Effective/Ineffective Parenting Styles

[alex2678]

Do you think the way you were raised and treated as a child had any effect on you as an adult? I don't have kids myself, but I was always curious what you think works best for long term "control" or guidance of your kids to keep them out of trouble when they get into their teens and later on in life. Very strict parenting, laid back "learn from your own mistakes" style...

This past weekend I was at Lowe's and ran into an old friend I hadn't seen since probably 7th or 8th grade. Back when we were kids I remember if he wasn't back in the house by a certain time his mother was always standing at the door with a belt in her hand. She'd hit him with the buckle most of the time when he misbehaved. When I saw him yesterday, he was with his girlfriend and the first words that came out of his mouth to her was "just stand in line and do as your told". She mumbled something and I heard him say something like "and don't talk back".

I didn't turn out perfect myself in my teens and early twenties, but I never had overly authoritarian parents and I can't see myself ever talking to anyone with that tone of voice. Maybe I just caught them at a bad time, but I'm guessing this may have something to do with what happened in the past. Kind of a double edged sword too, treat kids with too much leniency and they walk all over you, treat them with too much discipline and it's just as bad.

 

[Smurfy]

good girl

 

[Sub-Zero]

lots of hitting and no sympathy makes ur kids not be such fucking pussies

 

[Lao Tzu]

Read the book freakonomics

 

[EnderJE]

Cliff Notes?

 

[Cutiebaby]

a guy said this to his girlfriend???
i am confused

 

[EnderJE]

Everything I learned about parenting, I learned from Ric Flair.

"I'm gonna beat you like a stepchild."

 

[alex2678]

a guy said this to his girlfriend???
i am confused

It was either his girlfriend or wife. They were both standing in line and he went back to get something else in the store and told her to wait in line and "do as she was told". When he turned around I recognized him. I can't understand how anyone would let someone talk to them like that.

 

[starfish]

It was either his girlfriend or wife. They were both standing in line and he went back to get something else in the store and told her to wait in line and "do as she was told". When he turned around I recognized him. I can't understand how anyone would let someone talk to them like that.

LOL...at any man saying that to me just once...


Its to bad she puts up with being disrespected like that....especially by someone who is supposed to care.

 

[javaguru]

Do you think the way you were raised and treated as a child had any effect on you as an adult? I don't have kids myself, but I was always curious what you think works best for long term "control" or guidance of your kids to keep them out of trouble when they get into their teens and later on in life. Very strict parenting, laid back "learn from your own mistakes" style...

This past weekend I was at Lowe's and ran into an old friend I hadn't seen since probably 7th or 8th grade. Back when we were kids I remember if he wasn't back in the house by a certain time his mother was always standing at the door with a belt in her hand. She'd hit him with the buckle most of the time when he misbehaved. When I saw him yesterday, he was with his girlfriend and the first words that came out of his mouth to her was "just stand in line and do as your told". She mumbled something and I heard him say something like "and don't talk back".

I didn't turn out perfect myself in my teens and early twenties, but I never had overly authoritarian parents and I can't see myself ever talking to anyone with that tone of voice. Maybe I just caught them at a bad time, but I'm guessing this may have something to do with what happened in the past. Kind of a double edged sword too, treat kids with too much leniency and they walk all over you, treat them with too much discipline and it's just as bad.

Very permissive and overly strict are both bad parenting styles. I was lucky enough to have parents who respected my ability to make decisions but monitered me so I didn't "step out of line." Probably because I'm the youngest of seven children. The oldest usually gets hammered when it comes to discipline and control. My ex-wife was the oldest of three girls and her mother refused to pay for senior pictures because she thought it would make her vain. She was in her late twenties and still had relationship issues with her mother because she was so controlling.

 

[Cutiebaby]

It was either his girlfriend or wife. They were both standing in line and he went back to get something else in the store and told her to wait in line and "do as she was told". When he turned around I recognized him. I can't understand how anyone would let someone talk to them like that.

he'd be going home walking ball less crying like a bitch and holding the sack where his balls used to be while i drive the car right behind his ass beeping and laughing!!!!! arrogant basturd

 

[velvett]

Do you think the way you were raised and treated as a child had any effect on you as an adult?


When I saw him yesterday, he was with his girlfriend and the first words that came out of his mouth to her was "just stand in line and do as your told". She mumbled something and I heard him say something like "and don't talk back".

Absolutely - nature/nuture, it's your experiences that help shape you but only you can try change your choices and actions - you may be who you are but you don't have be a product of your parents nor do you have to be like your parents. I don't think there is a right or wrong parenting style - a child is still a person and there are ways you treat people and there are ways you don't treat people. Just because he/she is your "kid" doesn't give you the right to be abusive.

Years ago I was on a date in bar in Pelham Bay (in the Bronx) and I remember the friend of the guy I was with was at the bar chatting up a girl and I introduced myself thinking that she was his girlfriend. Well to my error the girl he was flirting with was not his girlfriend but he was sure to tell me he "told his bitch that she best stay home where she belongs". It's more than ten years and I can still see the bar, this guy's face and I can still hear him talking "about his bitch". As for date he was a nice guy but I was just not the right kind of girl for him.