Goofy thoughts to make you chuckle

[Sassy69]

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
A penny saved is a government oversight.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
He who hesitates is probably right.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you ever notice:The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."


------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
-
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."

 

[Raina]

"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague"

 

[*Bunny*]

I have some ponderings for ya Sass ....


Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

 

[jaded]

thanks for posting these

 

[sdupdike]

Hehe, those were funny.

 

[Cutiebaby]

lol...thanks ladies! i needed the chuckles

 

[Sassy69]

I have some ponderings for ya Sass ....


Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

You stole those from Gallegher?

I have (had?) a shirt from about 1984 with the official Gallegher cottage cheese after having been smashed by the Sledge-o-matic. Lesson learned from that experience - dont sit in the first 10 rows of a Gallegher show.

 

[*Bunny*]

You stole those from Gallegher?

I have (had?) a shirt from about 1984 with the official Gallegher cottage cheese after having been smashed by the Sledge-o-matic. Lesson learned from that experience - dont sit in the first 10 rows of a Gallegher show.

I'm like who the eff is that?! There are web pages with 100's of them, those were a few of my faves...

I love that comedian