hi my name is the project

[smallmovesal]

I would like to take this opportunity to totally apply for your open bartending position.

Whenever we had parties at my frat, I was totally the bartender. I was always making shots and totally drinking them too! Even when I'm all drunk, I can still totally talk and walk and do other stuff no problem. So, I could still bartend no problem. I can do a ton of shots and totally not puke too. But this one time at the frat house, I DID puke, but I still kept drinking anyway. All the guys, were like, "You're awesome, dude!"

I totally rock when I'm drunk. I'd still be bartending now but I got kicked out of school. When they told me I was kicked out, I was totally like, "Whatever, dude." I totally didn't even care!

This one time, me and Chocolate Donut and Bam-Bam and Stove Top Stuffing and Faceman were like, fuck it dude, let's drink a keg! By ourselves! Well, anyway Chocolate Donut got totally wasted and then totally nailed this fat chick and we all watched! It was awesome!

We went on Spring Break Senior year, and we totally didn't care so we puked all over and took pisses! It was awesome!

This other time during rush, we were at the house, and it was me and Fruity Pebbles and Vanilla Shake and Tuna Boat and Trouser Snake and this totally geeky dude, who was a total freshman, tried to rush our frat, and we were like, "No way, Dude," except then we were like, "Wait a minute, dude, this'll be awesome." So we let him in the frat, and we totally named him Spaz, like that dude in Meatballs (Did you see that movie? It was awesome!) And then we totally made him drink beers! Off our asses! It was awesome.

And if you hire me to bartend, I'll totally get all of my friends to hang out in your bar whenever I'm working. There's a ton of them and they'll buy a ton of shots, plus if someone's being a douche, we'll totally kick their ass! Plus, we'll totally play Limp and drink beers out of our shoes and we'll totally nail all of your waitresses! It'll be awesome.

Do I sound like the kind of person you would like behind your bar? I thought so, dude. Call me after noon at the house. I'll totally call you back.

Sincerely,

the project

 

[smallmovesal]

Smalls!! TheProject stole gettingdiesels cover letter!!!

that bastard!

 

[manny78]

I have a job for him in a gay bar .......... with May1010

 

[the nature boy]

I really like this bio.

 

[manny78]

I really like this bio.

I'm wondering what my bio would looked like

 

[TheProject]

Man, that reminds me of one of my drunken nights in Denver. I went ove to a buddy's house, and he's all like "Dude, have a beer." And I said, "Okay dude, but I'm not driving", cause we were all going out later.

So we have a few brews, and head out to this totally cool bar where girls in low cut shirts are bending over to play pool. It rocked. I have a few more beers, and then these shots of Jager come over for me and my buddy. My other bud says, "Dudes, these TOTALLY hot chicks sent these shots over for you!"

So then we totally had to drink 'em After two more shots of Jager, things get kinda fuzzy, and I said, dude, I gotta sit down.

They sat me in a corner and said, "Dude, try not to look too drunk, or they'll throw us out!"

The next thing I know, I was in the back of my buddy's truck, yakking all over their leather jackets.

It totally rocked.

 

[epimetheus]

lol