yet another dating question. WHAT WOULD YOU DO

[MattTheSkywalker]

Hi.

Suppose you've been seeing someone about...let's say 4 months. You're exclusive with each other, but not engaged yet...in fact, those conversations have not even yet occured. But it's an exclusive relationship.

You're pretty happy with each other - not yet sure if this person is someone you can be REALLY serious with, but, so far....so good.

Then....

someone comes into your life in a casual or friendship way. You know pretty soon after meeting this person that you truly connect with them, and you sense that the feeling is mutual.

Because of your relationship, you keep things on the "up and up"....but this other person is pretty freaking cool.

What do you do?

Do you start seeing them surreptitiously? Do you end the other relationship? Or do you ignore this new person, even at the risk of missing something which could be really wonderful?

 

[perkele]

Hi.

Suppose you've been seeing someone about...let's say 4 months. You're exclusive with each other, but not engaged yet...in fact, those conversations have not even yet occured. But it's an exclusive relationship.

You're pretty happy with each other - not yet sure if this person is someone you can be REALLY serious with, but, so far....so good.

Then....

someone comes into your life in a casual or friendship way. You know pretty soon after meeting this person that you truly connect with them, and you sense that the feeling is mutual.

Because of your relationship, you keep things on the "up and up"....but this other person is pretty freaking cool.

What do you do?

Do you start seeing them surreptitiously? Do you end the other relationship? Or do you ignore this new person, even at the risk of missing something which could be really wonderful?

God dammit, nail both chicks bro.

 

[AAP]

Ask Lestat.

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

Go with the new one...if it bombs, who cares? You're rich and in Florida, you'll never run out women.

 

[CFZB]

be honest with both chicks....follow your heart

 

[Smurfy]

Its all about taking chances. YOu would be taking a chance either way....... Either stay with the current girl or break up with her and go with the new girl. But dont be dishonest and play these women. Its just not nice.

 

[wnt2bBeast]

Its all about taking chances. YOu would be taking a chance either way....... Either stay with the current girl or break up with her and go with the new girl. But dont be dishonest and play these women. Its just not nice.

yeah i agree....
you also dont want to walk around and wonder...what if....

 

[Razorguns]

Ah. The traditional playing the field and keeping one eye open during relationships, technique.

And men complain about women who are looking for mr right #2 during relationships. hehe.

Hey -- It's a free market. If you get something better -- go for it. But definately "test drive" this new model, cuz you never know when it may change, you may find out more about this person that turns you off, or the "newness" that excites you -- escapes you after you spend enough time with this person.

Right now -- at least you *have* a good thing with someone else. It obviously isn't _perfect_ but it's an investment that shouldn't be dropped w/o some careful thought.

Regret is a horrible feeling.

 

[KillahBee]

I would begin a relationship with the other one and try to balance both (of course it's hard to do, but figure it out - girls are not smart). keep it up until you figure outif the other girl is the real thing it that initial spark was just the danger/mystique thing going on.

 

[velvett]

Hi.

Suppose you've been seeing someone about...let's say 4 months. You're exclusive with each other, but not engaged yet...in fact, those conversations have not even yet occured. But it's an exclusive relationship.

I find it most curious that you would even bring up the word "engaged", it almost suggests that "real" exclusive relationships are those that involve a ring and a promise. It also give us an idea as to where you're head is it with girl number one - or at least where they were.

 

[pursuit]

Be friends with the new one for a while longer and do fun things "as friends"

 

[the nature boy]

threesome

 

[pitbullstl]

Hi.

Suppose you've been seeing someone about...let's say 4 months. You're exclusive with each other, but not engaged yet...in fact, those conversations have not even yet occured. But it's an exclusive relationship.

You're pretty happy with each other - not yet sure if this person is someone you can be REALLY serious with, but, so far....so good.

Then....

someone comes into your life in a casual or friendship way. You know pretty soon after meeting this person that you truly connect with them, and you sense that the feeling is mutual.

Because of your relationship, you keep things on the "up and up"....but this other person is pretty freaking cool.

What do you do?

Do you start seeing them surreptitiously? Do you end the other relationship? Or do you ignore this new person, even at the risk of missing something which could be really wonderful?

If you feel that *connection*, you would be a fool to let it go unattended. I was involved with somone when I first met my wife, the immediate attraction was almost too overwhelming....the night I met her we almost didn't connect.....but then she opened her mouth.........I haven't looked back since.

 

[The Shadow]

Hi.

Suppose you've been seeing someone about...let's say 4 months. You're exclusive with each other, but not engaged yet...in fact, those conversations have not even yet occured. But it's an exclusive relationship.

You're pretty happy with each other - not yet sure if this person is someone you can be REALLY serious with, but, so far....so good.

Then....

someone comes into your life in a casual or friendship way. You know pretty soon after meeting this person that you truly connect with them, and you sense that the feeling is mutual.

Because of your relationship, you keep things on the "up and up"....but this other person is pretty freaking cool.

What do you do?

Do you start seeing them surreptitiously? Do you end the other relationship? Or do you ignore this new person, even at the risk of missing something which could be really wonderful?

\


Follow your heart and nothing else...

 

[ChefWide]

C'mon, matt.

NO what if's. None. Follow your gut, use your head, listen to your heart.

Easy... or not.

 

[KillahBee]

I gotta disagree with the "follow your heart" guys. Sure, I am a jaded young man, but if it's one thing I have learned in my young life - following your heart will get you in trouble. I'll say this, follow your heart, but use your head too (most people can't do both).

 

[Lift Chief]

I would begin a relationship with the other one and try to balance both (of course it's hard to do, but figure it out - girls are not smart). keep it up until you figure outif the other girl is the real thing it that initial spark was just the danger/mystique thing going on.

Exactly.

 

[pitbullstl]

I gotta disagree with the "follow your heart" guys. Sure, I am a jaded young man, but if it's one thing I have learned in my young life - following your heart will get you in trouble. I'll say this, follow your heart, but use your head too (most people can't do both).

I dated enough (read way too fucking many) women before I met my wife to be subjective enough to KNOW both in my heart, and my head.......that this was it. The bottom line is.......when you meet THE ONE....you will know....but it won't do you a bit of good, if you're not ready.

I know I convey this awseome life here on EF.....due in no small part to the success that is my marriage/family life, but it's all for real...I count myself as one of the truly lucky ones, but luck isn't everything all relationships require hard work and dedication. I learned how to apply this in my marriage by watching the wondeful example that is my grandparents, and parents relationships. When you are ready....you'll know, and hopefully then and only then...."the one" will still be out there. True love doesn't happen for everyone, or if it does you/her may not have been ready to embrace it at that time, for those that are....there is nothing greater.

 

[pitbullstl]

Exactly.

Where the hell have you been??

 

[velvett]

I dated enough (read way too fucking many) women before I met my wife to be subjective enough to KNOW both in my heart, and my head.......that this was it. The bottom line is.......when you meet THE ONE....you will know....but it won't do you a bit of good, if you're not ready.

I think the whole concept of "the one" only stands to be perceived as real when the relationship continues to be healthy and positive.

When the relationship starts to sour and dies "the one" becomes "that F-ing bastard" and "money grubing whore".

It's all about perception.

 

[WODIN]

The heart wants, what the heart wants. So does the penis, the rectum, the duodenum, the large intestine, the limbic system and a guy named moirie.

 

[The Shadow]

I would begin a relationship with the other one and try to balance both (of course it's hard to do, but figure it out - girls are not smart). keep it up until you figure outif the other girl is the real thing it that initial spark was just the danger/mystique thing going on.

So......do it on the DL??

 

[CFZB]

The heart wants, what the heart wants. So does the penis, the rectum, the duodenum, the large intestine, the limbic system and a guy named moirie.

lol...wise words man

 

[concordsize]

if you realy like the girl you were with and or were inlove with her the new one would not even be brought up today. Case closed!

ps whats a good gym in Jacksonville to attend going there soon??

E

 

[XBiker]

I think the whole concept of "the one" only stands to be perceived as real when the relationship continues to be healthy and positive.

When the relationship starts to sour and dies "the one" becomes "that F-ing bastard" and "money grubing whore".

It's all about perception.

That's a real negative way to look at things...

Bitter are we?

 

[pitbullstl]

I think the whole concept of "the one" only stands to be perceived as real when the relationship continues to be healthy and positive.

When the relationship starts to sour and dies "the one" becomes "that F-ing bastard" and "money grubing whore".

It's all about perception.

Such a pessimist. I guess you would have to believe that "the one" is conceptual, and not spiritual. I happen to believe in the latter.

The whole premise of relationships is out of whack......everyone takes their significant other for granted. Work people......you get what you give in this life. Maybe my perception is such, because I have an innate ability to judge character, thus rendering my relationship with my wife so successful. Either way, I'm happy, I hope you are too.

 

[Razorguns]

Many want to have this notion of an existence of "the one". Mainly to give them somehting to dream about and fantasize.

What they don't realize is -- if one throws in mathematical statistics into play -- one would have to date MILLIONS of men/women to have even a REMOTE and POSSIBLE chance of finding "the one".

Finding "the one" out of 2.5 billion single people on the planet is almost an entirely implausible scenario. You have a better chance of winning the lottery next week.

One should instead believe in finding "someone who's at least 5 degrees close to..the one".

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

If you feel that *connection*, you would be a fool to let it go unattended. I was involved with somone when I first met my wife, the immediate attraction was almost too overwhelming....the night I met her we almost didn't connect.....but then she opened her mouth.........I haven't looked back since.

I would have to agree with this.

 

[Seashell]

I think if you are thinking these thoughts or having these feelings about the second woman, then the first one, is definately not the one for you. To me, nothing can compete with that *connection*.. so I say break up with the first one.

I wouldn't suggest trying to see both of them at the same time.. if this new one really has the potential to be something spectacular, do you really want to start it off based on lies and deceit?

 

[DIVISION]

Do you start seeing them surreptitiously? Do you end the other relationship? Or do you ignore this new person, even at the risk of missing something which could be really wonderful?

Go with the female who you see a future with, Matthew.

Don't hedge your relationship, stay true to what you think is right.

Remember, you can't go back in time.......once things are done, they are done. No going back, esp when it comes to women and hurt feelings.


DIV

 

[superqt4u2nv]

That "connection" is next to impossible to find I mean really connecting on every level is rare and I would opt for the "connection."

 

[psilan]

In the words of Devin the Dude,
If you risk yo fa sho pussy to get some mo' pussy, you'll end up with no pussy. I'd stay with the "fa sho" pussy, unless the other chick is extremely hot.

 

[DIVISION]

In the words of Devin the Dude,
If you risk yo fa sho pussy to get some mo' pussy, you'll end up with no pussy. I'd stay with the "fa sho" pussy, unless the other chick is extremely hot.

^^^don't listen to this guy......

not only does he have RED KARMA up the ass, but he listens to Devin the Dude.......that's like taking your relationship advice from DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.....

Don't be that guy......




DIV

 

[MsBeverlyHills]

Hi.

Suppose you've been seeing someone about...let's say 4 months. You're exclusive with each other, but not engaged yet...in fact, those conversations have not even yet occured.

4 months + no ring = no commitment in my book.

i would tell her you need some "space" or some "time alone" & than date the other gal.

good luck.

 

[DIVISION]

4 months + no ring = no commitment in my book.

What a trip!

From now I think I'll do that, make the female buy me a ring......




DIV

 

[GoldenDelicious]

what would i do? make a decision based on the feelings i have that cannot possibly be expressed in mere english, on a message board

go with the woman that makes you feel joy when you imagine being old, gray and smelly with in 30 years.

whatever you do, though, do it with class and respect; 4 months of being physical isnt meaningless, so respect her feelings if you break it off with her - but at the same time, dont let feelings of guilt or pity affect your decision.

my gut feeling from this and your previous relationship post is that youre not in the right frame of mind to make a decision on a long term partner. you seem hesitant, and trying to find your way using logic, rather than following the warm feeling you get when you really like someone

next time youre confused, just ask yourself: "what would BBF do?"...and do something else

 

[DIVISION]

next time youre confused, just ask yourself: "what would BBF do?"...and do something else

More succinctly, next time you're confused, just ask yourself: "what would BBF do?: .....and do the exact opposite.

and I mean that! THE EXACT OPPOSITE!



DIV

 

[GoldenDelicious]

More succinctly, next time you're confused, just ask yourself: "what would BBF do?: .....and do the exact opposite.

and I mean that! THE EXACT OPPOSITE!



DIV

hey, joke hijacker, go get your own material, would you?

 

[KillahBee]

So......do it on the DL??

Nah, don't listen to me bor. My point was this: don't listen to all this "listen to your heart" crap. to me, a relationship is a MAJOR investment and should be treated as such. yeah, it's not very romantic, but then again, I wouldn't approach any other aspect of my life (finances, work, etc.) by following my heart. Sure, having that spark or connection is extremely important to a successful relationship, but, in my experience, more people get fooled by that initial feeling of excitement, attraction, and "spark" than not. It's actually scary. We have all bought into the whole fairytale about relationships that we completely ignore common sense because it's much more romantic to just follow your heart. My point was that you need to find a way to see if this other girl is for you, and not just the result of that initial attraction, when our natural animalistic behaviors take over our human thought patterns and abilities. But, ideally, you would do this without losing your current girl, so that you are safeguarded against losing both. Much easier said than done. Also, you obviously don't want to hurt your current girl.

 

[Forge]

I think the whole concept of "the one" only stands to be perceived as real when the relationship continues to be healthy and positive.

When the relationship starts to sour and dies "the one" becomes "that F-ing bastard" and "money grubing whore".

It's all about perception.

I have to agree with Velvett here. There isn't just "one" person for each of us in this life, we can make it work with many types of people as long as we are willing to make it work. When you stop working on the relationship, it goes sour. Most breakups / divorces happen because one half of the couple simply stopped trying.

Matt, pick whichever one you want to be with, it's that simple.

 

[alien amp pharm]

You must follow your penis's heart

 

[jerseyart]

4 months + no ring = no commitment in my book.

i would tell her you need some "space" or some "time alone" & than date the other gal.

good luck.

Good advice. Resist the temptation to avoid all pain and begin a new relationship, or continue the old one, with deceit. There are conseqences to that we dont even fathom, even if we never get caught. There is no feeling like being upfront and completely honest with whomever you are with bor. If either girls is that special dont ruin it by having a pointless lie sitting between you the entire time.

And if you are caught, you will have irreevocably destroyed whatever bond you had with either. The relationship might continue, but it will never be the same

 

[Robert Jan]

put it in her pooper