"Found" daughter turning 18. What now?

[thelion2005]

My beautiful, intellegent, and defiant "found" daughter turns 18 soon and will be an adult. Some of you may recall that I first met her at 16. We had our ups and downs, but she leveled out. Has a 3.8 /4.0 GPA and a loser boy friend. Accepted at three universities for late 2010.

She lives with her Mom and Mom is going to evict her. They hate each other.

She was given the chance to live with me last year and turned it down.

Has one more year of high school so no college dorm life to save her.

Wants to live with boy friend, but I will not pay for this. His mother and the daughter hate each other.

No relatives on either side will take her.

All my support money stops at her 18th. So does her car, phone and health care. She works 12 hours at minimum wage.

What now????

 

[chris302001]

Keep her away from Mitch.....

 

[PICK3]

Can she live with you now?

If the loser bf can't support her guess that's her only alternative.

Or, the recruiter's office

 

[stilleto]

are you asking us how to live your life for you?

you either offer her to live with you, with your ground rules, or you offer to help pay for college. if she wants to live with her bf, then they are on their own.

in the meantime, you continue to be loving and supportive, but fatherly.

 

[canadianhitman]

hopefully she'll ditch the loser boyfriend when she looks at the big picture

 

[needtogetarmy]

She is 18. An adult. let her make her own decisions. Make her an offer, if she refuses, it is her problem.

 

[ortiz34]

nice to see you lion

 

[puddlemonkey]

Tie her up in your basement and don't let her leave the house until she's 35.

 

[hurricane]

make sure pudd monk dont get her aim sn either

 

[thelion2005]

are you asking us how to live your life for you?

you either offer her to live with you, with your ground rules, or you offer to help pay for college. if she wants to live with her bf, then they are on their own.

in the meantime, you continue to be loving and supportive, but fatherly.

I found a lot of great advice from the people here for this problem child in the past. They have been this kid themselves or are a Mom or Dad.

Yours is sound. TY

 

[stosstruppe]

She is 18. An adult. let her make her own decisions. Make her an offer, if she refuses, it is her problem.

+1. Let's see how defiant she is when faced with the prospect of being phoneless, car-less and quite possibly homeless.

 

[ceo]

are you asking us how to live your life for you?

you either offer her to live with you, with your ground rules, or you offer to help pay for college. if she wants to live with her bf, then they are on their own.

in the meantime, you continue to be loving and supportive, but fatherly.

I gotta agree. You can only do what you can do.

Is she aware of the costs of continuing her phone, car, etc.? If not, I would approach it something like this:

Sit down with her and tell her you might have a solution. Have her go over what everything costs with you (phone, car, insurance, gas, etc.). Be sure to total it all up so she sees that figure. Have the want ads handy, or craigslist ready and look at what places to rent cost (don't forget deposit and credit check, first and last month's down), don't forget electricity...oh and groceries.

Add all that up with her and figure out what she makes each month. Show her the difference. Be prepared for her to say she'll move the bf in with her, etc. and figure out the costs still. I'm pretty sure there'll be no way even both of them could afford it...but you should know about how much everything costs before you do all this. Anyway...let her see the figures in writing, so it sinks in. See if she has any ideas about how she can do it on her own, and realistically and systematically shoot holes in each and every one. Let her be overwhelmed with it all, because chances are she will be.

THEN...tell her she can live with you and cross out the rent and groceries, look at her income and back at the remaining figure (circle them or something so she follows you). Hum and haw over it for a second, then you can say what if you paid for her car too...cross that out circle the two totals. Hum and haw a second, cross something else off, and so on. You get the idea.

Let her see how it makes sense. If she stays with you this last year before college and keeps her grades up (and agrees to live by rules you can both agree on) then you will pay those phone, car, gas, insurance, etc. bills. Don't lay it out like an ultimatum, let her have a hand in the whole process (or at least think she does). I think it would be a good learning experience for her too.

 

[Mr. dB]

Maybe she could consider a stint in the military?