Having to Live with Yourself.....

[H_T_]

If your apology is truly sincere then I accept it.

This thread has been hurting me since I read it first. I dont like venom or negativity. I have enough of it IRL. I dont seek it out here.

We are cool. I wont bring it up again.

when i saw this guy, it was a shock. a lot of people are never confronted with the actions of thier past. and yes, i feel remorse. and responsible. i helped continue his being a victim. and seeing him being led around by an uneducated county employee like a mother and her ducklings, well, it made me realize how far i need to go if i ever want to be at peace with myself. and luckily, i can speak about this here, because elsewhere, it's against the law for me to do so.

 

[Bikini Mod]

when i saw this guy, it was a shock. a lot of people are never confronted with the actions of thier past. and yes, i feel remorse. and responsible. i helped continue his being a victim. and seeing him being led around by an uneducated county employee like a mother and her ducklings, well, it made me realize how far i need to go if i ever want to be at peace with myself. and luckily, i can speak about this here, because elsewhere, it's against the law for me to do so.

I suppose now you realize why I have spoken about so much here. I really had no place else to do it.

Now imagine all that being twisted thrown at back you with venom?

Yea, it's "only the internet"..... or is it?

I am not saying this to direct it at you. I am only trying to help you gain insight as to just how badly it got for me. On top of all the unbelievable pain that my family and I have been forced to endure with NO ONE to help us I had to be bombarded by constant barrages of hate. You can't begin to imagine how much it hurt for me to have so much hostility directed at me by so many strangers, hostility that was totally unwarranted and unjustified, but it was hostility that I had to deal with nonetheless. There were so many times when I felt like I was being bombarded from every possible arena: my kids' school, my neighbors, people who I THOUGHT were my friends, the courts and all over the freaking web.

It was a nightmare.... It has only been very recently that the hostility has subsided.

 

[H_T_]

I suppose now you realize why I have spoken about so much here. I really had no place else to do it.

Now imagine all that being twisted thrown at back you with venom?

Yea, it's "only the internet"..... or is it?

I am not saying this to direct it at you. I am only trying to help you gain insight as to just how badly it got for me. On top of all the unbelievable pain that my family and I have been forced to endure with NO ONE to help us I had to be bombarded by constant barrages of hate. You can't begin to imagine how much it hurt for me to have so much hostility directed at me by so many strangers, hostility that was totally unwarranted and unjustified, but it was hostility that I had to deal with nonetheless. There were so many times when I felt like I was being bombarded from every possible arena: my kids' school, my neighbors, people who I THOUGHT were my friends, the courts and all over the freaking web.

It was a nightmare.... It has only been very recently that the hostility has subsided.

complete strangers are often kinder.

 

[biteme]

a lot of you know i work with mentally ill people. i have a resource/support center i run. i had a staff member from one of the group homes introduce a new patient from their home, and when i look up, i see this kid that i used to bully from high school. bully is being used lightly. i pretty much abused this guy, took his lunches, embarrassed him at every turn, hit, trip, call names, etc. i remember challenging him to do 20 push ups at a party and he struggled the whole way and on his 20 rep, on the way up, i stepped on his back and spilled a beer on him.
so yeah, i was a bastard....and now seeing him made me feel like shit. knowing that he lost it and that i was part of it. you can say whatever you want, about how kids forget things, well, bullshit. if i can remember doing this stuff to him... kids that were bullied have memories of being bullied.
it was hard to approach him, i was fucking nervous. but he came into my office and introduced himself and then apologized for not doing it sooner. i told him that i knew who he was and that we went to HS together. he said he couldn't remember, then i started asking him about certain people and events and parties and stuff. he started to remember a lot of stuff. but then he looks at me and says: "I'm sorry i don't remember you HT." i felt like throwing up. still do. he tells me "I can't remember things because of (insert large #) ECT's." karma is a bitch.

You are truly repentant and that makes all the difference in the world, I believe. Soon, we will all die. I pray for god to have mercy on us all because we need it so badly. The longer I live the more I see that everyone is flawed and weak.

 

[HiDnGoD]

IMO you can never, ever trust anyone 100%. You can give yourself over to people, your heart & your health, & have faith that they won't hurt you, but you can 't be 100% sure. That is why I believe that the only person I can trust is me. That way, when ever anyone else comes through for me, it's a bonus.
BTW, time can change anything. So while my love & I trust each other to the nth degree, there was a time we didn't, & there may be a time again when we don't. Makes life interesting. Not always fun, but interesting.