It's a tough spot. There isn't lots you can do. The alcoholic I was tangled up with blamed me. If I just made his sandwiches for lunch, cleaned better, kept his kids in line, made sure he didn't lose his damned socks, he wouldn't have to drink. This is despite the fact that he was an alcoholic WAY before he met me and still is. No matter all you try to do, it will never help because it is just an excuse to drink.
I'm sorry that you are dealing with that, and I'm sorry if N2 is having a relapse. I'm maybe assuming too much, but that is what I gathered from the post.
If you need to talk, pm me.