The Shit Hits the Fan....

[THeMaCHinE]

Val, I am sorry to hear how this is going. But not really surprised. Believe that there is still a chance. And thank God that you didn't marry this person and go through all of this when things were much more complex.

You are discovering things about those around you. Things that are not pretty. I suspect that you are discovering things about yourself as well. It may not seem like it, but you are undergoing a transformation, you are progressing into a more self-aware, confident and stronger individual -- even through all the craziness. You are not broken, you still have your kids, yourself and the truth. You need some space. Get away for awhile if you can.

Do not under any circumstances beat anybody up. That will work against you in court when dealing with custody/visitation preceedings. Plus there could be very real legal/financial ramifications. It won't feel good after it's done. You've done so well so far, and the desire to lash out is entirely normal, but you've got more control than that. If you wouldn't be proud explaining your actions to your child, then you should consider whether it's worth it to do it.

Get in counseling, get the book and plan "A", and start the inositol. Keep working out -- and when it gets really tough, "I am alive, I will survive" to yourself.

I know you can't see it, but you are a very strong man who is doing the right thing. Right isn't always easy, but you can never do wrong by yourself with it.

Hang in there my friend, and remember, you don't have to make any decision today, just wait it out. Things could very well still change.

 

[da big thinker]

BBV,

i haven't been on chat for awhile...but i have been wondering where you were...all i can say,is i empathize w/ your situation my brother...if you need someone to talk to,PM or call me...God knows i've had some rough luck this year as well,so this sounds all too familiar to me...stay healthy and sane...

 

[Big Brother Val]

NYMuscle... I sorta tried to do just that last night. Right now, she's absolutely impervious to anything I throw at her. I can't believe it. How on Earth she could literally not believe a thing I say. I'm trying to keep myself angry enough to just say "fuck it" and move on... but somehow it isn't working. And yeah... I have some friends who would beat the man down... but I guarantee he'd sue me. The man is spineless... and he doesn't stand a chance against me physically... he knows that.

Manny..... tempting. Very tempting.


AziaReign... thank you. (I love when ladies chime in)... I know that we would have one hell of a time surving after this. Even if she believed I was innocent... I'd never be sure she had faith in me. There would always be doubt. And you're right... that's no real way to live. But hell... living without her is going to be one hell of a challenge. Not having my "home" and family environments is a hard change. I don't want the bachelor lifestyle. I want my family. I want my home.

TEXgrl... I know... I need to stop taking her calls. And I sure as hell am not going to call her unless I need to talk about my boy.

Drizzt... There's a side of me that agree's with you... but at the same time, if I went to jail for it... which I'm sure I would... then I'm away for my children.

ZenMachine... I'm trying to be the better and stronger person. But it's hard. It's so hard to show her I don't care. Because I care so much. Thanks for chiming in.

Machine... I'm not surprised either. Just disappointed... I guess it's my own fault... when the phone rings and it's her, or she let's me go into "her" home when I drop off my son... I keep hoping there'll be some "moment" where it hits her... or she believes me... even if just a little bit. I keep looking for that spark... or the start of something positive. But last night was the worst one yet.

I really don't know how it is I'm holding together... I really don't. I know she'll be hangin' out with guys at the gym that she knows I respect... I know she'll be flaunting herself, as she LITERALLY has the best body in my gym. She's gonna be the center of attention. Bottom line. And that is going to break me down.

I hope things change, man. But I don't know if it's wise to even hope they do. To be with a woman who has this little faith in me... I don't know if it would ever work. It harms me a lot that she thinks this little of me. That may be the hardest part of the whole thing.


I really appreciate all the responses here. It's definately more than I expected, and the support is fantastic. Strange how people from around the globe can tell me I'm not a piece of shit... but the love of my life would say it's because I lied to all, and that I am a piece of shit.

Go figure.

 

[Big Brother Val]

BBV,

i haven't been on chat for awhile...but i have been wondering where you were...all i can say,is i empathize w/ your situation my brother...if you need someone to talk to,PM or call me...God knows i've had some rough luck this year as well,so this sounds all too familiar to me...stay healthy and sane...

What's up, big man? Nice to see you around.

You definately haven't been here for a while... but at the same time I haven't been on the board that much AT ALL for a while... let alone the anabolic board.

Still pickin' up the pieces I guess.

Sorry to hear some shit has hit the fan for you as well.

I'll PM you in the morning, my friend.