Anyone here who knows about me and my girl obsession, i need some serious help

[p60]

ok, this sucks but here it goes:

first im going to review what happened over the summer and what i posted about a lil here (this will make things easier to understand)

As we all know I have a host of mental problems all relating to being way too obsessive about stuff.

And so last summer, I got a job at dairy queen, and while I was working there, I met the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, later on I found out she had an awesome personality just by talking to her a few times (although I was scared shitless every time i was around her, which is why i never got around to asking her out)

But the kicker came in when I found out she was a good church girl. Which is just the way I am, and just the kind of girl I want. Innocent. (and no I dont want to abuse that).
Then I found out she was into sports and running and stuff like that. And she seemed like the sweetest girl I had ever talked to, and she paid attention to me!!!!

Anyways I only had 3 shifts with her the whole summer, 2 where I had a nervous breakdown and couldnt talk, and I obsessed about her constantly, as weird as this sounds. I thought about her all summer long. But I prevented myself from stalking since i know thats bad. I figured out her last name at one point (*kicks self) but then I forgot it. But I would carefully listen in when other ppl would talk about her. Like I knew what church she went to.

So I knew that I was too obsessed and had problems, so I tried to stop thinking about her. I went off to college and that helped me out tremedously (althought I still thought about her from time to time)
Unfortunately because of my mental problems, college didnt end up being so good, and it was actually quite painful, since I would obsess about meaningless things all the time, like i would philosophize over everything for hours at a time. Because of this I had a really hard time concentrating on school work, my grades were getting bad, I was missing out on fun, not showing up to clubs, and I was feeling pretty down and depressed. I also was experiencing some major anxiety issues.
After the first week I wanted to leave, since I had a very bad feeling about college, like I wasnt ready for it, like that maybe I should give myself time to resolve these mental issues and then return to college next year.
But I stuck it out. There were 4-5 other occaisions after that where I seriously wanted to quit as well, and sometimes would even spend an entire day contemplating that choice. One time I simply drove home in the middle of the week (3 hours away) just to think. But I drove back and kept plugging away.

Finally after 9 weeks, I was confident enough in myself that leaving school was the best choice, since I had tried all i could to make the best of it, but still wanted to leave. So I packed my bags and left.

I got back home, was relieved at first that my hell was over, but later became kinda depressed. And I also started wondering about that girl again, Linda, how she was so perfect and so much better than me.
I began talking to my friends back in town and found out one of them was going to be running at a college cross country meet on Saturday (a week after I'd gotten back)

Well what do you know. I thought I would never see this girl again, but while I'm at the cross country meet looking for my 2 friends, I saw her there, standing off in the distance, with 3 other guys, and I'm POSITIVE it was her.

I didnt talk to her then cuz i had just bumped into my friends, and she was busy with her friends, but from there on out all of a sudden that triggered things, I started thinking about her again. I started wondering what was going on with her. I realized I couldnt obsess like this, so I told myself that she was probably far away off at some other school in another city, and i tried to tell myself that i didnt know whether she was actually a 'good girl' or not.

So that worked in the mean time. Then all of a sudden today I took a tour of a small Christian College nearby that i heard good things about. (Figure i might like it better at a college where ppl are more like me and dont have completely different values)

Anyways, while I'm walking down the hall with my small tour group, guess who I see? Linda! The girl I had just started thinking of again recently! I dont think she saw me, i didnt say anything cuz i was scared shitless. The whole morning I was frenzied up from that. during lunch while our group was eating I saw her leave, and I also saw her in a computer lab later on as we were walking through the halls.

Do you realize how bad this is? Now its confirmed that she IS a 'good girl' since she chose to go to a Christian College --which has 'high' academic standards. Now I think even MORE highly of her!!!
And to make things even worse, now I know that she is still in town, and is having the time of her life at that college, since I heard so many good things about that place.

My mind had already been in a shock, as lately I was puzzling over a lot of issues besides her, like getting out of my depression and off my ass to find a job and college for next year, how I'm going to have a social life to tie me over until college next fall, my diet which i always stress over and deciding whether or not i can relax my standards a bit, and also I've started questioning certain things about my Christian faith recently.

That put the nail in the coffin, Combine that, with the whole crap that happened with this girl today, and this afternoon when I got home I was about ready to explode.

My mind kinda fizzled for awhile, I thought about everytthing, got really anxious and kinda in a knot, then got really depressed started thinking about how crappy my life is compared to all those college students at that good school, who dont have mental issues, Who had good normal high school lives, didnt have social problems back then, and are currently having the times of their lives....

and for a moment this afternoon.. thinking about all if this.. I saw no hope in my life.. realizing that there had by no improvement over my mental health over the last 2 years..
and for a moment... I wanted to die.

Anyways, I knew that these thoughts were only temporary and would pass with time,
so i went into my room laid on my bed and collapsed until a deep slumber..
from 3 pm until 6 pm. then when I got up it was dark outside.


So I talked to some people tonight, and I guess I'm feeling a little better, but yea, this is what happened. I really dont feel like I'm doing that well, and I need to seriously get out of this slump.

 

[princessofdarkness]

ok, this sucks but here it goes:

first im going to review what happened over the summer and what i posted about a lil here (this will make things easier to understand)

As we all know I have a host of mental problems all relating to being way too obsessive about stuff.

And so last summer, I got a job at dairy queen, and while I was working there, I met the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, later on I found out she had an awesome personality just by talking to her a few times (although I was scared shitless every time i was around her, which is why i never got around to asking her out)

But the kicker came in when I found out she was a good church girl. Which is just the way I am, and just the kind of girl I want. Innocent. (and no I dont want to abuse that).
Then I found out she was into sports and running and stuff like that. And she seemed like the sweetest girl I had ever talked to, and she paid attention to me!!!!

Anyways I only had 3 shifts with her the whole summer, 2 where I had a nervous breakdown and couldnt talk, and I obsessed about her constantly, as weird as this sounds. I thought about her all summer long. But I prevented myself from stalking since i know thats bad. I figured out her last name at one point (*kicks self) but then I forgot it. But I would carefully listen in when other ppl would talk about her. Like I knew what church she went to.

So I knew that I was too obsessed and had problems, so I tried to stop thinking about her. I went off to college and that helped me out tremedously (althought I still thought about her from time to time)
Unfortunately because of my mental problems, college didnt end up being so good, and it was actually quite painful, since I would obsess about meaningless things all the time, like i would philosophize over everything for hours at a time. Because of this I had a really hard time concentrating on school work, my grades were getting bad, I was missing out on fun, not showing up to clubs, and I was feeling pretty down and depressed. I also was experiencing some major anxiety issues.
After the first week I wanted to leave, since I had a very bad feeling about college, like I wasnt ready for it, like that maybe I should give myself time to resolve these mental issues and then return to college next year.
But I stuck it out. There were 4-5 other occaisions after that where I seriously wanted to quit as well, and sometimes would even spend an entire day contemplating that choice. One time I simply drove home in the middle of the week (3 hours away) just to think. But I drove back and kept plugging away.

Finally after 9 weeks, I was confident enough in myself that leaving school was the best choice, since I had tried all i could to make the best of it, but still wanted to leave. So I packed my bags and left.

I got back home, was relieved at first that my hell was over, but later became kinda depressed. And I also started wondering about that girl again, Linda, how she was so perfect and so much better than me.
I began talking to my friends back in town and found out one of them was going to be running at a college cross country meet on Saturday (a week after I'd gotten back)

Well what do you know. I thought I would never see this girl again, but while I'm at the cross country meet looking for my 2 friends, I saw her there, standing off in the distance, with 3 other guys, and I'm POSITIVE it was her.

I didnt talk to her then cuz i had just bumped into my friends, and she was busy with her friends, but from there on out all of a sudden that triggered things, I started thinking about her again. I started wondering what was going on with her. I realized I couldnt obsess like this, so I told myself that she was probably far away off at some other school in another city, and i tried to tell myself that i didnt know whether she was actually a 'good girl' or not.

So that worked in the mean time. Then all of a sudden today I took a tour of a small Christian College nearby that i heard good things about. (Figure i might like it better at a college where ppl are more like me and dont have completely different values)

Anyways, while I'm walking down the hall with my small tour group, guess who I see? Linda! The girl I had just started thinking of again recently! I dont think she saw me, i didnt say anything cuz i was scared shitless. The whole morning I was frenzied up from that. during lunch while our group was eating I saw her leave, and I also saw her in a computer lab later on as we were walking through the halls.

Do you realize how bad this is? Now its confirmed that she IS a 'good girl' since she chose to go to a Christian College --which has 'high' academic standards. Now I think even MORE highly of her!!!
And to make things even worse, now I know that she is still in town, and is having the time of her life at that college, since I heard so many good things about that place.

My mind had already been in a shock, as lately I was puzzling over a lot of issues besides her, like getting out of my depression and off my ass to find a job and college for next year, how I'm going to have a social life to tie me over until college next fall, my diet which i always stress over and deciding whether or not i can relax my standards a bit, and also I've started questioning certain things about my Christian faith recently.

That put the nail in the coffin, Combine that, with the whole crap that happened with this girl today, and this afternoon when I got home I was about ready to explode.

My mind kinda fizzled for awhile, I thought about everytthing, got really anxious and kinda in a knot, then got really depressed started thinking about how crappy my life is compared to all those college students at that good school, who dont have mental issues, Who had good normal high school lives, didnt have social problems back then, and are currently having the times of their lives....

and for a moment this afternoon.. thinking about all if this.. I saw no hope in my life.. realizing that there had by no improvement over my mental health over the last 2 years..
and for a moment... I wanted to die.

Anyways, I knew that these thoughts were only temporary and would pass with time,
so i went into my room laid on my bed and collapsed until a deep slumber..
from 3 pm until 6 pm. then when I got up it was dark outside.


So I talked to some people tonight, and I guess I'm feeling a little better, but yea, this is what happened. I really dont feel like I'm doing that well, and I need to seriously get out of this slump.

you are fucked up my friend...it's just pussy

 

[vinylgroover]

P60,

Firstly, no one here hates you. I guess we get frustrated when you come here asking for advice, we give you good advice, you ignore it then come back with the same dillema's and ask advice again.

I admire the way you wear you heart on your sleeve.....takes alot of courage. The thing that really puzzles me about you is that you come cross as a really rational thinking kid, intelligent with alot to offer people. Why then this lack of self belief or confidence? Believe in yourself......you're a good kid with high standards and values. You would make friends easy.

I mean just have a look at the numer of people that have responded to your post. You may cynically say that they responded to get a laugh, but deep down, I am sure the majority responded because they genuinely want to see you get over these probems you have..........me included. Sure, we've had the odd light hearted joke at your expense in the past, but no one here wishes you any ill.

You need to keep yourself occupied again. A busy mind doesn't have time to dwell on the sorts of issues you are wrestling with in your head. Get yourself back into school and put things right this time.

As for this girl, now is time tme to act P60 and ask her out. Fate has delt you a good hand by bringing her back into your life when you thought you would never see her again. Isn't that telling you something. Throw caution to the wind and ask her out this time....who knows, she may be a total cow......she may be the girl of your dreams......there's only one way to find out.

I wish you well.

 

[Lao Tzu]

i like you P60. i've never been one to jump on the bandwagon & hate whoever its vogue to hate. However, this isn't really good to be this obsessed over someone you barely know. Have you thought about anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs? just to try to see if they will help?

try http://www.1drugstore-online.com/ they don't sell anything scheduled, but they sell alot of prescription meds like prozac, buspar, zoloft etc.

try reading some of this stuff

http://www.pickupguide.com/classic/
http://www.fastseduction.com/ (i think plornive put this link up for you before)

it might help you be more desirable to girls, more able to figure out what they want. Or more able to wean off this one. Something with her probably won't work out, at least this way you will be more able to find newer ones.

 

[HappyScrappy]

I'll bet if p60 and sean34 met up, that would be pretty cool.

p60, something tells me that you aren't masturbating enough.

also, drink more coffee.

and run.

what you need is a whole assload of dopamine, and stat.

you could go more brash and get into script meds or illegal things, but those are all going to make you dependant in the long run - might as well stay low key with the wanking it and the coffee.

also, one day when you are out and people are around - turn around. do a complete 360.
notice that there are a whole bunch of girls out there.

deep breaths, don't try hard, give up - and they will come to you.

be yourself and get started on cranking those dopamine levels up.

 

[p60]

wow, this is a good relief to know that people here actually care about me

yea, sorry to judge you guys harshly based on your joking in the past, but these days you just dont know with people. Hard to tell when people are dissin you in good fun or if they actually dont like you, you know.

anyways i can see how i've pissed you guys off in the past by wallowing in negativity too much, so I'll try not to do that much anymore. and I'll quit repeating the same mistakes over and over.


anyways thanks for the good comments vinyl, and others.

as far as this girl goes, i know i got some problems and im really making way too big a deal over her since I hardly know her.

Like the thing is she doesn't work at Dairy Queen anymore, and she's busy at college now, and they only way i could bump into her would be by intentionally going to her church just to run into her.
I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to feel like a stalker or nothing. I mean she would feel pretty uncomfortable if she figured out that I 'arranged' a bump-in with her. I mean she really hardly knows me.

I think i've come to accept the fact that this fish is out of the water, and that there are many others left in the sea.
At this point I dont see it as being ethical to chase a girl that I hardly know.

Lets just face it, I'm an obsessive person.. meaning i waste a lot of time worrying about stupid shit,
and because of my perfectionism, I have low self confidence, if that answers your question vinyl.
I think as long as I keep this in mind, I should be able to have a high self confidence, knowing that I'm only falling to my rediculously high standards and that in reality I am really doing just fine.

I agree though, I gotta work on this obsession deal and I gotta work on my confidence. I think I will be pretty successful, as long as I find what works for me.

Yes, it is defintately time to get busy again and keep my mind on track.

If you guys have any suggestions for some good full time jobs (ones that arent really boring, and pay pretty well) that would be tight.
In either case i gotta get off my butt and start looking at jobs for now and schools for next year

 

[Nathan]

I'm not going to lie to you. I strongly feel I have a lot of wisdom to share even though Bullit, who can cram an oak tree up his ass, disagrees. However, I have evaluated the pros and cons of spending the next 30 minutes reading your last two posts and the outcome is not promising from where I'm sitting. Having said that, i have not read all your posts but you sound cool enough. Keep it together and always remember that your scrotum needs a good scrubbing in the bathtub too.

 

[MrMakaveli]

I can relate in a way to the girl problems and surely to the obsessive personality, Im exactly like that I will take a test on Friday and will talk about NOTHING and think about NOTHING but the grade for 3 days, thinking, calculating, dealing, etc.

I cant offer any real advice about the girl thing except if you two do end up at the same college DO NOT overthink it, seemingly thats simple but once you get into some situations you will realize its hard.

Good luck.