How can I become a cooler?

[supersizeme]

For those of you in the bouncing field, I would like to know what it takes to rise to the top rank of the bouncing echelon and achieve "cooler" status. I feel that at this point in my life, I am more than qualified to be the best damn cooler in the business. For one, after most people meet me and find out that I'm a UNIX administrator for a telecom company, they usually respond with, "I thought you'd be bigger." I have aspirations of one day owning a Mercedes coupe with chrome rims that I drive in seceret. I am good at telling people that they are "too stupid to have a good time." Whenever I meet someone new, I'm always cautious of their right boot. I have a 50 year old friend with a thick ass mustache who I have nicknamed "meeho." He calls me "meeho" back, too. Most people hate pain, but I'm one of those guys who thinks that pain don't hurt. I perform self-surgery. I once kicked this guy's ass who wore a cross earring and tried to beat me up with a pool cue. That man also lost his throat eventually. This one girl named Carrie Ann wants me fuck her really badly. She's always coming over in the morning and bringing me coffee and an egg mcmuffin, but I never eat the mcmuffin, instead opting to drink the coffee and light up a cigarette. Given all these things, let's say I switch careers over to the bouncing industry. Will I have to start out at the bottom of the food chain as a lowly bouncer, or will I be able to start out as a cooler immediately?

 

[AAP]

The question is... would people say "what's up BRO?"

 

[The Shadow]

follow aaps 60 reps w/o program and you to can be the baddest mofo around.



LOL

 

[fistfullofsteel]

you might want to start at a small bar and move up. don't want to player hate but a man has to know his limitations.

 

[-SD-]

This is the greatest idea ever.

 

[supersizeme]

This whole idea is completely irrelevant to my status as a bro. I am bro eternal. All of my efforts in anything I do in life can only be described as "brolific." I simply want to know whether I should start telling people that it's my way or the highway.

 

[AAP]

follow aaps 60 reps w/o program and you to can be the baddest mofo around.

God damn right man. You will be putting Dalton out of business.

 

[Frackal]

How does one ascend from mere 'bro-ness' into a sheer broly state of being?

 

[Bigsatan13]

For those of you in the bouncing field, I would like to know what it takes to rise to the top rank of the bouncing echelon and achieve "cooler" status. I feel that at this point in my life, I am more than qualified to be the best damn cooler in the business. For one, after most people meet me and find out that I'm a UNIX administrator for a telecom company, they usually respond with, "I thought you'd be bigger." I have aspirations of one day owning a Mercedes coupe with chrome rims that I drive in seceret. I am good at telling people that they are "too stupid to have a good time." Whenever I meet someone new, I'm always cautious of their right boot. I have a 50 year old friend with a thick ass mustache who I have nicknamed "meeho." He calls me "meeho" back, too. Most people hate pain, but I'm one of those guys who thinks that pain don't hurt. I perform self-surgery. I once kicked this guy's ass who wore a cross earring and tried to beat me up with a pool cue. That man also lost his throat eventually. This one girl named Carrie Ann wants me fuck her really badly. She's always coming over in the morning and bringing me coffee and an egg mcmuffin, but I never eat the mcmuffin, instead opting to drink the coffee and light up a cigarette. Given all these things, let's say I switch careers over to the bouncing industry. Will I have to start out at the bottom of the food chain as a lowly bouncer, or will I be able to start out as a cooler immediately?

No the key is to have a "devoted" fan club that trashes your piece of shit car, not your secret Mercedes, everynight. Then you will have achieved Cooler status.

 

[WODIN]

Slap some synth into your pecs, bis,delts and forearms. Get a pet aligator and call him tinker bell. Find the baddest looking Gaucho outfit you can find. Then find a nice upscale gay bar to work in. You'll be known from L.A. to Miami as Caucho! The alligator loving bouncer.

 

[Pamela]

You've got to wear dark sunglasses.

 

[havoc]

To be a successful "cooler", you must have a nemesis named Brad Wesley who owns a big ass truck, oh and always "be nice". peace

 

[dj101]

First you need to get an 80's style camaro cut mullet wig. Then you need to go live in Emmits barn and hang out with all his 60 and 70 year old friends. And to really make it big in the business, you will need to have a blind friend with a band who jams with the guitar on his lap.
Last but not least you life revolves around the Double Duece.

DJ

 

[havoc]

First you need to get an 80's style camaro cut mullet wig. Then you need to go live in Emmits barn and hang out with all his 60 and 70 year old friends. And to really make it big in the business, you will need to have a blind friend with a band who jams with the guitar on his lap.
Last but not least you life revolves around the Double Duece.

DJ

Thats Double Douche

 

[naturally anabolic]

just go to a plastic surgeon and say...i wanna look like this:

then rent roadhouse and watch it nonstop till your untimely death.

problem solved

 

[Bullit]

Hang out with MassiveGunz.

 

[Y_lifter]

Patrick Swayze all the way..

The Ultimate COOLER broly....

 

[velvett]

I have a walk-in freezer I can sell you.

 

[TEXgrl]

i'd have to see your bare ass first to tell you if you could aspire to cooler status, otherwise, maybe you could empty and entire ice tray into your undies and walk around tough guy like without screaming, if you accomplish this, you are automatically put to the top of the cooler list, no questions asked.

 

[gsxr1000]

The fact that you're a UNIX admin. is cool enough for me. Any good at it?

 

[MidwestJ]

ditto the haircut, shades, etc and you'll be well on your way.

Roadhouse rules.

 

[Bullit]

The fact that you're a UNIX admin. is cool enough for me

I agree.
Sometimes in clubs I'll start chattin with a chick and I'll remember to drop the "so.... I'm a Unix admin" line on 'em and they are PUTTY IN MY HANDS!!! It ain't nothing but ass to mouth after that.

 

[beastboy]

It ain't nothing but ass to mouth after that.

You must be double jointed.