With all due respect for those who keep saying "you have rights" "the custodial parent can't get away with that" -
YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
Until you have been dragged through the system you really have no clue.
My husband (Grumpy Old Man) finally volunteered the nightmare he lives with not seeing HIS BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN. That is why he believed me about my nightmarish custody situation with MY KIDS - He already lived through his own and knows that if the law fucked up favoring one fucked up parent then surely the law would fuck up favoring the fucked up parent in another situation - it happens ALL THE TIME to parents of both genders, not only to the fathers.
Once you lose custody for WHATEVER REASON (valid or not) you will have to go through hell and back to even try to get it back.
As for the children "knowing the truth" - newsflash - they don't have a clue what the truth is as they live with an asshole that fills their heads will all sorts of filthy lies about the parent who isn't there. The child is alienated and finally only "knows" that the other parent isn't there. What consolation is there when MABYE one day that alienated child grows up and maybe stumbles onto the parent they were kept from and MABYE believes the REAL TRUTH?
WTF good is that when 10-20 years or more have been lost?
Child support? WTF does that mean? Even when my ex did not pay me any fucking support and I had a final protective order I STILL let him see the kids waaaaaaaaaaay above the time that the court gave him, matter of fact I voluntarily gave him joint physical custody in the absence of ANY support... And WTF does that matter today?
DONT MEAN SHIT... not to the court and not to my kids because they were too young to remember and too young to understand that now.
I feel you Arabian and Ortiz and GOM and every other parent that has had a child kept from them, mother or father the wound is no less deep or real...
There is nothing to hold in our hearts except memories that continually fade with each passing day. Hope? WHAT HOPE? Can we be given that time back? NEVER....
I am still very bitter and angry because of how differently mothers who lose custody are treated than fathers...
I am not directing this towards anyone specifically. Arabian, Ortiz and My Grump I know that you both die every day without your kids, but I can guarandamnteeyou that no one ever called you a dirty whore who must have done something to have the court take them from you and not enforce YOUR RIGHT to parent... I know how hard you fought baby (to my husband)... I know you would give your life for MY children. I know how hard you have fought so that I wouldn't check out. I know and have lived how hard you fight FOR US to be a family.
I will never forsake you because of this.
Arabian - don't give up your entire life because you have lost touch with your children. Look at Ortiz and my old grump and me .... we found loving life partners. That will never replace the family that was stolen from us, true. But we have love and we have lives...
Maybe, just maybe if you ever get strong enough you can TRY to get back into the lives of your children if you feel that it is worth the fight FOR YOU...
No one knows what this is like until they have lived it. No one can judge and no one can understand.
I will tell you all something that the shrink who did THREE psych evals for me told me a few years back. I find it to be helpfull to this day. He said to me, "Your children will grow up with you or without you. What are YOU going to do with the rest of YOUR LIFE?!"
Wootoom, my brother you are certainly most lucky and it is a good thing that you understand how precious your children are in your life without having to have suffered the trauma of losing them.
Beachboy - it does my heart good to hear that your girls are finally safely with you in a loving environment.
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