can a relationship last?

[coldblue1955]

seems like everytime you turn around, some happy couple is getting divorced or splitting up. does anyone mean what they say when they get married these days or is it all just a game where the losers get their hearts broken?

 

[Nathan]

I don't know but you know that feeling you get in your bowels when you can tell stuff is on the move but you aren't quite ready to commit to going to the can yet? I totally just got that. Riveting stuff, I know.

 

[jh1]

Monogamy = Bullshit.

Trust me... I've tried.

 

[feisty11975]

When did you return??

and I don't know about the relationship lasting thingy. I was married for 11 years and it ended.

 

[alien amp pharm]

It can last if both people want to remain miserable

 

[coldblue1955]

you guys are making me lose all hope

 

[Arabian]

When did you return??

and I don't know about the relationship lasting thingy. I was married for 11 years and it ended.

agreed

 

[BNG]

seems like everytime you turn around, some happy couple is getting divorced or splitting up. does anyone mean what they say when they get married these days or is it all just a game where the losers get their hearts broken?

It takes BOTH of you to make it work. I've been married now for just over a dozen years. I went through the "typical" degradation of relationship. We started like most, and I gradually changed some things about me and she starts telling me not to forget who I am. Well she made me this way. I finally just told her I've had it. I'm not gonna be your beatch. You decide whether or not you want to stay married to me and be a wife , or bail and be single cause I'm sick of your shit. Things are better now. She's realized how much I meen to her, and she has made a real effort to knock the crap off. I can tell her she's slippin' and not have to sweat it. I'm happier now than I've been in a while, and so is she. Were having a great time sexually as well.

A friend of mine reached the same point. They are now swinging, and there's no boundaries. They're just FB's that share the same name the way I see it.



Everybody goes through it. What you do when your in it is what decides if you'll make it.

 

[theCatWhispurrer]

seems like everytime you turn around, some happy couple is getting divorced or splitting up. does anyone mean what they say when they get married these days or is it all just a game where the losers get their hearts broken?

Your very right, seems that is all anyone does these days, marriage doesn't seem to be worth working for. Yes I do believe realationships can last, have 2 sets of friends that have been married for more than 17yrs now. Both sets of my grandparents celebrated more than 70 and 75yrs of marriage

 

[markshark]

Your very right, seems that is all anyone does these days, marriage doesn't seem to be worth working for. Yes I do believe realationships can last, have 2 sets of friends that have been married for more than 17yrs now. Both sets of my grandparents celebrated more than 70 and 75yrs of marriage

same...my grandparents were married around 70 years. both have passed but they were together since middle school.

 

[Sassy69]

I guess one way of looking at it is if there is a 50% divorce rate, that means 50% of marriages work.

But just common stuff to keep in mind -
- are you both committed
- do you communicate well? even if you think you do, its always work
- do you trust each other - trust is the basis for open communication
- do you have time / ways to be yourself (i.e. "us time" and "me time")
- do you have a way to handle disputes or confrontation?
- do you have the same basic beliefs & goals in life?
- are you interested in the Marriage and not the Wedding?
- Do you jointly manage (agree to, are involved in and support) a budget? Money is one of the most common sources of dispute & disagreement.
- are you mature enough to be in a relationship that is truly committed?
- are you really a good match? If a poor match, not really anyone's fault but both parties should've honestly recognized the mismatch before it turns into a variety of blame games, etc.

I have a hard enough time finding a guy who can even deal w/ a relationship that has at a minimum the conditions & considerations of a friendship, so I can't speak to the above actually working - but I've seen where some of those items can fail miserably and have resulted in some of my failed relationsips -- but sometimes its just a poor matching. But I do have parents married for 42 yrs (grandparents married forever is great, but the conditions of society & "marriage" have changed so much since "their time", maybe my parents are a more relevant example of "it working". Both my brothers are married for 2 yrs & 8 yrs respectively.

 

[ynotfish]

I was married nineteen years, the last ten of which were miserable, but never gave up, even after clomidia, TWICE, and the normal elicited response and of coarse jail afterwards (not to her, just the contributor). Tried everything I could to make it work, to no avail. Afterwards, dated for a couple years then went on Match and found what I thought was a real keeper. Never fought (occasional disagreements) enjoyed mostly the same things, lots of vacations, outdoorsy things and the same TV and movies etc, massive monetary investment (again, duh), and once again total killer sex. Been 4 1/2 years now, buying a house closer to her "roots", discussing marriage, yada yada yada, and now it's looking like the end here also. Sex is all but extinct (and yep, in the middle of a cycle where I get horned up to no end), she has no interest at all in taking care of herself, physically, emotionally, nothing, and just found her profile on myspace listed three weeks ago that has no mention of me whatsoever and is written just like the one from Match that I responded to. Has replies from 6 guys that she says "are just real interesting to talk to", most of whom are within 20 miles of her. I live 75 miles away. I know I will never understand what makes a woman tick (but know damn well what makes em "pop"), and I'll never get the whole "panic disorder" thing (does ever fucking woman on the planet have an anxiety problem???), but I just don't get the innate desire of people to drift off like that for no fucking reason whatsoever. Boredom, I highly doubt that, for real. Stagnation; see boredom. Overwhelmed, if I take care of any more shit for her there would be no need to ever get out of bed. A woman’s cycle or menopause, just take the fuckin pills, would ya!! I'm sick of buying them and throwing them away when they expire... Sex slows down, I work that much harder on myself to look good and generate a positive response, and even tan and shave my sack for Gods sake (now to complicate it I'll burn in hell for saying God and sack in the same sentence. Go figure), buy more toys, stronger batteries, softer rope, whatever, do everything but beg (OK, maybe I beg too); no response. Car needs brakes, buy her a brand new one. Sofa hurts her back, completely refurnish her entire house, including appliances and all bedrooms. Doesn't like chauffeuring her daughter anymore, have a new car. Crashed it, have another. Hates her job, full ride to the University, etc. etc... I just don't get any of this, but I know one thing for sure. Relationships do not and will never last, so if you treat it as if it's temporary, most of this won't happen, and if it does, it's no biggy because, again, it's only temporary anyway. Things were real good until I started reciprocating her desire for advancement or "the next stage". Fuck it. If I join a monastery in Istanbul or the Ukraine and take an oath of whatever, do I get a 5000cal diet and free gear?? Like bng said, "It takes BOTH of you", but good luck with that shit.......... Wow, kinda "bah, humbug". Sorry bout that. I was doing a search on here for what are problem is, and this thread is as close as I got. Pardon the barrage. I'm done now ;-)

 

[Chromeanator]

My parents got divorced last Feburary just 5 weeks shy of their 50th wedding anniversary. My self centered piece of shit mother got caught screwing around but on the bright side my Dad is now having the time of his life.

 

[SlimJim52]

Relationships can last and do. It is and must be a 2 way street of give and take and communications. If you do not share your life and ambitions with your spouse it will not last. I think most relations are falling apart now because we are too caught up with our work, our surroundings and what we as individuals would like to have, not the what WE like to have.

'Bout the only thing keeping me married right now is Grandkids. We both want to enjoy them as they grow. But that will only take things so far.

 

[feisty11975]

I was married nineteen years, the last ten of which were miserable, but never gave up, even after clomidia, TWICE, and the normal elicited response and of coarse jail afterwards (not to her, just the contributor). Tried everything I could to make it work, to no avail. Afterwards, dated for a couple years then went on Match and found what I thought was a real keeper. Never fought (occasional disagreements) enjoyed mostly the same things, lots of vacations, outdoorsy things and the same TV and movies etc, massive monetary investment (again, duh), and once again total killer sex. Been 4 1/2 years now, buying a house closer to her "roots", discussing marriage, yada yada yada, and now it's looking like the end here also. Sex is all but extinct (and yep, in the middle of a cycle where I get horned up to no end), she has no interest at all in taking care of herself, physically, emotionally, nothing, and just found her profile on myspace listed three weeks ago that has no mention of me whatsoever and is written just like the one from Match that I responded to. Has replies from 6 guys that she says "are just real interesting to talk to", most of whom are within 20 miles of her. I live 75 miles away. I know I will never understand what makes a woman tick (but know damn well what makes em "pop"), and I'll never get the whole "panic disorder" thing (does ever fucking woman on the planet have an anxiety problem???), but I just don't get the innate desire of people to drift off like that for no fucking reason whatsoever. Boredom, I highly doubt that, for real. Stagnation; see boredom. Overwhelmed, if I take care of any more shit for her there would be no need to ever get out of bed. A woman’s cycle or menopause, just take the fuckin pills, would ya!! I'm sick of buying them and throwing them away when they expire... Sex slows down, I work that much harder on myself to look good and generate a positive response, and even tan and shave my sack for Gods sake (now to complicate it I'll burn in hell for saying God and sack in the same sentence. Go figure), buy more toys, stronger batteries, softer rope, whatever, do everything but beg (OK, maybe I beg too); no response. Car needs brakes, buy her a brand new one. Sofa hurts her back, completely refurnish her entire house, including appliances and all bedrooms. Doesn't like chauffeuring her daughter anymore, have a new car. Crashed it, have another. Hates her job, full ride to the University, etc. etc... I just don't get any of this, but I know one thing for sure. Relationships do not and will never last, so if you treat it as if it's temporary, most of this won't happen, and if it does, it's no biggy because, again, it's only temporary anyway. Things were real good until I started reciprocating her desire for advancement or "the next stage". Fuck it. If I join a monastery in Istanbul or the Ukraine and take an oath of whatever, do I get a 5000cal diet and free gear?? Like bng said, "It takes BOTH of you", but good luck with that shit.......... Wow, kinda "bah, humbug". Sorry bout that. I was doing a search on here for what are problem is, and this thread is as close as I got. Pardon the barrage. I'm done now ;-)

damn I feel for you

Good luck with all that

 

[DJ_UFO]

I guess one way of looking at it is if there is a 50% divorce rate, that means 50% of marriages work.

But just common stuff to keep in mind -
- are you both committed
- do you communicate well? even if you think you do, its always work
- do you trust each other - trust is the basis for open communication
- do you have time / ways to be yourself (i.e. "us time" and "me time")
- do you have a way to handle disputes or confrontation?
- do you have the same basic beliefs & goals in life?
- are you interested in the Marriage and not the Wedding?
- Do you jointly manage (agree to, are involved in and support) a budget? Money is one of the most common sources of dispute & disagreement.
- are you mature enough to be in a relationship that is truly committed?
- are you really a good match? If a poor match, not really anyone's fault but both parties should've honestly recognized the mismatch before it turns into a variety of blame games, etc.

I have a hard enough time finding a guy who can even deal w/ a relationship that has at a minimum the conditions & considerations of a friendship, so I can't speak to the above actually working - but I've seen where some of those items can fail miserably and have resulted in some of my failed relationsips -- but sometimes its just a poor matching. But I do have parents married for 42 yrs (grandparents married forever is great, but the conditions of society & "marriage" have changed so much since "their time", maybe my parents are a more relevant example of "it working". Both my brothers are married for 2 yrs & 8 yrs respectively.

There is a very sad reality in the remaining 50% married. Usually women refuse to accept this, but is the truth. In that 50% of married couples who haven't divorced yet, there is a very high percentage in which the man do its own personal pleasure and fantasies world on the side with other girls. Most of those guys are never catched. Some of them are, and of course society look at them almost as criminals; ironically, most of guys who judge those guys do the same in their own private world.

The reason for all this shit, is that marriage DO NOT EXIST BETWEEN HUMANS PERSE. Marriage was invented and somewhat imposed by religion with the intention of keeping a social order and stability. Monogamy does not exist inside human natural behavior. Just like most animals, humans are animals of several sexual partners to satisfy their instinct of reproduction. Unfortunatelly if we want to keep our social structure, political organization and civilization prosperity, we can't act by our instincts. That's why we try to keep alive concepts like family, marriage. Just imagine how the world would be if we were free to fuck with everybody and was considered normal. Probably, and I include myself, I would quit my job and dedicate myself to prepare my body to fuck as much as I could with the hottest girls on earth because that is my instinct. Married guys look other girls on the street for something. More conservative people maybe last longer because these values have been imposed through history with more discipline. But the world is changing. Divorce rate will go higher, and believe it or not, men keep satisfying their instincts in the underground. Even the president of the USA did it.

And worst than that, if you keep a man without satisfying their needs by threats, they develop psychological problems. Example, priests. They are threatened by religion that they will be punished by God if they touch a woman. So they end up abusing children, or having sex between them.

A man could be married with the most perfect fit girl on earth, but still he knows and he feels the need and the deep fantasy of smelling another girl, touching a different skin, kissing and licking another female; it is in our bloodstream, in our most deep and dark desires.

 

[mitsy5]

ynot is likely not telling the full story here! What about her? how is your communication? How do you treat her? Do you attempt to see through her eyes? Perhaps you should look inside yourself for the answers. I to am divorced and been through painfull breaks yet, I also have dealt with depression etc, and can say from experience that it kills ones sex drive as do a variety of medications. It sounds to me that you are viewing your problems through distorted vision and need to try and put yourself in her shoes!

I was married nineteen years, the last ten of which were miserable, but never gave up, even after clomidia, TWICE, and the normal elicited response and of coarse jail afterwards (not to her, just the contributor). Tried everything I could to make it work, to no avail. Afterwards, dated for a couple years then went on Match and found what I thought was a real keeper. Never fought (occasional disagreements) enjoyed mostly the same things, lots of vacations, outdoorsy things and the same TV and movies etc, massive monetary investment (again, duh), and once again total killer sex. Been 4 1/2 years now, buying a house closer to her "roots", discussing marriage, yada yada yada, and now it's looking like the end here also. Sex is all but extinct (and yep, in the middle of a cycle where I get horned up to no end), she has no interest at all in taking care of herself, physically, emotionally, nothing, and just found her profile on myspace listed three weeks ago that has no mention of me whatsoever and is written just like the one from Match that I responded to. Has replies from 6 guys that she says "are just real interesting to talk to", most of whom are within 20 miles of her. I live 75 miles away. I know I will never understand what makes a woman tick (but know damn well what makes em "pop"), and I'll never get the whole "panic disorder" thing (does ever fucking woman on the planet have an anxiety problem???), but I just don't get the innate desire of people to drift off like that for no fucking reason whatsoever. Boredom, I highly doubt that, for real. Stagnation; see boredom. Overwhelmed, if I take care of any more shit for her there would be no need to ever get out of bed. A woman’s cycle or menopause, just take the fuckin pills, would ya!! I'm sick of buying them and throwing them away when they expire... Sex slows down, I work that much harder on myself to look good and generate a positive response, and even tan and shave my sack for Gods sake (now to complicate it I'll burn in hell for saying God and sack in the same sentence. Go figure), buy more toys, stronger batteries, softer rope, whatever, do everything but beg (OK, maybe I beg too); no response. Car needs brakes, buy her a brand new one. Sofa hurts her back, completely refurnish her entire house, including appliances and all bedrooms. Doesn't like chauffeuring her daughter anymore, have a new car. Crashed it, have another. Hates her job, full ride to the University, etc. etc... I just don't get any of this, but I know one thing for sure. Relationships do not and will never last, so if you treat it as if it's temporary, most of this won't happen, and if it does, it's no biggy because, again, it's only temporary anyway. Things were real good until I started reciprocating her desire for advancement or "the next stage". Fuck it. If I join a monastery in Istanbul or the Ukraine and take an oath of whatever, do I get a 5000cal diet and free gear?? Like bng said, "It takes BOTH of you", but good luck with that shit.......... Wow, kinda "bah, humbug". Sorry bout that. I was doing a search on here for what are problem is, and this thread is as close as I got. Pardon the barrage. I'm done now ;-)