Cheffy, Help Me!!!!!!!!!

[Dial_tone]

My gf (yes, the one in the pic) is coming to visit for Thanksgiving and she actually expects me to cook a real Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, stuffing, sweet potato pie, cake.....the whole 100 fucking yards. Mind you, she can't cook a lick now. Boiling water is about as far as she goes. She's relatively easy on the eyes so I guess I can overlook that tiny lil fault. I'm thinking I deepfry a cornish hen, lay some nookie on her and she'll never know what hit her. What is a poor brotha to do?
Seriously, should I not even pretend to think I can do this?

 

[ChefWide]

Dude, i have your whole thanksgiving sewn up tighter than a twelve year old, recipes and all. I did thanksgiving at the James Beard House, and floored them. I can make her throw herself on the dining room floor and start snapping that man-in-the-boat like a singer fucking sewing machine.

thanksgiving is my forte, my raison d'etre, my coup de gras: my one true love.

I can help, capiche?

 

[jackangel]

she's beautiful, dial_tone.

what i mean to say is: fuck you.

 

[Dial_tone]

How bout you come cook it while I keep her in the bedroom thinking i'm doing it? I'm not a total buffoon in the kitchen but this is way out of my league

 

[ChefWide]

How bout you come cook it while I keep her in the bedroom thinking i'm doing it? I'm not a total buffoon in the kitchen but this is way out of my league

I would love to, but if i have one scrap of luck left i will have my boys with me in the Berkshires for Thanksgiving... either that or we are all going to Antigua.

 

[Dial_tone]

I would love to, but if i have one scrap of luck left i will have my boys with me in the Berkshires for Thanksgiving... either that or we are all going to Antigua.

I just need some straight up cooked bird that won't kill anybody and a couple of sides. I can get Moms to help with the sweet potato pie.

 

[Scotsman]

I just need some straight up cooked bird that won't kill anybody and a couple of sides. I can get Moms to help with the sweet potato pie.

I can send you a really easy and killer non-traditional sweet potatoe pie recipe if your interested.

Also the bird isn't really that tough a thing to do, I am sure you can handle it. Let me know if there is anything I can do in case chefmeister is on the absentee list come t-day.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[ChefWide]

I just need some straight up cooked bird that won't kill anybody and a couple of sides. I can get Moms to help with the sweet potato pie.

Gotchya covered, GoodSir. I will scan a few recipes and then hit with em as well as menu suggestions.