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Is It Possible To Be Friends With An Ex?
- Thread starter Meantime1
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Sassy69
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It's possible - I have a bunch of ex's that I hang out with. However there are definitely boundaries on them that I have to follow. One occassionally brings up a girl he started dating after we broke up and I just start getting pissed off, so I stay away from that. The same guy also seems to have realized what a great catch I was since we broke up (this is years ago too...) and often attempts to resurrect that relationship. Since he's the one who killed my feelings for him when he managed to take me for granted, I stay waayyyyyyy away from that when he starts it up. Another is now dating someone who has a been a friend of his for years & years, so I totally respect that relationship and they are really good together. But I can't get too chummy with the ex because she's aware of our past relationship. Eh, it gets hairy when you look at the dynamics - particularly when there is a new gf / bf involved. But I am still good friends w/ these guys & know that I can rely on them in a pinch for everything that you would expect from a friend (but not a b/f).
I have yet another ex who I spend a lot of time chatting w/, but, again, I can't get into discussions about my private life or his because of things that were incomplete in our own relationship. We can joke about or discuss some very intimate things that are sort of hypothetical discussions, but if it involves a particular person or feeling I can't go there. Those are the bounds on that relationship. Some thing I know I can't rely on him to keep my feelings & best interest in mind, so I just don't let the discussions go there.
So yea, I think you can be friends with ex's, if they haven't hurt you in a way that you can't forget or forgive. Others have boundaries, and others you can be complete best friends because you've bared your soul to this person and not been hurt for it.
I have yet another ex who I spend a lot of time chatting w/, but, again, I can't get into discussions about my private life or his because of things that were incomplete in our own relationship. We can joke about or discuss some very intimate things that are sort of hypothetical discussions, but if it involves a particular person or feeling I can't go there. Those are the bounds on that relationship. Some thing I know I can't rely on him to keep my feelings & best interest in mind, so I just don't let the discussions go there.
So yea, I think you can be friends with ex's, if they haven't hurt you in a way that you can't forget or forgive. Others have boundaries, and others you can be complete best friends because you've bared your soul to this person and not been hurt for it.
SVT-TROY
New member
Definately, I would ultimately love to be in a committed relationship, I love to spoil a woman that I'm in love with and make her feel beautiful like she is and show her that she is my only. The only problem is, you can't do exactly what she wants you to do all the time. When she meets another guy and she wants to have a taste, she will come up with any excuse for it to be okay to go for it. I'm sure this is true for men too, but like I always say "I don't care about men, my emotions of love are only affected by women". I'm a man who, while in a relationship, wants her to be 100% loyal. Now, in the 21st Century, loyal people are few and far between. So, just like I know the odds of winning the Lottery are against me, so too are they in a relationship.Meantime1 said:
Meantime1
New member
SVT-TROY said:
Well at least you know what you want, and i respect that, soo many people enter relationships all for the wrong reasons, never really given it much thought, There is no point jumping from one relationship to the next, leaving a trail of baggage along the way,
I do share your view that in the 21st Century Loyal committed people are far and few between, soo many couples, especially here in London seem to have some sort of arrangement for an open relationship, meaning been able to sleep with others while still been in a relationship to your partner,
I find that good old fashion romance is very far and few between, No one really sticks at something to make it work, Once tough times come along, people tend to jump ship, That to me tells me more about their character, Funny we as human beings dont realise that, the one who stays and tries to work things out through all the drama and comes out of it holding hands are the ones who really do love you, for they are willing to go through all that for the benefit of both parties
Out of all of my exes, I'm on friendly terms with 2 of them. One in particular had been a messy breakup. We didn't talk for over a year. But after we both grew up a little more we made up. He lives out of state but we talk for an hour on the phone probably every 3-4 months. I know it's not often but it's nice to catch up. My husband doesn't care.
The only other one I'm friendly with hadn't dated me for very long so neither of us was too emotionally involved.
The only other one I'm friendly with hadn't dated me for very long so neither of us was too emotionally involved.
yep my ex bf is my best mate now. we've been best mates for 8 years now, can talk about anything to him. and my latest ex gf is supposedly also on good terms, even though we dont speak very often. i put it down to her new gf not liking me.
and also being on this open relationship scene, me and my ex gf had an open relationship, which is how she met her new gf... but i've no hard feelings.
my advice however, is dont always be the one to make the effort to call and stuff. leave them to their own devices, knowing if they have problems you're there for them as a friend. personally, i think my ex gf's new gf is a dick (and thats not cos im jealous), however i'm not going to waste my breath stating the obvious to my ex and she knows im there for her.
and also being on this open relationship scene, me and my ex gf had an open relationship, which is how she met her new gf... but i've no hard feelings.
my advice however, is dont always be the one to make the effort to call and stuff. leave them to their own devices, knowing if they have problems you're there for them as a friend. personally, i think my ex gf's new gf is a dick (and thats not cos im jealous), however i'm not going to waste my breath stating the obvious to my ex and she knows im there for her.
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