Homer Speaks

[Freak Show]

Homer: Would you like a donut?
Lisa: No, do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple stuff in it. Purple is a fruit.

 

[Kryp2o]

(praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done (munch munch munch).

 

[buksoon]

Kryp, good one! I remember that--one of my favorites!

 

[Hannibal]

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the
woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN
MINUTES."

 

[downsent]

Homer taklking to Marge: You remember like the guy who single handedly built the rocket and went to the moon, what was his name Apollo Creed?

 

[§äñît¥ Pôí§ðñ]

more please, entertain me.

 

[Hannibal]

"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

 

[rushx79]

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

 

[J-Ro]

Homer: I did it. Second in line, and I only had to miss eight days of work.

Other guy: With the money you would have made working, you could have bought tickets from a scalper.

Homer: In theory, yes. Jerk.

*****************************

*Homer rembering childhood wagon wreck after drinking beer*

Barney (past): Let's never drink again.

Homer (present): And we never did *drinking beer*

 

[Freak Show]

i can't believe no one's posted this one yet:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

Clerk: Ok, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?

Homer: I don't know.