How does it feel to have aids?

[Nihilist]

this may be a rude question,but its not intended to be.

i was just wondering what it felt like.

 

[alanchiras]

How does it feel?

Wow, what an open ended question. I usually give an entire lecture to schools and other groups into scaring them about AIDS. While each person with HIV disease feels different, I can only give you my own take on it.

It started for me about seven years ago. As a Gay man, I had in the past regularly been tested for HIV with all tests negative. But all of a sudden my life stabilized and for the first time I felt loved (in a parentally way and not in terms of having a lover). My job situation also stabilized, from working in a leather/SM bar, to a corporate job at Staples. Life was good, and my sex life slowed down because I didn't need sex as a substitute for love. So I stopped my routine of getting tested every six months. I loved my job at Staples, but it was not a pro-Gay company to worked for, and because of this, I didn't advance much within the company, but they couldn't deny that I was a hard and knowledgeable worker bee and they reluctantly kept this openly Gay rebel.

About three long years later, and after a lot of anti-Gay harassment, I finally got my first promotion, Just a few months later, I came down with what I thought was a bad chest cold, not thinking it was anything more serious. I was putting in sixty hour work weeks, and I thought the stress of that lead to this cold. Well, I could not shake it, and as I got worse, various medicines were given to me that had no effect. I finally went to the emergency room complaining about this. After having had several tests that came up negative, I made an off-handed remark to on of the doctors there saying that most of the times when I had a bad chest cold, what I spit up was thick stuff, but this time, it was light and frothy stuff from my lungs. The doctor froze in his tracks and said I probably had PCP, an AIDS defining pneumonia, and needed to be admitted immediately. Well, it did turn out that I had 'full blown' AIDS, way past the stage of mearly being HIV+. PCP was not seen in the ER much any more, because there is cheap medicine for those who know that they are venerable to it.

After my treatments began in the hospital for PCP, I had skin lesions show up on my body at the rate of one per day, including internally. They even showed up on my feet making it very painful to walk. The hospital was freaked out by the rapidly of my KS lesions and transfered me from Worcester, to Boston. After sever conventional treatment were unsuccessful in treating my cancer, I was put into an experimental protocol which included taking hyper dosages of vitamin A (Retin-A). I had all the classic signs of a cancer patient, all my body hair fell out, I had scaly skin, headaches, etc. My cholesterol count went up to 1200! You could see yellow strands in my vials of blood. The treatment worked, and my lesions were finally reduced on my body and inside of my mouth (and probably my lungs).

When my KS started to stabilize, my anti-HIV treatment began with a triple dose therapy (also called a so-called cocktail of drugs). I threw up a lot at first because of the AZT, one of the drugs in the combination. There were also times during the day when I would take my Crixivan and could not eat in order for the drug to work. I was so sick, that it took years to fell well enough to be able to any work or activism on the AIDS front.

Now, seven years later, I still have side effects from the drugs (loose stools, terrible nausea, etc.) But I am well enough to work out again and to stand up for my rights to have my doctors prescribe steroids and Test for me. I eat as much as I can just to maintain my weight, and I don't progress in the gym as well as I would like to, but I am slowly putting my life back together.

Well, that's the freeze-dried version of how it feels to deal with the virus. Feel free to write to me on this thread, or privately if you would like and I will try to answer your questions. Thanks!

 

[Nihilist]

wow.

thank you for being as frank about this as you are. in the only good turn i can do for you, heres a site to check out: www.medibolics.com

good luck with this bro.

 

[rjl296]

thats the first time ive ever heard somebody w/ HIV talk about it.

 

[out_at_sea]

Re: How does it feel?

Wow, what an open ended question. I usually give an entire lecture to schools and other groups into scaring them about AIDS. While each person with HIV disease feels different, I can only give you my own take on it.

It started for me about seven years ago. As a Gay man, I had in the past regularly been tested for HIV with all tests negative. But all of a sudden my life stabilized and for the first time I felt loved (in a parentally way and not in terms of having a lover). My job situation also stabilized, from working in a leather/SM bar, to a corporate job at Staples. Life was good, and my sex life slowed down because I didn't need sex as a substitute for love. So I stopped my routine of getting tested every six months. I loved my job at Staples, but it was not a pro-Gay company to worked for, and because of this, I didn't advance much within the company, but they couldn't deny that I was a hard and knowledgeable worker bee and they reluctantly kept this openly Gay rebel.

About three long years later, and after a lot of anti-Gay harassment, I finally got my first promotion, Just a few months later, I came down with what I thought was a bad chest cold, not thinking it was anything more serious. I was putting in sixty hour work weeks, and I thought the stress of that lead to this cold. Well, I could not shake it, and as I got worse, various medicines were given to me that had no effect. I finally went to the emergency room complaining about this. After having had several tests that came up negative, I made an off-handed remark to on of the doctors there saying that most of the times when I had a bad chest cold, what I spit up was thick stuff, but this time, it was light and frothy stuff from my lungs. The doctor froze in his tracks and said I probably had PCP, an AIDS defining pneumonia, and needed to be admitted immediately. Well, it did turn out that I had 'full blown' AIDS, way past the stage of mearly being HIV+. PCP was not seen in the ER much any more, because there is cheap medicine for those who know that they are venerable to it.

After my treatments began in the hospital for PCP, I had skin lesions show up on my body at the rate of one per day, including internally. They even showed up on my feet making it very painful to walk. The hospital was freaked out by the rapidly of my KS lesions and transfered me from Worcester, to Boston. After sever conventional treatment were unsuccessful in treating my cancer, I was put into an experimental protocol which included taking hyper dosages of vitamin A (Retin-A). I had all the classic signs of a cancer patient, all my body hair fell out, I had scaly skin, headaches, etc. My cholesterol count went up to 1200! You could see yellow strands in my vials of blood. The treatment worked, and my lesions were finally reduced on my body and inside of my mouth (and probably my lungs).

When my KS started to stabilize, my anti-HIV treatment began with a triple dose therapy (also called a so-called cocktail of drugs). I threw up a lot at first because of the AZT, one of the drugs in the combination. There were also times during the day when I would take my Crixivan and could not eat in order for the drug to work. I was so sick, that it took years to fell well enough to be able to any work or activism on the AIDS front.

Now, seven years later, I still have side effects from the drugs (loose stools, terrible nausea, etc.) But I am well enough to work out again and to stand up for my rights to have my doctors prescribe steroids and Test for me. I eat as much as I can just to maintain my weight, and I don't progress in the gym as well as I would like to, but I am slowly putting my life back together.

Well, that's the freeze-dried version of how it feels to deal with the virus. Feel free to write to me on this thread, or privately if you would like and I will try to answer your questions. Thanks!

That's one hell of a story....Hang in there, buddy!

Quick question:

You said that you have been tested regularly for HIV before....and when you got tested again after a while they found out that you have AIDS..

How was that possible?

 

[alanchiras]

In the short time of 2 1/2 years I must have gone from being HIV+ to having full blown AIDS. The average person gets about ten years (without treatment) to develop AIDS. Must have been the 60+hour work weeks I was putting in that led to the strain on my immune system. Thanks!

 

[94flamdblazer]

dam man, that scared the hell out of me! Ive had a cold like thing I havent been able to shake for like 4-6 months. It finally started letting up last month or so and Im no longer coughing stuff up alot like I was. I mostly did it in the shower in the mornings coughing up 3-4 times some pretty big luggies(sp). I also have to just about fight to get the energy to workout and fight alot of weird pains and aches. I dont have medical coverage but will get it at the beginning of the year when they let us . Thanks for being so frank and open about it

 

[satchboogie]

have you ever considered goin on mega doses of juice to see if you can make better gains at the gym?

 

[alanchiras]

Actually, Yes. But I use my real name on here and am afraid of ordering steroids. I'm guessing that Rick Collins doesn't do any illegal steroids for the same reason - that someone might be out to nail his ass. Satch, I am currently on 200ml of generic Deca every other week, and daily doses of Androgel (not great for Test replacement My Doctors also know That I'm on paper d-bols but may end them because of high cholorestrol counts. I would love to be on a good, strong stack - I've been a skinny kid all my life and only have muscular legs. Maybe with the right connections at the right time, I might stick my neck out on the line - and all for my own health dammit! Thanks!

 

[twistedneck]

alanchiras, I'veread your posts before but never knew your story. I'll keep reading them, but now I know you speak with wisdom I don't have. Keep up the fight - thanks for sharing.