I'm new to this stepmothering thing...

[heatherrae]

but would this piss you off?

My step kids have been at their mom's house since Monday. This is the first time she has even taken them overnight in 6 months. She has been over here a couple of times before and just walks in without knocking and sits herself down. I am usually busy. I say hi and keep doing other stuff so she can talk to my fella without me being right up in their business.

Well, I just got back from the pool store because our pool has turned green. I was out putting a shock treatment and algaecide in the pool. I come in and the ex-wife's other children (not my fiance's kids) are playing on MY computer. I don't say anything, and I walk into my bedroom to get the chlorine off. My stepkids don't say anything to me and sort of have an attitude, which is not like them. Which makes me think she has filled them full of stories.

Okay, so I'm in my bathroom washing the chlorine off of my hands, and she walks into my bedroom! So, she says to me with a shitty attitude, "Heather, if you are going to play stepmom to my children, we should be friends. Every time I'm here you are in the bedroom." She was outside getting stuff out of the car when I came in. I hadn't even seen her. It was all I could do to keep my cool. I sort of backed her out of the room by walking in that direction and said, "I was sort of busy working on the pool. Maybe you should call before you just drop in." Then I just shut the door on her, because it pissed me off.

Are all ex wives this rude? I've been friendly, but I have no desire to be her "friend" as she put it. I think she's a stupid flake. She pays no child support and even says that if we want her to see her kids, we should pay her child support when they come to her house for a week.

UGH! She pissed me off. Can't she just drop the kids off and be on her way? This is the way my parents did it after they were divorced.

 

[H_T_]

if you don't breast feed, their lives will be poor quality.

 

[reno240]

Yes that would piss me off!

 

[heatherrae]

if you don't breast feed, their lives will be poor quality.

I tried breat feeding, but they just cried and said they were going to be late for middle school...lol.

 

[reno240]

I tried breat feeding, but they just cried and said they were going to be late for middle school...lol.

If you really want to get her back - you should send me pictures of your breasts....

 

[H_T_]

I tried breat feeding, but they just cried and said they were going to be late for middle school...lol.

i would have you come to the cafeteria and do it right there.

 

[heatherrae]

i would have you come to the cafeteria and do it right there.

ROFL! That will make them popular among their peers.

 

[AAP]

I come in and the ex-wife's other children (not my fiance's kids) are playing on MY computer. .

is that why the quality of your threads improved last night?


hahahaha

just kidding my home girl thang.


But really, those kids (and the mother) is just testing you. You lose your cool and the terrorists win. I mean, they win. Be calm, yet forceful and don't let her harbor the idea in the back of her mind that you will be intimidated by the chance of the kids being used against you and you becoming the villian. Hell, relish the villian role and start wearing leather outfits - on the slutty side - and make them do terrible things. Like eat broccili.

 

[H_T_]

ROFL! That will make them popular among their peers.

public tit sucking is a wonderful thing. they'd be like "Where's your lunch?" and i'd be like "In my Step-mom's shirt!!!!" i would be the mackinest middle-baller alive.

 

[heatherrae]

is that why the quality of your threads improved last night?


hahahaha

just kidding my home girl thang.


But really, those kids (and the mother) is just testing you. You lose your cool and the terrorists win. I mean, they win. Be calm, yet forceful and don't let her harbor the idea in the back of her mind that you will be intimidated by the chance of the kids being used against you and you becoming the villian. Hell, relish the villian role and start wearing leather outfits - on the slutty side - and make them do terrible things. Like eat broccili.

rofl! Yeah, they are toast. Don't screw with the Heathinator!

 

[Frisky]

dealt with that for 11 years... it never gets any eaiser, or better. make the best of it an ignore the rest.

 

[Dieselicious]

I could not get my girl to come within 100 yards of my X-wife. My girl wants to beat my X'es head in, my X only has supervised visitation - dumb yatch. Props for letting his x in your house. She was rude, put her in her place now dont let it get out of hand.

 

[H_T_]

dealt with that for 11 years... it never gets any eaiser, or better. make the best of it an ignore the rest.

i wish you could be my crazy fucking ex-wife. sounds like so much fun. i bet you give great lawn-jobs.....

 

[heatherrae]

i wish you could be my crazy fucking ex-wife. sounds like so much fun. i bet you give great lawn-jobs.....

lawn jobs?

 

[Frisky]

i wish you could be my crazy fucking ex-wife. sounds like so much fun. i bet you give great lawn-jobs.....

lol

wanna wanna

 

[Cutiebaby]

I would slap the bitch and tell her to wait outside for her kids.lol

 

[heatherrae]

dealt with that for 11 years... it never gets any eaiser, or better. make the best of it an ignore the rest.

Yeah, she is so pathetic. When she found out he was getting remarried, she staged a fake engagement. The day came and went, and she wasnt married. They divorced 8 or 9 years ago! Damn, she doesnt let go, does she?

What a loser. I'm going to be polite and continue to welcome her in the home though. The last thing those kids need is to see their mom and stepmom being bitches to each other.

 

[Frisky]

hahaha... we have a new employee.. and of course he gets the ritural hazing by the other welders. He's been here aprox 3 days and so, im out back in the shop working on the foremans computer, and getting some final measurments on some equipment when one of our crazy welders walks up to me and tells me to follow him.... so I do, into the break room where said 'new' guy is. So K walks in and tells the guy that I am his sister and to stop checking me out. :lmoa: I liked to spit and piss myself at the same time, but follow along.

So K continues to mess with him and on the way out I reminded him that he should not be checking out my ass while I walk out the door. Poor boy, he blushed so much. LOL

 

[Cutiebaby]

You are too damn mean

 

[reno240]

I know that your fiance is older than you - is she his age?

 

[heatherrae]

I would slap the bitch and tell her to wait outside for her kids.lol

I felt like it!

 

[dullboy]

dullboy says enough olive branches.

keep reminding her that you're educated and she's not.

that usually makes people feel pretty insecure.



of course she resents you. you're boinking her ex, and no matter how much she got tired of playing with that toy, nobody wants other kids playing with their toys.

 

[heatherrae]

She is younger than him, but she is older than me. She has 5 kids though and literally has been married 6 times.

 

[heatherrae]

dullboy says enough olive branches.

keep reminding her that you're educated and she's not.

that usually makes people feel pretty insecure.



of course she resents you. you're boinking her ex, and no matter how much she got tired of playing with that toy, nobody wants other kids playing with their toys.

ROFL...good call

 

[Frisky]

You are too damn mean

who me

 

[reno240]

She is younger than him, but she is older than me. She has 5 kids though and literally has been married 6 times.

Oh - so she is stable and secure... That's nice! How many of her kids are his? 2?

 

[heatherrae]

hahaha... we have a new employee.. and of course he gets the ritural hazing by the other welders. He's been here aprox 3 days and so, im out back in the shop working on the foremans computer, and getting some final measurments on some equipment when one of our crazy welders walks up to me and tells me to follow him.... so I do, into the break room where said 'new' guy is. So K walks in and tells the guy that I am his sister and to stop checking me out. :lmoa: I liked to spit and piss myself at the same time, but follow along.

So K continues to mess with him and on the way out I reminded him that he should not be checking out my ass while I walk out the door. Poor boy, he blushed so much. LOL

LOL...good stuff

 

[Cutiebaby]

who me

no, never! lol

 

[Y_lifter]

Is this really a scene from that TV Show REBA ?

Seriously, I lost track of who was who, but it sure sounds she needs a swift kick
in the front butt or maybe a sit down come to Jesus meeting on rules.

Either that or go over to her place and start doing the same stuff.
She either won't care(In that case you're screwed) or she feels your pain

 

[H_T_]

HR, a lawn job is when Frisky gets in her Firebird and drives on my well manicured lawn, spinning her bald tires cuz she can't maintain a man like me.

 

[Frisky]

no, never! lol

I'm an angel

yeppers... such a sweetheart with a potty mouth ........ teehee

 

[heatherrae]

Oh - so she is stable and secure... That's nice! How many of her kids are his? 2?

2 of them

 

[cranny]

I know how you feel. I have 2 step boys myself for the past 9 yrs. My wife's ex just started paying child support like 2 yrs. ago(320.00/month for 2 teenage boys). He pumps shit in their head like that should pay for everything. Yeah right. Shit that will barely feed them. I don't mind helping raise them but he's made comments to them like he can't afford anything in life b/c all of his money goes to their mom. He's in his early 40's and still lives at home w/ mommy and daddy. I agree w/ Frisky. It dosen't get any better nor worse. I'm just counting the years left to have to deal w/ him. Our youngest is 13. So 3 more years and he can drive himself over to see his dad. Also, as a step parent you can't compete w/ real parents. There's that unconditional love they have for them. I understand that. But when I get on to them for something, I'm just an asshole. Their mother can be short at times or really get on their ass but that's OK b/c that's their Mom. They still love her and they accept what she dishes out. Step parenting is no easy task. Sorry, you shouldn't have got me started.

 

[heatherrae]

Is this really a scene from that TV Show REBA ?

Seriously, I lost track of who was who, but it sure sounds she needs a swift kick
in the front butt or maybe a sit down come to Jesus meeting on rules.

Either that or go over to her place and start doing the same stuff.
She either won't care(In that case you're screwed) or she feels your pain

It is pretty messed up, huh?

 

[heatherrae]

HR, a lawn job is when Frisky gets in her Firebird and drives on my well manicured lawn, spinning her bald tires cuz she can't maintain a man like me.

LOL...I was involved in a case once where a guy did that and ran the truck right into the living room of their mobile home with his pregnant wife and children in the living room. Crazy! Everyone is okay now, by the way.

 

[dutchman063]

your husband is too blame for all this .... he choose to breed with the psycho

 

[Phenom78]

UGH! She pissed me off. Can't she just drop the kids off and be on her way? This is the way my parents did it after they were divorced.

This part made me giggle

It's a Brave New World

 

[heatherrae]

I know how you feel. I have 2 step boys myself for the past 9 yrs. My wife's ex just started paying child support like 2 yrs. ago(320.00/month for 2 teenage boys). He pumps shit in their head like that should pay for everything. Yeah right. Shit that will barely feed them. I don't mind helping raise them but he's made comments to them like he can't afford anything in life b/c all of his money goes to their mom. He's in his early 40's and still lives at home w/ mommy and daddy. I agree w/ Frisky. It dosen't get any better nor worse. I'm just counting the years left to have to deal w/ him. Our youngest is 13. So 3 more years and he can drive himself over to see his dad. Also, as a step parent you can't compete w/ real parents. There's that unconditional love they have for them. I understand that. But when I get on to them for something, I'm just an asshole. Their mother can be short at times or really get on their ass but that's OK b/c that's their Mom. They still love her and they accept what she dishes out. Step parenting is no easy task. Sorry, you shouldn't have got me started.

Yeah, step-parenting sucks. You get all the responsibility of taking care of them, but you miss out on all the sweet, unconditional love part.

 

[heatherrae]

your husband is too blame for all this .... he choose to breed with the psycho

Yeah, he acknowledges his part in picking a flake. lol.

 

[dutchman063]

This part made me giggle

It's a Brave New World

more like.. "the cycle continues"..

 

[Rabid_Goose]

Teenagers have no insight to future rewards/goals/investments, anything that is rewarding and feels great now is key, most of them that is. That and teens are more likley to listen to their mother, sorry, but women are better propaganda agents when it comes to their offspring. You see how some women can manipulate some men.

Buy a cattle prod and a cage. And play a tape with their mothers voice. Everytime they hear her voice, zap em. Soon everytime they see her and hear her talk in real life, they'll cringe in fear and go into seizures. Sure, child services will get them away after a little while but damnit, they learned!

 

[Y_lifter]

Yeah, he acknowledges his part in picking a flake. lol.

Is this the same dude that was cheating on you ?

 

[jestro]

IMHO, the x shouldn't set foot in your house. Unless she's helping carry in the bags of the little squirtletts. Your BF needs to lay down the law.

 

[Frisky]

I know how you feel. I have 2 step boys myself for the past 9 yrs. My wife's ex just started paying child support like 2 yrs. ago(320.00/month for 2 teenage boys). He pumps shit in their head like that should pay for everything. Yeah right. Shit that will barely feed them. I don't mind helping raise them but he's made comments to them like he can't afford anything in life b/c all of his money goes to their mom. He's in his early 40's and still lives at home w/ mommy and daddy. I agree w/ Frisky. It dosen't get any better nor worse. I'm just counting the years left to have to deal w/ him. Our youngest is 13. So 3 more years and he can drive himself over to see his dad. Also, as a step parent you can't compete w/ real parents. There's that unconditional love they have for them. I understand that. But when I get on to them for something, I'm just an asshole. Their mother can be short at times or really get on their ass but that's OK b/c that's their Mom. They still love her and they accept what she dishes out. Step parenting is no easy task. Sorry, you shouldn't have got me started.

being a step parent is NOT easy. The lines are so thin between what is right and wrong. I did it for 11 years. I was a step parent at the ripe young age of 19. took alot of getting used to, alot of adjustments and learning what is right and what is wrong. You have to get the respect but have a line that you can't cross. I think I did mighty fine with my step son, I earned his respect in the right way, never ever had to raise my voice or be the wicked step mom to do it.

Now I am on the other end, I have two kids, and I am dating someone. I was so skittish with the whole dating scene because I know how hard it is to adjust to an immedate family and how to deal. He does great with my kids and I trust him whole hearted.

I bow down to all those that deal with past relationships, its not by any means an easy task. But it comes with the package.

 

[dutchman063]

being a step parent is NOT easy. .

which is why its generally NEVER a good idea to date someone with children to begin with.. younger children that is.. not worth the hassle

 

[Frisky]

which is why its generally NEVER a good idea to date someone with children to begin with.. younger children that is.. not worth the hassle

I wouldn't say that. Would you like to be judged by your past because you have two beautiful kids that you adore and love and parent?

If someone judges me for that then he is not worth me even attempting to form a bond with. Thankfully there are MEN out there that are willing to deal with the situations of LIFE.

do you have children? If so how would you feel if you were constantly turned down ... not due to you but because you simply have children. I think the entire thought is just quite silly.

I don't ask my beau for a damn thing, I raise my children on my own. He is around and therfore is subjected to the atmosphere, and he's fine with it. He is amazing with my kids and I couldn't ask for a better person. I almost bailed on the relationship due to your logic.. I didn't want him to endure all of this crap. Thankfully he is a very stand up logical guy and loves me for all that I bring with me. Not many of his type, I promise.

 

[SheDragon]

but would this piss you off?

My step kids have been at their mom's house since Monday. This is the first time she has even taken them overnight in 6 months. She has been over here a couple of times before and just walks in without knocking and sits herself down. I am usually busy. I say hi and keep doing other stuff so she can talk to my fella without me being right up in their business.

Well, I just got back from the pool store because our pool has turned green. I was out putting a shock treatment and algaecide in the pool. I come in and the ex-wife's other children (not my fiance's kids) are playing on MY computer. I don't say anything, and I walk into my bedroom to get the chlorine off. My stepkids don't say anything to me and sort of have an attitude, which is not like them. Which makes me think she has filled them full of stories.

Okay, so I'm in my bathroom washing the chlorine off of my hands, and she walks into my bedroom! So, she says to me with a shitty attitude, "Heather, if you are going to play stepmom to my children, we should be friends. Every time I'm here you are in the bedroom." She was outside getting stuff out of the car when I came in. I hadn't even seen her. It was all I could do to keep my cool. I sort of backed her out of the room by walking in that direction and said, "I was sort of busy working on the pool. Maybe you should call before you just drop in." Then I just shut the door on her, because it pissed me off.

Are all ex wives this rude? I've been friendly, but I have no desire to be her "friend" as she put it. I think she's a stupid flake. She pays no child support and even says that if we want her to see her kids, we should pay her child support when they come to her house for a week.

UGH! She pissed me off. Can't she just drop the kids off and be on her way? This is the way my parents did it after they were divorced.

CAN'T THOSE TYPE OF EX'S JUST REMAIN EX'S AND DISSAPEAR????!!!! i feel your pain girl! The truth is you are putting up with too much.

What part does your husband play in all this? Cause its not really your job to set her straight. Your man needs to set boundaries and stand up to her, plain and simple. It seems like this ex you mention is pretty comfortable with the way things are going while you are the one who is stressing. And if she's comfy, its cause he's allowed it.

You can stress, you can give attitude, or try to reason and be civil, but regardless of what you do, YOU will appear to be the bitch. It's a no-win situation until HE stands up to her.

p.s and what does she mean "if you want to play mommy to my kids"??? wtf?? especially when you say she hasn't had them overnight in over 6 months. you should've told her "well somebody's got to".

 

[dutchman063]

im not judging the parent that came out of a marriage with kids...i was just sayin i myself have no kids and wouldnt want the hassle of dealing with the ex or raising someone elses kids..i,ve dated single moms plenty of times and it was same thing every time.. plus that fact that you're never first..you're always second next to the kids.. plus theres always the finding a babysitter thing or even when you just want to spend time alone theres always their kids...

its probable worse for a guy because women generally have custody

 

[SheDragon]

Its true, the kids should always come first, but YOU should come before his ex. It's good that he would want to show respect for her but when that becomes more of a priority to your feelings, something is not right.

 

[HiDnGoD]

If the kids are absolutely not around, deal with her however you see fit, 'cause no matter what you do, or say, she's gonna lie to the kids about you anyways.
Your "beau" should deal with her anout the house issue, because the kids aren't gonna stress as much over his rules, than if they are your rules.
What's yours is yours. That means you should have jumped all over the kids being on your computer. It's rude & disrespectful. To me, a personal computer is almost like a purse, because there is so much personal stuff on it.
My brother was stuck in the same kind of scenario. Sucks

 

[heatherrae]

Is this the same dude that was cheating on you ?

Who?

No, he's never cheated on me. LOL.

 

[heatherrae]

CAN'T THOSE TYPE OF EX'S JUST REMAIN EX'S AND DISSAPEAR????!!!! i feel your pain girl! The truth is you are putting up with too much.

What part does your husband play in all this? Cause its not really your job to set her straight. Your man needs to set boundaries and stand up to her, plain and simple. It seems like this ex you mention is pretty comfortable with the way things are going while you are the one who is stressing. And if she's comfy, its cause he's allowed it.

You can stress, you can give attitude, or try to reason and be civil, but regardless of what you do, YOU will appear to be the bitch. It's a no-win situation until HE stands up to her.

p.s and what does she mean "if you want to play mommy to my kids"??? wtf?? especially when you say she hasn't had them overnight in over 6 months. you should've told her "well somebody's got to".

Well, he got home and I let him decompress and made him a drink, and then I brought it up. He was pretty mad at her and said he is going to lay down the law really fast. Then he gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, "She's just jealous, baby."

=-)

Nice response!

 

[heatherrae]

Teenagers have no insight to future rewards/goals/investments, anything that is rewarding and feels great now is key, most of them that is. That and teens are more likley to listen to their mother, sorry, but women are better propaganda agents when it comes to their offspring. You see how some women can manipulate some men.

Buy a cattle prod and a cage. And play a tape with their mothers voice. Everytime they hear her voice, zap em. Soon everytime they see her and hear her talk in real life, they'll cringe in fear and go into seizures. Sure, child services will get them away after a little while but damnit, they learned!

hehehe...damn social services. These kids really do need to be beaten with sticks sometimes...lol.

 

[Smurfy]

I didnt read the entire thread but Im sure some sane person here has already mentioned now inappropriate it is for her to be all up inside your house without you knowing (she should make it a point to make sure you know she's there - in myneck of the woods, it's called knocking or having the kids go tell you or some shit) and she sure as hell shouldnt be strolling her happy ass into your bedroom. I am assuming your fiance can have a civil talk with her about boundaries and what is expected and appropriate behavior. in your house. otherwise, her ass can sit outside in the car. there is NO GOOD REASON why she has to come inside.

 

[velvett]

Are all ex wives this rude?

yes.
it's really more about control than anything else.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Too bad she'll probably never realize how much of a piece of shit she is. That alone would be her best punishment, enough so to maybe even improve the situation. As long as she's around and there's tension between the three of you, she'll keep feeding the kids bs and warping their young minds with her demeaning self serving agenda.












What?

 

[biteme]

but would this piss you off?

My step kids have been at their mom's house since Monday. This is the first time she has even taken them overnight in 6 months. She has been over here a couple of times before and just walks in without knocking and sits herself down. I am usually busy. I say hi and keep doing other stuff so she can talk to my fella without me being right up in their business.

Well, I just got back from the pool store because our pool has turned green. I was out putting a shock treatment and algaecide in the pool. I come in and the ex-wife's other children (not my fiance's kids) are playing on MY computer. I don't say anything, and I walk into my bedroom to get the chlorine off. My stepkids don't say anything to me and sort of have an attitude, which is not like them. Which makes me think she has filled them full of stories.

Okay, so I'm in my bathroom washing the chlorine off of my hands, and she walks into my bedroom! So, she says to me with a shitty attitude, "Heather, if you are going to play stepmom to my children, we should be friends. Every time I'm here you are in the bedroom." She was outside getting stuff out of the car when I came in. I hadn't even seen her. It was all I could do to keep my cool. I sort of backed her out of the room by walking in that direction and said, "I was sort of busy working on the pool. Maybe you should call before you just drop in." Then I just shut the door on her, because it pissed me off.

Are all ex wives this rude? I've been friendly, but I have no desire to be her "friend" as she put it. I think she's a stupid flake. She pays no child support and even says that if we want her to see her kids, we should pay her child support when they come to her house for a week.

UGH! She pissed me off. Can't she just drop the kids off and be on her way? This is the way my parents did it after they were divorced.

Be careful. The stepmom can make your life a living hell.

 

[H_T_]

how did we get away from tit sucking?

 

[Island Son]

Too bad she'll probably never realize how much of a piece of shit she is. That alone would be her best punishment, enough so to maybe even improve the situation. As long as she's around and there's tension between the three of you, she'll keep feeding the kids bs and warping their young minds with her demeaning self serving agenda.

HAHAHAHAHA

 

[Smurfy]

yes.
it's really more about control than anything else.

also she likely feels threatened by heather's presence in her children's lives. she is probably a sucky mother and she is afraid now her kids will also realize how sucky she is, because they will have heather to compare her to. she is worried that heather is a better mom and her kids will like heather more.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

also she likely feels threatened by heather's presence in her children's lives. she is probably a sucky mother and she is afraid now her kids will also realize how sucky she is, because they will have heather to compare her to. she is worried that heather is a better mom and her kids will like heather more.

It's hard for some people to put their egos aside and see the big picture.

 

[velvett]

also she likely feels threatened by heather's presence in her children's lives. she is probably a sucky mother and she is afraid now her kids will also realize how sucky she is, because they will have heather to compare her to. she is worried that heather is a better mom and her kids will like heather more.

On the button as usual.

 

[heatherrae]

Too bad she'll probably never realize how much of a piece of shit she is. That alone would be her best punishment, enough so to maybe even improve the situation. As long as she's around and there's tension between the three of you, she'll keep feeding the kids bs and warping their young minds with her demeaning self serving agenda.












What?

LOL...now if the gal winds up dead, they will search our computer records, and I will go to prison.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

LOL...now if the gal winds up dead, they will search our computer records, and I will go to prison.

I will too as an accomplice/instigator.

I'm sure there's fun things to do in prison.

 

[Smurfy]

It's hard for some people to put their egos aside and see the big picture.

especially in a sensitive situation such as being a parent. she brought those children into the world. Im suire whatever she is feeling (whether she realizes this or not) is very very common in these situations. how could it not be? the problem lies more in her actions than her feelings. she needs to stay the fuck out people's houses. boundaries are an issue or she is trying to intimidate as a mechanism for feeling less threatened. either way, it;s heather's fiance who needs to set this bitch straight.

 

[heatherrae]

also she likely feels threatened by heather's presence in her children's lives. she is probably a sucky mother and she is afraid now her kids will also realize how sucky she is, because they will have heather to compare her to. she is worried that heather is a better mom and her kids will like heather more.

I actually had not thought about that angle so much. You are right on! I take her kids to the movies, parties, etc and am the mom who goes to school functions, etc. They probably mentioned these things, and she got jealous. Damn, I really wish she would be more a part of their lives. She never comes and sees them, even! No one is keeping her from seeing them. She just always claims she cant afford to see them in an attempt to get money from us. It is sad.

 

[Smurfy]

I actually had not thought about that angle so much. You are right on! I take her kids to the movies, parties, etc and am the mom who goes to school functions, etc. They probably mentioned these things, and she got jealous. Damn, I really wish she would be more a part of their lives. She never comes and sees them, even! No one is keeping her from seeing them. She just always claims she cant afford to see them in an attempt to get money from us. It is sad.

bottom line = dont get sucked in to her game. keep on keepin' on. also dont talk negatively about her in the presence of her children (not saying you do) because, children will always love their mother, and even when she is a sub-par parent, the children will hold a fantasy in their mind of her being decent.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

I actually had not thought about that angle so much. You are right on! I take her kids to the movies, parties, etc and am the mom who goes to school functions, etc. They probably mentioned these things, and she got jealous. Damn, I really wish she would be more a part of their lives. She never comes and sees them, even! No one is keeping her from seeing them. She just always claims she cant afford to see them in an attempt to get money from us. It is sad.

How far away does she live from you, does she have a job? She doesn't sound grounded, in the good type of way.

 

[heatherrae]

How far away does she live from you, does she have a job? She doesn't sound grounded, in the good type of way.

She lives about a half an hour away. She works as a paralegal, and she has been so proud of that since she got that job a few years back. It really stuck in her throat that I was a lawyer, when she found out. Funny story, she has a 21 year old daughter who is always over at our house even though she isn't Dan's biological daughter. She loves me, but she wont talk to her mom, because her mom sent her a type-written memo like one a paralegal would make in a law firm and then mailed it and c.c. to my fiance, and the daughter's grandparents! I can't get over that! lol. It was about a really sensitive issue.

Smurfy, I don't say anything about the mom except nice things in front of the kids. I had those games played with me when I was little, so I know how much they hurt. No one needs to hear nasty things about their parents. I actually want them to be closer with their mom. It would be good for them. They need her. I hope she spends more time with them.

Dan was pissed when I told him about today and said he would address it tomorrow with her. His response to her "playing stepmom" line was the same as mine. Someone's gotta play mom, since she hasn't been.

 

[Frisky]

im not judging the parent that came out of a marriage with kids...i was just sayin i myself have no kids and wouldnt want the hassle of dealing with the ex or raising someone elses kids..i,ve dated single moms plenty of times and it was same thing every time.. plus that fact that you're never first..you're always second next to the kids.. plus theres always the finding a babysitter thing or even when you just want to spend time alone theres always their kids...

its probable worse for a guy because women generally have custody

well, thankfully... the guy im dating accepts the fact that YES my kids are #1. I brought them into this world and I'll be damned if I will put them second to anyone. I'm sorry to say but your thought process is warped to the extreme. I bet you are one jealous sob to feel inferior to a child.

 

[heatherrae]

Eh, dutchman has a right to want to choose a gal without kids. To each his own, right? It is harder to try to blend into a family with kids. You just have to decide if that is what you want to pursue, and, if so, pursue it whole-heartedly.

 

[Frisky]

Eh, dutchman has a right to want to choose a gal without kids. To each his own, right? It is harder to try to blend into a family with kids. You just have to decide if that is what you want to pursue, and, if so, pursue it whole-heartedly.

sure he does... we all do. I believe it takes a very stand up person to blend with a family with kids. But IMO to say the only reason you won't do it is because you will be put 2nd to the kids is stubborn and self centered.

anyone that enters my life will have to understand that my kids are FIRST. If they can't handle it then they can hit the road.

 

[heatherrae]

sure he does... we all do. I believe it takes a very stand up person to blend with a family with kids. But IMO to say the only reason you won't do it is because you will be put 2nd to the kids is stubborn and self centered.

anyone that enters my life will have to understand that my kids are FIRST. If they can't handle it then they can hit the road.

Yeah, I know what you are saying. I can say, though, that sometimes it really is hard to always be second in a relationship. I had a bf who would rarely sit beside me, because his 8 year old girl would get jealous. He often would camp out in the living room with her instead of coming to bed at night. We went on a vacation to Disney and I could never sit with him, talk to him, etc. It was so bad that I was walking several paces behind most of the time, and he didn't even notice. That is difficult for someone who has never had children of their own.

 

[Frisky]

Yeah, I know what you are saying. I can say, though, that sometimes it really is hard to always be second in a relationship. I had a bf who would rarely sit beside me, because his 8 year old girl would get jealous. He often would camp out in the living room with her instead of coming to bed at night. We went on a vacation to Disney and I could never sit with him, talk to him, etc. It was so bad that I was walking several paces behind most of the time, and he didn't even notice. That is difficult for someone who has never had children of their own.

well of course it is. There is a line, very fine... but a line that has to be drawn. If something came down and I had to chose between my beau and my kids.. of course my kids would come first. I set the line straight with my two kids from the get go, I don't have to hide things from them. C can sit next to me, do things with us etc etc etc. They are ok with it. But when there is something to do for them, then they come before I just go hang out with him. He is really understanding and I appreciate that.

 

[HiDnGoD]

I think kids need to understand, whether in a amalgamated household or a regular type family, the parents do need time to themselves. If the kids are mentally healthy, they won't have a problem with this. But if the kids have control issues with the parent then there is a deeper seated problem.