When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thread)

[shrimp poboy]

My GF is pulling her hair out right now nobody in her family can handle the mother anymore the dementia is getting worse every day,shes constantly sick,shes a mean woman and extremely difficult to handle.I keep telling her that she should look into the program i found(its like old person daycare in a nice facility that medicaid pays for)But she keeps telling me that they are gonna drug her and shes just not ready for that.Anyone been thru this?

 

[Cutiebaby]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Have not been through it and will not..Well not until an awefully bad circumstance limits me from tending to my mom on my own.

I started out in nursing homes, they are fucking horrible. Diapers, double the chuck pads, incomplete bed baths, no teeth brushing, ripping out hair while brushing, elders being told to STFU when they clearly cannot prevent themselves...THe hole nine fucking yards.

My mother will start out being taken care of by me. Some people are more tolerable. I happen to love azheimer patients and find them interesting. Dementia as well. Then I think I will have private care in our home for her. No nursing homes!!

 

[jfn2]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

My GF is pulling her hair out right now nobody in her family can handle the mother anymore the dementia is getting worse every day,shes constantly sick,shes a mean woman and extremely difficult to handle.I keep telling her that she should look into the program i found(its like old person daycare in a nice facility that medicaid pays for)But she keeps telling me that they are gonna drug her and shes just not ready for that.Anyone been thru this?

dude. we tried taking care of my grandfather for a while, as we felt we should, but it was such a strain on everything and everyone. we felt as if it was the right thing to do to try and take care of him on our own. we owed it to the guy to try at least. it did NOT work out. i mean, we are not qualified for that kinda stuff. yes, we care, but situations came up where CARING doesn't mean anything. we needed qualified medical help. i understand you HATE to do that to someone you love, but sometimes you HAVE to.

 

[shrimp poboy]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Have not been through it and will not..Well not until an awefully bad circumstance limits me from tending to my mom on my own.

I started out in nursing homes, they are fucking horrible. Diapers, double the chuck pads, incomplete bed baths, no teeth brushing, ripping out hair while brushing, elders being told to STFU when they clearly cannot prevent themselves...THe hole nine fucking yards.

My mother will start out being taken care of by me. Some people are more tolerable. I happen to love azheimer patients and find them interesting. Dementia as well. Then I think I will have private care in our home for her. No nursing homes!!

Thanks angel it sounds like you have experience but this woman is making my gf's life(And mine)Really,Really difficult .Ive been SO patient(Even though i joke around here)We have had so many weekends together interupted by one of her siblings screaming at her saying to come get the mom because they cant take it anymore and all I have done is be supportive of everything.I mean does it have to end up with her having a nervous breakdown before a decision like this is made?

 

[miplank]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

let her move into your house

 

[shrimp poboy]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

let her move into your house

Thats not possible

 

[miplank]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Thats not possible

sure it is

 

[cindylou]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

I strongly think that kids should take care of their parents in old age. Sometimes that cant be done physically or the parent dangers themselves (i.e starts fires and wont quit trying to cook) At that time i suppose you have no choice.

 

[CajunSaint]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Have not been through it and will not..Well not until an awefully bad circumstance limits me from tending to my mom on my own.

I started out in nursing homes, they are fucking horrible. Diapers, double the chuck pads, incomplete bed baths, no teeth brushing, ripping out hair while brushing, elders being told to STFU when they clearly cannot prevent themselves...THe hole nine fucking yards.

My mother will start out being taken care of by me. Some people are more tolerable. I happen to love azheimer patients and find them interesting. Dementia as well. Then I think I will have private care in our home for her. No nursing homes!!

hat is not true abut all nursing homes at all!!!! Shrimp. my uncle got into a car accident when he was 17 and became paralyzed from the waist dwn and on the whole right side of his upper body. my aunt take of him untl he was 50. then they put him in a nursing home and everyone treats him really well. dude if your looking for a really good nurning home check out St. Margarets, everyone there is really nice and take good care of everyone. go check it out

 

[shrimp poboy]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

hat is not true abut all nursing homes at all!!!! Shrimp. my uncle got into a car accident when he was 17 and became paralyzed from the waist dwn and on the whole right side of his upper body. my aunt take of him untl he was 50. then they put him in a nursing home and everyone treats him really well. dude if your looking for a really good nurning home check out St. Margarets, everyone there is really nice and take good care of everyone. go check it out

Shes Vietnamese,she doesnt speak english,and she lives in Biloxi bro

 

[CajunSaint]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

go check out reviewd of nurning homes in biloxi man. that way every time you go visit her you can let your girl go see her and you duck off at beau rivage lol

 

[musclemom]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

There's a difference between adult day care and placing her in a nursing facility.

The truth, harsh as it may sound, comes down to your quality of life versus theirs. If they are severely demented, belligerent, incapable of handling most activities of daily living/requiring near constant supervision and specialty medical care, then you're looking at long term placement or at the very least having an aid come in most days of the week. Adult day care will not take someone like that, it's too disruptive and dangerous to the other clients.

Nursing homes have changed but there are some nasty ones. It all depends on what kind of LTC insurance (if any) Mom has. The other component is how involved the family is with the day to day life of the patient.

I'd look into having an aid come to the house first, get a break from the day to day shit, and have mom properly assessed by a neurologist/neuropsychologist or at the very least a geriatric specialist. There are medications that can help with dementia or at least with the psychosis and sundowning that goes with it.

Dealing with an ill, demanding, demented family member will wreck your life, your relationship and your health. I wasn't kidding when I said it comes down to weighing your quality of life (when you've still got 30 or so good years ahead of you), versus their quality of life, when half the time they don't know what's going on anyway and they treat you like shit.

There are no right answers, just better solutions.

 

[BlueBird]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Yeah, if the only alternative is long term care, then as MM said, due diligence in ensuring the loved one is properly cared for, meds adminstered, and any sort of PT/OT applied. It's kinda sad because one expects all these things to run as clockwork in a care facility, but they often times do not for whatever reasons. Best thing is to have family members scheduled for routine visits as well as *surprise* ones. Ideally, the granny should get a visit per day and perhaps family can also take her home for a day over the weekends.

 

[shrimp poboy]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Great advice MM and bluebird as well as all others i appreciate that

 

[Cutiebaby]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Thanks angel it sounds like you have experience but this woman is making my gf's life(And mine)Really,Really difficult .Ive been SO patient(Even though i joke around here)We have had so many weekends together interupted by one of her siblings screaming at her saying to come get the mom because they cant take it anymore and all I have done is be supportive of everything.I mean does it have to end up with her having a nervous breakdown before a decision like this is made?

Nope. Not all people are prepared and can deal with such situations. Personally I know my two brothers would throw my mom in a nursing home sooo damn fast my head would spin as they run by to get her there. Lol...

I do have experience which makes it easier for me. Obviously it is stressful having to tend to someone who does not have the correct mindset. It will be hard having her in a nursing home, if she really is that bad. Take my word. Either way it sucks.

The best option is to feel out some nursing homes. Don't go meet the DON (director of nursing) or the administrator. Tell them to eat shit, cause they will tell your girl whatever she wants to hear. Tell them you want to walk around the building, you want to see their alzheimer unit, go there when they are either eating or getting ready for after nap. Then and bed time are the two most neglectful times where residents get neglected, stuffed into bed, and ignored. Go to various places and see.

Is there a way she would be capable of assisted living? Does she receive ssi and medicare? Can she get a nursing assistant to come to the house to assist her with the mom so she can have a life?

There are so many questions, but ultimately this has to be her decision. This is her mother, and we only get one! Be sensitive towards her and this dilemma.

 

[shrimp poboy]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

Angel Thank you,This woman is not a nice person and she doesnt speak any english AT ALL.My gf knows that as soon as she has to be looked after inorder to do it she will be drugged and that is her biggest fear.

 

[bigtravis]

Re: When do you make the decision to put a parent into the nursing home?(Serious thre

My GF is pulling her hair out right now nobody in her family can handle the mother anymore the dementia is getting worse every day,shes constantly sick,shes a mean woman and extremely difficult to handle.I keep telling her that she should look into the program i found(its like old person daycare in a nice facility that medicaid pays for)But she keeps telling me that they are gonna drug her and shes just not ready for that.Anyone been thru this?

Nice can fool you. I went through this with my grandma three different homes over an 8 year period. Assisted living till she started chasing women down the halls with pencils. Then to a full care facility and eventually she aquired full case of alsheimers.