Did anyone trip you up in life?

[Bikini Mod]

Problem with failed marriages or relationships is that once all the smoke clears away, it is human nature to blame yourself. However, ultimately it's not your fault if he was a manipulative genius who entertained ideas like deception and deceit for his own sick pleasure.

Thank you for saying that. I blamed myself for a good 2 years about the failure of my marriage, even though the only responsibility I bore was being young and dumb and making a poor choice as to who would father my children. But I was barely 22 - what did I know? We should have been able to amicably divorce and peacefully co-parent.

THAT should have been the end of the story.

 

[the_alcatraz]

I hope you don't think that of me?! My feelings toward him are, at the most, pity. He makes me sad because he won't forgive and move on: He's done so much damage to his relationship with his son because he won't let go of his anger towards me, that's an insult to his current wife, and so selfish.

My son and I are both sad that we (my ex and his wife, me and my husband, and all of our kids) can't all sit down and have a nice civilized meal and chuckle over shared memories (my husband and I can do that with his ex). My son is particularly upset that he has to play parental politics especially now that he has a new wife and his father is still pulling the same stunts after nearly 10 years of divorce.

I don't think that of you. I really don't like to judge people. I just offer advice when I can. I could understand what you're going through and just feel bad for your kid going through this nonesense. Maybe your husband feels a little betrayed. I dnt know all the details so I can't come up with a rational explanation to the circumstances that have taken a toll on the part of your life as an ex-wife and a mother, but I can tell you that a lot of the times the answer is right there in front of you but you can't see it because of pent up emotions and feelings of hate, pain, remorse, anger. I passed by that phase in my life, not through divorce, but through watching a close friend ruin her life. All I could tell you is this: Is it really worth it? It is obvious that you are a forgiving woman and were the mature person in this relationship. However, sometime enough is enough. All you did is spell that out for him bluntly, and he might feel like you have taken a stab at his manhood and pride for that. That may be the reason he holds a grudge. He just needs to let go and you can probably help him do it too.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Thank you for saying that. I blamed myself for a good 2 years about the failure of my marriage, even though the only responsibility I bore was being young and dumb and making a poor choice as to who would father my children. But I was barely 22 - what did I know? We should have been able to amicably divorce and peacefully co-parent.

THAT should have been the end of the story.

Age isn't everything. Maturity comes from within. You shouldn't blame yourself, as a lot of the times it's the man's fault. Trust me I'm a guy - lol. You got out in time, which is ultimately what matters. You became a stronger more mature woman, so it wasn't all a waste of time. As I like to think that everything happens for a reason. You just need to find your reason.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I don't think that of you. I really don't like to judge people. I just offer advice when I can. I could understand what you're going through and just feel bad for your kid going through this nonesense. Maybe your husband feels a little betrayed. I dnt know all the details so I can't come up with a rational explanation to the circumstances that have taken a toll on the part of your life as an ex-wife and a mother, but I can tell you that a lot of the times the answer is right there in front of you but you can't see it because of pent up emotions and feelings of hate, pain, remorse, anger. I passed by that phase in my life, not through divorce, but through watching a close friend ruin her life. All I could tell you is this: Is it really worth it? It is obvious that you are a forgiving woman and were the mature person in this relationship. However, sometime enough is enough. All you did is spell that out for him bluntly, and he might feel like you have taken a stab at his manhood and pride for that. That may be the reason he holds a grudge. He just needs to let go and you can probably help him do it too.

You are thinking with the mind of a human MAN, not a sick, twisted piece of shit that bears no resemblence to a human being... like my ex and MM's ex.

Every now and then I would get the question (from a NORMAL MAN), "What did you do to him to make him hate you that much?" At first, I took the question as an insult, but then I realized the source, which was a man who was incapable of doing the pure evil that my ex was doing. So I stopped taking it personally.

Trust me when I tell you that there are men out there that will stop at NOTHING to fuck with their ex's - to the extent that they willingly and knowingly destroy their own children in the process. There is NOTHING that a woman could possibly do to a man that would make him hate her that much... is there?

 

[Bikini Mod]

Age isn't everything. Maturity comes from within. You shouldn't blame yourself, as a lot of the times it's the man's fault. Trust me I'm a guy - lol. You got out in time, which is ultimately what matters. You became a stronger more mature woman, so it wasn't all a waste of time. As I like to think that everything happens for a reason. You just need to find your reason.

Oh I did... I am finding it every day to the extent that I hope to NEVER run out of them. I have waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to do before my time is up, stuff that I never could have imagined myself doing when I was that mousy little "unimportant me" person that was that man's wife.

I am happily remarried to the most amazing man on the planet. A man that is so good to me that there is NOTHING that another man could offer me that would make me even turn my head. We have made an unbelievable come back and we did it TOGETHER. Now we only need our children and life will be complete.

 

[the_alcatraz]

You are thinking with the mind of a human MAN, not a sick, twisted piece of shit that bears no resemblence to a human being... like my ex and MM's ex.

Every now and then I would get the question (from a NORMAL MAN), "What did you do to him to make him hate you that much?" At first, I took the question as an insult, but then I realized the source, which was a man who was incapable of doing the pure evil that my ex was doing. So I stopped taking it personally.

Trust me when I tell you that there are men out there that will stop at NOTHING to fuck with their ex's - to the extent that they willingly and knowingly destroy their own children in the process. There is NOTHING that a woman could possibly do to a man that would make him hate her that much... is there?

A lot of men have ego issues. Show 'em that you're better than them, and they'll hate you for life and hit you when you're down.

 

[musclemom]

You are thinking with the mind of a human MAN, not a sick, twisted piece of shit that bears no resemblence to a human being... like my ex and MM's ex.

Every now and then I would get the question (from a NORMAL MAN), "What did you do to him to make him hate you that much?" At first, I took the question as an insult, but then I realized the source, which was a man who was incapable of doing the pure evil that my ex was doing. So I stopped taking it personally.

Trust me when I tell you that there are men out there that will stop at NOTHING to fuck with their ex's - to the extent that they willingly and knowingly destroy their own children in the process. There is NOTHING that a woman could possibly do to a man that would make him hate her that much... is there?

Unfortunately, this is also my exact situation.

Alcatraz: Nothing I can say or do will ever make my ex feel better or create a situation whereby he could move forward gracefully (don't think I didn't try once upon a time, but you can beat your head against a wall for so long). He would have to want to heal for himself to move forward and forgive. Even after all these years he knows me well enough to know that if he just dropped me a line and said something to the effect of "Forgiven, forgotten, how's life?" I would be happy to touch base. He doesn't want that. He likes nurturing his bitterness, because to admit forgiveness would mean he'd have to say I wasn't the only one who made mistakes. The man has never, ever said "I was wrong, I'm sorry," and meant it.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Unfortunately, this is also my exact situation.

Alcatraz: Nothing I can say or do will ever make my ex feel better or create a situation whereby he could move forward gracefully (don't think I didn't try once upon a time, but you can beat your head against a wall for so long). He would have to want to heal for himself to move forward and forgive. Even after all these years he knows me well enough to know that if he just dropped me a line and said something to the effect of "Forgiven, forgotten, how's life?" I would be happy to touch base. He doesn't want that. He likes nurturing his bitterness, because to admit forgiveness would mean he'd have to say I wasn't the only one who made mistakes. The man has never, ever said "I was wrong, I'm sorry," and meant it.

I feel sorry for that weak man. You should be proud of yourself to have come such a long way. I guess there is only so much you can do, but if he doesn't believe in the change, then nothing you can say or do with change him.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Oh I did... I am finding it every day to the extent that I hope to NEVER run out of them. I have waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to do before my time is up, stuff that I never could have imagined myself doing when I was that mousy little "unimportant me" person that was that man's wife.

I am happily remarried to the most amazing man on the planet. A man that is so good to me that there is NOTHING that another man could offer me that would make me even turn my head. We have made an unbelievable come back and we did it TOGETHER. Now we only need our children and life will be complete.

I'm glad you've found your "soul mate" if you believe in that, or your "other half" which ever is closer to your idea of a perfect mate. Hold on to him and never let anything get between you and your happiness together. Two hands always clap better than one!!

 

[blueta2]

Being tripped up in life is usually to show you were not on the right road. After the "trip" you get up and walk a different way
If that makes any sense

People who trip us up are our friends, not enemies