Why do some people not even try to fend for themselves??

[H_T_]

I hope so. His mother falls for it every time. He can sleep like no one I have ever known in my life. It could be 2:00 in the afternoon before he gets out of bed only to go lay on the couch. I'm sure there are other things behind it like Blueta says but I also think that he is manipulating the situation and has confidence that his mother and younger brother won't let him end up with out food and a place to live. They're even making his car payment and giving him gas money. I think it's disrespecful to put that kind of burden on other people to take care of him when they struggle to take care of themselves as it is. He is used to being taken care of for sure.

where's dad?

 

[Big Rick Rock]

The needs a beating and a talking to.

 

[smt]

where's dad?

His dad killed himself about 12 years ago. I realize that this has a definate link to his characteristics now, but at the same time, he's never been made to have responsibility and never really had much structure. By continuing to cater to him like she is, his mother is only making the situation worse for him and IMO, it will not help him at all in the long run. She won't always be around to wait on him and there's no one else that will do it.

 

[H_T_]

His dad killed himself about 12 years ago. I realize that this has a definate link to his characteristics now, but at the same time, he's never been made to have responsibility and never really had much structure. By continuing to cater to him like she is, his mother is only making the situation worse for him and IMO, it will not help him at all in the long run. She won't always be around to wait on him and there's no one else that will do it.

one of the first links to dysfunction is the broken family. a missing dad is usually a big part of any slacker traits. cuz dads will put a foot in someones ass when needed. he might need some therapy to find the underlying problem, maybe spur on some growth.....

 

[BNG]

The suicide of his father is sure to have played a huge part but to be honest...

..his mother has babied him because she feels bad about it and has crippled him. He has not been taught to function. He probably does need some therapy of sorts and probably has been living in a depressed environment for the last 9 years. He needs help. But he needs help in developing himself, not more pampering.

 

[H_T_]

The suicide of his father is sure to have played a huge part but to be honest...

..his mother has babied him because she feels bad about it and has crippled him. He has not been taught to function. He probably does need some therapy of sorts and probably has been living in a depressed environment for the last 9 years. He needs help. But he needs help in developing himself, not more pampering.

moms make awful dads...

 

[ceo]

The suicide of his father is sure to have played a huge part but to be honest...

..his mother has babied him because she feels bad about it and has crippled him. He has not been taught to function. He probably does need some therapy of sorts and probably has been living in a depressed environment for the last 9 years. He needs help. But he needs help in developing himself, not more pampering.

most likely, you are right about this. My feelings are that he is definitely being enabled. He will continue to take advantage of this until his mom dies too. Then, he will turn to siblings. Eventually, this kid will end up living off all of us and our tax dollars will support him...UNLESS his mom and everyone else stops enabling him.

Has he gone to college? If not put his ass in school and tell him if he wants his shit paid for to maintain a 3.5 average. Why not? It's not like he has work to interfere with studies? Don't want to go to school? Get a job! Don't want to get and KEEP a job? Get the fuck out and pay your own way! You're 21! Time to take on some responsibility. If you're "disabled" then have yourself certified and get some Disability Income so I can have some help supporting your crippled ass! Oh, I'm selling your car and you can save up and buy soemthing that no one will have to make payments on. You don't have a job so you don't need a car anyway, right?

The kid needs some tough love to go with his "counseling".

 

[smt]

I know he has been to counseling. I think he does need tough love along with more couseling. As far as school goes, he continues to tell me that he wants to go but never picks up the phone or drives down to one of the schools here. I have helped he and his brother myself with that by getting contact info for the schools and telling them who they can talk to about enrollment and student loans etc. He just flat won't do it. I agree that his mother is enabling him. Not to mention, he has had a lack of structure for a long time. Never even finished high school, he just quit going. She didn't make him go back but did make him get a GED. He is a very smart person, just has no ambition. He is just constantly looking for a way out of any sort of responsibility. The excuse used to be that he was too tired and stressed, then it went to small things like cold/flu, now it's acute pain that he's saying keeps him from being able to lift or walk etc. Unless she handles him differently, I don't see it changing.

 

[ceo]

I know he has been to counseling. I think he does need tough love along with more couseling. As far as school goes, he continues to tell me that he wants to go but never picks up the phone or drives down to one of the schools here. I have helped he and his brother myself with that by getting contact info for the schools and telling them who they can talk to about enrollment and student loans etc. He just flat won't do it. I agree that his mother is enabling him. Not to mention, he has had a lack of structure for a long time. Never even finished high school, he just quit going. She didn't make him go back but did make him get a GED. He is a very smart person, just has no ambition. He is just constantly looking for a way out of any sort of responsibility. The excuse used to be that he was too tired and stressed, then it went to small things like cold/flu, now it's acute pain that he's saying keeps him from being able to lift or walk etc. Unless she handles him differently, I don't see it changing.

I have a brother who is JUST like this. I am telling you, it will not change. My parents kept buying/paying for everything for him until just a couple months ago when he finally got his ass on some government assistance. He only did this because he's realizing that my parents won't be around much longer and he won't be able to get any $ from anyone else. My brother is 42. So, in 20 years, unless someone kicks this kid's ass...this is what he'll still be doing.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

beause he hasnt been in a situation where he has no other choice but to fend for himself

neccessity is a hell of a thing