After reviewing this, I think I can safely say that you don't need a traditional antidepressant at all.
What you need is to go out and buy two bricks - depending on where you live, that should cost you well under $10.
Get some really nice ones, red clay - traditional, but the ones with the rough and abrasive edges.
When you get home, giddy with your newfound cure, prance into your kitchen, bricks in hand.
Place some paper bags or plastic trash bags on the counter so as not to make a mess of your pathetic hovel - that is the last thing you need right now assfuck.
Now you are ready for your curing. Take a brick in each hand and then press them against each other - make sure you are doing this over your mess catching system made up of elaborate folds of trash bags and paper sacks like I said.
Furiously rub the bricks back and forth, imagining that if you do it just right, like some sort of twisted masonary masturbation right of passage, you will gain true enlightenment.
After which you will see a small dusting of findly ground brick on your covered counter top.
That right there is your one way ticket to happiness.
Use a utensil with a sharp edge to line up the powdered dreams and then lean over, cover one nostril and suck the dust up in through your nose as if this is what your future life depended on - because it damn well does.
Snort every single moresel of it up into your nose.
By this point, you might notice a slight tingling sensation in the front part of your face - up above your mouth and between your eyes.
That means its working. If you have a dry or chalky feeling on your tongue, drink some Windex.
To finish this tour de force or, pick up one of the bricks and smash it as hard as you can into your face - ideally in an upwards arc and right into your nose.
I assure you that after this episode, you will feel more alive and in tune with your body than you have ever felt in your life, and you will never want for anti-depressants again.
You might want some painkillers though. (I highly recommend huffing paint thinner)