The wrong motivation

[p60]

Lately going to the gym has been getting much worse. I dread the drive to the gym, and when I get there it doesn't get better. I have to drag myself thru my workouts and its a boring hell.
Infact I'm getting so sick of lifting that lately I've been skipping some workouts.

Then when I thought about it, I realized why I'm not liking this anymore..

because lately I've been doing it for the wrong reasons.

when I started lifting I was in high school sports, and it gave me a thrill do it it, because I was working towards a goal to get on the varsity team or something. It thrilled me to see lifting gains, and I loved it every day.

Somewhere along the timeline, I made a transition. Eventually the entire focus of the weight room became to improve my appearances. At first this was fun, and I enjoyed working towards getting an elite body, (which in my mind was a 5% bodyfat 165 lb 5'8" pimping stud)
after awhile though, this has become an incredible bore. I stopped trying to lose fat after I got down to 10%, and now I'm basically out of goals.
I have no desire to put on anymore size at all. Mainly because I don't really get as much of a thrill out of doing that anymore, and also because I don't want to give myself an image thats easy to stereotype. (yes i worry what other ppl think about me)


so basically I realized that all I'd been doing these last few months was maintaining myself, going in the weight room, lifting the exact same weight every week, trying to lift more sometimes but can't because I don't want to grow more muscle thus I'm not eating enough,
and well basically I'm getting real sick of it.

Trying to keep that certain exact body type that the ladies want seems like a really stupid goal, and the fun in it lasts for a few months, then it becomes a boredom from hell.


The ironic part is that I wasn't even doing this for the 'puss' either. I'm not the average guy, and I have strict moral values, like not having sex before marriage.
So pretty much the only reason why I was doing this was more so for dating, and that girls would maybe like me more.

Then I learned something. The guy has to ask the girl out in all cases, and that I need to work on my personality WAY more than anything else.
I realized that personality matters way more in a relationship on both ends, for my purposes, and that truthfully I shouldn't be so focused and obsessed about appearances, and that as long as they are good i should be fine.

I'd been trying to be a perfectionist all summer, and now I've realized why I hate tanning, hate lifting just for looks, etc.
Because I'm simply not that kind of a person!



But now for the real question and reason for why I made this post,

what should I do now? this affects everything I stood for, and this realization is too much for me.

lets see, here were the other reasons why I lifted:

1. It was exercise (although I'd much rather do cardio, and that is better exercise)

2. It makes me stronger (but since i'm not in sports anymore or dont get in fights much i rarely need the strength)

3. It was a fun hobby to try to lift more each week. (for some reason that just isnt fun anymore)

I dunno, I still think I should do a little lifting, just because it is good for you, but I want to back off a lot.

Do you guys have any ideas for what I should do?

or should I just bug off because I'm obviously not the body builder type, and dont have that desire

 

[wizardnor]

hate to say is i fill the same way mabe we need time off but i know i'll be BACK!

 

[Beezers]

Well, you've uncovered the first step to getting back on track and that's acknowledging that you're doing it for the wrong reasonsand it has become a chore. This is why this should NEVER be done for females. You have to be in the gym for YOU and your goals, not to meet percieved standards fo what others think. You're living in an artificial existance if you're always worrying about what others think of you. You will never know exactly what other people think of you and that is why you can only control the way you think of yourself. You have to be you, not the status quo.

Bodybuilding is about the apearance of ones physique, but that does not mean it has to be directed towards other people perceptions. In a way it is an art form and every artist has thier own unique and personal style. This is no different what it comes to sculpting a body. You make of your body what you want to see, not what you think others want to see. Myself as an example am a mass addict. I love the size game and the feeling of pushing for more and more size every workout and every meal. I just like pure mass. I don't give a shit if I'm too big for some girls liking. There's many more out there will thier eyes fully foccues on me waiting for the big stud(me) to come talk to them. I get a confidence kick because I'm ambitious about my goals and see in the mirror what I want to see from myself.

You have to establish why you're in the gym. This is why you can see a 300 pound tub of lard powerlifter be perfectly content with himself....Because he knows why he's in the gym...he has goals. Maybe you should take up power lifting? Not all of them are lard asses.

You can't do this for other people. You have to find joy and pride in your workouts. More importantly (esspecially in your case) you have to find yourself. You're always whining about something never knowing what you want, how to get it, or what to do. Find out from yourself what your goals are....YOUR goals, not goals shaped by your imaginary perceptions of what others think. Work on that personality thing....That's what lands to laddies. As long as you're not obese or absolutely hiteous you've got a chance with any chick. That means the body image thing is entirely up to your determination, not society's.

 

[serge]

Well, you've uncovered the first step to getting back on track and that's acknowledging that you're doing it for the wrong reasonsand it has become a chore. This is why this should NEVER be done for females. You have to be in the gym for YOU and your goals, not to meet percieved standards fo what others think. You're living in an artificial existance if you're always worrying about what others think of you. You will never know exactly what other people think of you and that is why you can only control the way you think of yourself. You have to be you, not the status quo.

Bodybuilding is about the apearance of ones physique, but that does not mean it has to be directed towards other people perceptions. In a way it is an art form and every artist has thier own unique and personal style. This is no different what it comes to sculpting a body. You make of your body what you want to see, not what you think others want to see. Myself as an example am a mass addict. I love the size game and the feeling of pushing for more and more size every workout and every meal. I just like pure mass. I don't give a shit if I'm too big for some girls liking. There's many more out there will thier eyes fully foccues on me waiting for the big stud(me) to come talk to them. I get a confidence kick because I'm ambitious about my goals and see in the mirror what I want to see from myself.

You have to establish why you're in the gym. This is why you can see a 300 pound tub of lard powerlifter be perfectly content with himself....Because he knows why he's in the gym...he has goals. Maybe you should take up power lifting? Not all of them are lard asses.

You can't do this for other people. You have to find joy and pride in your workouts. More importantly (esspecially in your case) you have to find yourself. You're always whining about something never knowing what you want, how to get it, or what to do. Find out from yourself what your goals are....YOUR goals, not goals shaped by your imaginary perceptions of what others think. Work on that personality thing....That's what lands to laddies. As long as you're not obese or absolutely hiteous you've got a chance with any chick. That means the body image thing is entirely up to your determination, not society's.

so, Beez shows his carying side........lol, but you are right, one should set "REALISTIC" short term and long term goals and go after them, do them for YOURSELF first, although other peoples opinion of your apperance will always matter, especially as you make improvements to you physique

 

[adoniscomplex]

I can't remember who posted this, but I feel it might fit in this thread. If whoever originally posted this, sees this, then, by all means take credit for it. I will edit my post if I can find who originally posted it in order to give credit where credit is do.

This summs up my thoughts exactly!

Read...and you will get chills!





Guest Atomic Dog
Merry Christmas, Bob
by Chris Shugart


WHY WE TRAIN


Note: Since most of our readers are probably busy around this time of year, this issue and the next will be a little shorter than usual. Don't worry, though, there's still plenty of info here to keep you busy for a few hours.

"So, what are you doing for a living these days?" Bob asked me. We're sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you know, the ones where you're supposed to be nice to family members you never see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife's brother-in-law's second cousin or something.

"I'm the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine," I say. Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I'd just told him I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open franchises across the nation.

"It's a bodybuilding magazine," I say.

Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing trigonometry.

"Oh," Bob finally says, "I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder guys or something. So, what's that like, you know, working out every day and stuff? I just don't have time to lift weights all day, but I have been meaning to get rid of this beer belly." He takes another sip of beer. "What do you suggest?" Sip.

At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, "You can't tell I'm a bodybuilder?! Look at my ass! Now, if that's not a nice round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don't know what is! You think that comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk? Do ya? Do ya?"

Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using the money to buy a power rack, so I didn't want to jeopardize this gift getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn't fit that image. I'm not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5'11" right now. (When I first started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that's not too shabby.) Also, I wasn't wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and one of those little fanny packs. And isn't that what real bodybuilders are supposed to wear?

Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he'd come this close to seeing some serious walnut- crunching ass power. I tried to figure out how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel, how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this:

"Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don't stand on stage and compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we'll look good naked. Sure, it's healthy too, and we'll probably live a longer and more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it's about the naked thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that.

"Let's be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our inspiration, Bob. You're better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak Chopra, and Zig fucking Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You're my shot in the arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success coach.

"You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We're too busy to train, too, but we overcome. We're too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can't always afford supplements, our genetics aren't perfect, and we don't always feel like going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what? We've overcome.

"We like to watch 'normal' people like you tell us about how they can't get in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but actually, we're thinking that you're a pathetic piece of shit that needs to grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just can't stay motivated and just can't stand that feeling of being sore. (For some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies them.) We listen to you bitch and moan. We watch you look for the easy way out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout.

"You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer some guidance, but deep inside we know you won't take our advice. You know that too. We smile and say, 'Hope that helps. Good luck,' but actually we're thinking, 'Boy, it would suck to be you.' We know that 99% of people won't listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and discipline, they stop listening and tune us out.

"We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it just isn't. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers' 'Get Skinny' diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95.

"We like it that while you're eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew, we're sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better to us. While you're asleep we're either getting up early or staying up late, hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you relate? No? Good. This wouldn't be half as fun if you could.

"We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because people like you, Bob, either can't or won't. We do it because what we do in the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us, physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it's like to turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you're built? It feels good, Bob. Damned good.

"When we're in the gym, we're in this indescribable euphoria zone. It's a feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven't been there, then it's like trying to describe color to a person who's been blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there's knowledge and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob, there's even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn't even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a neat package of iron plates and bars.

"Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the fucking beer. I'll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I'm getting up real early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train. The gym will be closed, so I'm going out in my garage to workout. You be at my house at six in the morning, okay? I'll be glad to help you get started on a weight training program. It'll be colder than Hillary Clinton's coochie in there, so dress warm.

"But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don't show up, don't bother asking me again. And don't you ever sit there and let me hear you bitch about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to break out of that rut. If you don't show up, Bob, you've learned a very important lesson about yourself, haven't you? You won't like that lesson.

"You won't like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty goddamned nasty, but what you'll be experiencing will be much worse. It will be the knowledge that you're weak, mentally and physically. What's worse is that you'll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you. In the happiest moments of your life, it'll be there, lying under the surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob.

"Don't look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas present you'll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I'm going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me to you. I'm giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers and say, 'Step off, bitch. This is my party and you're not invited.' What do you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your court."

Okay, so maybe that's not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don't know, but I kind of doubt it. In fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably thinks I've got "too much Testosterone," like that's a bad thing. I think Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.

The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which won't be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what it'll take to get it.

If you're a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like Bob. But maybe you've caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe you've missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn't because of the holidays or any corny New Year's resolutions either. The best time is always now.

Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your regularily scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you be doing at six o'clock that morning?

That's what separates us from guys like Bob.

.................................................................................................


DAMN! SEE YOU GUYS LATER...I'M OFF TO THE GYM!

 

[Dr.M]

Take a week off and see how you feel, me, I usually start to feel guilty and like I'm losing the meat I do have, so I am eager to get back in and make up for my "goofing off". If you don't feel that way, then re-evaluate the situation.

GL

 

[p60]

i guess the problem is that I don't really have a goal physique for myself, and I think it's weird trying to achieve one.

I think the sport of bodybuilding is weird in trying to become a massive artistic statue, and I guess it just doesn't appeal to me, lol.
lifting to become stronger did appeal to me back when I was playing football.

I don't know if power lifting is really my thing. I dont know if it would really interest me that much.
Sports are more interesting to me. Maybe thats what I should be doing more of.

Another thing is that I don't want to become big, there is just this stereotype that goes along with big ppl that I just don't want to have to deal with.
call me weak, call me someone who cares too much about what others think,
but I simply dont think its worth it for me, to try to become really strong or really big, when its going to change my image to one that gets stereotyped.

I think the only real solution for me here, is just to lift to be healthy for now, and if I want to do more later then ill go for it.