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Is it wrong to do something social with your ex?

WoodyO

WoodyO

New member
I'm separated (and eventually getting divorced) from my wife of 8 years (we've been together 12+ years), and we had planned on taking our 5 year old to see Monster Jam on the 19th.

The ex was backing out and asking which one of us was going to take him. I said all 3 of us should still go. I already purchased the tickets. It was for our kid, not us. and she was completely appalled by the suggestion.

She still stays at my house a few times a week, and comes over every day while I'm at work, so she doesn't mind taking advantage of things I have or provide.

Was I out of line to suggest that?
 
She sounds crazy as fuck. Dont you two still go to the gym together? Does she still give you blowies? Ask her whats the real reason she doesnt want to go with you
 
Absolutely not imo. I don't see the problem at all? What do you mean by wrong? I don't see one reason why she would balk at that? Makes no sense.
 
What the fuck is going on in your relationship? I wouldn't want to all go together either..
 
Fuck this shit. I'll go. I'm dyin to see Monster Jam. I even registered to win some free Monster Truck tix with a local tv station.
 
smurf2 said:
She sounds crazy as fuck. Dont you two still go to the gym together? Does she still give you blowies? Ask her whats the real reason she doesnt want to go with you
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I actually gently suggested that she sounds a little crazy and she flipped the fuck out. We had been texting back n' forth for about an hour, then when I asked if she was going or not, she stopped replying, so after a while I called her, and she started going off that I was harassing her when she was busy. I know that's not true. she doesn't lift a finger to do anything when she's in my house during the day.

She went with me to the gym about 2-3 times since Xmas, and she may go with me again tonight (you'll know for sure if I instagram an ass pic again).

And she cut off the BJ's around Xmas too.
 
Also, if she already planned it, she should just go along. If she backs out, shes not backing out on you, shes backing out on the kid. Remind her of that.
 
cindylou said:
Absolutely not imo. I don't see the problem at all? What do you mean by wrong? I don't see one reason why she would balk at that? Makes no sense.
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Well, we bought the tickets around Xmas, when our relationship was still "up in the air" (her words), but as of this last weekend, she decided it's over and she wants to move out completely.

I don't beat her, we don't fight, I don't care that she goes out with friends or stays at her geigh friends house when she wants to get away, so I didn't see any harm in doing a "family day" that was already previously planned.
 
smurf2 said:
Fuck this shit. I'll go. I'm dyin to see Monster Jam. I even registered to win some free Monster Truck tix with a local tv station.
Click to expand...


It's cheap. Like $35 a ticket for good seats. Just buy the tickets you cheap skate. Don't forget hearing protection. It sounds like WWIII in there.
 
WoodyO said:
I'm separated (and eventually getting divorced) from my wife of 8 years (we've been together 12+ years), and we had planned on taking our 5 year old to see Monster Jam on the 19th.

The ex was backing out and asking which one of us was going to take him. I said all 3 of us should still go. I already purchased the tickets. It was for our kid, not us. and she was completely appalled by the suggestion.

She still stays at my house a few times a week, and comes over every day while I'm at work, so she doesn't mind taking advantage of things I have or provide.

Was I out of line to suggest that?
Click to expand...

you were spot on. she is loony. going to monster jam with kid is way less commitment than bj.
 
WoodyO said:
Well, we bought the tickets around Xmas, when our relationship was still "up in the air" (her words), but as of this last weekend, she decided it's over and she wants to move out completely.

I don't beat her, we don't fight, I don't care that she goes out with friends or stays at her geigh friends house when she wants to get away, so I didn't see any harm in doing a "family day" that was already previously planned.
Click to expand...

I don't see the harm. I mean, I can't understand why she wouldn't want her son to see you two doing things together and seeing you two get along as much as possible, for his sake.
 
WoodyO said:
She still stays at my house a few times a week, and comes over every day while I'm at work, so she doesn't mind taking advantage of things I have or provide.

Was I out of line to suggest that?
Click to expand...

What's with all the confusing behavior bro? Sounds like she takes advantage of you. Does she really want the divorce out I'd is it something her shrink concocted? I know she's been through a lot but you went through the same thing and its not fair her to play mind games with you because of it. Have you talked to her about it?

And no, I don't see a problem with being social for the sake of your kid.
 
zwhit said:
What's with all the confusing behavior bro? Sounds like she takes advantage of you. Does she really want the divorce out I'd is it something her shrink concocted? I know she's been through a lot but you went through the same thing and its not fair her to play mind games with you because of it. Have you talked to her about it?

And no, I don't see a problem with being digital for the sake of your kid.
Click to expand...


I let her take advantage of me sometimes. Everything was mine before we were married. The homes, cars, money were all mine. She doesn't even have access to my bank accounts or credit cards.

I let her stay in the house because we've been together so long. I trust her, and I know where she is when she's not here. I don't want to be a total douche and put her out on the street while she's still kind of fucked in the head.
 
It's weird for some people and not for others. It really depends on how it ended and how good of friends you are now.

Sent from my ADR6350 using EliteFitness
 
WoodyO said:
I let her take advantage of me sometimes. Everything was mine before we were married. The homes, cars, money were all mine. She doesn't even have access to my bank accounts or credit cards.

I let her stay in the house because we've been together so long. I trust her, and I know where she is when she's not here. I don't want to be a total douche and put her out on the street while she's still kind of fucked in the head.
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Yeah I can see where you're coming from. I'd be the same way if my wife decided to play games with my head for a while. Its easy for me to say, from an outside perspective. It just sucks for her to screw with your head while she gets her's together.
 
Fuck that, you bought her a ticket.

Either she goes, or you pay a hooker to fill her seat. Either way, you still get a bj.

Also, toss her the fuck out if she's gone totally nuts, it will do you a lot of good
 
Who wants the divorce ? It seems you still want to be with her? Idk that's how it's coming off as I read ur post
 
Aplopez8 said:
Who wants the divorce ? It seems you still want to be with her? Idk that's how it's coming off as I read ur post
Click to expand...


She left me. I'm not completely opposed to the divorce, but I'm not letting her take the kids while she's acting all bipolar. She also hasn't pushed too hard to get into mediation and get it taken care of. I'm not sure if it's because she's full of shit, or because she doesn't have anywhere to go yet.
 
WoodyO said:
I don't think it is at his age.
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I agree. If she is staying there and then one of you guys doesn't go all the sudden or backs out when it was planned, I imagine he might take that personally. Like he did something wrong, or the absent parent is mad at him.
 
WoodyO said:
She left me. I'm not completely opposed to the divorce, but I'm not letting her take the kids while she's acting all bipolar. She also hasn't pushed too hard to get into mediation and get it taken care of. I'm not sure if it's because she's full of shit, or because she doesn't have anywhere to go yet.
Click to expand...

I don't know everything about the relationship but it seems that ur ex is being very shady and taking advantage of u .. If your having to ask her repeatedly to just go with u to a monster truck show with ur kid you shouldn't be so nice and start standing up to her more.. Her behavior isn't right . I know easier said than done and the divorce is taking a toll on u but from what I read your ex wife is being unfair to u
 
Aplopez8 said:
I don't know everything about the relationship but it seems that ur ex is being very shady and taking advantage of u .. If your having to ask her repeatedly to just go with u to a monster truck show with ur kid you shouldn't be so nice and start standing up to her more.. Her behavior isn't right . I know easier said than done and the divorce is taking a toll on u but from what I read your ex wife is being unfair to u
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tl;dr

Also, who the fuck are you?
 
Aplopez8 said:
I don't know everything about the relationship but it seems that ur ex is being very shady and taking advantage of u .. If your having to ask her repeatedly to just go with u to a monster truck show with ur kid you shouldn't be so nice and start standing up to her more.. Her behavior isn't right . I know easier said than done and the divorce is taking a toll on u but from what I read your ex wife is being unfair to u
Click to expand...


I don't own her. I can't force her to go, and frankly I don't care if she does or not.

I let her stay in the house when I'm not there as we were married/together for a long time, and even though it's all in my name, it's still rightfully hers as well.

I was more shocked that she was so opposed to the fact that I brought it up.

Also, she called to apologize and more of the story came out. A bunch of her single mom friends were toying with the idea of going, so it sounds like she wants to be part of the girls group first. If that's really the case, then I might just take the kid by myself and let her buy her own ticket and tag along with them.
 
WoodyO said:
She left me. I'm not completely opposed to the divorce, but I'm not letting her take the kids while she's acting all bipolar. She also hasn't pushed too hard to get into mediation and get it taken care of. I'm not sure if it's because she's full of shit, or because she doesn't have anywhere to go yet.
Click to expand...

I don't know how old your kiddo is, but if there's going to be tension and a possible "concealed blowup", meaning one of you having shitty body language, words spoken between gritted teeth, or someone just becoming obsessed with their phone for a while, it's going to be a shitty situation and the kid will notice. Q remembers things from over a year ago and she sometimes just springs questions on me that make me stumble over my answers.

You need to start having fun with just you and the kid. Sounds gay, but the healing process you go through is going to involve the both of you, and awkward situations at an impressionable age don't do anyone any good. If your ex is fucked, let her fuck up. Worked for me.
 
smurf2 said:
so she;'d rather go with her single mom whore friends than with her own child? thats bullshit
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Not really. She wants to take him, but she'd rather go with all the other divorced moms and their kids.

I already told her that I'm taking him, and if she wants to come she's still welcome, but I'm not pushing for it.

Now she wants to meet tomorrow to discuss things.

She says I'm controlling, so I think she's pissed that I played that card.
 
WoodyO said:
Not really. She wants to take him, but she'd rather go with all the other divorced moms and their kids.

I already told her that I'm taking him, and if she wants to come she's still welcome, but I'm not pushing for it.

Now she wants to meet tomorrow to discuss things.

She says I'm controlling, so I think she's pissed that I played that card.
Click to expand...

ohhhhh I see. I jumped to conclusions.
 
So what she wants is for u who got the tickets and wants to go to just stay home.... Nice

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
WoodyO said:
I'm separated (and eventually getting divorced) from my wife of 8 years (we've been together 12+ years), and we had planned on taking our 5 year old to see Monster Jam on the 19th.

The ex was backing out and asking which one of us was going to take him. I said all 3 of us should still go. I already purchased the tickets. It was for our kid, not us. and she was completely appalled by the suggestion.

She still stays at my house a few times a week, and comes over every day while I'm at work, so she doesn't mind taking advantage of things I have or provide.

Was I out of line to suggest that?
Click to expand...



i dont think you were out of line. it was a nice gesture. sometimes when its over its over. thats all.
but she still reaps the benefits of what you have to offer. i think thats just not knowing how to separate one from the other. comfort, old habits, being familiar.
seperations/divorce is a tough nut. whats allowed, whats not allowed, where does the line get drawn. good luck bro, just keep communicating and compromise for your child and it will be smooth. they see and hear everything.
 
My thoughts are that at the end of the day she is a grown woman and she can do what she wants. The most important thing is that your son knows that you love him and that you will always be there for him.

I'm sure you don't, but I would advise to never talk bad about her in front of him.
 
It really depends man, I go through the same things in my head because I'm STILL going through the divorce paperwork.

If either of you have feelings still or it can get complicated, back the fuck off.

If not, then this might actually be good for your kids...
 
I try to cut her some slack. It's this time of year. It's been just over 2 years since our oldest kid died on thanksgiving, and the entire winter season has her down. She called me last night and said she didn't feel like working out, but asked if she could stay at my house with the kids while I was at the gym.

She came back this morning to take our youngest to preschool as I was leaving for work. We didn't say much, but after I left she called me crying. It's a rainy day and it's reminding her of the morning we got the call that Jesse died.
 
WoodyO said:
I try to cut her some slack. It's this time of year. It's been just over 2 years since our oldest kid died on thanksgiving, and the entire winter season has her down. She called me last night and said she didn't feel like working out, but asked if she could stay at my house with the kids while I was at the gym.

She came back this morning to take our youngest to preschool as I was leaving for work. We didn't say much, but after I left she called me crying. It's a rainy day and it's reminding her of the morning we got the call that Jesse died.
Click to expand...

just be good to her man, even if she wasn't the greatest to you. Remember that there was a time when you loved this woman and she is the mother of your children. Don't burn any bridges, life is funny and you never know what might happen.
 
I still have quite a few social occasions with my ex husband but when things were still freshly severed and confusing I cut off as much contact as humanly posible

now its no big deal to do pretty much anything together and we still finish each others sentences
the idea of being in a relationship again with the guy is utterly reprehensible to me though
 
oh and to add...we tried sharing the house while seperating initially..it was an absolute disaster and mind fuck
 
A relationship CAN be just good friends you know, that's a type of relationship to. As long as it doing turn into fuck buddy because that will bring up old emotions and everyone will get hysterical
 
I hope you guys can work things out woodyo. A lot of times a trauma can seperate a family. I can't imagine losing one of my children and how I would deal with that. It sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants.
 
She sounds like she keeps stringing you along man...obviously you both aren't happy and have tried to work things out a million times..move on with your life, have fun, enjoy your kids. I'm sick of hearing I hope you work it out. You only live once. Enjoy the kids and yourself
 
yeah true, i just figure she is hurting and probably making some bad choices. well woodyo seems like he is going with it. But I find no harm in him going with her to monster jam
 
WoodyO said:
I try to cut her some slack. It's this time of year. It's been just over 2 years since our oldest kid died on thanksgiving, and the entire winter season has her down. She called me last night and said she didn't feel like working out, but asked if she could stay at my house with the kids while I was at the gym.

She came back this morning to take our youngest to preschool as I was leaving for work. We didn't say much, but after I left she called me crying. It's a rainy day and it's reminding her of the morning we got the call that Jesse died.
Click to expand...

It hurts my heart to read this. I can't imagine. Circumstances like these change what should be normal responses to situations. You are absolutely not wrong in thinking it should be ok for all of you to do joint things for the sake of spending time with your child. But it doesn't sound like she is in any place to go about things in a rational manner.
 
WoodyO said:
I'm next to Palomar airport in Carlsbad. I can jump on el Camino real and be down to encinitas in 10 minutes if you've got a better idea.
Click to expand...


woody, what the fuck is with all the bums talking to themselves around the Carlsbad Mall area?
 
bigbassturd said:
woody, what the fuck is with all the bums talking to themselves around the Carlsbad Mall area?
Click to expand...

The Vista Sheriff abuses the homeless and forces them into area's where the city cops aren't as brutal. They end up in the friendlier beach front communities.
 
bigbassturd said:
Wtf are they all fried on?

I want some.
Click to expand...

It's from Alberto's Carne Asada burrito's


Actually, there's a shopping center on the Oceanside/Carlsbad border that is dying off because a homeless person slashed a woman to death there. Some tourist that stopped at hallmark to get a card exchanged words with a bum, and he slashed her up. The hallmark shut down after like 30 years because of the incident, and all the surrounding shops left too. Once the Mervin's tanked, then the entire center died off.
 
WoodyO said:
It's from Alberto's Carne Asada burrito's


Actually, there's a shopping center on the Oceanside/Carlsbad border that is dying off because a homeless person slashed a woman to death there. Some tourist that stopped at hallmark to get a card exchanged words with a bum, and he slashed her up. The hallmark shut down after like 30 years because of the incident, and all the surrounding shops left too. Once the Mervin's tanked, then the entire center died off.
Click to expand...


that little strip mall next the mall is pretty over run too. Can't go to the verizon store without having to threaten a ngrs life
 
WoodyO said:
It's from Alberto's Carne Asada burrito's


Actually, there's a shopping center on the Oceanside/Carlsbad border that is dying off because a homeless person slashed a woman to death there. Some tourist that stopped at hallmark to get a card exchanged words with a bum, and he slashed her up. The hallmark shut down after like 30 years because of the incident, and all the surrounding shops left too. Once the Mervin's tanked, then the entire center died off.
Click to expand...

I used to love those after a night of misbehaving. I don't think I've had anything from there since I stopped drinking.
 
WoodyO said:
I try to cut her some slack. It's this time of year. It's been just over 2 years since our oldest kid died on thanksgiving, and the entire winter season has her down. She called me last night and said she didn't feel like working out, but asked if she could stay at my house with the kids while I was at the gym.

She came back this morning to take our youngest to preschool as I was leaving for work. We didn't say much, but after I left she called me crying. It's a rainy day and it's reminding her of the morning we got the call that Jesse died.
Click to expand...

You're a good bro, Woody
 
I took her and the kids to Chuck E Cheese tonight, and i played ski ball with her for about an hour, then I took her home, told her i wanted a bj. Now she's at home watching Frankenweenie with the kids and I'm at the gym.

I forgot that she likes being bossed around a little.
 
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