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i am so deliciously tan
- Thread starter jerkbox
- Start date
vinylgroover
New member
mmmmmmm........i just squirted a motherload all over my monitor reading that, yumm!!
This thread is absolutly useless without pics!jerkbox said:yall are jealous
Buddy_Christ
New member
my parking lot is shared with the parking lot of a tanning salon. these assholes that go there have no clue how to park. they're in so much of a fuckin hurry to go get their tan, they park 3 feet away from the railroad ties that are out there for a "curb" and end up making it difficult for me to get my car past them to park in my part of the lot.
i've taken to spitting lung chunks on the driver's window of the car now. nice and high so it runs down while they're tanning. need to start leaving nasty notes on their cars again, accusing them of being inbred assholes. every time i do that, i never see that car again.
if it was dark out when these idiots would go and park like asswads, i'd make a poopie on their car. that'd be a hell of a lot of fun to sit on their roof and drop a log down through their sunroof.
i've taken to spitting lung chunks on the driver's window of the car now. nice and high so it runs down while they're tanning. need to start leaving nasty notes on their cars again, accusing them of being inbred assholes. every time i do that, i never see that car again.
if it was dark out when these idiots would go and park like asswads, i'd make a poopie on their car. that'd be a hell of a lot of fun to sit on their roof and drop a log down through their sunroof.
onerepmaximum
New member
I tanned two or three times a week getting ready for my shows. Now I just get some when I'm jet skiing or fishing. I don't like that tanning bed much. It always smells like feet and asses.
onerepmaximum
New member
I'm a trainer at a gym, so I use the bed there. I wash it with this stuff before and after I use it but, I don't know. I try to go in there after a hot chick so at least I can tan in their funk.
vinylgroover
New member
SoKlueles said:i love tanningi am the tanning queen buddy
at least jerkbox shows pics.
crak600 said:if it was dark out when these idiots would go and park like asswads, i'd make a poopie on their car. that'd be a hell of a lot of fun to sit on their roof and drop a log down through their sunroof.
You never studied... sheesh!
Whenever you take a formidable dump, you take a long plastic bag, like for a loaf of bread, put your hand in it, reach into the bowl and grab the duke. While you retrieve the sequia from the grove, you let the bag turn inside-out: you end up with the lumber in protective cover.
Now, tie with a twisty and freeze.
You will now have in the freezer the ultimate WMD (Weapon of Mondo Doody).
You can foist mass hysteria on any populace with a couple of well placed Poopcicles. On a hot sunny day, a Froze Fruit like this will turn to total chaos on the hood of a dark car: no pants dropping needed. The added bonus is that you can carry one in your brief case and leave one in your boss' office under his sofa and be in orbit before the BigThaw.
onerepmaximum
New member
Now this man has put some thought into this. I hope you have a special freezer designated for this purpose.ChefWide said:You never studied... sheesh!
Whenever you take a formidable dump, you take a long plastic bag, like for a loaf of bread, put your hand in it, reach into the bowl and grab the duke. While you retrieve the sequia from the grove, you let the bag turn inside-out: you end up with the lumber in protective cover.
Now, tie with a twisty and freeze.
You will now have in the freezer the ultimate WMD (Weapon of Mondo Doody).
You can foist mass hysteria on any populace with a couple of well placed Poopcicles. On a hot sunny day, a Froze Fruit like this will turn to total chaos on the hood of a dark car: no pants dropping needed. The added bonus is that you can carry one in your brief case and leave one in your boss' office under his sofa and be in orbit before the BigThaw.
Buddy_Christ
New member
ChefWide said:You never studied... sheesh!
Whenever you take a formidable dump, you take a long plastic bag, like for a loaf of bread, put your hand in it, reach into the bowl and grab the duke. While you retrieve the sequia from the grove, you let the bag turn inside-out: you end up with the lumber in protective cover.
Now, tie with a twisty and freeze.
You will now have in the freezer the ultimate WMD (Weapon of Mondo Doody).
You can foist mass hysteria on any populace with a couple of well placed Poopcicles. On a hot sunny day, a Froze Fruit like this will turn to total chaos on the hood of a dark car: no pants dropping needed. The added bonus is that you can carry one in your brief case and leave one in your boss' office under his sofa and be in orbit before the BigThaw.
suddenly, i feel the urge to make a poopie......
onerepmaximum said:
Let it be known that although I may have reflected on the hilarity of Doody Terrorism, I am not a soldier in the cause. I know a young fellow who is working his way up to replace my theories with the depths of horror: action.
He has a large, black, high tech box kite with one of those line-runners.
For those of you that don't know what a line runner is: it's a small mechanism that lets you put 'line laundry' (a nice colored streamer, a toy soldier on a parachute, etc) onto a small tube/release mechanism and let the wind carry it up the line by virtue of a small collapsable sail. It rides up the line to the kite (or any height that you put the release stopper) and when it hits the stopper, it releases its pay load and the 'carrier' slides back down the line for more 'payloads'.
That having been said, what do you think this young man is planning on doing with this kite in the park near the city center at night? And you thought Birdshit was dangerous?
onerepmaximum
New member
I am comforted in the knowledge that you are not in the same country or even on the same continent that I amChefWide said:
onerepmaximum said:I am comforted in the knowledge that you are not in the same country or even on the same continent that I am
You bet yer ass I do NOT go downtown on weekend nights now. How long would it take a Bag-0'-Feces to reach terminal velocity?
When/if he does it, it will make the papers, no doubt about it. I just don't want to become a statistic by virtue of a sack-o-dooky creasing my noggin.
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onerepmaximum
New member
Well at least it will be easy to clean if that ever happens.ChefWide said:
when i frequented tanning beds, i would tan in the nude for the desired all over tan, covering only my pierced sausage with a sock.
i am SO fair skinned, blue eyes, dirty blond hair (before i shaved it off!), bavarian doner dna, than even when i had a tan it was hard to tell.
tanning on the back yard deck, in a speedo (not that i would wear the damn thing in public!) gives me excellent tan lines that shows off my progress.
TAN LINES RULE!!!!!!!!!!!
jerkie, you look dark in your avitar pic.
i am SO fair skinned, blue eyes, dirty blond hair (before i shaved it off!), bavarian doner dna, than even when i had a tan it was hard to tell.
tanning on the back yard deck, in a speedo (not that i would wear the damn thing in public!) gives me excellent tan lines that shows off my progress.
TAN LINES RULE!!!!!!!!!!!
jerkie, you look dark in your avitar pic.
milo hobgoblin
New member
I got no tan lines
onerepmaximum
New member
Would give a whole new meaning to the phrase "getting shit faced".ChefWide said:
i need to go get a tan....i moved from north cuba to the fucking freezing cold...i havnt seen the sun in the morning since i got here...and it snowed here this last week....i see now why all the people here are fat...to fucking cold to go outside...sit in the house and eat junk food all day
PIGEON-RAT
New member
Dougly said:
word, i dun do any of that tanning bed shit
i've gotten pretty damn tan just from biking in the sun with no shirt. i get my cardio done and i get a nice tan. 2 birds with one stone.
the only problem is that i get a sock tan line, but i'm fixing that with some time on the beach.
PIGEON-RAT
New member
jerkbox said:
woops
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