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SofaGeorge
New member
I have a 16 year old daughter, sort of. A good friend of mine is the coordinator for a foriegn exchange student program. A few months ago she called me and asked me if I wanted to play host dad to a 16 year old German girl. The girl had been scheduled to stay with one family, but at the last minute the family had to drop out of the program. There were a couple of other "back up" families in case something like this happened and for whatever fluke reason none of them could take her. My friend the coordinator was faced with a tough decision: either place her immediately so she could start school or send her back to Germany. I didn't think I was the perfect "host dad" material. I'm unmarried and I don't have any kids... so she wasn't going to have any brothers or sisters to go to school with, but we met and she was a very bright and good kid. She has been staying here since January and she is a perfect angel around the house. She gets straight A's. I don't need to ask her to do anything chore wise because she takes it on herself to be helpful. She is always pleasant and thoughtful, and she really is a delight to have here.
Now here is my problem...
The one thing that makes her sad, to the point of being weepy, is she is very homesick at times and does not really appear to be trying to make friends here. She does have people at school she is friendly with, but when she gets home... rather than call school chums and talk to them on the phone of go do things with them... she calls Germany almost every day and spends 3-4 hours on the phone with her boyfriend in Germany. This isn't a problem for me. I have several phones so it isn't tying up my lines... and she uses her own phone card to pay for the calls.
My concern is that she made plans to come here for the adventure and experience of it, but then met her new boyfriend a month or two before she left Germany, and now appears to be living much of her life back in Germany (via telephone) rather than making new friends and doing things here. I haven't had to make any "rules" for her as she is very mature in most ways and is capable of acting responsibly. Unfortunately, now I am wondering if I have been too linient in not limiting her phone calls back to Germany. I've already sat her down and talked to her about the fact that I think she is making a mistake in not trying to do things more proactively to make friends her and not try to get her emotional support from her boyfriend back in Germany. (Secondarily, there is also a very sweet 17 year old guy at our video shop who has a major crush on her... and it would appear she on him... but she won't go out with him because she feels she can't betray her boyfriend in Germany. He is a really good kid and I think they would have a blast seeing a lot of the area that I can't show her.)
I'm thinking about laying down the law today and telling her she can only phone her boyfriend one day a week, and explaining to her why I think it is important for her to make friends her and take full advantage of this experience.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Now here is my problem...
The one thing that makes her sad, to the point of being weepy, is she is very homesick at times and does not really appear to be trying to make friends here. She does have people at school she is friendly with, but when she gets home... rather than call school chums and talk to them on the phone of go do things with them... she calls Germany almost every day and spends 3-4 hours on the phone with her boyfriend in Germany. This isn't a problem for me. I have several phones so it isn't tying up my lines... and she uses her own phone card to pay for the calls.
My concern is that she made plans to come here for the adventure and experience of it, but then met her new boyfriend a month or two before she left Germany, and now appears to be living much of her life back in Germany (via telephone) rather than making new friends and doing things here. I haven't had to make any "rules" for her as she is very mature in most ways and is capable of acting responsibly. Unfortunately, now I am wondering if I have been too linient in not limiting her phone calls back to Germany. I've already sat her down and talked to her about the fact that I think she is making a mistake in not trying to do things more proactively to make friends her and not try to get her emotional support from her boyfriend back in Germany. (Secondarily, there is also a very sweet 17 year old guy at our video shop who has a major crush on her... and it would appear she on him... but she won't go out with him because she feels she can't betray her boyfriend in Germany. He is a really good kid and I think they would have a blast seeing a lot of the area that I can't show her.)
I'm thinking about laying down the law today and telling her she can only phone her boyfriend one day a week, and explaining to her why I think it is important for her to make friends her and take full advantage of this experience.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
The guy who opened his heart and door to allow her the opportunity of an awesome experience.
