i wasn't trying to attack you either but you have to look at how you phrase your question before you write it... i don't know what anyone goes through in their personal lives, i just try to help and answer questions as accurately as possible... i do know one thing... i used to party 5 nights a week... i did drugs, i drank, i stayed up all night long, but you know what, no matter that, depression, wtfever was going on in my life, my a$$ got up every day (sleep or no sleep) and went to the f'ng gym and busted my a$$... i mean, some days, i would puke after cardio and still go hard at my lifting, just from all the partying... point being, it doesn't matter what is going on in your life, the gym is always there for you and you should always go to it, depressed, messed up, whatever the case... now, you have a choice... i think by what your saying, you really want to make some good gains and it sounds like your heart is in the right direction... so bust your a$$ and you will get your gains back... if you made the gains once, you can do it again... do it natty for about 3 months and see where your at... if your getting a lot of gains back, hit your cycle up, if no, go until you've gotten back some of what you had before... good luck man...