what the hell is going on?

[cal]

I've been friends with a girl from grad school for now like 3 months.

Right from the start we had great chemistry and flirted a lot. From the first day she complimented my body and said that she was attracted to me physically.

We have had many arguments right from the start. We argue like we are lovers or something. Every single time its me being a jerk. I always apologize. She has told me on several occasions that I would be the perfect boyfriend for her, if I wouldn't be so mean to her sometimes. I do admit that sometimes in our arguments I say things that I regret and that it hurts her for sure. She compliments me all the time, ...about my body, clothes, being "cute", funny, and outgoing. I pretty much never compliment her, and she said that is part of the problem. I sometimes don't treat her like a lady ...when she asks if I think she is pretty, normally I act like an idiot and say no.

We have a very strange interaction, where we both feel the need to one up each other. She says I try to put her in her place, and I said the same. In public we do this alot. When we are alone we have some great conversations and really "connect" as she put it. She says I'm a little full of myself...she has also told me on several occasions that she wants to marry someone like her dad, and that I'm so much like him. Also when I talk to other girls she acts really annoyed with me and ...when I dont want to go out she gets really mad ...says if I dont go she will never talk to me again...etc. We have very simliar personalities and in some ways I dont think I have ever connected with someone in this way.

I need some input.
Should I bother to continue this...is she giving me the signal that if started treating her like a lady ...she would give me a whirl?

 

[cal]

Also she sent me an IM
the other day, where we discuseed our "freindship"

and she admitted that as hard as it is to admit for her, that she...has more fun and feels more connected with me than anyone in grad school...but that it is hard for her to admit, bc I act like a the "sweetest gentleman" as she put it one minute and then the next minute, I act like she isn't important to me...and that I'm all about me.

She asked...if I feel like we connect. I said yes. And she said that she feels really connected to me when we are alone and ...can be down to earth with each other about our feelings etc...I said ...I agreed. She responded...then why are you hesistating?

What did she mean by this?

 

[Puddles]

Sounds like you two have a lot going there. Maybe it would work if you could learn to "think before you speak" and try to think about how your words will affect her before you say them. If you do it long enough, it will become natural.

The "why are you hesitating" comment...that could mean that she's waiting for you to make that first move of intimacy. Next time you see her, just take her in your arms, pull her close, look into her eyes and tell her she's wonderful, then give her a long gentle kiss and see what happens.

 

[Big Jroy]

If you two are arguing allready and you're not even officially dating, then don't get involved emotionally with her. Keep it at a friendship status. Trust me on this one.

 

[Digger Dan]

Sounds like you two have a lot going there. Maybe it would work if you could learn to "think before you speak" and try to think about how your words will affect her before you say them. If you do it long enough, it will become natural.

The "why are you hesitating" comment...that could mean that she's waiting for you to make that first move of intimacy. Next time you see her, just take her in your arms, pull her close, look into her eyes and tell her she's wonderful, then give her a long gentle kiss and see what happens.

Two things that I have learned the hard way!

Wise words.

 

[cal]

Big suprise,

We had our biggest fight yet. She almost hung the phone up on me several times...first 90 minutes went awful, but we ended on a good note, and talked for about an hour or so afterwards.

I really do think I have a problem sometimes, BC ppl I like and care about emotionally, I say a lot of hurtful things. I think I'm starting to learn that my charm might not compensate for the hurtful things I say. I'm such a gentleman to girls that I have no emotional connection with, and treat her as she put it "like total shit" and...act like "a complete jerk, that obviously doesn't care about her". She talked after initial argument about how she thinks I sometimes hate her and that I'm so difficult to understand...and that she is so hurt ...by some of the things I say to her. She said she doesn't believe me ...when I do say I care about her. She pointed out if that was the case, I wouldn't say the things I say to her. When we are in argument I usually say something stupid like..."I never want to talk to you ever again...I dont even want to see you again"...I know that she has been almost at the point of crying when we talk...afterwards...I couldn't really show her how badly I felt ...BC she is not in town...She again said that she doesnt understand why I need to put her in her place, BC she likes everything about me...except this part of my personality...Said she loves my sense of humor, my body, looks, and my confidence...Just if I could lose the hurtful comments and such. I guess I will just be freinds ...and see how things go...at this point I think that ...I have been a complete jerk a few too many times...that she might never...ever trust me in that way...



She always says something that is positive and ...indicates I should just stop doing this part...and things would work out fine...

 

[TxArmyGuy]

You think things will be better if you "Change" I would imagine that she will find something else to not like, but if you think it would better you as a person to make a change or some changes go right ahead


My experiences with women who feel I have a need for some "Changes" tend to work so hard to make me different and dont end up liking what they get when the changes are made

 

[KAYNE]

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW YOU ARE BEING A DICK TO HER SOMETIMES. WHY DONT YOU JUST STOP!!! START TREATING HER LIKE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER RATHER THAN YOU ARE INTERESTED IN YOU. ITS OBVIOUS YOU LIKE HER OR WHATEVER AND IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE, ITS OBVIOUS SHE LIKES YOU. OPEN YOUR EYES AND GIVE IT A TRY. WHAT CAN YOU LOSE? JUST DONT BE SO MUCH OF A DICK THAT YOU LOSE YOUR FRIEND IF THINGS DONT WORK OUT.

ON A SIDE NOTE, WHAT IS YOUR BACHELORS DEGREE IN? WHERE DID YOU GO FOR IT AND WHAT ARE YOU GETTING YOUR MASTERS DEGREE IN (AND WHERE)? LOTS OF QUESTIONS BUT I'M PUTTING SERIOUS THOUGHT INTO GOING AWAY FOR MY MASTERS. I GRADUATE THIS UPCOMING SEMESTER AND I'M TRYING TO GET A LITTLE INPUT.



KAYNE

 

[Imnotdutch]

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW YOU ARE BEING A DICK TO HER SOMETIMES. WHY DONT YOU JUST STOP!!! START TREATING HER LIKE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER RATHER THAN YOU ARE INTERESTED IN YOU. ITS OBVIOUS YOU LIKE HER OR WHATEVER AND IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE, ITS OBVIOUS SHE LIKES YOU. OPEN YOUR EYES AND GIVE IT A TRY. WHAT CAN YOU LOSE? JUST DONT BE SO MUCH OF A DICK THAT YOU LOSE YOUR FRIEND IF THINGS DONT WORK OUT.
KAYNE

I agree with Kayne.

 

[cal]

I'm actually in my first year of Law School.

Got my BS in poli sci from a private catholic school in California.