) being broken.

The final points (not really rules), don't marry someone because you have nothing better to do or you think it's something you should do because other people expect you to or you're afraid you're getting too old, or you're afraid no one else will ever ask you or its the best sex you've ever had, etc. NONE of those are reasons to get married.

You join your life to that of another person because everything just sucks and is boring without them. You marry someone because life seems like a completely pointless load of bullsh*t if they aren't a part of your life.

Of course, none of this sh*t applies to Hiatussin because he is perfect in the way no woman could ever be since all women are flawed simply by the fact that they are merely female, and as he has told us, no female could ever grasp the breadth and depth of the male mind, but I thought I'd pass it on to those who might be interested.

 

[Testosterone boy]

I just settled down between 5pm and 6pm.

Since I now feel refreshed, I would say it was worth it.

So........give it a shot. What have you got to lose?

what he said.


I'm going to settle down again in a few hours. You prolly should as well.

 

[trailseeker]

I eloped when I was 20, went to college with my husband who was 23 at the time, and we're having our tenth anniversary in May. The trick? We went with dogs instead of kids and have 2 incomes.

Oh, and lots of sex helps too.

I'm not saying NO ONE should have kids, just don't have them unless you REALLY want them, and that means both of you. The strain of having a kid is much worse than not having one; I've seen it happen to most of my friends, and then they resent me because I made different life choices. Me and my husband rock. We go to as many basketball games as possible, play xbox nightly, and I let him hang with his friends whenever he wants without the stereotypical "wife-induced guilt trip", since I have my own shit to do. I guess it's all in who you settle down with.

 

[Cutiebaby]

no no no.....wait untill 50

 

[GoldenDelicious]

um, following the relationship pattern of either your parents or her parents isnt going to determine your future finances. theyre separate issues, so quit worrying.

it seems to me that your father either truly believes you are making a mistake by getting into a relationship early for your own sake, or was seeking to live through you, the way some parents feed off their childrens life experiences. either way, its a highly subjective issue, and youre smart enough to puzzle it out in your own case as best as may be.

the thing about life is that you dont get to meander down every single path, at every crossroad in your life - you just pick what seems best at the time and enjoy it. overthinking your future robs you of your present.

 

[EnderJE]

I am close to turning 41, I have been a married person since I was 18 going on 19. Two marriages, one biological child, one divorce ...

I've come up with some basic rules for marriage. They're not earth shattering, but after 22+ years they haven't changed a lot, either:

1. Dog people should not marry cat people (okay, there are people who like both but I'm talking about people who are VEHEMENTLY anti cat or dog); this also applies to people who love the mountains/hate the ocean, pro-life/pro-choice, vegetarians/carnivours. The reasoning is pretty simple, you can change your mind, but your basic philosophy/moral framework, NEVER. I don't care how much you love that person, if YOU think abortion is wrong and THEY think it's the mother's right, this will become an issue.

2. Never fight about sex or money, ever. These two issues you must ALWAYS be able to bring to the table and discuss.

3. Do not go to bed angry with each other.

4. Marry your absolute best friend .. not the best friend you've ever had of the opposite gender -- your best friend, period. Marry someone that you'd love even if they were the same gender as you.

5. Marry a person that if you woke up tomorrow and they could read your mind, it wouldn't bother you.

6. Don't marry someone you don't respect.

Every divorce I've ever seen results from ONE or more of those rules (or the reasoning behind them) being broken.

The final points (not really rules), don't marry someone because you have nothing better to do or you think it's something you should do because other people expect you to or you're afraid you're getting too old, or you're afraid no one else will ever ask you or its the best sex you've ever had, etc. NONE of those are reasons to get married.

You join your life to that of another person because everything just sucks and is boring without them. You marry someone because life seems like a completely pointless load of bullsh*t if they aren't a part of your life.

Of course, none of this sh*t applies to Hiatussin because he is perfect in the way no woman could ever be since all women are flawed simply by the fact that they are merely female, and as he has told us, no female could ever grasp the breadth and depth of the male mind, but I thought I'd pass it on to those who might be interested.

Shit.

My rules are so much simplier. Just live and take it as it comes.

 

[velvett]

I am close to turning 41, I have been a married person since I was 18 going on 19. Two marriages, one biological child, one divorce ...

I've come up with some basic rules for marriage. They're not earth shattering, but after 22+ years they haven't changed a lot, either:

1. Dog people should not marry cat people (okay, there are people who like both but I'm talking about people who are VEHEMENTLY anti cat or dog); this also applies to people who love the mountains/hate the ocean, pro-life/pro-choice, vegetarians/carnivours. The reasoning is pretty simple, you can change your mind, but your basic philosophy/moral framework, NEVER. I don't care how much you love that person, if YOU think abortion is wrong and THEY think it's the mother's right, this will become an issue.

2. Never fight about sex or money, ever. These two issues you must ALWAYS be able to bring to the table and discuss.

3. Do not go to bed angry with each other.

4. Marry your absolute best friend .. not the best friend you've ever had of the opposite gender -- your best friend, period. Marry someone that you'd love even if they were the same gender as you.

5. Marry a person that if you woke up tomorrow and they could read your mind, it wouldn't bother you.

6. Don't marry someone you don't respect.

Every divorce I've ever seen results from ONE or more of those rules (or the reasoning behind them) being broken.

The final points (not really rules), don't marry someone because you have nothing better to do or you think it's something you should do because other people expect you to or you're afraid you're getting too old, or you're afraid no one else will ever ask you or its the best sex you've ever had, etc. NONE of those are reasons to get married.

You join your life to that of another person because everything just sucks and is boring without them. You marry someone because life seems like a completely pointless load of bullsh*t if they aren't a part of your life.

Of course, none of this sh*t applies to Hiatussin because he is perfect in the way no woman could ever be since all women are flawed simply by the fact that they are merely female, and as he has told us, no female could ever grasp the breadth and depth of the male mind, but I thought I'd pass it on to those who might be interested.

That's was awesome.

 

[biteme]

That's was awesome.

You'll never get married. You're too honery. Reminds me of me.

 

[chewyxrage]

Shit.

My rules are so much simplier. Just live and take it as it comes.

No shit.

 

[bigmann245]

I am close to turning 41, I have been a married person since I was 18 going on 19. Two marriages, one biological child, one divorce ...

I've come up with some basic rules for marriage. They're not earth shattering, but after 22+ years they haven't changed a lot, either:

1. Dog people should not marry cat people (okay, there are people who like both but I'm talking about people who are VEHEMENTLY anti cat or dog); this also applies to people who love the mountains/hate the ocean, pro-life/pro-choice, vegetarians/carnivours. The reasoning is pretty simple, you can change your mind, but your basic philosophy/moral framework, NEVER. I don't care how much you love that person, if YOU think abortion is wrong and THEY think it's the mother's right, this will become an issue.

2. Never fight about sex or money, ever. These two issues you must ALWAYS be able to bring to the table and discuss.

3. Do not go to bed angry with each other.

4. Marry your absolute best friend .. not the best friend you've ever had of the opposite gender -- your best friend, period. Marry someone that you'd love even if they were the same gender as you.

5. Marry a person that if you woke up tomorrow and they could read your mind, it wouldn't bother you.

6. Don't marry someone you don't respect.

Every divorce I've ever seen results from ONE or more of those rules (or the reasoning behind them) being broken.

The final points (not really rules), don't marry someone because you have nothing better to do or you think it's something you should do because other people expect you to or you're afraid you're getting too old, or you're afraid no one else will ever ask you or its the best sex you've ever had, etc. NONE of those are reasons to get married.

You join your life to that of another person because everything just sucks and is boring without them. You marry someone because life seems like a completely pointless load of bullsh*t if they aren't a part of your life.

Of course, none of this sh*t applies to Hiatussin because he is perfect in the way no woman could ever be since all women are flawed simply by the fact that they are merely female, and as he has told us, no female could ever grasp the breadth and depth of the male mind, but I thought I'd pass it on to those who might be interested.

i knew there was a reason i love you... lol

 

[gonelifting]

Halitosis, sometimes it's OK to think with your heart. You think with your head all the time and it sometimes gets in the way of you relationship(s).

 

[Hiatussin]

It only takes one split second to lose everything you own, Everything. I've been there.. and then you realize just how much you never missed any of that anyway, when you walk away with what is most precious. Your life, your family and your health.

This is not necessarily true. You can´t "lose everything" all of a sudden unless you have it invested in far too insecure and far too concentrated things. But yes I could be forced to be a blue collar worker in my life, there´s a realistic chance to that.

 

[Hiatussin]

Of course, none of this sh*t applies to Hiatussin because he is perfect in the way no woman could ever be since all women are flawed simply by the fact that they are merely female, and as he has told us, no female could ever grasp the breadth and depth of the male mind, but I thought I'd pass it on to those who might be interested.

A lot of the things I wrote in that thread you refer to I do really believe. I do really love my gf though. I don´t know

 

[velvett]

You'll never get married. You're too honery. Reminds me of me.

LOL

I'll just have to make lots of money so I can be a honery "eccentric" old broad one day.

 

[Frisky]

This is not necessarily true. You can´t "lose everything" all of a sudden unless you have it invested in far too insecure and far too concentrated things. But yes I could be forced to be a blue collar worker in my life, there´s a realistic chance to that.

lol

you have a lot of 'life' to experience

 

[H_T_]

some real fucking geniuses in this thread. people under 30 should have to ask permission to speak.

 

[musclemom]

A lot of the things I wrote in that thread you refer to I do really believe. I do really love my gf though. I dońt know

Okay, Hiat, I have a strong feeling I'm wasting my fingers and breath on you but I'll give it one shot because I know you're smart (I just doubt that you are capable of learning or evolving):

You are not ready to get married because, if you really believe that pure, unadulterated horseshit that you wrote on the thread in question, then you can't possibly tell me that your relationship with your girlfriend fulfills MY rules #4, #5, and #6. Short and sweet. If you say it does, then you are a hypocrite.

Maybe your idea of marriage is "old world" marriage -- one of those archaic situations where the man, perfectly flawless and absolutely omniscient, is king of castle and the woman (who is preferably mute, but at least lacks independent thought or opinion), is barefoot, pregnant, and belongs in either one of two places: the kitchen or in bed on her back with her legs spread. If that's your idea of marriage, fine, go for it, but stop wondering if it's time to get married and just go buy yourself a woman descended of healthy stock, with good teeth and wide hips when you can afford one and feel like reproducing those impeccable genetics of yours

You want a happy relationship, you need to stop being a chauvinist/misogynist/bigot or whatever the hell you are ... of course, your girlfriend may have some crappy self esteem, and maybe that's what you need. But how the hell can you respect someone who doesn't respect themselves? Trust me, you marry someone you don't respect, sooner or later, the relationship will disintegrate; NOT might, will. And what you wrote in that thread tells me you don't respect women.

The only reason to get married is because you are madly, deeply, wildly in love with a person that is your total best friend, and that person feels the same way about you, and imagining your lives without each other is like imagining trying to cross the Sahara on foot ... alone (a task that is unbearably lonely, and hopelessly impossible to complete).

 

[H_T_]

Okay, Hiat, I have a strong feeling I'm wasting my fingers and breath on you but I'll give it one shot because I know you're smart (I just doubt that you are capable of learning or evolving):

You are not ready to get married because, if you really believe that pure, unadulterated horseshit that you wrote on the thread in question, then you can't possibly tell me that your relationship with your girlfriend fulfills MY rules #4, #5, and #6. Short and sweet. If you say it does, then you are a hypocrite.

Maybe your idea of marriage is "old world" marriage -- one of those archaic situations where the man, perfectly flawless and absolutely omniscient, is king of castle and the woman (who is preferably mute, but at least lacks independent thought or opinion), is barefoot, pregnant, and belongs in either one of two places: the kitchen or in bed on her back with her legs spread. If that's your idea of marriage, fine, go for it, but stop wondering if it's time to get married and just go buy yourself a woman descended of healthy stock, with good teeth and wide hips when you can afford one and feel like reproducing those impeccable genetics of yours

You want a happy relationship, you need to stop being a chauvinist/misogynist/bigot or whatever the hell you are ... of course, your girlfriend may have some crappy self esteem, and maybe that's what you need. But how the hell can you respect someone who doesn't respect themselves? Trust me, you marry someone you don't respect, sooner or later, the relationship will disintegrate; NOT might, will. And what you wrote in that thread tells me you don't respect women.

The only reason to get married is because you are madly, deeply, wildly in love with a person that is your total best friend, and that person feels the same way about you, and imagining your lives without each other is like imagining trying to cross the Sahara on foot ... alone (a task that is unbearably lonely, and hopelessly impossible to complete).

http://weasel.faricy.net/funny/stfu/stfu1.jpg

 

[musclemom]

http://weasel.faricy.net/funny/stfu/stfu1.jpg

Hey, HT, you got a problem???

Let's hear it.

 

[bigmann245]

Hey, HT, you got a problem???

Let's hear it.

look at MuscleMom laying down the smack down.... you go girl

 

[H_T_]

Hey, HT, you got a problem???

Let's hear it.

lmao. the worst vice is advice.

 

[musclemom]

lmao. the worst vice is advice.

Ah, horseshit, I think heroine or crack addiction sucks way worse so

I wouldn't argue with you if it was unsolicited advice, but Hiat asked so I told him the truth.

So how long have you been married ???

 

[wootoom]

im doing recess

 

[H_T_]

Ah, horseshit, I think heroine or crack addiction sucks way worse so

I wouldn't argue with you if it was unsolicited advice, but Hiat asked so I told him the truth.

So how long have you been married ???

i was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. i just thought that hiatussin was playing with you, i mean, he's obviously a superior intellect. so don't overthink, if that was meant to be, you'd be more than a housewife....

 

[H_T_]

Ah, horseshit, I think heroine or crack addiction sucks way worse so

I wouldn't argue with you if it was unsolicited advice, but Hiat asked so I told him the truth.

So how long have you been married ???

more armchair qb'ing. you seem like quite the fuck up to begin with. are you still married??? he must be very happy. btw, he's cheating on you.

 

[musclemom]

more armchair qb'ing. you seem like quite the fuck up to begin with. are you still married??? he must be very happy. btw, he's cheating on you.

Wow, HT, you can be a nasty little sh*t can't you?

What makes you think I'm a f**k up? I'll grant you, I made a lot of mistakes in my youth, but ain't we all. I'm actually a pretty decent person. Yes, I have social anxiety problems, but I also know where they come from.

And, I'm not a housewife, damnably stupid term. I'm self employed and have been for quite some time, I'm a good cook but do it rarely, I hate cleaning house, and have totally sh*tty taste when it comes to decorating, that's my husband's job.

Finally, my husband has no reason to cheat on me, first up, he left wifey #2 for me. Secondly, I told him if he finds someone he falls madly in love, lust or whatever, bring her on home, he's welcome to her, we have an extra room, and if she can cook and clean he can keep her, I'd like me a wife too, particularly if she's a lush little brunette

Now my turn to armchair you ... you're EITHER one bitter Mo-Fo with sh*tty taste in women OR are you just the major a**hole type who knows how to turn a decent woman into a pissed off, bitter shrew??? Hmmm, which is it? Oh wait a minute ... are you one of those real sports who gets his kicks by leading a nice girl on until you've had your fill of her p***y and then dumping her and simultaneously making her feel bad for herself, telling her she's too fat or has a flabby a**. No, I kinda get the feeling you're a combination of the first and second, you can be a nice guy, but I get the feeling you got a mean-ass streak in you and I suspect you have communication problems, and you're probably out of touch with your emotions ...

Merry Xmas and a happy effing new year ... I'm having a hard enough time working up any enthusiasm for the holidays and you have to go and be a miserable f***. Get a grip, you're the one who started it with the "STFU B**CH" crap. I hate that sh**, I find it extremely offensive to be lumped into some sort of bullsh** stereotype, how the f**k do you like it, putz?

Now let it go.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Yes, that is what I meant. and yes it makes a big difference. We´re not rich. Not even close to it. but they´re just struggling, except for that they´re stable.

I booked us a dinner+party that ALL my friends are going to for New Years. If I have her pay her share, there´s not a chance that it is on, because of the price. It´s like that all the time. It´s hard reality.

Why are you with her then?

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

I am close to turning 41, I have been a married person since I was 18 going on 19. Two marriages, one biological child, one divorce ...

I've come up with some basic rules for marriage. They're not earth shattering, but after 22+ years they haven't changed a lot, either:

1. Dog people should not marry cat people (okay, there are people who like both but I'm talking about people who are VEHEMENTLY anti cat or dog); this also applies to people who love the mountains/hate the ocean, pro-life/pro-choice, vegetarians/carnivours. The reasoning is pretty simple, you can change your mind, but your basic philosophy/moral framework, NEVER. I don't care how much you love that person, if YOU think abortion is wrong and THEY think it's the mother's right, this will become an issue.

2. Never fight about sex or money, ever. These two issues you must ALWAYS be able to bring to the table and discuss.

3. Do not go to bed angry with each other.

4. Marry your absolute best friend .. not the best friend you've ever had of the opposite gender -- your best friend, period. Marry someone that you'd love even if they were the same gender as you.

5. Marry a person that if you woke up tomorrow and they could read your mind, it wouldn't bother you.

6. Don't marry someone you don't respect.

Every divorce I've ever seen results from ONE or more of those rules (or the reasoning behind them) being broken.

The final points (not really rules), don't marry someone because you have nothing better to do or you think it's something you should do because other people expect you to or you're afraid you're getting too old, or you're afraid no one else will ever ask you or its the best sex you've ever had, etc. NONE of those are reasons to get married.

You join your life to that of another person because everything just sucks and is boring without them. You marry someone because life seems like a completely pointless load of bullsh*t if they aren't a part of your life.

Of course, none of this sh*t applies to Hiatussin because he is perfect in the way no woman could ever be since all women are flawed simply by the fact that they are merely female, and as he has told us, no female could ever grasp the breadth and depth of the male mind, but I thought I'd pass it on to those who might be interested.

Great post; you brought up a lot of good points.

And that last paragraph- it's not Hiatussin's fault. His apparent superiority complex ultimately stems from an insecurity of some sort, so really your sarcastic lambasting of his character is only adding insult to injury.

 

[Hiatussin]

Great post; you brought up a lot of good points.

And that last paragraph- it's not Hiatussin's fault. His apparent superiority complex ultimately stems from an insecurity of some sort, so really your sarcastic lambasting of his character is only adding insult to injury.

 

[musclemom]

And that last paragraph- it's not Hiatussin's fault. His apparent superiority complex ultimately stems from an insecurity of some sort, so really your sarcastic lambasting of his character is only adding insult to injury.

Hansel, you're probably absolutely right, it just sets my teeth on edge. I'm hypersensitized to it because my father was a f**ked up insecure idiot who thought it was okay to beat the living sh** out of my mother and me, which set me up for marrying my first husband was consequently a f**ked up insecure idiot who thought it was okay to make me and my son feel like we didn't have the right to breath the same air as he did.

I completely lack sympathy for men with insecurity problems, they just ended up hurting other people, at least insecure women only hurt themselves. The best thing a man with an inferiority complex can do is seek intensive psychotherapy to correct their character defects, and stay the hell out of anybody else's life until they do.

 

[*MissFit*]

I think your young and you should explore you seem to have a lot of doubt about this girl

 

[Hiatussin]

Hansel, you're probably absolutely right, it just sets my teeth on edge. I'm hypersensitized to it because my father was a f**ked up insecure idiot who thought it was okay to beat the living sh** out of my mother and me, which set me up for marrying my first husband was consequently a f**ked up insecure idiot who thought it was okay to make me and my son feel like we didn't have the right to breath the same air as he did.

I completely lack sympathy for men with insecurity problems, they just ended up hurting other people, at least insecure women only hurt themselves. The best thing a man with an inferiority complex can do is seek intensive psychotherapy to correct their character defects, and stay the hell out of anybody else's life until they do.

I´ve never even raised my voice at a girl.
If I were to hurt my gf what we had would be over that instant and she would be out of my life, she would not return.

Don´t get your bad childhood all over ME.

 

[*MissFit*]

HUn i don't think anyone means to attack u.. i didnt read thru this thread, but going by the title and other threads u have made.. i read a lot of doubt in u and ur age...

 

[Hiatussin]

HUn i don't think anyone means to attack u.. i didnt read thru this thread, but going by the title and other threads u have made.. i read a lot of doubt in u and ur age...

Well of course I have a lot of doubt

 

[musclemom]

I´ve never even raised my voice at a girl.
If I were to hurt my gf what we had would be over that instant and she would be out of my life, she would not return.

Don´t get your bad childhood all over ME.

First of all, you don't need to raise your voice to be abusive. Some of the most evil things ever said to me that struck the deepest and stuck the longest were said in the course of an apparently innocent conversation.

Secondly, my rough childhood has nothing to do with the fact that chauvanists make my blood boil. You, Hiat, come off as a chauvanist and like a lot of the young men on this board, you flaunt it like women should kowtow. There are women who are comfortable, like, or even expect that sort of behavior from a man; that's fine for them. I've seen enough that I can say that while a lot of women think it's cute when they're younger, that crap wears thin as hell when you get older. When push comes to shove, I'd just as soon be alone than harnessed to a lord and master.

You asked for opinions on marriage. Having been married for over 21 years grand total, if I haven't learned anything by now I never will. You wanted to know if settling down is worth it, and the short answer is that settling down is worth it if you marry the right person for the right reasons.

 

[H_T_]

you keep reinforcing my every word, with every post. lol. sounds like you've made some great decisions so far, and that advice on who should marry who, wow, that was *muah* manifique! i think anyone with a handful of brain cells, or in your case, a thimbleful, could figure out who they should marry. unless you are a purposeless breeder cow who thinks its her job to populate the earth. ok, now, so what i gather is that your house is filled with takeout containers because you are lazy and refuse to cook. hopefully you live in a cold climate, that'll help control the palmetto bugs. next, your husband has no reason to cheat cuz he left his last wife for you. lmmfao!!! am i the only one who thinks this is a perfect reason??? he has set a precedence. but that doesn't seem to matter, you're a fuckin' swinger. and as far i go, well, whatever, my options are way open and my range is broader than yours. the best you could hope to get from a guy like me is a nice long look when my back is turned.

 

[musclemom]

you keep reinforcing my every word, with every post. lol. sounds like you've made some great decisions so far, and that advice on who should marry who, wow, that was *muah* manifique! i think anyone with a handful of brain cells, or in your case, a thimbleful, could figure out who they should marry. unless you are a purposeless breeder cow who thinks its her job to populate the earth. ok, now, so what i gather is that your house is filled with takeout containers because you are lazy and refuse to cook. hopefully you live in a cold climate, that'll help control the palmetto bugs. next, your husband has no reason to cheat cuz he left his last wife for you. lmmfao!!! am i the only one who thinks this is a perfect reason??? he has set a precedence. but that doesn't seem to matter, you're a fuckin' swinger. and as far i go, well, whatever, my options are way open and my range is broader than yours. the best you could hope to get from a guy like me is a nice long look when my back is turned.

Seeeee, I knew you were perfectly capable of fighting your own battles all by yourself, HT. No need for your wittle friends to slap the nasty little girl around

All kidding aside, HumanT, you are one seriously bitter individual ... who hurt you so bad? Honest to god if I didn't know better I'd say you were my ex-husband! He's a bitter little bitch too, swear to God, sounds just like you!

Breeder cow ... I've been pretty upfront that I have one biological child who is in the military and two teenage stepchildren, I don't see how that qualifies as a breeder anything

Takeout containers??? Good grief, man, I bake sweet potatoes, chicken breasts, and have a rice cooker like everyone else who posts on this board and lifts weight! As a matter of fact, every meal today was broccoli, chicken and 1% cottage cheese

In terms of what I could hope "from a guy like you," Oh please us, Jesus, dude, keep on moving What makes you think I'd EVER want parts of another insecure, immature, damn dumb fool??? Been there, done that, earned my hash marks and got the t-shirt ... I paid hard earned money to divorce one idiot, what makes you think I would EVER in my life be desperate enough to welcome another one into it? I'm pretty sure I've said I'd rather be alone.

Swinger ... nope. But I have been in love so deeply it hurt my heart and it was a shared love so intense that we gave up EVERY material thing we owned to start over again, from scratch, when we were NOT kids. Everything, HT, every blessed thing I owned I gave up -- for love. And haven't regretted it once. I walked out of my first marriage with my clothes and my son and walked into a happy life. My ex even went through my jewelry box and took pieces I had bought WITH my own money! What a sport! That dear man even took my son's baby and childhood pictures and to this day won't let me make me copies.

So HT, what palmetto bug crawled up your ass and laid eggs???

 

[H_T_]

Seeeee, I knew you were perfectly capable of fighting your own battles all by yourself, HT. No need for your wittle friends to slap the nasty little girl around

All kidding aside, HumanT, you are one seriously bitter individual ... who hurt you so bad? Honest to god if I didn't know better I'd say you were my ex-husband! He's a bitter little bitch too, swear to God, sounds just like you!

Breeder cow ... I've been pretty upfront that I have one biological child who is in the military and two teenage stepchildren, I don't see how that qualifies as a breeder anything

Takeout containers??? Good grief, man, I bake sweet potatoes, chicken breasts, and have a rice cooker like everyone else who posts on this board and lifts weight! As a matter of fact, every meal today was broccoli, chicken and 1% cottage cheese

In terms of what I could hope "from a guy like you," Oh please us, Jesus, dude, keep on moving What makes you think I'd EVER want parts of another insecure, immature, damn dumb fool??? Been there, done that, earned my hash marks and got the t-shirt ... I paid hard earned money to divorce one idiot, what makes you think I would EVER in my life be desperate enough to welcome another one into it? I'm pretty sure I've said I'd rather be alone.

Swinger ... nope. But I have been in love so deeply it hurt my heart and it was a shared love so intense that we gave up EVERY material thing we owned to start over again, from scratch, when we were NOT kids. Everything, HT, every blessed thing I owned I gave up -- for love. And haven't regretted it once. I walked out of my first marriage with my clothes and my son and walked into a happy life. My ex even went through my jewelry box and took pieces I had bought WITH my own money! What a sport! That dear man even took my son's baby and childhood pictures and to this day won't let me make me copies.

So HT, what palmetto bug crawled up your ass and laid eggs???

you fucking want me.

 

[velvett]

Humantarget, Musclemom, Velvett threesome - now THAT'S hot.

 

[H_T_]

Humantarget, Musclemom, Velvett threesome - now THAT'S hot.

why'd you go and change my thought process? i can't think of what i wanted to say now.

 

[velvett]

why'd you go and change my thought process? i can't think of what i wanted to say now.

My job here is done.

 

[H_T_]

My job here is done.

i was so pwning her.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Hansel, you're probably absolutely right, it just sets my teeth on edge. I'm hypersensitized to it because my father was a f**ked up insecure idiot who thought it was okay to beat the living sh** out of my mother and me, which set me up for marrying my first husband was consequently a f**ked up insecure idiot who thought it was okay to make me and my son feel like we didn't have the right to breath the same air as he did.

I completely lack sympathy for men with insecurity problems, they just ended up hurting other people, at least insecure women only hurt themselves. The best thing a man with an inferiority complex can do is seek intensive psychotherapy to correct their character defects, and stay the hell out of anybody else's life until they do.

Sorry to hear about that...and that's good advice too.

 

[musclemom]

Humantarget, Musclemom, Velvett threesome - now THAT'S hot.

Hmmmmm ... or

 

[musclemom]

My job here is done.

"You must spread some Karma around before giving it to velvett again."

So you get this for now