are you from a dysfunctional family?

[GoldenDelicious]

you have no idea.

 

[blueta2]

Pretty much.

An excellent shrink once told me that the goal of good parenting is to raise your child with and *acceptable level of fucked-up-ness*. I kid ya'll not. The dude was an incredibly smart guy...

Not sure I agree with that, but my theory is, no one is perfect. My parents are AWESOME, but they made so many mistakes that my sisters and I are paying for them still til this day.
Making life harder for kids will certainly teach them how to survive in this harsh world, but beating them to a pulp will not.

 

[layinback]

Pretty much.

An excellent shrink once told me that the goal of good parenting is to raise your child with and *acceptable level of fucked-up-ness*. I kid ya'll not. The dude was an incredibly smart guy...

this is what winnicott termed "the good enough mother" this is what your "smart" psych was referring to.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Not sure I agree with that, but my theory is, no one is perfect. My parents are AWESOME, but they made so many mistakes that my sisters and I are paying for them still til this day.
Making life harder for kids will certainly teach them how to survive in this harsh world, but beating them to a pulp will not.

No, no you misunderstand.

He was not saying that you should INTENTIONALLY fuck a child up. What he said is that regardless of how well-meaning a parent is, there will undoubtedly be mistakes made and miscommunications will happen. So for all a parent's best intentions, their children WILL get fucked up in some way, shape or form. The goal is to try to help children gain the tools they will need in order to be happy and to cope in the world independent of you.

You know what it is called when we stop blaming our parents for all the mistakes they made when we were kids growing up?

MATURITY.

My parents fucked me up real bad in many ways, the continue to do it to this day... but after a point in time I realize that while a lot of the bad decisions/behaviors I chose may have been put in me by my parents, it is up to ME to face and fix and move on if I want to be happy.

I am trying really hard to make myself right so that when I do get my girls back, I WILL be able to help them cope with how badly their spermdonor fucked them up. I can't do that if I remain satisfied to sit here and focus on all the wrong that was done me.

 

[stilleto]

mom is on her 3rd husband.
She is his 4th wife.
Her second husband is married to his second wife.
He is her second husband.
Mom's first husband (my father) died after spending years in prison.
My son is really my brother.
Dad had been married 4 times. His widow is now married to her 6th husband.

so yeah, i grew up in a disfuctional family.

 

[all the whey]

I may just be the queen of dysfunction... sadly, not my choice and am doing everything I can to fix it. Sorta hard though when the government fucks your kids.

As for the family I grew up in... Yea, it was pretty bad, but still I knew others who were far worse off than me. All in all, I would have to say that my younger sister has turned out best in life as she was ignored for the most part by both my parents and as screwed up as I was, I think I did a pretty OK job mothering her myself.

I forgave my parents for all the fucked up things they did to us as kids because no parents have a guide book. But I am having a very hard time letting go of the things they did to us as adults... by that point, they should have gotten a clue.

BikiniMom puts the FUN back in dysFUNctional!!!!!!!!!!!!!#$31311

 

[Bikini Mod]

BikiniMom puts the FUN back in dysFUNctional!!!!!!!!!!!!!#$31311

Yeay me!

 

[layinback]

No, no you misunderstand.

He was not saying that you should INTENTIONALLY fuck a child up. What he said is that regardless of how well-meaning a parent is, there will undoubtedly be mistakes made and miscommunications will happen. So for all a parent's best intentions, their children WILL get fucked up in some way, shape or form. The goal is to try to help children gain the tools they will need in order to be happy and to cope in the world independent of you.

You know what it is called when we stop blaming our parents for all the mistakes they made when we were kids growing up?

MATURITY.

My parents fucked me up real bad in many ways, the continue to do it to this day... but after a point in time I realize that while a lot of the bad decisions/behaviors I chose may have been put in me by my parents, it is up to ME to face and fix and move on if I want to be happy.

I am trying really hard to make myself right so that when I do get my girls back, I WILL be able to help them cope with how badly their spermdonor fucked them up. I can't do that if I remain satisfied to sit here and focus on all the wrong that was done me.

you chose that spermdonor. you had approximately three billion men to choose from and you chose him. everyone is subconsciously recreating their early childhood experiences. we are compelled to do this in an effort " to set things right" you freely admitted that your dad was a terribly abusive parent and it only stands to reason that your mom was in some type of collusion with him. i am not judging you as i have my own story and i will share as freely as you have here. i am merely making an observation. denial and projection are primitive but potent defense mechanism. i firmly believe we all choose our realities. taking 100% responsibility for your circumstances gives you an opportunity to have conscious control. we are talking about responsibility not blame. i no longer blame myself but i am totally responsible for my "circumstances" it is very liberating and it empowers you to help others who are suffering. my troubles are insignificant these days and others take precedent over mine.

 

[txbondsman]

normal, but overly permissive, I was the youngest and the only boy of 4 kids, never heard the word "no".... outcome was the same as disfunction, maybe worse. Don't have any family stories, but I'll match my personal stories to anyones. I paid dearly for lots of experience.....

 

[cindylou]

you chose that spermdonor. you had approximately three billion men to choose from and you chose him. everyone is subconsciously recreating their early childhood experiences. we are compelled to do this in an effort " to set things right" you freely admitted that your dad was a terribly abusive parent and it only stands to reason that your mom was in some type of collusion with him. i am not judging you as i have my own story and i will share as freely as you have here. i am merely making an observation. denial and projection are primitive but potent defense mechanism. i firmly believe we all choose our realities. taking 100% responsibility for your circumstances gives you an opportunity to have conscious control. we are talking about responsibility not blame. i no longer blame myself but i am totally responsible for my "circumstances" it is very liberating and it empowers you to help others who are suffering. my troubles are insignificant these days and others take precedent over mine.

I hear people say that ; but I dont know. I think I had a good family life pretty much, both parents still married ; I love my dad. But I chose someone who is the complete opposite of him. My dad, white collrd ; repub ; religous ; good with money ; my husband? Labor worker, beer drinking man's man, complete opposite.

Does that only apply if you had a strained relationship w/ the father?