Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below
napsgear
genezapharmateuticals
domestic-supply
puritysourcelabs
UGL OZ
UGFREAK
napsgeargenezapharmateuticals domestic-supplypuritysourcelabsUGL OZUGFREAK

This is not a sob story, this is just what I need to get off my chest

ryno9000

ryno9000

New member
So I'm an alcoholic, which many of you do not understand. I've been sober for quite some time (until recently, keep reading), and bodybuilding was an intrigal part of keeping me sober, among many other things. I've been running an amazing cycle with fantastic results, but like a tragic comedy that is my life, I've fallen off the wagon and fucked it all up.
It started about a month ago, and even though I knew it was a terrible idea I decided to go out and drink anyway. Had a great time, so positive reinforcement = repeating the behavior. Well, I've been drunk, no....I've been at about .35 BAC for the last few weeks straight. Not only do I suck at school, my job, handling my finances and bodybuilding but I have also started to suck as a person.
Somehow during this retarded binge, I figured keeping my injection schedule would somehow preserve my body until I "stopped." Well, I've had a few days now to regroup and weight the damage, it's not good.
My body composistion actually sucks balls. I wish I had number comparisons, but in the short time of my drinking compared to my working out/last cycle I think I have actually lost progress. Something I didn't care about a whole lot since I was totally lit the whole time. I'm 3k in the hole on my CC which is ALL drinks (think of the food/protein/supps/gear that could have bought....). My job has noticed and has talked to me about it (I'm the manager for christsakes!), my friends are either weary or cold shouldering me.
Here's what I'm doing: Laying off the sauce, going to AA, hitting the books and the gym. I have a few weeks left on the cycle and figure I may as well make the best of it. I'm not blaming anyone or anything for what has happened, but I could use some of your support and motivation since I feel like shit on a stick. PS, it's been two days sober and my hands shake so bad still I look like Michael J. Fox on a coke binge. All input is welcome.
 
ryno9000 said:
So I'm an alcoholic, which many of you do not understand. I've been sober for quite some time (until recently, keep reading), and bodybuilding was an intrigal part of keeping me sober, among many other things. I've been running an amazing cycle with fantastic results, but like a tragic comedy that is my life, I've fallen off the wagon and fucked it all up.
It started about a month ago, and even though I knew it was a terrible idea I decided to go out and drink anyway. Had a great time, so positive reinforcement = repeating the behavior. Well, I've been drunk, no....I've been at about .35 BAC for the last few weeks straight. Not only do I suck at school, my job, handling my finances and bodybuilding but I have also started to suck as a person.
Somehow during this retarded binge, I figured keeping my injection schedule would somehow preserve my body until I "stopped." Well, I've had a few days now to regroup and weight the damage, it's not good.
My body composistion actually sucks balls. I wish I had number comparisons, but in the short time of my drinking compared to my working out/last cycle I think I have actually lost progress. Something I didn't care about a whole lot since I was totally lit the whole time. I'm 3k in the hole on my CC which is ALL drinks (think of the food/protein/supps/gear that could have bought....). My job has noticed and has talked to me about it (I'm the manager for christsakes!), my friends are either weary or cold shouldering me.
Here's what I'm doing: Laying off the sauce, going to AA, hitting the books and the gym. I have a few weeks left on the cycle and figure I may as well make the best of it. I'm not blaming anyone or anything for what has happened, but I could use some of your support and motivation since I feel like shit on a stick. PS, it's been two days sober and my hands shake so bad still I look like Michael J. Fox on a coke binge. All input is welcome.
Click to expand...



Wow bro, I wish you luck on your recovery i really do. I hope the rest of your cycle goes well. Like you said just focus on hitting the books and the gym and try to avoid any activities that would involve having a drink. If you ever need to talk bro feel free to PM me no joke bro.
 
Hang in there bro...I went through a bad alcohol state a year ago when one of my best friends died in a car wreck...after a couple months and some good friends being there for me, i realized that the alcohol was only making things worse...i still have the occasional drink but i'm mentally strong enough to leave it at that!
 
Damn bro, I feel your pain. Ive never had it that bad but have had some issues with addiction. I think I have an addictive personallity, I always feel I need to add something into my life. Could b caffiene, nicotine, steroids, alcahol, the gym, sex. So i know where your comin from as an addiction prone type. Just stick with the gym and gear, stay focused bro, dont give up. Alcahol in moderation is enjoyable but a demon in excess. Dont let it controll you. I'd rather steroids and the gym over alcahol a cigarettes any day!
 
ive seen my alcholic father go thru this a few times. its hard but you can overcome this. my father has.

Im not an alcoholic, but I will never drink because of what ive seen it do to my family. moderation may be the key, but im not willing to risk it.
 
I feel you, man. I used to drink like a fish. Every single day after weight training at school I'd get lit in the locker room. Now I don't drink often but when I do I feel that animal come out and I love it. Luckily I don't have the choice to drink all the time as a condition of my probation is no alcohol in my possession.


Eventually something will happen to MAKE you stop, don't let it get that far.
 
When you feel the urge to go ot the bar and drink or go buy a 6 pack go to the gym and do 30 min of cardio instead even if you already went that day.
 
Selfcentor said:
When you feel the urge to go ot the bar and drink or go buy a 6 pack go to the gym and do 30 min of cardio instead even if you already went that day.
Click to expand...

That's a pretty cool idea.

I've attended 12 step groups, and if you can find a good one, they are very helpful. It's all about wanting to make your life better and being willing to take advantage of all the resources at your disposal to make that happen! And, it really sounds like you are. Keep it going! Keep growing, both as a person and as a bodybuilder (I know that sounds funny, but you know what I mean).
 
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/groups/new-beginnings-following-aa-traditions.html

Join that group if you didn't already bro. Lots of guys here have been through what you have and can help you get back on track. Just remember, like bodybuilding you have to want results or you will not get very far, you need to actually care and want to get results. So with that my friend, take the BB mentality and treat this just like you started going to the gym and after a while you won't even want another drink.
 
I'm not gonna lie I got a little teary with all of your great posts. You don't even know me but you are all showing such amazing support. Thanks guys, I really mean it, and I really need it.
 
Big_BK said:
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/groups/new-beginnings-following-aa-traditions.html

Join that group if you didn't already bro. Lots of guys here have been through what you have and can help you get back on track. Just remember, like bodybuilding you have to want results or you will not get very far, you need to actually care and want to get results. So with that my friend, take the BB mentality and treat this just like you started going to the gym and after a while you won't even want another drink.
Click to expand...
Yes we have a great group of guys here. We all have been threw it and we all go threw it daily. Join the group and we are all in it together. Pm anyone of us anytime. Its just one more thing we have here at ef to help each other out.

I am a addict myself bro so I know how you feel. I know how it can ruin your life. I know it can tare down in a month what it took you a year to build. Its like having a dragon on your back for the rest of your life.

One good thing that has come of this is you at least admit you have a orblem and admit you need help. Just doing that you have done more then most of the addicts out there and there is hope for you.

Like bk said you have to want it. Keep it fresh in your mind what your old life got you and why you don't want to go there again. AA works if you work it so work it because your worth it. I know we have a lot of funny sayings and things we do in aa but they work.

As everyone knows I am always here on ef helping people. Its part of my recovery to do this:biggrin: yall bitches keep me sober lol. Really I love you all though. So pm me anytime. Hell I will give you my number or skype and you can call me anytime to.
 
good luck on your recovery bro. I am not an alcoholic but I do know the effects of addiction and how it effects your feeling of self worth. I recently made the decision to stop using recreational drugs and have discovered myself again and doing things I used to enjoy. Just remember to take it one day at a time and surround yourself with positive influences. We are all brothers here and you have endless support from your ef family.
 
Like needto said bro remember YOU are worth it. Read the book & work the steps. If you dont find a story (life experience) in the book similar to yours then you haven't read the book. It works if you work it.
Bro this is an important time for you. If your coming off cycle soon and already feeling in the dumps you're going to need our support. Get some numbers & make the call if you need to. We are ALL rooting for you.
 
I'm one too. Its amazing how alone and isolated the disease of addition makes you feel. With your opener about "most you will not understand" i could see it. Its a tool of the addiction. Its strong and will make you feel out of place and tell you "fuck it, who fucking cares" lets drink.

The ironic part of it is that almost everyone alive has some experience, either directly or indirectly via friends/family, with addiction. However it seems to be the most hidden, least talked about, of any human affliction. The pain is so deep and emotional that people want to hide it. It gets quarantined to 12 step groups and support groups for people who love those in the 12 step groups!

Its a killer not just of the body, but of the spirit. It kills your spirit and the spirit of those who love you. Your friends giving you the "cold shoulder" you mention just don't know how to deal with it and thus creating space is the natural reaction.

The first thing you have to realize is that you are on a path. And that path is forward, not back. So make it a point right now to stop beating yourself up. I ask you this, Who is beating you up? You or the addiction? What does the addiction thrive on? What feeling does the addiction want to cultivate? Guilt. This is the secret weapon of the addiction. Its ace. When times are tough for the addiction and you are feeling well, going to meetings, surrendering to your disease, searching for a higher power, etc, guilt is what he pulls out for the kill. Oh yeah, nothing like a good dose of guilt about the past to create a strong case of the "fuck its". "Fuck it! Might as well get wasted".

Again the path is forward. Keep your head up and stay in the moment. Don't let thoughts about that past start to dominate your mind. When that happens immediately try to recognize it and come back to the present moment. Whatever it is you are doing at the present moment is most important. Keep your attention there. Your addiction will try to direct your attention to the guilt from the past and the hopelessness of the future. You can surrender by doing nothing, just staying right where you are in the present. In the present you are not drinking. In the present you are doing something constructive like reading the big book, planning a workout, cooking a good meal. Stay with these "now" activities.

I better stop before i write a fucking novel. I'll leave you alone now but just one recommendation from personal experience. Alone at night just before going to bed is a brutal time. The feeling of being alone is so strong. Combat it by shifting the focus of your mind from yourself to images of our world as a whole. It can create a broad perspective that your addiction hates! Rent or buy this: Planet Earth : Discovery Channel to watch before going to bed. Fall asleep to it if possible.

Good luck and PM anytime. You are not alone.
 
I've been in the same situation ryno. I always liked drinking when I was younger, in fact I still do (always in the back of my mind). I had something bad happen to me years ago and I went out and drank just as you did. Well I started and didn't stop for probably 2 years straight. I got a DUI, lost the best job I ever had. Lost my friends, girlfriend, thousands of dollars and tainted the relationships with my family. I checked out AA and it just wasn't my thing. I've always believed in a higher power and would constantly pray for the strength to stop. I don't know if that had anything to do with my "awakening"; One day I just said enough of this. I used to bodybuild and was going to compete many years ago. I had everything then I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw and what I had done with my life. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

To make matters worse I had been taking xanax for years to deal with the anxiety to be able to function, so I had to deal with that as well. I stopped cold turkey just like that. It was the most awful nightmare ever, the withdrawals had me incompaciated for several weeks, I could hardly even get out of bed. I also would go into fits and punch my bed because of the pain and emotional turmoil I was going through. I turned myself into a psycho. Luckily I got through it with determination and the god I pray to.

Even though it's been years since I stopped I always think about it. I very rarely drink and if I do I make it only one. Once the urge to drink was there for me it never went away. That's why I would rather just abstain from alcohol because I would rather not be here anymore than re-live that time of mylife. I got mylife on track now, everything is going great and I feel great. About to get my B.S, family is proud of me and I have rebuilt the relationships that I am fortunate to still have.

Stay strong bro, you can PM me anytime if you want.
 
I can relate to whayt you're going through bro. Though I have never gotten that out of control, I have gotten very close. Something always keeps me from going over the edge. I have had a DUI and that may have slowed me down a bit, that and moving 300 miles away from most of the friends that I partied with.

Good luck bro. Be strong.
 
never think you are alone ryno,we have all been there. I just got around to sorting things out and went and f'ed it up last night. But monday is back to clean eating and the gym. remember we are here for you and all have gone through something like this.

goodluck you are in my prayers.
 
Ryno I was in the pit too, mostly when I felt lonely I had to go out and drink, sometimes I had ecstasy, partying at least 4 nights a week. The reason I got out was the girl you see on my avatar, close friends, family and the weightlifting lifestyle. I'm a bartender now serving hundreds of drinks a week, I might have a beer at the end of the night and fortunately alcohol or recreational drugs aren't a temptation to me. Loneliness and feeling of unaccomplishment it's the main reason that got me there, so I can say I'm a happy person now.

Love yourself man, if you don't no one will! There's nothing in this world more important than your well being, people might think this are selfish thoughts but the thing is unless you are in control of your life you will never have inner peace and you will remain unable. So stay the fuck away from alcohol, don't smell it, don't watch it, don't touch it. Fuck people who can't understand your need to stay away from it, society still sees bodybuilders as outcasts anyway, so embrace the bodybuilding lifestyle and get the rewards, a new self!

PS. I hope I never see you at the club I work!
 
Don't beat yourself up for relapsing. It's the way our brains work when we're addicted to a substance. Don't hate yourself. Fucking up does not make you a bad person. You are willing to address your troubles and are self aware. You're better off than a lot of people for this. You still have your job, you can pay off your debt. Hell even if you got fired, you'd find another one if you tried hard enough. Take all that pain and regret and channel it into finding solutions rather than wasting it being angry at yourself. Alcoholism is a disease, but unlike cancer or something else, you have the reigns. You don't have to do it by yourself, you can find help. Talking about it is a powerful step, because of this it means you're already on the right path. Keep pushing against this addiction the way you keep pushing past your limits in the gym.
 
Nothing in life is ever easy Sir.

Trust me on that. I have personally fought off valium and xanax addictions, alcohol addictions as well as a number of other addictions.

I am now a better man because of it and 100% straight! No mo :)

Nothing in life is easy, nor is anything you need to work at, it wouldn't be called work otherwise.

Be strong, do what you have to do and come out stronger, smarter and wiser
 
Just wanted to let you know, more people than you know understand alcoholism. Many of them may not admit it as their ego wants to label them as "OK" but they know - perhaps silently. Thanks for sharing your story and to so many others on here that have given you input. It is a brave thing to discuss - more so when you are "in the chaos" than out of it. Although I am not an addict so many people that I love are. My father, my deceased grandparents, my brother, my sister, my former spouse. I have lived with it my entire life. Watching those around me suffer with the disease enabled me to be a codependent. I've seen close friends and family members not understand and even protect at times, refusing to accept alcoholism as a disease. "I can have one drink and stop, I don't understand why they can't". I can't count how many times I heard this in Al-Anon from close family members - often the ones who invite them to party or serve alcohol at family functions.

Create your present moment and don't let anyone take it away from you. They don't need to understand. Only you do in this moment.
 
You guys are awesome, thanks so much! I'm sober today, and that makes me happy in and of itself! I will keep you all updated.
 
Bro, don't even trip. We all make mistakes because that is just part of being human, and like it or not, you're one of us humans LOL. Like Rocky Balboa said, "It aint about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." Take it one day at a time and don't keep your eyes off the goal which is another day of sobriety. I haven't had a drop in almost 5 years and I know it's the best thing I could have ever done for myself, well next to not smoking anymore (4 months and counting). Just remember that when it's all said and done, you have the power, not the booze. I know the AA guys might disagree with me on that point but I truly believe that we have to have self reliance and hold ourselves accountable for our actions in order to battle such a strong adversary. One last thing: You know you can do this because you did it already once before. YOU CAN DO IT, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
 
ryno9000 said:
So I'm an alcoholic, which many of you do not understand. I've been sober for quite some time (until recently, keep reading), and bodybuilding was an intrigal part of keeping me sober, among many other things. I've been running an amazing cycle with fantastic results, but like a tragic comedy that is my life, I've fallen off the wagon and fucked it all up.
It started about a month ago, and even though I knew it was a terrible idea I decided to go out and drink anyway. Had a great time, so positive reinforcement = repeating the behavior. Well, I've been drunk, no....I've been at about .35 BAC for the last few weeks straight. Not only do I suck at school, my job, handling my finances and bodybuilding but I have also started to suck as a person.
Somehow during this retarded binge, I figured keeping my injection schedule would somehow preserve my body until I "stopped." Well, I've had a few days now to regroup and weight the damage, it's not good.
My body composistion actually sucks balls. I wish I had number comparisons, but in the short time of my drinking compared to my working out/last cycle I think I have actually lost progress. Something I didn't care about a whole lot since I was totally lit the whole time. I'm 3k in the hole on my CC which is ALL drinks (think of the food/protein/supps/gear that could have bought....). My job has noticed and has talked to me about it (I'm the manager for christsakes!), my friends are either weary or cold shouldering me.
Here's what I'm doing: Laying off the sauce, going to AA, hitting the books and the gym. I have a few weeks left on the cycle and figure I may as well make the best of it. I'm not blaming anyone or anything for what has happened, but I could use some of your support and motivation since I feel like shit on a stick. PS, it's been two days sober and my hands shake so bad still I look like Michael J. Fox on a coke binge. All input is welcome.
Click to expand...

First of all, sorry I missed your original post, I try and stay available at all times if possible. Second, yall guys are terrific, some of you I know, most I didn't, i hope you ALL come and join our group.

Ryno, the first step you already took, admitting there is a problem and are now sober. The past is the past, your on the right track now, sober. Everything that you wrote, I've experienced, and it will work itself out, as long as your sober. The only way to get yourself out of a hole is to stop digging. It's been my experience that friends and family will all help any way they can when you are doing the right things to help yourself. They really will, but if they see you going the other way with destructive behavior, they don't want to get hurt so they will let you go through whatever you need to do, but w/o them. (been there, done that, got a rack FULL of shirts)
Alcoholics/ addicts are not bad people, we're SICK people. The advice here is terrific, not much to add after all the great posts.
If you need me, PM me and we'll talk or go post up on the group site. The posts help other people who may be thinking of some sort of destructive behavior, and it just may help them keep from doing someting destructive.
I got sober after 30 years of drinking and drugging at a rehab, followed by AA. That's what worked for me and many others as well.
If you need me, I'll give you my phone number or I'm usually here in C&C, come get me.

God bless you for you post.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

BrightFuture
Approved Log My Comeback lifestyle journal
Replies
3
Views
485
the_alcatraz
the_alcatraz
R
tbol and anavar for 8 weeks
Replies
11
Views
1K
ceo
ceo
R
need some advice on adding trenbolone to my cycle
Replies
11
Views
1K
ceo
ceo
D
My pre-First Cycle Log
Replies
13
Views
1K
25homes
25homes
Resurrected
Approved Log My Comeback Lifestyle Log
Replies
63
Views
6K
the_alcatraz
the_alcatraz
Top Bottom