Guys will you read this and tell me if it makes sense. Offer and opinions, criticizism, etc. I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

[Creepusmaximus]

Cliff notes please. Looks like we got a wannabe writer on our hands.

 

[Lestat]

You're welcome. It's a great essay, so it's fun to work with. I'm probobly not finished yet....I'm a great editor.

What is this for?

not for anything specific, just writing it for my own fun. had an idea and wanted to develop it.

 

[rocky_road]

They are both very eclectic. their is brotherly love, romantic love just like their is country, rock n roll, etc

 

[rocky_road]

You're not supposed to use "I" so much like "I believe...." ---Just say what you're going to say! It's more convincing. If you choose to follow this advice and need help editing it out let me know.

 

[Lestat]

They are both very eclectic. their is brotherly love, romantic love just like their is country, rock n roll, etc

great point. im wondering if I should just focus on love vs music relationships vs music sex vs music (too cliche it seems). or instad of music just stick to the analogy of a band or particular artist, or even a favorite CD.

 

[rocky_road]

"Have you ever had a favorite band" is an excellent opening to paragraph number 2. I like that. Usually its kind of hard to use an opening question without sounding cheesy but this fits perfectly.

 

[rocky_road]

great point. im wondering if I should just focus on love vs music relationships vs music sex vs music (too cliche it seems). or instad of music just stick to the analogy of a band or particular artist, or even a favorite CD.

I like where you're at with it now, only it could be broader, with more examples, like I said, since their are so many that most people don't think about. LIke...i never thought to compare music with relationships but since their are so many things in common the reader finds himself agreeing with what you say. It's cool that way.

I wouldn't necessarily bring sex into this now. You've already developed this quite a bit, unless you just made sex one of the sub-topics, like as another example

 

[mountain muscle]

You're not supposed to use "I" so much like "I believe...." ---Just say what you're going to say! It's more convincing. If you choose to follow this advice and need help editing it out let me know.

I can copy edit for you.

 

[Lestat]

You're not supposed to use "I" so much like "I believe...." ---Just say what you're going to say! It's more convincing. If you choose to follow this advice and need help editing it out let me know.

will do. i'm going to sleep on it now and return to it tomorrow, hopefully the flash of inspiration is still there

 

[mountain muscle]

"Have you ever had a favorite band" is an excellent opening to paragraph number 2. I like that. Usually its kind of hard to use an opening question without sounding cheesy but this fits perfectly.

Who hasn't had a favorite band works better and helps lead better.