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Gambino
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AAP said:Ok, short version : she annoys me.
Long version and detail : she is a fitness whore. You know the kind.. where "fitness" isn't just a way of life, it's their actual identity.
First I have to point out that even though I have never seen her pick up a weight or use a machine, she is no stranger to working out. I haven't seen her work in the year+ that she has been there but she obviously did at one point of time. She has legs and calves that would make some of you guys cry. Bitch is built down there.
Anyway, she is nothing nowdays but a cardio whore. Why I don't know because her bodyfat has not changed despite doing a 2 hour session everyday. That is no joke. She is not fat, you can see a four pack on her and there are no love handles but all that damn cardio you would think she would resemble an Ethiopian.
Well what I hate about her is that lately, she shows up, gets in the tanning bed after smearing baby oil on her. Not tanning lotion, but damn baby oil. You know the sickenly sweet smell it gives off? Now imagine that fresh baked tanning bed smell added to it. That is it... you know how rancid it is.
She does that, she heads to the gym floor, still oily and sweat drenched. I have to point out that her gym attired is exactly 4 square inches by 4 square inches total. Her bottom attire consists of a piece that can only be described as Extra Wide Thong. Because it still go up her ass and only covers the 1/4 of her ass cheeks next to her crack. She wears a top that can only be called a Sports Bikini. You know what a sports bra is, well think if Victoria Secret designed their version of a sports bra. And she wears these big ass black combat boots. Next she climbs on the only piece of cardio she uses which is the stairstepper and starts jittering away. I say jitter because she doesn't use it. She doesn't perform the movement, she just jitters on it. If you stand up straight and just lock and unlock your knees with just an inch of movement... well that is what her range of motion and use of the stair master is. She looks like she is handcuffed at the ankles and trying to run in place. She "jitteries". That is the only word that can describe it.
But that's not bad. It is what she does while she is jittering away that is annoying. She has 3 things that are repeated in the exact same sequence over and over and over and over again.
#1 She will wildly look around -left, right, behind left, behind right, over the top, left, right and then finally see what she is looking for. Her towel. Which is exactly where she left it the last time she did this shit. She doesn't pick it up. She doesn't grab it. She snatches it like a fat lady at a shrimp buffet. Then she pats down her face and neck. Violently. So violently it looks like she is punching herself in the face. I expect her to go flying off backwards any day now. When that is finished, she puts it right back where she left it and still next time she has to go crazy looking for it again.
#2 Now with the sweat pounded off her face and the towel back in place, she turns her attention to her next task. Wrestling with her ponytail. Oh she has to flip it, flop it, tease it, pull it out the band, wind it back up and then wrestle it back through the band. I swear to God the first time I saw all this taking place I thought some anancondo had slithered into the gym and coiled around her head because of the wild effort she puts into wrestling this damn pony tail. I thought she was making a death effort to pry the anaconda off her head.
Ok, so she gets it fixed. Which looked like it did just 20 seconds earlier before she engaged in warfare with it again. Next she is going to twist around and look in the mirror behind her. You know, to check it out. Amazing. You have to see it. Her legs are still jittering away 90 miles an hour and her upper body resembles some mid-limbo type position. Imagine Keanu Reeves in Matrix dodging those bullets while tapping his feet in place and you got her.
But hey, ponytail is perfect so now she can focus on ...
#3 Her dancing. *sigh* She dances (upper body only as the lower body is jitterjitterjitterjitterjittering away). mouths words to songs, sways and she does her arms similiar like when Madonna did the Vogue dance when she was framing her face in the video. I said similiar because that is the only way to describe it, she differs however that her arm movements and face framing is done so exaggerated and so rapidly that the only thing it resembles is some meth addict in full tweak trying to direct air traffic on the runway. She's bad. And I have to point out the bitch don't have an iPod or earphones or nothing. That music all in her damn head. But she will be there just spazzing out nonstop. While jittering away. Of course this makes her sweat and she ...
goes back to #1 with the towel.
Ok, repeat cycle over and over and over and over for 2 hours straight. It is so damn distracting because you can't help but to watch it the entire time she is there. Sometimes I just want to pick up a 45lb plate and discus hurl it right in her face to make her stop that shit.
damn yo, another boner
