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velvett

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Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.


He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair; and
Perhaps it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her
lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death b y his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To
Blame, and I'm A Victim.
 
Youngest of two.

My brother was a Republican, voted a "straight NRA ticket". He's dead now, for all the good it did him.
 
MightyMouse69 said:
the Democratic Party should rename itself to the Victim Party

Only if the GOP rename themselves the Perpetrator Party. Or at least The Aggressor Party.
 
Pretty good except for the woman and the coffee. The coffee was heated to a degree much hotter than you could brew it at home and caused 3rd degree burns. At least that's the way I remember it.
 
biteme said:
Pretty good except for the woman and the coffee. The coffee was heated to a degree much hotter than you could brew it at home and caused 3rd degree burns. At least that's the way I remember it.
what, so she oftens spills coffee in her lap at home and thought "so it'll be ok to spill this in my lap...AAARRGHHHH!!!"
nah man, stuff like that annoys me, you shouldnt be able to sue someone because your a clumsy twat
 
biteme said:
Pretty good except for the woman and the coffee. The coffee was heated to a degree much hotter than you could brew it at home and caused 3rd degree burns. At least that's the way I remember it.
what temperature do they boil water at in the us?
 
JayC9 said:
what temperature do they boil water at in the us?

The liquid was heated to such a degree that it caused 3rd degree burns. You wouldn't spill boiling water on you because you know it would fuck you up... You wouldn't think that coffee would be hot enough to cause 3rd degree burns, but it was... The case had merit or she would not have won. McDonald's was required to lower the temp of the coffee to a safer level.. If I remember the details correctly.
 
Mr. dB said:
Only if the GOP rename themselves the Perpetrator Party. Or at least The Aggressor Party.

Or the Oppressor party.
 
biteme said:
The liquid was heated to such a degree that it caused 3rd degree burns. You wouldn't spill boiling water on you because you know it would fuck you up... You wouldn't think that coffee would be hot enough to cause 3rd degree burns, but it was... The case had merit or she would not have won. McDonald's was required to lower the temp of the coffee to a safer level.. If I remember the details correctly.
as the first post in this thread says, it's the death of common sense. but what is with these people, anyway? if i had ordered a coffee and spilt it in my lap, burns or no burns, i would consider it my fault for being clumsy, not whoever sold me the coffee because it was 'too hot'
 
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