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Do you like kids
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silverstar1025
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oldandconfused- I feel really sad for your kids. Yes you may not have been ready, but you could have been a man and dealt with it. I had my first at 21 do you think I wanted to be a mom that young? Nope, but guess what I was and my party days was over. Your actions will affect your kids in some way. If not in a big way in small ways. My biological father did exactly what you did to your kids. He decided when my mom got pregnant that he didn't want me and didn't want to be a dad so he divorced my mom and split. Does it still bother me? Hell yes!!! In so many ways it bothers me, but luckily my mom met another man she married and adopted me. He is the only dad to me! He took me into his life and heart and treated me like his own.
At least I can say that I have made something of myself regardless of what my real dad did to me. I am well off with a good life and I am a great mother.
I am sorry if I sound judmental, but this hits close to home for me as you did exactly what my "dad" did to me. Kids don't deserve that and I hope that your kids don't have too much pain in their hearts.
At least I can say that I have made something of myself regardless of what my real dad did to me. I am well off with a good life and I am a great mother.
I am sorry if I sound judmental, but this hits close to home for me as you did exactly what my "dad" did to me. Kids don't deserve that and I hope that your kids don't have too much pain in their hearts.
vixensghost
New member
Love my daughter more than anyone or anything!
My only regret: I wish we could have had more!
My only regret: I wish we could have had more!
blueta2
New member
silverstar1025 said:
what did your real Dad do to you? You say here your new Dad adopted you and he was wonderful?!
Maybe your real Dad would have been miserable and treated u like shit. Then maybe you would not have been the happy person you are now?!
I think he did act like a man and made a HARD decision to not be part of lives he didn't want to be. I don't think making that choice was too easy on him.
My Uncle is a jerk. My cousin turned out to be a drug addict. She's had a horrible life. He did not want her, he made her VERY AWARE he never wanted her, but he was a "man" and stuck it out. He should have been a MAN and walked away. Maybe she would have had a chance at a better life like you did.
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silverstar1025
Guest
blueta2 said:
Maybe I woudn't be as upset about it had he gone on in life and didn't have kids and that was the way he was, but considering that now he has 2 kids in his life that really hurts. He didn't want anything to do with me, but then all of a sudden realized he wanted to be a dad with these other kids. That is hurtful! You are right I am sure I am better off that he did stay out of my life, but deep down it still does hurt.
My sister's husband up and decided he didn't want to be a father one day, too (a child they had planned for, mind you). It's not like oldandconfused left and abandoned them while they were too young to know better. I hear every week about the anger issues Connor has because he knows his father didn't want him (he was five). Blueta, I think if he left after the first or while they were both still babies, I'd be less horrified (I'd even understand, to a degree, and I agree that in some ways it's better that he not be there at all than he be there and be shitty). But he was there for the first six and nine years of their life. Once you choose to be there that long, him leaving and cutting them out of his life is no longer like a woman having an abortion. It's like a mother up and deciding to give her kids to the foster care system at that age simply because she doesn't want to be tied down to them. He made a choice after they were born to be in their lives. He didn't walk till years later. Once you've invested years into raising the kids, the "I didn't want them, she tricked me into having them" bit is irrelevant because he made a choice to stay long enough for them to develop emotional issues from him leaving. Yeah, his wife is lotsofbadwords for getting pregnant when he said he wasn't ready. Yeah, it was manipulative. Yeah, he probably never should have gotten married in the first place. But you know what? Those kids are the ones that really got the short end of the stick.
(lol...remembering something from Chris Rock..."When you have a daughter, you're one responsibility in life....is to keep her off the pole")
(lol...remembering something from Chris Rock..."When you have a daughter, you're one responsibility in life....is to keep her off the pole")
Bikini Mod
New member
Well now, this was an interesting thread... and here comes ME.
Unlike the men who were "forced" into being a father I am a woman ROBBED of being a mother. You men who walked away from your children DID do them a favor. Too bad that I didn't have the "brains" to marry a man like you... No, I had to choose a psychotic piece of human excrement that successfully manipulated the laws that were designed to protect the rights of GOOD MEN to use our children like little pawns. And before anyone comes on here with the holier than thou "even crackwhores don't lose custody of their kids so you MUST HAVE done something pretty fucked up" - SPARE ME. Because of the shame/blame game a few generations who have been raised this way remain silent.
Lucky for my girls I have no shame and I will go to my grave SCREAMING until my children are protected and safe and who knows.... maybe even help change the laws that have condemned so many like them before them to death or a life of hell with their abuser cut off from the only family that ever loved OR wanted them.
I am not even human anymore because I can not have my children.
My husband is a gift from heaven as he willingly took on this unbelievable burden and remains by my side fighting for children that he only met for a few scattered hours on a few occasions. Heck, he never met my oldest, the daughter who got so twisted by her abusive piece of human scum sperm donor was the one that set me up, cost me custody of all four. And what does the family court system do when her next youngest sister runs away to MY family for protection BEGGING to see the judge, letters written by her younger two siblings also BEGGING to see the judge to tell him THE TRUTH about what is really going on in their father's home? A NO CONTACT ORDER IS PUT INTO EFFECT THAT VERY DAY... served on my sister as "my alter ego" - so legally whatever papers/punishment is meeted out on her is like it were me.
YUP - That is right here in the United Fucking States of America.
Hire a PI? Hire ANOTHER attorney? File this motion? Serve that order?
OK 400K and over 2 years of FIGHTING WITH MY LAST BREATH to maintain some semblence of custody, then laying down and giving my ex EVERYFUCKINGTHING in a desperate attempt to spare the children more trauma, lied to by lawyers, finding out the kids are being abused then spending the next 5 years battling with everyfuckingresource just to maintain A SEMBLENCE of custody.... what has it got me?
Kids who are failing out, smoking pot, drinking, fucking anyone that gives them the time of day, are violent towards themselves and each other, call/email/chat/text me on a regular basis, "Mami - why don't you come get us? Why can't we live with you? I cry myself to sleep every night dreaming about you Mami! I would rather be dead then live here with this monster..... Please, I don't WANT another birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, second tuesday of the month without you!!"
So did I want children?
If I answered, "If I could take it back, four innocent souls would not have been forced to endure unbelievable suffering but for MY SELFISHNESS of wanting children to love and nurture."
But that is NOT my answer.
My answer is, "The experiences that mothering THESE PARTICULAR CHILDREN have brought me could never have been imagined in my wildest dreams/nightmares. I am dutibound to see this through. What else in my life is there but to become who I was destined to be because the universe saw fit to give me THESE CHILDREN?!"
I only wish that I had chosen a different man to father them, that is true. I feel though, that my choice in a husband and subsequent father to them NOW will help them not only heal, but far surpass anyone who they could have become if they had not lived through what we are living through."
I have gained the gift of empathy and my children will become stronger and more empathetic human beings because of everything that has happened.
This may seem a small consolation to some, but for me this is TREMENDOUS. I will come out of this better and stronger and my girls will have a HEAD START in life. Life has a very strange way of handing us insanity when we least expect it. My girls will be prepared.
If my husband and I were younger I would have at least 2 more, but my time for that is past and so is his. We will be very happy when we have all 6 of our children with us helping them to see the world for all the beauty and wonder, not totally ignoring what is dark and ugly; but rather, shifting main focus on that which is a gift.
Unlike the men who were "forced" into being a father I am a woman ROBBED of being a mother. You men who walked away from your children DID do them a favor. Too bad that I didn't have the "brains" to marry a man like you... No, I had to choose a psychotic piece of human excrement that successfully manipulated the laws that were designed to protect the rights of GOOD MEN to use our children like little pawns. And before anyone comes on here with the holier than thou "even crackwhores don't lose custody of their kids so you MUST HAVE done something pretty fucked up" - SPARE ME. Because of the shame/blame game a few generations who have been raised this way remain silent.
Lucky for my girls I have no shame and I will go to my grave SCREAMING until my children are protected and safe and who knows.... maybe even help change the laws that have condemned so many like them before them to death or a life of hell with their abuser cut off from the only family that ever loved OR wanted them.
I am not even human anymore because I can not have my children.
My husband is a gift from heaven as he willingly took on this unbelievable burden and remains by my side fighting for children that he only met for a few scattered hours on a few occasions. Heck, he never met my oldest, the daughter who got so twisted by her abusive piece of human scum sperm donor was the one that set me up, cost me custody of all four. And what does the family court system do when her next youngest sister runs away to MY family for protection BEGGING to see the judge, letters written by her younger two siblings also BEGGING to see the judge to tell him THE TRUTH about what is really going on in their father's home? A NO CONTACT ORDER IS PUT INTO EFFECT THAT VERY DAY... served on my sister as "my alter ego" - so legally whatever papers/punishment is meeted out on her is like it were me.
YUP - That is right here in the United Fucking States of America.
Hire a PI? Hire ANOTHER attorney? File this motion? Serve that order?
OK 400K and over 2 years of FIGHTING WITH MY LAST BREATH to maintain some semblence of custody, then laying down and giving my ex EVERYFUCKINGTHING in a desperate attempt to spare the children more trauma, lied to by lawyers, finding out the kids are being abused then spending the next 5 years battling with everyfuckingresource just to maintain A SEMBLENCE of custody.... what has it got me?
Kids who are failing out, smoking pot, drinking, fucking anyone that gives them the time of day, are violent towards themselves and each other, call/email/chat/text me on a regular basis, "Mami - why don't you come get us? Why can't we live with you? I cry myself to sleep every night dreaming about you Mami! I would rather be dead then live here with this monster..... Please, I don't WANT another birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, second tuesday of the month without you!!"
So did I want children?
If I answered, "If I could take it back, four innocent souls would not have been forced to endure unbelievable suffering but for MY SELFISHNESS of wanting children to love and nurture."
But that is NOT my answer.
My answer is, "The experiences that mothering THESE PARTICULAR CHILDREN have brought me could never have been imagined in my wildest dreams/nightmares. I am dutibound to see this through. What else in my life is there but to become who I was destined to be because the universe saw fit to give me THESE CHILDREN?!"
I only wish that I had chosen a different man to father them, that is true. I feel though, that my choice in a husband and subsequent father to them NOW will help them not only heal, but far surpass anyone who they could have become if they had not lived through what we are living through."
I have gained the gift of empathy and my children will become stronger and more empathetic human beings because of everything that has happened.
This may seem a small consolation to some, but for me this is TREMENDOUS. I will come out of this better and stronger and my girls will have a HEAD START in life. Life has a very strange way of handing us insanity when we least expect it. My girls will be prepared.
If my husband and I were younger I would have at least 2 more, but my time for that is past and so is his. We will be very happy when we have all 6 of our children with us helping them to see the world for all the beauty and wonder, not totally ignoring what is dark and ugly; but rather, shifting main focus on that which is a gift.
Bikini Mod
New member
jh1 said:
What exactly is YOUR problem?
I don't remember starting this thread.
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