For SATANIC GOATSLAYER's eyes ONLY!!!

[Snuka]

Hey Goatslayer,

I got a question for ya....

I realize that I don't know you, but you're the only one I can trust.

WELL, as you know, this is a fitness board. AND, a lot of people on this site have made the choice to take steroids in hopes of improving their physiques. Right?....

And, since steroids are illegal, many people have problems obtaining these compounds- counterfeits, rip-offs, fakes, lack of availability, etc. etc.

Anyway, I was browsing pics of 'roids on another board and when I read that it was for horses, dogs and cats,
a light bulb went off in my head. It wasn't a bright light, by any means, but it was a light, nonetheless.

WHAT IF I went down to the local ASPCA and adopted the sickliest, homliest, weakest dog in the lot, then brought him to a veterinarian who would then give me a prescription for the drugs???

SO, I was really writing to ask you 2 questions:
1) Will this work?
2) How to I get rid of the dog once he's served his purpose, either ceremoniously or otherwise?

Thanks in advance.

 

[satanic goatslayer]

Malnutritioned dogs?

Normally, I would suggest moving to a European country (or otherwise) with legalized steroids, devising a plan to disgiuse said products and mailing it back to your home country.

That being said, I cannot help you with North American (which I assume you are, excuse me if I'm wrong) laws pertaining to prescription animal drugs.

Considering the fact that we have a sick dog, the plan of attack grows a bit more complicated though. In my eyes, we have no concrete blueprints. This prompts me to suggest a rather simplistic approach to repairing this situation.

Shoot both of the dog's eyeballs out with a .177 caliber pellet gun, using a blunt-ended pellet. When it stumbles around aimlessly (as most animals would do, missing eyeballs and all) throw spears at it, attempting to avoid the vital organs.

Now, weathered and crippled, the dog should be less reluctant to be put down. Euthanize as you see fit, ceremoniously or otherwise.

I wish you well in the times to come.

Dogspeed.

 

[Snuka]

Ahhhhh....

You suggest to blow its eyes out with a pellet gun???

This is so it can live for a little while as you watch it blindly writhe around in circles yelping, right?!?!?

...brilliant!


Between you and me, Goat, I'd get more satisfaction out of dismembering and disemboweling a cat (who wouldn't?), but I fear that the veterinarian would give me lame-ass dosages for an 8-pound fleaball.

If you have any further advice, don't be bashful...

Thanks.

 

[Gilbyag]

 

[slickdadd]

holy shit look at sg's sig, lol

 

[AnotherRedHead]

Damn this dude is fucked up! But its funny, in a living in hell kinda way!!! LOL!

 

[bigmag]

so I'm not supposed to look at this right?

uuummmm.....ok!!!

 

[Frackal]

LOL @ SG's Signature.

 

[Jimsbbc]

but hey bro, do you think you could hook me up with some roids?????

 

[KAYNE]

YEAH RIGHT!!!

LIKE S.G. IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS GOING TO LOOK AT THIS THREAD!!!


S.G......I LOVE YOUR SIG BRO!!!

SNUKA......WHY SHOULD YOU MAKE AN INNOCENT ANIMAL SUFFER FOR YOUR INABILITY TO AQUIRE STEROIDS!!!

MAY YOU DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH FROM THAT DOG ATTACKING YOUR THROAT WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING!!!

KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

Kayne

May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest your crotch.


I thought I'd throw you a big kiss since you are now my bitch.

 

[KAYNE]

LMAO.....THAT STATEMENT THOUGH NOTHING ELSE (IE..TRUE), IS PRETTY FUNNY.

YOUR BITCH!!! NOW THATS FUNNY!!!

 

[supersizeme]

i give SGS's signature a big LOL

 

[Snuka]

KAYNE's mother breeds out of season.

 

[KAYNE]

KAYNE's mother breeds out of season.

uhhhhh NO SHE DONT.......NEWBIE.

 

[Snuka]

KAYNE

Is that the BEST you can do?

If I were an idiot, like yourself, and I found myself involved in some petty flame war, like yourself, I would probably just stop replying.

I mean, seriously KAYNE, you aren't even intelligent or creative enough to bring out my best material.

The 'newbie' potshot was on the right track, but I had to ask myself, 'Self, where is KAYNE going with this? What is he trying to imply?'

You leave me flaccid....

 

[KAYNE]

Re: KAYNE

Is that the BEST you can do?
NOPE!

If I were an idiot, like yourself, and I found myself involved in some petty flame war, like yourself, I would probably just stop replying.
DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE TAKING THIS SERIOUS!

I mean, seriously KAYNE, you aren't even intelligent or creative enough to bring out my best material.
AM SO!

The 'newbie' potshot was on the right track, but I had to ask myself, 'Self, where is KAYNE going with this? What is he trying to imply?'
NEWBIE!

You leave me flaccid....

I'M GLAD, IF I LEFT YOU ERRECT, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND MAY1010!

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

FUNNY!!!

YOU HAVE NVR MET NOR HAVE YOU EVER SPOKEN TO ME YET YOU SEEM TO KNOW MY INTELLECTUAL STATUS!!!


YOU CALL "KAYNE'S MOTHER BREEDS OUT OF SEASON" AN INTELLECTUAL RESPONSE??? I AM IN AWE OR YOUR COGNITIVE PROWESS!!!


YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

Re: FUNNY!!!

Kayne,

Please release the 'Caps Lock' option from the keyboard of your WebTV.

It seems like you are shouting and that hurts my feelings

 

[KAYNE]

NO WEB TV HERE NEWBIE!!!

WHATS THE MATTER? NO SARDONIC COMMENTS ABOUT MY INTELLECT?

YOUR HERO
KAYNE

PS---THE CAPS LOCK STAYS ON, WHY WOULD I TURN IT OFF FOR A NEWBIE?

 

[KAYNE]

SOMOAN BABY SITTING CONTESTS??? HMMMMMMM


SNUKA, I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MAY1010 SOMETIME. I THINK YOU TWO HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

BTW---THAT BRAINSTORM YOU HAD, YOU KNOW, THE ONE ABOUT GETTING A DOG AND GOING TO THE VET TO GET GEAR. THAT WASNT VERY INTELLIGENT EITHER.


DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND RID US OF YOUR GENES. WE DONT WANT YOU PASSING THEM ON TO ANYONE.

YOU GET THE DARWIN AWARD. LOOK IT UP ON YOUR SEARCH ENGINE.

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

SO SORRY BUT I HAD TO ADD THIS ONE THING.


SINCE YOU ARE SO TAKEN BY MY INTELLIGENCE, WE MIGHT AS WELL TALK ABOUT YOURS.

JUDGING BY YOUR CHILDISH, PERPETUAL, IGNORANCE, "APPARENTLY I HAVE STARTED A FLAME WAR WITH SOMEONE'S WHOSE MENTAL CAPACITY IS THAT OF A TROGLODYTE".

I QUOTED THAT B/C WARIK SAID THAT ABOUT SOMEONE IN ANOTHER THREAD AND I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY.

AND I ACTUALLY DIDNT KNOW WHAT A TROGLODYTE WAS UNTIL THEN. YOU FIT THE DESCRIPTION THOUGH.

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

You should turn off the 'Caps Lock' because it is proper writing technique....and b/c you are STILL my bitch. If that wasn't the case, you would not write 2 and 3 responses for each of mine.

As far as MAY1010, I realize that he prefers the company of men and I highly doubt that he would appreciate you leveraging HIS sexuality to prove YOUR point.

I'm not suggesting that you have a small penis, but you certainly seem to have something to prove. Kind of like a Chihuahua nipping at your ankles barking real loud to make sure you don't step on him.

As far as my brainstorm about the dog, that was a creative idea that just 'slipped in there' and I thought Goat might enjoy it.
1)Do you have anything creative to offer?
2)And, why did you open the thread addressed to him only in the first place??

When you write back(and, as my bitch, I know you will) please add an original thought so that I know you have
some creativity, instead of just a thesaurus.

Good luck

 

[KAYNE]

I TOOK A LITTLE STUDY BREAK JUST TO COME CHECK AND SEE IF YOU GOT BACK ON. I REPLIED A COUPLE OF TIMES CUZ I WAS BORED AND DIDNT WANT TO STUDY. THAT, AND TO ELICIT A RESPONSE FROM YOU.

MAY LOVES WHEN I WANT TO INTRODUCE "BOTTOMS" (AS HE WOULD PUT IT) SUCH AS YOURSELF TO HIM.

THE BRAINSTORM WAS IGNORANT....END OF STORY!!!

AM I OFFERING ANYTHING CREATIVE? HMMMM, NOT AS CREATIVE AS SOMOAN BABY SITTING CONTEST. YOU KNOW, SINCE THAT IS YOUR INTEREST AND ALL.

SMALL PENIS....UHHHHHH NOPE.

SOMETHING TO PROVE.......UHHHHHHH NOPE.

COME ON GUY, THIS IS THE INTERNET.

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

ANOTHER THING

IF YOU DIDNT WANT ANYONE BUT S.G. TO SEE THIS, YOU SHOULD HAVE UTILIZED THAT NICE LITTLE PRIVATE MESSAGE FEATURE!!!

THIS ADVICE IS FREE GRASSHOPPER.


YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

I TOOK A LITTLE STUDY BREAK JUST TO COME CHECK AND SEE IF YOU GOT BACK ON. I REPLIED A COUPLE OF TIMES CUZ I WAS BORED AND DIDNT WANT TO STUDY. THAT, AND TO ELICIT A RESPONSE FROM YOU.

MAY LOVES WHEN I WANT TO INTRODUCE "BOTTOMS" (AS HE WOULD PUT IT) SUCH AS YOURSELF TO HIM.

THE BRAINSTORM WAS IGNORANT....END OF STORY!!!

AM I OFFERING ANYTHING CREATIVE? HMMMM, NOT AS CREATIVE AS SOMOAN BABY SITTING CONTEST. YOU KNOW, SINCE THAT IS YOUR INTEREST AND ALL.

SMALL PENIS....UHHHHHH NOPE.

SOMETHING TO PROVE.......UHHHHHHH NOPE.

COME ON GUY, THIS IS THE INTERNET.

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

You are going nowhere...
Give me something I can work with.

Would it kill you to run your posts through SpellCheck?

 

[May1010]

As far as MAY1010, I realize that he prefers the company of men and I highly doubt that he would appreciate you leveraging HIS sexuality to prove YOUR point.

Snuka - you are correct.

I'm not suggesting that you have a small penis...

I am here to tell you that I can affirm that KAYNE does NOT have a small penis. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?

 

[KAYNE]

I DIDNT CATCH ANY SPELLING ERRORS IN IT!!! I DO TYPE IN SOME SLANG WORDS (E.G....CUZ) THOUGH.

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

Excuse me, KAYNE......................

Why does MAY1010 know about your penis???

???? Hmmmm?????

 

[Yellowbomber]

also interested in this

 

[KAYNE]

HE DOESNT. WHAT HE DOES HAVE IS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR THAT MAKES MANY LAUGH THOUGH IT DOES INSTIGATE SOMETIMES. LIKE HE JUST DID.

ANYWAY, WHERE ARE YOUR SMART ASS REMARKS? THAT CANT BE IT CAN IT?

 

[Snuka]

KAYNE...

From the number of replies you've given me and the rapid turnaround, you are either my bitch or you are just trying reach 500 posts to get your avatar.

Come clean, sweetheart.

 

[KAYNE]

I DONT USE AN AVATAR......I HAD 1300 ON MY LAST ACCOUNT AND NVR USED ONE........I AM JUST BORED LATE AT NIGHT WHICH IS WHEN MOST OF MY POST COME UP......I'M BORED RIGHT NOW ALSO BUT ABOUT TO GO TO THE GYM SO YOU WILL HAVE YOUR CHANCE TO BASH ME WHILE I'M GONE NEWBIE!!!

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!



KAYNE! AKAYNE! KAYNE!

I am SOOOOOO sorry!!!!

I was on the boards and I was reading this post about banning 'plifter' or something and I saw where you posted your little picture.
That is so cute!!!!!

I had NO idea that you were like this little, adolescent girlyman!
And you are so full of angst- Flipping the bird... ADORABLE! Simply ADORABLE!!!

I also think it's rather touching how you stick up for 'plifter'. I see similarities between you kids and I imagine how the 2 of you could share lots of common ground. What with all the sexual ambiguity you both demonstrate. Your empathy for him is endearing and I hope things work out between you 2.

Well, KAYNE...
in light of this depressing, white-trash photo of yourself, it appears that you are actually in worse condition than I first imagined and I would like to gracefully withdraw myself from this charity. You fought valiantly, young man.

I wish you and all of your brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins, living in your trailer, the very best in the future. And remember: the Lord helps those who help themselves.

Be strong, brother.

 

[May1010]

Kayne,


I can't have cyber with you tonite on ICQ. Sorry.



* Yank * Yank * Squirt * Squirt



Love,
May1010

 

[KAYNE]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CANT BE SERIOUS CAN YOU??? IF YOU DONT KNOW WHO THAT IS IN THAT PICTURE YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING UNDER A FUCKING ROCK FOR THE LAST 3 OR 4 YEARS. GO BACK AND READ THE POST AGAIN AND READ WHO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT CENSORING. TAKE A BETTER LOOK AT THE PIC AND GET BACK TO ME. YOU REALLY NEED HELP IF YOU THINK I AM HIM. THOUGH I WOULDNT MIND BEING HIM, HE IS WORTH A COUPLE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS!!!

BOY ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB!!!


YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

MAY


I DONT HAVE ICQ!!! SUKA DOES THOUGH.

 

[Snuka]

You, KAYNE, are Eminem without the girls and without the money.

You may be a white-trash, punk bitch, but you are MY white-trash, punk bitch

Go to the gym, honey. It's Monday and if you don't get there early, someone is gonna be on that thigh-buster machine you love so much...

 

[KAYNE]

SO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE THOUGH YOU HAVE NVR SEEN NOR MET ME!!! HMMMMMM

THE CHAIN AROUND MY NECK CAN PROBABLY PAY YOUR COLLECTIVE BILLS FOR 4 OR 5 MONTHS.

I HAVE SHIRTS THAT COST MORE THAN YOUR CAR NOTE (IF YOU DRIVE A HALFWAY DECENT CAR)!!!

THE SHOES ON MY FEET AT THIS MOMENT COST 300$ THOUGH THEY ARE ABOUT TO BE CHANGED TO MY 150$ TENNIS SHOES TO GO TO THE GYM NOW.

I DONT WORK (I'M A STUDENT) AND ALL MY STUFF IS PAID FOR, IN FULL, IN CASH, BY ME!!!

I DONT LIVE IN A TRAILER. YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU MORE THAN LIKELY DO AND ARE INSECURE ABOUT YOURSELF CUZ YOUR HOUSE HAS A COUPLE OF FLAT TIRES AND YOU CANT MOVE TO THE NEXT LOT. THE ONE WITH THE CEMENT SLAB ON IT SO YOU DONT HAVE TO PARK YOUR SORRY ASS RIDE IN THE MUD AND GRAVEL.

DONT WALK TOO HARD IN YOUR TRAILER CUZ YOUR MOM MIGHT WAKE UP FROM HEARING THE FOOTSTEPS ON THE FLOOR. THE MUTT AT THE FRONT DOOR MIGHT START BARKING AND THE GUY WHO OWNS THE PARK WANTS HIS RENT MONEY NOW!!!

YOUR HERO
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

They say you should never argue with an idiot in public.
It may be hard for outsiders to tell the difference.

Anyway, don't get mad,Kayne.
Why you mad?

 

[Snuka]

BTW, where are you a student?

 

[KAYNE]

<BigPhysics pops his head in and takes a quick look around, briefly watches Kayne spanking a newbie, gets bored and leaves>

BIGPHYSICS
DUDE I'M LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SNUKA
I'M A STUDENT AT A SCHOOL IN LA. WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW PERSONAL STUFF ABOUT ME. JUST HAVE FUN WITH THE FLAMING AND LEAVE THE PERSONAL THINGS OUT OF IT!!!

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

Quit whining ya little bitch...

Are you a student in Louisiana or Los Angeles???
And what are you taking up? Besides time and space?

 

[Snuka]

Trying to determine your background, I have a couple questions:
1)In your 'double-wide', do you have a working TV set sitting on top of a non-working TV?
2)Do you go to family reunions to meet women?
3)Can your grandmother effectively apply the 'sleeper hold'?

If you answer "yes" to any of these, then you are a southern-fried yokel. Not that there's anything wrong with that, in and of itself.


You seem like a white-trash to me so I'll guess that you are from Louisiana and not Los Angeles.

Am I correct?

 

[satanic goatslayer]

You guys should meet up and have a fight to the death.

 

[KAYNE]

You guys should meet up and have a fight to the death.

GREAT IDEA!!! I WOULD LOVE THAT!!!

 

[Snuka]

Hey KAYNE,

Don't be mad.
Why you mad?


Actually, I would like to meet you as well, sweetie.
You could teach me how to pimp.
That is your ego-boosting delusion, right???

Tell me, young man, in your imagination, who exactly do you pimp?
Cousins?
Sister?
Some bearded bayou Bettys, perhaps???

Do tell.....

Also, did you know that Louisiana has the highest illiteracy rate in the nation for the last fiscal year???
Apparently, after several years near the top, you and your brethren(since you are all related) finally overtook Mississippi.
True story.

Good luck with that G.E.D.

 

[KAYNE]

1) UHHHHH NOPE
2) UHHHHH NOPE
3) UHHHHH NOPE

OK, NOW THAT WE HAVE CLEARED THAT UP, I LIVE IN A HOUSE.....PROBABLY MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOURS. I AM MAJORING IN FINANCE WHICH I CHANGED FROM PHYSICAL THERAPY CUZ THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THAT PLUS I CAN PRETTY MUCH SET MY OWN SALARY IN FINANCE. I AM 22 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE TWO, COUNT THEM, TWO PHAT ASS BANK ACCOUNTS. I PAY FOR ALL MY OWN SHIT AND I PAY CASH FOR IT SO YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK SNUKA.

AND ITS OBVIOUS YOU DONT KNOW YOUR GEOGRAPHICAL ABBREVIATIONS:

L.A.=LOS ANGELES
LA.=LOUISIANA

YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! GO BACK TO SCHOOL GRASSHOPPER.

YOUR HERO
KAYNE

 

[Snuka]

Honey,

You sound pissed...

Maybe I should let up a bit.
I would feel horrible if you started beating your white-trash girlfriend b/c I make you feel inferior. Which, BTW, is why you feel the need to explain yourself to me.

As far as my geographical acumen, it would more accurate if your spelling, grammar and punctuation were more reliable.
Your education has this 'missing teeth, down-home' flavor to it.
But, that's the price you pay when you're "born on the bayou".

hahahaha.....idiot....

 

[May1010]

Snuka,


Kayne sent me a PM. He said he's going to kick your ass! Are you going to take that from him?

 

[Snuka]

Snuka,


Kayne sent me a PM. He said he's going to kick your ass! Are you going to take that from him?

You know, MAY, this guys' spelling is in the gutter...
Are you sure he said 'kick' and not 'lick'?

With all his pent up aggression, I gotta believe he's hiding his true sexual desires.

Do you suppose you could talk him 'out'?

He really needs love, support and compassion at this juncture in his life.

 

[KAYNE]

MAY---YOU ARE FUNNY.


SNUKA---OK, LETS GET A FEW THINGS STRAIGHT. I DONT FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU, NEWBIE. I DID IT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU ARE DEALING WITH SOME "TROGLODYTE" (AS WARIK WOULD SAY) BUT YOU ARE NOT. MY EDUCATION IS ON POINT. MY SPELLING IS ON POINT. MY LANGUAGE IS ARTICULATE, MUCH TO THE OPPOSITION OF YOU. HOW OLD ARE YOU AND WHAT WAS YOUR LAST GRADE COMPLETED IN SCHOOL? IF YOU DIDNT ATLEAST GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL THEN I SHOULDNT EVEN BE WASTING MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH AN IMBECILIC INDIVIDUAL SUCH AS YOURSELF.

I SEE YOU HAVE STOPPED WITH THE INFANTILE REMARKS ABOUT MY MOTHER, OF WHOM YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT NOR HAVE YOU EVER MET. YOU DO SHOW A LITTLE PROMISE THERE LIL'ONE. YOU IGNORANCE AND UNACQUAINTED REPLIES SHOW THAT YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS LIVE YOUR LIFE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THE INTERNET. WELL, I ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE OFF OF MY COMPUTER, NEWBIE. SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, BUT I DO. I HAVE A FINE GIRL, I HAVE MANY FRIENDS, I HAVE A COUPLE OF NICE VEHICLES, I HAVE A COUPLE PHAT BANK ACCOUNTS, I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS THAT YOU PROBABLY ONLY DREAM OF HAVING ONE DAY.

MAYBE IF YOU TRY TO APPLY YOURSELF, STOP TRYING TO PLAY KEYBOARD COWBOY SO MUCH, AND ACQUAINT YOURSELF WITH THE REAL WORLD YOU MIGHT BE SOMETHING ONE DAY.

NOW GO TO DICTIONARY.COM AND USE IT SO YOUR ILLITERATE ASS MIGHT LEARN WHAT SOME OF THESE WORDS (WHICH I PULLED OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD) MEAN.

CYA LATER NEWBIE!!!

YOUR HERO,
KAYNE

BTW---I WONT REPLY TO THIS AGAIN. I AM GOING OUT OF TOWN IN ABOUT 4 HOURS. SO HAVE FUN LOOKING UP THE WORDS THAT YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHAT THEY MEAN. NEWBIE.

PSS---HAVE YOU EVER FOUND YOURSELF SOME GEAR YET??? I HAVE MUCH TO SPARE. PM ME. I'LL HOOK YOU UP. ONLY 500$ FOR A BOTTLE OF TEST. 1000$ FOR THE WINNY!!! AND YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ADOPT A DOG.

 

[Snuka]

I don't need to adopt a dog, since you are already my bitch...

KAYNE, this happens to be wiping his ass with your emotions and I am buying & selling your sefl-control for less than it's worth.

You know, it should go without saying, but since you are a troglodyte, I want to mention that I do not believe you....

I do not believe you have MANY 'phat'(dork) bank accounts.
I do not believe that you are intelligent.
I DEFINITELY do not believe that you have a fine girl.

The best was when you said you have 'many friends'...
...are we having insecurity issues here, honey???
I can see that fat-ass snaggle-tooth mother of yours looking down on you saying, "Oh, Wendell, the other kids REALLY do like you, they just tease you b/c they like you so much. Don't cry, pumpkin".

BTW, KAYNE, I am 'the guy' who used to whip your ass in grade school, laugh like it was going out of style, then go out for pizza

And, Wendell, be careful with the sparklers this weekend down at Uncle Buford's swamp, I don't want you hurting yourself with one of them sparklers.