Have you ever felt like just giving up?

[javaguru]

Do not try to bend the spoon; that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.

There is no spoon. Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

I'm not in the matrix bro... I hope...

 

[EnderJE]

I'm not in the matrix bro... I hope...

Actually, when I heard that line for the first time, the power of choice dawned on me. I talked to my then - gf at the time and said "I get it! I get it! It's all a choice! I don't have to be happy or sad or depressed or angry. I choose!"

She then told me to shut up and not to get us kicked out.

It was one of the best days of my life. Since that day, I understood that I can choose to see the scars or have them heal.

 

[javaguru]

Actually, when I heard that line for the first time, the power of choice dawned on me. I talked to my then - gf at the time and said "I get it! I get it! It's all a choice! I don't have to be happy or sad or depressed or angry. I choose!"

She then told me to shut up and not to get us kicked out.

It was one of the best days of my life. Since that day, I understood that I can choose to see the scars or have them heal.

I prefer the wise words of Yoda,"Do or do not, there is no try."



I'm trying to give CW the Yoda treatment...

 

[Spartacus]

you know, i was about to a add a footnote. the sad thing is i recognize that there are millions tons of people way worse off than me, and yet it doesnt change anything that i feel. i don't get it at all. my mind is my own worst enemy and i can't conquer it or control my thoughts.
im not looking for sympathy anyways, or even a solution. i just needed to vent and put my feelings on my paper

well then
get your ass in gear
I know depression
you fight through it
lonely

 

[GoldenDelicious]

I'm not there yet....but i'm close. I woke up a little while ago from a horrible nightmare. Its just a manifestation of the realization I came to just now. ive been lying to myself all this time

I've lost my passion for life. I don't really take pleasure in anything anymore...sans maybe going out and partying, and I believe all that really is in an escape from my reality and the reason i enjoy it. It gives me a reason to not think about my problems for the moment

I try to get motivated and get myself out of my rut, which has been a greater part of the last 16 months, but i'll try to push through and push through and my mindset doesn't change. I think about the past constantly and horrible thoughts and images flood my head daily and deflate me emotionally. I can't even function or really smile many days. I don't do this consciously but often emotional anchors trigger these emotions and they develop into this negative feedback loop. My self esteem and confidence fluctuate on a daily basis. I've never felt so worthless despite other people trying to boost me up. They tell me i'm smart, charming,funny, good looking and a good person. i have a hard time believing any of it subconciously anymore.
I've tried so hard to change the negative thoughts in my mind..by reading books on positive thinking/the subconcious, cognitive thinking etc and none of it has stuck. I really doubt my ability to do anything correctly anymore. my family is really worried, and i feel like they seem me as a failure.

I've been lying to myself that i'm over the betrayal of my ex using me, cheating me and lying to me after i saved her life amongst other things i did for. I meet alot of new women, but that feeling doesn't change. I have such a fascade bullshit emotional wall up that i can't even connect with anybody, sans 1-2 girls that i've completely self sabotaged. I'm not even talking about relationships, but having any real type of interpersonal interaction. I put up this huge front in front of everyone that i'm happy, strong confident and feeling great, particularly new people, but im not. I'm not intimate with as many girls as i want be/can, because im afraid of getting hurt. I'm emotionally detached, but not at the same time. i can't even describe it. im a fuckin mess

My career confidence is at its absolute lowest after the mortgage meltdown and i have no fuckin clue what i want to do with my life anymore. Going back to school is just stopping the bleeding, which is another mess that im trying to fix. I don't even feel the full motivation to go back and really get into classes, although ive been pushing through. Getting a job outside the industry has been more than rough to say the least, and im running out of money. Almost all mortgage people are pretty much black balled in this city.

I've tried to write down my goals as layingback suggested and many of the books ive read have indicated..and i feel nothing. very little inspiration as well as an internal feeling of "i can't do it". Sorta like i feel i'll never be happy again or acheive the success i want

You think after almost a year and a half, i could get over this bullshit...but i underestimated what a serious betrayal and financial collapse can do to your mind or self esteem. I still feel like it happened yesterday, or it still occuring. there is no separation of time. I almost feel like i can't recover from it. I feel weak not being able to overcome this and sound like a broken record. I am sorry for subjecting you guys to this

All this time i've just run away from it. I keep my mind busy by meeting new girls or drinking or smoking or whatever. There are times where i'll be laughing, having a good time and forget about things but its only temporary. Even my motivation in the gym isnt really that powerful anymore, which is scary...I just try to train and eat enough as to not deteroiate back to when i left myself go..instead of progressing forward. I just lack consistency and will power...and no matter what i do it doesnt change what i feel. I don't even smoke weed or do drugs really anymore and stopping that has not helped one bit. i just feel worse.

I feel like someone needs to hypnotize me or something. fuck. I wish i could just unlearn every behavior and core belief i've ever developed.

again im sorry for making you read rant, i just feel like shit and alone. its very trying to try to put your head down and push through and not feel a purpose or satisfaction

i didnt read any of the other replies so as to avoid bias/not get distracted

in short, i think that the root cause of your depression is a subconscious realization that all your life, you were doing things in order to validate yourself and pump up your self esteem, rather than because you really wanted to do those things

we all tell ourselves stories so as to cope with our lives/reality. it seems to me that your self esteem is caught up in you somehow living up to a script, where you as the main character have to be financially successful, make lots of money, have hot girlfriends, be the party guy etc like you used to be, when really, deep down, that isnt what you want

in some of your pickup reports i got the feeling that you were trying REALLY HARD to do something (get some girl sexually) when really, what you needed was to connect with another human being, and have some joy in a dynamic where you could just chill out with someone not too different from you and have a nice experience

a nice way to feel out what you really want is to ask yourself, - if everything was a given, what would i do, and how would i act? if it was a given that you could pick up xyz girl, what would you do, and how would you act? if it was a given that you could have xyz job/respect from parents/peers/{insert thing here}, what would you do, and how would you act?

you can have some really nice insights after you take validation seeking and approval seeking behaviour out of the equation

 

[Chocolate_Thunder]

I felt like giving up tonight, but I hung in there and 4 hours of amazing sex I finally got my nut off. Poor gummy hole, she is hurting.

Saladfork, that post just made my day.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Believe it or not MANY OF US have been where you are - doesn't matter the age or station in life, when you have lost it all (and then some) you are faced with, "Now what? Why keep waking up? Why has this happened to me? WTF did I do that is so fucking bad that I am being punished like this?"

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was just lucky enough to have the added element of people wishing me death. LOL

Imagine my husband at the age of mid 50's going from MAD MONEY, power, prestige to ZERO in a day... go ahead, fucking recover from that...

He amazes me daily because I gave up a few times, but he fished me out and wouldn't let me die.

I don't have *the answer* for you and neither will anyone else.

You know what I realized one day not too long ago? That all the shit that was heaped on me was not all that tragic, that it was *just life*.... shit happens to all of us and that ain't what makes us special. What makes us special is that we keep getting back up.

You gotta find a way to keep getting back up. Drinking/partying/whathaveyou - those are just temporary distractions as you have said so yourself.

Just keep forcing yourself to wake up because with each new day there is the promise of something wonderful happening.

Keep waking up. I promise that tomorrow will be better. If I didn't believe that 100% then I would have just stayed sleeping a long ass time ago.

There was a time when I used to pray for death to end the pain now I am terrified to die. I am afraid that I will run out of time before I can do all the great things that I was meant to do.

Find those *great things* for you and perhaps that will give you that tiny spark you need.

 

[Bikini Mod]

i didnt read any of the other replies so as to avoid bias/not get distracted

in short, i think that the root cause of your depression is a subconscious realization that all your life, you were doing things in order to validate yourself and pump up your self esteem, rather than because you really wanted to do those things

we all tell ourselves stories so as to cope with our lives/reality. it seems to me that your self esteem is caught up in you somehow living up to a script, where you as the main character have to be financially successful, make lots of money, have hot girlfriends, be the party guy etc like you used to be, when really, deep down, that isnt what you want

in some of your pickup reports i got the feeling that you were trying REALLY HARD to do something (get some girl sexually) when really, what you needed was to connect with another human being, and have some joy in a dynamic where you could just chill out with someone not too different from you and have a nice experience

a nice way to feel out what you really want is to ask yourself, - if everything was a given, what would i do, and how would i act? if it was a given that you could pick up xyz girl, what would you do, and how would you act? if it was a given that you could have xyz job/respect from parents/peers/{insert thing here}, what would you do, and how would you act?

you can have some really nice insights after you take validation seeking and approval seeking behaviour out of the equation

I agree with what you are saying to a great extent. There are cases of situational depression that have nothing to do with all of that. Then the real question becomes, NOW WHAT?

Either way you have to keep getting back up. Easier said than done - I KNOW better than anyone. But IF I did it, then everyone else can too.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

I agree with what you are saying to a great extent. There are cases of situational depression that have nothing to do with all of that. Then the real question becomes, NOW WHAT?

Either way you have to keep getting back up. Easier said than done - I KNOW better than anyone. But IF I did it, then everyone else can too.

what youd need to do is look at the root cause of the depression

the root cause may be something as nonspecific as a chemical imbalance in the brain caused by cumulative exposure to various chemicals/temperatures/afferent feedbacks in the environment, that are beyond our ability to identify and/or quantify. in that case, a possible solution may be (as much as i dislike them) antidepressant drugs. another solution is to force the individual to undertake a set of behaviours that ultimately manifest in them hitting a critical mass of happiness that then becomes self sustaining, and grows - which is what yorue talking about - sucking it up,g etting up, using your rational brain to make the decision to "keep going" until your neural chemistry returns to a positive state and remains so

other causes of depression may not be tied in to validation or approval seeking. stuff like death/loss, illness, morbidity, lifestyle change, relationship changes, social aspects - whatever. we're humans. we're complicated.

the important idea here, i think, is to identify what the root cause of the problem is, and address it.

imo one of the main causes of depression in modern times is because we are under so much pressure to be a certain way, when in fact, the ideal that we are taught to strive for is actually far removed from what we as human beings actually want.

when i talk to people.students about this stuff, i simplify it by saying that humans, in order to be happy, need:

a little exercise everyday
some social interaction everyday
a little sexy social interaction everyday (depends on age etc)
good food
good sleep
a "Cave"/sanctuary (a spot that they call home that they can run back to and feel secure in)
and to create something (sometimes in a job - building something, accomplishing something. sometimes a hobby.)

thats it.

but instead, society (and the people that run our society) train us to want to work, to be rich, to have material things etc under the premise that if we do lots of work and have lots of money and have lots of material things, then those 6 or so things listed above will come to you - which is total fucking bullshit.

go to greece, and watch how people live. at 11am, everyone goes home and has a snooze for 2 hours. in australia, most of the time, i have a 30 minute lunchbreak.

in greece, peopel treat a house as someplace to put their things, to have a sleep, and have their room as their sanctuary. they leave their house often to go hand with their friends/relatives and have social interaction. in australia, people build giant forts as houses, and live their lives hiding behind those doors - playing playstation, talking through the internet, saving social interaction for either 1) work or 2) weekend booze fuelled binges

in greece (and the whole of europe) the family unit is alive and well, even in that traditional male/female roles are still in effect, which ties into sanctuary and meaningful social interaction. in australia, the family unit is fragmented - both parents work, and the raising of the child is left to some childcare worker, or worse yet, the television - which then indoctrinates your child with the idea that money solves all your problems, and that the key to happiness is consumption

and we wonder why first world nations are experiencing ballooning rates of depressive disorders

 

[Bikini Mod]

My children were taken from me with no hope of getting them back and given to an abuser. Then I was fired because of my litigious ex (or I was fired first, can't really remember now). I lost nearly everyone's respect both online and in my real life because "everybody knows that even crack whores don't lose custody of their kids" so I MUST HAVE done something pretty bad. I had that shit rubbed in my face by a hatefull twit here on elite just the other day. LOL

So now, what would you recommend I do to get over that? Asking a mother to continue to live and not be depressed without her children is like telling a diabetic not to have metabolic issues without their meds and proper diet.

I know what you are saying, believe me...

If I found a way to keep getting back up, then there are very few people who shouldn't be able to do it top.

I used to think about people in concentration camps, how they REALLY had it all taken from them so I found a way to somewhat suck it up and keep going to the next day, but I won't lie, there are many MANY days still when I fail... We are *this close* and I feel like we all won't make it there. But I keep trying... some days more than others.