Getting Divorced and What I have learned

[Turd Ferguson]

I feel like I have gained so much perspective on my whole situation. At the time we were having problems 8 or 9 months ago, I really honestly thought that her reasons for "her feelings chainging" were because I was at fault in some way. I may be to a certain extent but not any more than any other marriage or relatioinship\friendship. You have some arguments and disagreements and you work though it and get over it.

I see now that the change in our relationship was directly related to her starting something with another man and falling in love with that person. All the thearpy we did was not for me to realize my baggage (which I did anyway), but really for her to get a chance to come clean and tell me the truth about the affair. Instead she continued the lies. I think she actually beleaves her own lies at times which is insaine. She has repeated this behavior over and over again.

So I realize that it was only a matter of time for us. It wasn't real for her like it was for me.

 

[samoth]

Trust and communication are the most important aspects to any relationship, and often the hardest to achieve.

Well, many might disagree, but I'm much more the caring relationship type, and not the sex-crazed type. They always say that nice guys don't win, but I am who I am, and am not going to change for society or any coevals.

 

[Nathan]

Good luck dude. Sounds like you have a good heart. I thin the trick is investing in the right people and that is all there is to it. Everyone makes mistakes and has errors in judgement though. Everyone.

 

[samoth]

Everyone makes mistakes and has errors in judgement though. Everyone.

Sometimes this is the only way to learn...

 

[Turd Ferguson]

I could forgive a single error in judgement. And in our relatioship together it was really one time. But what changes my mind is the fact that this cycle of cheating and the lies is repeated over and over again in every relationship for her.

I feel like I could get over this with her if I could trust her again. But how do you trust someone who lies to your face?

 

[samoth]

Personally, I believe trust to be a required ingredient for any relationship. Without it, everything else will fall apart.

 

[Nathan]

Personally, I believe trust to be a required ingredient for any relationship. Without it, everything else will fall apart.

I'm with Samoth dude. I've been lied to and I never could get past it - I still speak to a girl I was in a relationship with who I found out lied about something. And I still see that side of her even though I know she is a different person than she was at 21. I feel like it will always be there so I say no to being with her. Sometimes I think to myself, "Dude, if you could just get over this you'd be in a pretty descent relationship..." but I think if I could just find someone who has never lied to me I'll be in a great one.
I still don't have any answers. Let me know if you figure it out dude.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

I'm with Samoth dude. I've been lied to and I never could get past it - I still speak to a girl I was in a relationship with who I found out lied about something. And I still see that side of her even though I know she is a different person than she was at 21. I feel like it will always be there so I say no to being with her. Sometimes I think to myself, "Dude, if you could just get over this you'd be in a pretty descent relationship..." but I think if I could just find someone who has never lied to me I'll be in a great one.
I still don't have any answers. Let me know if you figure it out dude.

Nate I think it is different for every person. I know people who got back together after one chated but I think the person who had to forgive the other in those situation must think that they can't get anything else better.

What I have a hard time with, is the amount of time I invested with my wife and the fact that our kids deserved to have a Mom and Dad living together in one house. But at what cost? My happiness? Us fighting about stuff all the time because the trust is gone. I think the answer you seek is in each of us, but we just have to ask ourselves the hard questions and be prepaired to answer them as hard as it is to move forward.

 

[ponyfitness]

Lesson: Never marry. Every story I hear like this just reinforces it.

 

[Nathan]

Nate I think it is different for every person. I know people who got back together after one chated but I think the person who had to forgive the other in those situation must think that they can't get anything else better.

What I have a hard time with, is the amount of time I invested with my wife and the fact that our kids deserved to have a Mom and Dad living together in one house. But at what cost? My happiness? Us fighting about stuff all the time because the trust is gone. I think the answer you seek is in each of us, but we just have to ask ourselves the hard questions and be prepaired to answer them as hard as it is to move forward.

Right on. Kids obviously make things way more complicated. Didnt' realize you had little ones together. If I were you I'd be pissed off that not only somebody hurt me but also in so doing put me in a shit situation in which my decision on how to deal with it also affects my children. Wishing you the best man.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Right on. Kids obviously make things way more complicated. Didnt' realize you had little ones together. If I were you I'd be pissed off that not only somebody hurt me but also in so doing put me in a shit situation in which my decision on how to deal with it also affects my children. Wishing you the best man.

It is really a bad deal for us and them. I just try to be the best dad I can when I have a chance to be with them.

 

[Jimsbbc]

Our society is perpetuating this reality of women cheating in our society for several reasons:

One, Hollywood is telling women that cheating is ok as long as you come clean after the affair and tell him and he will forgive you. Everything will work out ok and even turn out better because of it.

Two, American women now are entitled to cheat and have that right since their fathers cheated on their mothers and now there needs to be some payback. This has been proven to be statistically false, that the large majority of men never cheat on their wives, then and now.

Three, competitive consumerism has eroded the judgment of American women because they see the wealth of the top 10% and think they deserve it just because they are half-ass good looking. They feel they are entitled to this lifestyle at someone else’s expense. When the husband cannot provide this level of income, the wife feels resentful and entitled to some payback for her not getting what she rightfully deserves.

Four, the divorce law pendulum has swung too far to the left and has given American women an incentive to cheat and not perform in the marriage. This is because there are welfare transfers from the ex-husband to the ex-wife long after the divorce is over under the guise of child welfare payments (along with half of the husband’s financial assets). Divorce in America for the husband is almost ensured financial ruin. This opportunity cost is a very real exit barrier associated with the marriage and gives leverage to the wife to trap him with, even when she cheats or doesn’t live up to her marriage vows. Even if the opportunity cost of the divorce to the husband is less than the social cost of staying in the marriage, she still gets a large payoff, can go whore around with the ex-husband’s money, and then find a new sucker to leach off of while still extracting financial support from her ex. There is hardly any accountability imposed on women or any consequence to their actions. For many American women, this is a real incentive to behave in ways they normally would not be able to without a significant cost being associated with it.

 

[Sub-Zero]

I feel like I have gained so much perspective on my whole situation. At the time we were having problems 8 or 9 months ago, I really honestly thought that her reasons for "her feelings chainging" were because I was at fault in some way. I may be to a certain extent but not any more than any other marriage or relatioinship\friendship. You have some arguments and disagreements and you work though it and get over it.

I see now that the change in our relationship was directly related to her starting something with another man and falling in love with that person. All the thearpy we did was not for me to realize my baggage (which I did anyway), but really for her to get a chance to come clean and tell me the truth about the affair. Instead she continued the lies. I think she actually beleaves her own lies at times which is insaine. She has repeated this behavior over and over again.

So I realize that it was only a matter of time for us. It wasn't real for her like it was for me.

its scary with a girl because of how delusional they are.

a guy will know hes fucking up and lie to cover it but he wont be lying to himself, but a girl will lie to herself just as much as to the guy which makes it near impossible

 

[Sub-Zero]

Our society is perpetuating this reality of women cheating in our society for several reasons:

One, Hollywood is telling women that cheating is ok as long as you come clean after the affair and tell him and he will forgive you. Everything will work out ok and even turn out better because of it.

Two, American women now are entitled to cheat and have that right since their fathers cheated on their mothers and now there needs to be some payback. This has been proven to be statistically false, that the large majority of men never cheat on their wives, then and now.

Three, competitive consumerism has eroded the judgment of American women because they see the wealth of the top 10% and think they deserve it just because they are half-ass good looking. They feel they are entitled to this lifestyle at someone else’s expense. When the husband cannot provide this level of income, the wife feels resentful and entitled to some payback for her not getting what she rightfully deserves.

Four, the divorce law pendulum has swung too far to the left and has given American women an incentive to cheat and not perform in the marriage. This is because there are welfare transfers from the ex-husband to the ex-wife long after the divorce is over under the guise of child welfare payments (along with half of the husband’s financial assets). Divorce in America for the husband is almost ensured financial ruin. This opportunity cost is a very real exit barrier associated with the marriage and gives leverage to the wife to trap him with, even when she cheats or doesn’t live up to her marriage vows. Even if the opportunity cost of the divorce to the husband is less than the social cost of staying in the marriage, she still gets a large payoff, can go whore around with the ex-husband’s money, and then find a new sucker to leach off of while still extracting financial support from her ex. There is hardly any accountability imposed on women or any consequence to their actions. For many American women, this is a real incentive to behave in ways they normally would not be able to without a significant cost being associated with it.

i agree, that was a very good arguement

 

[slat1]

Stay strong.
If it was me I would move on knowing I was a better person for making it through that situation.
Live your life again. Let your children see you happy.
If you find someone else let them learn how great a relationship can be by watching you and the next person you are with.
After all you went through I am sure you are a very self aware person. You will find someone who will make your life better just as you will make theirs better. That is what your children need to see!
Best of luck!!!

 

[ksharp01]

I feel like I have gained so much perspective on my whole situation. At the time we were having problems 8 or 9 months ago, I really honestly thought that her reasons for "her feelings chainging" were because I was at fault in some way. I may be to a certain extent but not any more than any other marriage or relatioinship\friendship. You have some arguments and disagreements and you work though it and get over it.

I see now that the change in our relationship was directly related to her starting something with another man and falling in love with that person. All the thearpy we did was not for me to realize my baggage (which I did anyway), but really for her to get a chance to come clean and tell me the truth about the affair. Instead she continued the lies. I think she actually beleaves her own lies at times which is insaine. She has repeated this behavior over and over again.

So I realize that it was only a matter of time for us. It wasn't real for her like it was for me.

I am sorry to hear that! I'm going through some major life changing developments myself and it is proving harder than I thought it would to move forward.

 

[velvett]

Sheesh - you get divorced or something?
You live in Texas though - Texas princesses make NY JAP's look like farmers.

Our society is perpetuating this reality of women cheating in our society for several reasons:

One, Hollywood is telling women that cheating is ok as long as you come clean after the affair and tell him and he will forgive you. Everything will work out ok and even turn out better because of it.

Anyone that listens to Hollywood or lacks the sense to be involved with someone that is so easily influence by "Hollywood" - seriously is too dumb to marry and breed in the first place.

Two, American women now are entitled to cheat and have that right since their fathers cheated on their mothers and now there needs to be some payback. This has been proven to be statistically false, that the large majority of men never cheat on their wives, then and now.

While you're probably right (can't see how I could not agree) that can't possible make up a large part of society. I think that yes, people (men and women) have a very warped sense of what they feel entitled to but I also think that that as a basic behavioral pattern has become worse the past 20 years. Even children in school have these grandiose ideas as to what they feel entitled to and what is owed by eveyone to them without having made any sort of contribution to warrant any response whatsoever.

Three, competitive consumerism has eroded the judgment of American women because they see the wealth of the top 10% and think they deserve it just because they are half-ass good looking. They feel they are entitled to this lifestyle at someone else’s expense. When the husband cannot provide this level of income, the wife feels resentful and entitled to some payback for her not getting what she rightfully deserves.

Goes back to Hollywood and entitlement above - it's a change, a bad change in society. A truly competitive woman would make her own way in the world and make her own money and buy herself her own toys without the necessity of marrying a man to take the place of daddy. Only a princess who's parents taught her that a man's job in life is to care, provide and shower her with the same overload of gifts they gave her would think that sort of entitlement if owed to them.

Four, the divorce law pendulum has swung too far to the left and has given American women an incentive to cheat and not perform in the marriage. This is because there are welfare transfers from the ex-husband to the ex-wife long after the divorce is over under the guise of child welfare payments (along with half of the husband’s financial assets). Divorce in America for the husband is almost ensured financial ruin. This opportunity cost is a very real exit barrier associated with the marriage and gives leverage to the wife to trap him with, even when she cheats or doesn’t live up to her marriage vows. Even if the opportunity cost of the divorce to the husband is less than the social cost of staying in the marriage, she still gets a large payoff, can go whore around with the ex-husband’s money, and then find a new sucker to leach off of while still extracting financial support from her ex. There is hardly any accountability imposed on women or any consequence to their actions. For many American women, this is a real incentive to behave in ways they normally would not be able to without a significant cost being associated with it.

Depends entirely on the state they live in, the years they've been married and the number of offspring they created together. There are so many factors how men and women can fuck each other over and your example is only one of many.

Bottom line is - men - if you don't want to feel like you've taken on a financial responsibility with the potential of feeling taken advantage of because of that responsibility, don't get married, keep it in your pants or get snipped so you can impregnate anyone "by accident". You must also be responsible for your actions - if you choose to marry and care for someone that doesn't "pay their own way" or marry someone that wants children be prepared because success is not guaranteed.

 

[velvett]

I see now that the change in our relationship was directly related to her starting something with another man and falling in love with that person. All the thearpy we did was not for me to realize my baggage (which I did anyway), but really for her to get a chance to come clean and tell me the truth about the affair. Instead she continued the lies. I think she actually beleaves her own lies at times which is insaine.

So did she admit it?
Or are you saying she missed the boat again in telling you?

You really seem like a genuine, intelligent and insightful person so you should be able to realize that she did not only fail at your relationship together, she failed herself and will probably continue the same sort of behavior unless she comes faced with an event where she is forced to change.

How very sad for her and how very lucky for you to be rid of this person from your life.

 

[H_T_]

you're a free man. maybe someone here will be able to understand what that means.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Marriage is way too risky for guys these days, not worth the hassle. Women are scandalous.

 

[Jimsbbc]

All my exes live in Texas. That much is true. I think you either have to be stupid or crazy to get married. I am the later, crazy in love with my wife. I have been head over heels for her for a long time. We live in Oregon now and I don't miss my nutcase, stalker exes at all. Life with her is good, but I like to chip in on these threads some to let off steam.

 

[youngguns]

I hate lies.

 

[georgie24]

without trust there is nothing

and theres nothing without trust

 

[mgoblue4you]

Turd Ferguson: I feel for ya man, my divorce will be final in 21 days and has been over a year in making. Keep being a good dad and rest assured, your wife will live to regret her actions someday -- they always do...

You guys want to hear about risky. I have been with my wife for over 20 years -- since I was 16 her 15. She was great for 16 years, but post-partem depression after our second child turned into a full fledged mid-life crisis/identity crisis. Bottom line, she is in alot of mental pain, is depressed, and blames me and those around her for her pain (common with depression). She doesn't see it this way so she will not seek medical attention.

No affairs, both Christians, great relationship, then bam! Wife completely changes into a depressed, selfish, judgemental, angry, hypocritical religious wacko. She disowns her family, friends, and me. Still no sign of an affair, she just wants to live in issolation.

Even stranger, occasionally we have sex and its great, we go places and its great, yet she needs a divorce. It has been a confusing year...

What I have learned is that often really is just about person seeking divorce or having the affair. Childhood trama and other non-marriage related issues can be a time bomb waiting to go off. Affairs, divorce and other bad behaviors are simply a bandaid that they use in an attempt to relieve the pain. Eventually, they learn that it doesn't work, but alot of damage is often done in the meantime.

As for avoiding these types of scenarios, well if a woman has a good childhood and a great relationship with her father it helps tremendously.

Other than that maybe it is safer to remain single...

 

[Turd Ferguson]

So did she admit it?
Or are you saying she missed the boat again in telling you?

You really seem like a genuine, intelligent and insightful person so you should be able to realize that she did not only fail at your relationship together, she failed herself and will probably continue the same sort of behavior unless she comes faced with an event where she is forced to change.

How very sad for her and how very lucky for you to be rid of this person from your life.

She won't admit it. She lies about it. I honestly think that she is in denial about it or somehow justifies it in some way. She has admited that she done things wrong and tells her her other son's dad that she hates herself for lieing to me.

 

[puddlemonkey]

http://www.nomarriage.com/

 

[ck2006]

She won't admit it. She lies about it. I honestly think that she is in denial about it or somehow justifies it in some way. She has admited that she done things wrong and tells her her other son's dad that she hates herself for lieing to me.

If she won't won't come clean now, I truely think that is a sign. I also believe that the children are better off with you two apart if there is constant fighting and resentment in the house because the kids know this and feel it, plus it will eventually affect your relationship with the kids.

You can't change who she is (that too is her admitting to it or not) so you either have to accept it and forgive her or/and move on.

I hope everything gets better for you and the kids

 

[manny78]

http://www.nomarriage.com/

Word. Why are people getting married anyway ?

 

[biteme]

Well I've learned a lot in my eight years of being mostly single after my divorce. I wasn't bad before, but this time around, I'm gonna be a great husband.

 

[biteme]

Personally, I believe trust to be a required ingredient for any relationship. Without it, everything else will fall apart.

Yep.

 

[jh1]

I feel like I have gained so much perspective on my whole situation. At the time we were having problems 8 or 9 months ago, I really honestly thought that her reasons for "her feelings chainging" were because I was at fault in some way. I may be to a certain extent but not any more than any other marriage or relatioinship\friendship. You have some arguments and disagreements and you work though it and get over it.

I see now that the change in our relationship was directly related to her starting something with another man and falling in love with that person. All the thearpy we did was not for me to realize my baggage (which I did anyway), but really for her to get a chance to come clean and tell me the truth about the affair. Instead she continued the lies. I think she actually beleaves her own lies at times which is insaine. She has repeated this behavior over and over again.

So I realize that it was only a matter of time for us. It wasn't real for her like it was for me.

WORD!

Exactly the BS I went through, you know the differences. Basically my wif was in love with coke in the end and lost love for me the more and more I tried to get her to stop being destructive.

We went to therapy together, but she never let me bring up blow - always said it was 'us' and we needed to fix that. I brought it up on my own without her about 4 months before she left, then when her conselor told me I had to tell her (Black & White) no more, she left 3 weeks later.

The entire time though... it was 'BIG BAD MEAN JH1' and not her coke problem. Amazing her b/f happened to be a coke head and supplied her with junk.

I wrote his family a letter telling them that their son was suppling my wife, the mother of my child with cocaine. Fucking cocksucker.




Turd -

She is so full of shit it's not even funny. Same projecting bullshit. And Yeah... the *MOST* frustrating part is that they actually have dilluted themselves to the point they believe their own crap...

 

[biteme]

I'm with Samoth dude. I've been lied to and I never could get past it - I still speak to a girl I was in a relationship with who I found out lied about something. And I still see that side of her even though I know she is a different person than she was at 21. I feel like it will always be there so I say no to being with her. Sometimes I think to myself, "Dude, if you could just get over this you'd be in a pretty descent relationship..." but I think if I could just find someone who has never lied to me I'll be in a great one.
I still don't have any answers. Let me know if you figure it out dude.

Good luck finding someone that will never lie to you. You'll be looking for a wife at 900 years old. LOL

 

[biteme]

Lesson: Never marry. Every story I hear like this just reinforces it.

I thought I was happy living by myself and just going out on dates, but I was wrong. At least I'm happier being in a satisfying, loving relationship. You risk a lot, but I think the benefits make it worth it.

 

[Smurfy]

Our society is perpetuating this reality of women cheating in our society for several reasons:

One, Hollywood is telling women that cheating is ok as long as you come clean after the affair and tell him and he will forgive you. Everything will work out ok and even turn out better because of it.

Two, American women now are entitled to cheat and have that right since their fathers cheated on their mothers and now there needs to be some payback. This has been proven to be statistically false, that the large majority of men never cheat on their wives, then and now.

Three, competitive consumerism has eroded the judgment of American women because they see the wealth of the top 10% and think they deserve it just because they are half-ass good looking. They feel they are entitled to this lifestyle at someone else’s expense. When the husband cannot provide this level of income, the wife feels resentful and entitled to some payback for her not getting what she rightfully deserves.

Four, the divorce law pendulum has swung too far to the left and has given American women an incentive to cheat and not perform in the marriage. This is because there are welfare transfers from the ex-husband to the ex-wife long after the divorce is over under the guise of child welfare payments (along with half of the husband’s financial assets). Divorce in America for the husband is almost ensured financial ruin. This opportunity cost is a very real exit barrier associated with the marriage and gives leverage to the wife to trap him with, even when she cheats or doesn’t live up to her marriage vows. Even if the opportunity cost of the divorce to the husband is less than the social cost of staying in the marriage, she still gets a large payoff, can go whore around with the ex-husband’s money, and then find a new sucker to leach off of while still extracting financial support from her ex. There is hardly any accountability imposed on women or any consequence to their actions. For many American women, this is a real incentive to behave in ways they normally would not be able to without a significant cost being associated with it.

lol @ large pay offs. please.

 

[biteme]

She won't admit it. She lies about it. I honestly think that she is in denial about it or somehow justifies it in some way. She has admited that she done things wrong and tells her her other son's dad that she hates herself for lieing to me.

My ex did the same thing. I think she's finally regretting it after all these years. But, I don't know.

 

[jh1]

Our society is perpetuating this reality of women cheating in our society for several reasons:

One, Hollywood is telling women that cheating is ok as long as you come clean after the affair and tell him and he will forgive you. Everything will work out ok and even turn out better because of it.

Two, American women now are entitled to cheat and have that right since their fathers cheated on their mothers and now there needs to be some payback. This has been proven to be statistically false, that the large majority of men never cheat on their wives, then and now.

Three, competitive consumerism has eroded the judgment of American women because they see the wealth of the top 10% and think they deserve it just because they are half-ass good looking. They feel they are entitled to this lifestyle at someone else’s expense. When the husband cannot provide this level of income, the wife feels resentful and entitled to some payback for her not getting what she rightfully deserves.

Four, the divorce law pendulum has swung too far to the left and has given American women an incentive to cheat and not perform in the marriage. This is because there are welfare transfers from the ex-husband to the ex-wife long after the divorce is over under the guise of child welfare payments (along with half of the husband’s financial assets). Divorce in America for the husband is almost ensured financial ruin. This opportunity cost is a very real exit barrier associated with the marriage and gives leverage to the wife to trap him with, even when she cheats or doesn’t live up to her marriage vows. Even if the opportunity cost of the divorce to the husband is less than the social cost of staying in the marriage, she still gets a large payoff, can go whore around with the ex-husband’s money, and then find a new sucker to leach off of while still extracting financial support from her ex. There is hardly any accountability imposed on women or any consequence to their actions. For many American women, this is a real incentive to behave in ways they normally would not be able to without a significant cost being associated with it.

Holy Fuck.

Sums up my recent life.

 

[MrHD]

I could forgive a single error in judgement. And in our relatioship together it was really one time. But what changes my mind is the fact that this cycle of cheating and the lies is repeated over and over again in every relationship for her.

I feel like I could get over this with her if I could trust her again. But how do you trust someone who lies to your face?

far out bro, i am going through this exact same situation with the girl i have been with for 8 years...every single point you made i have been thinking about for the last 2 weeks and it is so tough and at times i dont know what to do because i have such an attachment to this girl..she didnt actually cheat on me or anything but has been txting/messaging this lovey dovey bullshit with someone for the last couple months and has lied to my face when i had suspicions and confronted her...

 

[jh1]

far out bro, i am going through this exact same situation with the girl i have been with for 8 years...every single point you made i have been thinking about for the last 2 weeks and it is so tough and at times i dont know what to do because i have such an attachment to this girl..she didnt actually cheat on me or anything but has been txting/messaging this lovey dovey bullshit with someone for the last couple months and has lied to my face when i had suspicions and confronted her...

Bro.... she's cheating on you. Seriously. Don't beleive her when she says she isn't. She is.

 

[Smurfy]

This thread reminds me of all the 40 yr old overly tanned, wrinkled, tatooed chicks in the aerobics class at the women's workout world who sit around waiting for class to start and spend all their time bashing and hating men.

except you guys arent women. but you sure sound like SWV's.

 

[biteme]

Bro.... she's cheating on you. Seriously. Don't beleive her when she says she isn't. She is.

He wouldn't know because if she were, she'd lie about it. One thing I found about myself, I won't put up with that shit.

 

[MrHD]

Bro.... she's cheating on you. Seriously. Don't beleive her when she says she isn't. She is.

bro i know this girl inside and out and she is such a gullible person, i was going through a stage in my life where she was not so important and i wasnt giving her any attention..she was loving the attention this other person was giving her at the time...this is what started this..we were so good for 7 years...when i found out she been txting talking to someone she went nuts/suicidal...we were planning our wedding this year..

a duno man, im so confused right now

 

[biteme]

bro i know this girl inside and out and she is such a gullible person, i was going through a stage in my life where she was not so important and i wasnt giving her any attention..she was loving the attention this other person was giving her at the time...this is what started this..we were so good for 7 years...when i found out she been txting talking to someone she went nuts/suicidal...we were planning our wedding this year..

a duno man, im so confused right now

Make her wait. In the age of the internet, everybody is finding out that just about everyone is a liar. Most people that hate liars, lie themselves. It is good, keeps people honest with so many ways of being caught.

 

[Jimsbbc]

lol @ large pay offs. please.

Maybe not in your world, but it was like that in mine. I grew up in a very affluent area of Houston where many of the families I grew up knowing were disgustingly rich. There were more than a few, including the wife of the pastor of our church, who ran off with younger men. They divorced as millionaires and were flat broke in five years, on average. It was interesting to watch because they all did the same thing. They got a very large lump sum and ran through it instead of living off the interest and working. In upper middle class households, where the median income is a six figure income (like my limited sample I am refering to), there is generally going to be some sizeable payoff for the woman in a divorce.

 

[Smurfy]

Maybe not in your world, but it was like that in mine. I grew up in a very affluent area of Houston where many of the families I grew up knowing were disgustingly rich. There were more than a few, including the wife of the pastor of our church, who ran off with younger men. They divorced as millionaires and were flat broke in five years, on average. It was interesting to watch because they all did the same thing. They got a very large lump sum and ran through it instead of living off the interest and working. In upper middle class households, where the median income is a six figure income (like my limited sample I am refering to), there is generally going to be some sizeable payoff for the woman in a divorce.

That's why Im happy my parents are still together. Like my father says: "If we were to get divorced, you'd get a pay raise and Id get a pay cut. Right now I get 10% and you get 90%. 50/50 isnt such a good deal for you by comparison, now is it?"
lol in a joking manner. their 37th anniversary is this wednesday.

 

[velvett]

She won't admit it. She lies about it. I honestly think that she is in denial about it or somehow justifies it in some way. She has admited that she done things wrong and tells her her other son's dad that she hates herself for lieing to me.

Her other son's dad?


Can I be honest for moment (aside from her - it would only be too easy for me to chime into something derogatory about her and females like her)...

You picked this woman, whether you did it out of lust, love, logic or poorly timely sperm donation - you bear half the fault because of it.

So rather than dwell on her actions, figure out what part of you will you either change or treat more respectable that you may not make the same choices when choosing (or selecting not to choose again) a new mate.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Good luck dude. Sounds like you have a good heart. I thin the trick is investing in the right people and that is all there is to it. Everyone makes mistakes and has errors in judgement though. Everyone.

And luck

 

[Turd Ferguson]

bro i know this girl inside and out and she is such a gullible person, i was going through a stage in my life where she was not so important and i wasnt giving her any attention..she was loving the attention this other person was giving her at the time...this is what started this..we were so good for 7 years...when i found out she been txting talking to someone she went nuts/suicidal...we were planning our wedding this year..

a duno man, im so confused right now

Your in denial my friend. If your gut tells you it is happening it is. You have to decide if you can live with the cheater and trust again. It's so hard when you love them so much. But ask yourself if you really can ever get over this.

There is always another person for you if you want to find that.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Her other son's dad?


Can I be honest for moment (aside from her - it would only be too easy for me to chime into something derogatory about her and females like her)...

You picked this woman, whether you did it out of lust, love, logic or poorly timely sperm donation - you bear half the fault because of it.

So rather than dwell on her actions, figure out what part of you will you either change or treat more respectable that you may not make the same choices when choosing (or selecting not to choose again) a new mate.

I am doing my work on myself. I am definately to an extent responsible for our marriage not being as good as it could be. But I deserved a chance to fix it before she jumped ship. Cheating is wholely one person fault and devesates a marriage.

 

[velvett]

I am doing my work on myself. I am definately to an extent responsible for our marriage not being as good as it could be. But I deserved a chance to fix it before she jumped ship. Cheating is wholely one person fault and devesates a marriage.

I'm sorry - I didn't mean to sound so harsh a part of me was just saying you're more important than her and you should move on and focus on you and your future and not her past actions because I sometimes people will do things to hurt regardless of how you act and what you may do or bring to the relationship.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

I'm sorry - I didn't mean to sound so harsh a part of me was just saying you're more important than her and you should move on and focus on you and your future and not her past actions because I sometimes people will do things to hurt regardless of how you act and what you may do or bring to the relationship.

Not harsh at all. These realizations are all part of the moving on process in my opinion. My problem is that I love her. Maybe I always will, I'm not like her in that I cant just STOP loving someone. When you care that deeply about someone you have to make the case to yourself on why it didn't work, but also why it wouldn't work if you forgive them. Then you move on and look for the things you want in someone else.

BTW your hot!

 

[biteme]

Not harsh at all. These realizations are all part of the moving on process in my opinion. My problem is that I love her. Maybe I always will, I'm not like her in that I can just STOP loving someone. When you care that deeply about someone you have to make the case to yourself on why it didn't work, but also why it wouldn't work if you forgive them. Then you move on and look for the things you want in someone else.

BTW your hot!

It's a differences between the sexes bro. I really feel for you. Hasn't anyone ever told you, "Lot's of people talking, but few of them know, the soul of a woman was created below" Just accept it and it becomes easier. They are not designed like us.

 

[biteme]

Those cute, cuddly little creatures will crush your soul. LOL