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The Shadow
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Most men ask me the same question over and over again: "When is the best time to approach a woman?" The best way to answer this one is by first observing what the typical male and female thoughts consist of, and then understanding why people behave in such a way.
The following is an example of the typical thoughts that go through both a man and woman's head, at different stages of the pickup mission. I'm sure this will sound familiar to many of you.
Stage One -- The Scouting (12 AM)
Steve: Wow, so many beautiful women. I better meet one tonight. Oh wow, look at that blonde, hmm she's hot -- maybe a little too hot for me.
Aiee, can you believe the breasts on that redhead? Actually, she might be a little too skanky for me.
Oh my God there she is, the beautiful brunette of my dreams. She has every physical trait I can ask for. I hope she's nice too. Okay, it's time to make my move.
On second thought, maybe I should get a drink first and see if she'll give me some eye contact before making my move.
Sabrina: Oh God, why did I decide to come? I feel like a piece of meat, every man in this room is looking at me like they want to fondle my body. I mean I enjoy the attention, but why can't they be a little more discreet?
Stage Two -- The Observation (12:30 AM)
Steve: This beer sure goes down smooth. Okay now, where's my brunette? Let me get a little closer to her to see if I can get a good vibe.
Oh my God she looked at me. Okay turn away, I don't want to show that I'm desperate. On second thought, let me look back at her.
Oh my God she smiled at me. Can you believe this? I'm getting all the signals I can ask for. Okay, it's time to make my move. But what will I say to her? I need to relax; it's time for another beer.
Sabrina: Oh he's cute, and he looks like a respectable man. I wonder if he's noticed me yet. Let me see if he's interested in me.
Well he did make eye contact. But he looked away. Maybe he's shy. I'll smile at him to let him know I'm open to meeting him.
Oh no, he looked away again and he's leaving. I guess he's just not interested.
What happens when you hesitate too long?
Stage Three -- The Hesitation (1 AM)
Steve: Okay, I got the right signals. Tonight I'm going to make my move. There's no holding back. Here I go. But wait, what if she rejects me? What will people think if they see me getting rejected?
On second thought, maybe I'll look for someone else. But she did look at me. What do I do? Do I take the chance or not? The last thing I want is to be rejected again. Let me get one more drink to loosen up.
Sabrina: He's been looking at me all night long. Why won't he approach me? He must really be shy or have low self-esteem. Or maybe he's a stalker.
Stage Four -- The Distraction (1:30 AM)
Steve: Yup, it's a real good night tonight. The women are fine, the beer tastes good, and I had a gorgeous brunette smile my way. Things could not get better. Okay, now I'm absolutely going in for the kill.
Look at that blonde with the tight pink tank top and the short mini skirt. I'd sure like to have a piece of that a**. Okay, enough distractions, back to my brunette.
Damn! Who's that ugly guy talking to her? Is it her boyfriend? No, it looks like he's making small talk. Damn, I took too long, now I have to wait and hope he gets shot down. Better get another beer.
Sabrina: Yes, finally he's walking my way. Thank God. Oh, how's my hair? Okay girl, pucker your lips and stick out that chest.
What? He's checking that skank out! Well, screw him. He's just looking for anyone to bring to bed. He's not interested in my uniqueness. Why does it not surprise me?
Oh God, not another one of these pigs. I'm going to have to tolerate this one too. At least the other one was cute.
Stage Five -- The Denial & Excuses (2 AM)
Steve: Another wasted opportunity. She probably wouldn't have talked to me anyways. Yeah, she was a big-time snob. She didn't even come close to me. I'll bet she meets all kinds of men. Anyways, she seems high-maintenance. A girl like that can only be trouble.
Sabrina: I can't believe these men. They're all the same. All they think about is sex. They're bold when it comes to sex, but as soon as it comes to talking to a woman, their testicles seem to shrivel up.
Stage Six -- The Execution (2:30 AM)
Steve: Oh, what's this? Ouch, he got shot down. Okay, now I'm definitely executing my plan. I'm going to approach her. Oh God, I'm nervous. What do I say? Think. Think. Think.
Oh, just shut up and move close to her before some other guy makes his move.
So here I am standing beside her. Let me look at her one more time to see if she's still making some eye contact.
Sabrina: What does he want now? This guy is really starting to freak me out. All he does is stand there and drink his beer. I hope he's not a stalker.
Steve: Damn, she didn't look at me. What a snob. I have nothing to lose now; I may as well introduce myself.
"Hi, I'm Steve. What's your name?"
Sabrina: What a jerk. He didn't score all night and now he's coming to me like I'm the leftover. The nerve of this drunk guy.
"Hi, I'm Sabrina."
Steve: "So Sabrina, are you having fun?"
Sabrina: "Actually Steve, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but my friends are leaving and I have to go with them. It was nice meeting you. Ba-bye."
Stage Seven -- The Recuperation (3 AM)
Steve: I knew it, she's just another snob that likes to play with men's heads. Why would she smile at me if she wasn't interested in me?
the block
The problem with most men is that when it comes to actually approaching a woman, they wet their pants. The obstacle preventing them from talking to their primary target is The Wall of P.P. (Pride and Praise).
You see, most men give too much praise to a woman they hardly know. They get so intimidated by women that they freeze in their tracks. For heaven's sake, women are not superbeings, they're normal people like all men. There is no reason for men to get all nervous around them.
Unfortunately, men turn talking to a woman into more than it really is. Most men think that they have to impress a woman, make her laugh, convince her to sleep with him or date -- and eventually marry him -- all within their first line.
Obviously, this is impossible, so most men who believe they have no chance just give up altogether. They would rather remain alone than let their pride suffer the humiliation of rejection.
the other side of the wall
Believe it or not, as long as a man is respectful, most women are open to talking to a man who knows how to conduct a smart and interesting conversation without gawking at their breasts.
However, most women also have their guards up to protect themselves against men who are only looking for sex. Usually, these women assume that men who wait too long or until the last minute to approach them are the dangerous ones to watch out for.
The female belief is that if "he waited this long to approach me, it's because he tried with everyone else, and now he's moving on to me." In order to counteract this, a man must show that he is approaching a woman because he genuinely has interest in her. The only way to do this is to approach her right away and without being distracted by other women.
rejection is part of the game
Instead of thinking that approaching a woman is like playing in the last game of the World Series (too much stress), men should think of it as batting practice. No matter how many times he misses, it doesn't matter because he won't be struck out.
I remember when I was younger; my wingmen and myself used to put $50 each in a pot. At the end of the night, whoever was rejected the most won the pot. Obviously, this made being rejected fun and worthwhile. If we happened to get phone numbers along the way, great -- that was a bonus.
The purpose of this game was for my wingmen and myself to get over the intimidation of rejection. Later on, we realized that rejection is part of the dating process and we all learned to live with it.
the three-second rule
The best time to approach a woman after getting the right signals is to follow The Three-Second Rule. All successful players abide by it.
The rule states that once a man spots a woman who meets his standards and gives him eye contact or a smile, he has three seconds to walk up to her and say, "Hi, I'm Steve, can I join you for a drink?"
If he waits any longer -- because of his hesitation -- he shouldn't even bother. He missed his window of opportunity of coming across as a sincere man who's approaching a woman because she caught his eye, rather than looking like a scavenger prowling to pick up the first woman who'll say "yes" to him.
The next time you're out with the boys, remember three words: three, two, one... and it will be game over. Until next time, keep batting and soon you'll have plenty of women wanting to play balls.
The following is an example of the typical thoughts that go through both a man and woman's head, at different stages of the pickup mission. I'm sure this will sound familiar to many of you.
Stage One -- The Scouting (12 AM)
Steve: Wow, so many beautiful women. I better meet one tonight. Oh wow, look at that blonde, hmm she's hot -- maybe a little too hot for me.
Aiee, can you believe the breasts on that redhead? Actually, she might be a little too skanky for me.
Oh my God there she is, the beautiful brunette of my dreams. She has every physical trait I can ask for. I hope she's nice too. Okay, it's time to make my move.
On second thought, maybe I should get a drink first and see if she'll give me some eye contact before making my move.
Sabrina: Oh God, why did I decide to come? I feel like a piece of meat, every man in this room is looking at me like they want to fondle my body. I mean I enjoy the attention, but why can't they be a little more discreet?
Stage Two -- The Observation (12:30 AM)
Steve: This beer sure goes down smooth. Okay now, where's my brunette? Let me get a little closer to her to see if I can get a good vibe.
Oh my God she looked at me. Okay turn away, I don't want to show that I'm desperate. On second thought, let me look back at her.
Oh my God she smiled at me. Can you believe this? I'm getting all the signals I can ask for. Okay, it's time to make my move. But what will I say to her? I need to relax; it's time for another beer.
Sabrina: Oh he's cute, and he looks like a respectable man. I wonder if he's noticed me yet. Let me see if he's interested in me.
Well he did make eye contact. But he looked away. Maybe he's shy. I'll smile at him to let him know I'm open to meeting him.
Oh no, he looked away again and he's leaving. I guess he's just not interested.
What happens when you hesitate too long?
Stage Three -- The Hesitation (1 AM)
Steve: Okay, I got the right signals. Tonight I'm going to make my move. There's no holding back. Here I go. But wait, what if she rejects me? What will people think if they see me getting rejected?
On second thought, maybe I'll look for someone else. But she did look at me. What do I do? Do I take the chance or not? The last thing I want is to be rejected again. Let me get one more drink to loosen up.
Sabrina: He's been looking at me all night long. Why won't he approach me? He must really be shy or have low self-esteem. Or maybe he's a stalker.
Stage Four -- The Distraction (1:30 AM)
Steve: Yup, it's a real good night tonight. The women are fine, the beer tastes good, and I had a gorgeous brunette smile my way. Things could not get better. Okay, now I'm absolutely going in for the kill.
Look at that blonde with the tight pink tank top and the short mini skirt. I'd sure like to have a piece of that a**. Okay, enough distractions, back to my brunette.
Damn! Who's that ugly guy talking to her? Is it her boyfriend? No, it looks like he's making small talk. Damn, I took too long, now I have to wait and hope he gets shot down. Better get another beer.
Sabrina: Yes, finally he's walking my way. Thank God. Oh, how's my hair? Okay girl, pucker your lips and stick out that chest.
What? He's checking that skank out! Well, screw him. He's just looking for anyone to bring to bed. He's not interested in my uniqueness. Why does it not surprise me?
Oh God, not another one of these pigs. I'm going to have to tolerate this one too. At least the other one was cute.
Stage Five -- The Denial & Excuses (2 AM)
Steve: Another wasted opportunity. She probably wouldn't have talked to me anyways. Yeah, she was a big-time snob. She didn't even come close to me. I'll bet she meets all kinds of men. Anyways, she seems high-maintenance. A girl like that can only be trouble.
Sabrina: I can't believe these men. They're all the same. All they think about is sex. They're bold when it comes to sex, but as soon as it comes to talking to a woman, their testicles seem to shrivel up.
Stage Six -- The Execution (2:30 AM)
Steve: Oh, what's this? Ouch, he got shot down. Okay, now I'm definitely executing my plan. I'm going to approach her. Oh God, I'm nervous. What do I say? Think. Think. Think.
Oh, just shut up and move close to her before some other guy makes his move.
So here I am standing beside her. Let me look at her one more time to see if she's still making some eye contact.
Sabrina: What does he want now? This guy is really starting to freak me out. All he does is stand there and drink his beer. I hope he's not a stalker.
Steve: Damn, she didn't look at me. What a snob. I have nothing to lose now; I may as well introduce myself.
"Hi, I'm Steve. What's your name?"
Sabrina: What a jerk. He didn't score all night and now he's coming to me like I'm the leftover. The nerve of this drunk guy.
"Hi, I'm Sabrina."
Steve: "So Sabrina, are you having fun?"
Sabrina: "Actually Steve, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but my friends are leaving and I have to go with them. It was nice meeting you. Ba-bye."
Stage Seven -- The Recuperation (3 AM)
Steve: I knew it, she's just another snob that likes to play with men's heads. Why would she smile at me if she wasn't interested in me?
the block
The problem with most men is that when it comes to actually approaching a woman, they wet their pants. The obstacle preventing them from talking to their primary target is The Wall of P.P. (Pride and Praise).
You see, most men give too much praise to a woman they hardly know. They get so intimidated by women that they freeze in their tracks. For heaven's sake, women are not superbeings, they're normal people like all men. There is no reason for men to get all nervous around them.
Unfortunately, men turn talking to a woman into more than it really is. Most men think that they have to impress a woman, make her laugh, convince her to sleep with him or date -- and eventually marry him -- all within their first line.
Obviously, this is impossible, so most men who believe they have no chance just give up altogether. They would rather remain alone than let their pride suffer the humiliation of rejection.
the other side of the wall
Believe it or not, as long as a man is respectful, most women are open to talking to a man who knows how to conduct a smart and interesting conversation without gawking at their breasts.
However, most women also have their guards up to protect themselves against men who are only looking for sex. Usually, these women assume that men who wait too long or until the last minute to approach them are the dangerous ones to watch out for.
The female belief is that if "he waited this long to approach me, it's because he tried with everyone else, and now he's moving on to me." In order to counteract this, a man must show that he is approaching a woman because he genuinely has interest in her. The only way to do this is to approach her right away and without being distracted by other women.
rejection is part of the game
Instead of thinking that approaching a woman is like playing in the last game of the World Series (too much stress), men should think of it as batting practice. No matter how many times he misses, it doesn't matter because he won't be struck out.
I remember when I was younger; my wingmen and myself used to put $50 each in a pot. At the end of the night, whoever was rejected the most won the pot. Obviously, this made being rejected fun and worthwhile. If we happened to get phone numbers along the way, great -- that was a bonus.
The purpose of this game was for my wingmen and myself to get over the intimidation of rejection. Later on, we realized that rejection is part of the dating process and we all learned to live with it.
the three-second rule
The best time to approach a woman after getting the right signals is to follow The Three-Second Rule. All successful players abide by it.
The rule states that once a man spots a woman who meets his standards and gives him eye contact or a smile, he has three seconds to walk up to her and say, "Hi, I'm Steve, can I join you for a drink?"
If he waits any longer -- because of his hesitation -- he shouldn't even bother. He missed his window of opportunity of coming across as a sincere man who's approaching a woman because she caught his eye, rather than looking like a scavenger prowling to pick up the first woman who'll say "yes" to him.
The next time you're out with the boys, remember three words: three, two, one... and it will be game over. Until next time, keep batting and soon you'll have plenty of women wanting to play balls.
