Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below
S
S
Spartacus
Guest
The nameless narrator of this dismal debut is a cynical 20-something living an empty, oversexed existence in L.A. He gets laid more often than he masturbates, plays video games, goes to the gym, sizes up every bitch in sight and, understandably, hates Casey, his vapid wannabe-actress girlfriend who tricks him into agreeing to marry her. He is not happy about this. Adding to his reluctance is his burgeoning "relationship" with hottie Alyna, a UCLA student who-just as Casey is an exaggerated caricature of What Men Don't Want-is the Dream Girl who likes video games and porn-style sex. (Also, Casey has a "fat ass" whereas Alyna has a "perfect ass.") When he dumps Casey for Alyna, miserable Casey declares she's pregnant, a suspicious claim that nonetheless makes Alyna bolt. A pedestrian confrontation gets Casey out of the narrator's hair and Alyna back into his bed, but now that he's got the dream girl,
http://www.amazon.com/Average-American-Male-Novel/dp/0061231673
http://www.amazon.com/Average-American-Male-Novel/dp/0061231673
S
Spartacus
Guest
he has an epiphany: "every bitch I ever fuck will ultimately become any other bitch I've ever fucked."
S
Spartacus
Guest
a view from the ladies
http://theovereducatednympho.com/2007/03/19/the-average-american-male-settles/
I started the novel last night and finished it this afternoon. And then masturbated for an hour and twenty minutes (it had some hot and dirty scenes).
It is a very unflattering description of how the so-called “average American male” thinks, specifically about girls. Some parts of it I had to put down because I was so disgusted, but obviously not so much that I stopped reading. There were some parts that had me laughing so hard my dogs surely thought I was crazy. And there were many many parts that made me wonder, oh fuck, do guys really think like that? All the time??
[Now stick with me here. This isn’t some poorly disguised book review in a sad effort to make twelve cents in commission. I have a point that came about from damn near crying and then screaming when I read the ending.]
An excerpt:
That night, after suffering through a TiVoed three-episode Real World marathon, I’m rewarded by her letting me fuck her doggie style. As I look down at her fat ass, I wonder if fucking her hard enough will have any kind of slimming or toning effect. Couldn’t hurt.
And:
Casey cums. I’m not even close and I’m incredibly bored so I fake it, look her in the eyes, say, “I love you,” kiss her forehead, wait until she falls asleep, go in the bathroom, and jerk off to memories of the girl I butt-fucked a few hours earlier.
This is in addition to the scene where the narrator and his buddy have a perfectly serious conversation (about how to cheat on his girlfriend, again) while they’re receiving three-for-one lap dances. Then there’s the chapter about how he accidentally gets engaged to his annoying girlfriend, who never seems to question the fact that a month later he still hasn’t bought her an engagement ring–and then is genuinely surprised when he breaks up with her. In front of her mother:
I feel like every word I say should have been said a million times before over the course of our relationship. I feel like every word I say should come as no shock to Casey, but I know they do. I feel like every word I say makes up for every load I should have shot in our relationship.
For those reasons I keep saying, “. . . I never want you to tell me a stupid fucking story about shit I couldn’t care less about again. I want you to get rid of your cats. I want you to lose about fifteen pounds off your ass. I want you to never want to get married or have kids. I want you to like video games. I want you to think retards are funny. I want you to not care if I say ‘fuck’ in front of your mom. I want you to wish Marie Osmond was dead.
In other words, the book is damn funny but depressing as all fuck.
A lot of times the narrator sounds like a royal asshole, but a lot of the things he says aren’t that out of line and are things I’m sure my ex-boyfriends thought about me at one time or another, because they are the normal things you think. Guys complain when girls stops wearing sexy underwear a couple months into the relationship, girls don’t like finding skid marks when they’re doing his laundry. So you can point out all the asshole things this guy says, but it makes you wonder how often some guy you were dating thought the same things but simply knew better than to say them.
The narrator begins to redeem himself in the end when he gets a really cool girlfriend who coincidentally fucks him as often as he wants (for the first several months), until one day a year and a half later he has an epiphany of sorts:
The relationship has clearly run its course and this is its final state. I’m surprised this doesn’t enrage me more. Instead, Alyna’s lack of desire to fuck has given birth to a rapidly growing disinterest in her that strangely hasn’t been replaced by interest in anyone or anything else.
It will never be like it was. It will never be better than this.
Which leads to the “happy ending” ironically enough:
I take another bite of scrambled eggs knowing that any bitch I ever fuck will ultimately become any other bitch I’ve ever fucked and they’ll all become the fat old bitch eating yogurt in the airport. I look at Alyna and see Casey, Jenna, Katy, and every bitch I’ve ever fucked or gotten head from or a hand job or even thought about while I jerked off. There is nothing better. There is no fucking escape.
And so that night in bed he proposes to her. It is not romantic, loving, or even sweet. After they talk about happily ever after for a while, he waits for her to fall asleep, and then he goes in the bathroom and jerks off.
This? This shit terrifies me. First, that there are people in the world who think and act this way all the time, not just some of the time, for instance when it’s been a while since they’ve gotten laid and are therefore horny to the point of dumbassery like a normal person. But all the time? Really??
And second, that they get away with it. That no girl ever calls him out on it.
And then the biggest fear, that I may one day be the “any bitch” to some guy who wakes up next to me and wonders what the fuck happened to the fun-loving nympho with the tight ass he met years ago.
I’m especially scared because I sense this tone of resignation from so many of the middle-aged male readers out there, nice middle-aged male readers, whether in comments or in emails where they say “I love my wife, but…” In other words, it’s not just the assholes who think this way. Normal guys do too. That is absolutely terrifying. I don’t want some guy to be saying about me one day, “I love my wife, but…”
http://theovereducatednympho.com/2007/03/19/the-average-american-male-settles/
I started the novel last night and finished it this afternoon. And then masturbated for an hour and twenty minutes (it had some hot and dirty scenes).
It is a very unflattering description of how the so-called “average American male” thinks, specifically about girls. Some parts of it I had to put down because I was so disgusted, but obviously not so much that I stopped reading. There were some parts that had me laughing so hard my dogs surely thought I was crazy. And there were many many parts that made me wonder, oh fuck, do guys really think like that? All the time??
[Now stick with me here. This isn’t some poorly disguised book review in a sad effort to make twelve cents in commission. I have a point that came about from damn near crying and then screaming when I read the ending.]
An excerpt:
That night, after suffering through a TiVoed three-episode Real World marathon, I’m rewarded by her letting me fuck her doggie style. As I look down at her fat ass, I wonder if fucking her hard enough will have any kind of slimming or toning effect. Couldn’t hurt.
And:
Casey cums. I’m not even close and I’m incredibly bored so I fake it, look her in the eyes, say, “I love you,” kiss her forehead, wait until she falls asleep, go in the bathroom, and jerk off to memories of the girl I butt-fucked a few hours earlier.
This is in addition to the scene where the narrator and his buddy have a perfectly serious conversation (about how to cheat on his girlfriend, again) while they’re receiving three-for-one lap dances. Then there’s the chapter about how he accidentally gets engaged to his annoying girlfriend, who never seems to question the fact that a month later he still hasn’t bought her an engagement ring–and then is genuinely surprised when he breaks up with her. In front of her mother:
I feel like every word I say should have been said a million times before over the course of our relationship. I feel like every word I say should come as no shock to Casey, but I know they do. I feel like every word I say makes up for every load I should have shot in our relationship.
For those reasons I keep saying, “. . . I never want you to tell me a stupid fucking story about shit I couldn’t care less about again. I want you to get rid of your cats. I want you to lose about fifteen pounds off your ass. I want you to never want to get married or have kids. I want you to like video games. I want you to think retards are funny. I want you to not care if I say ‘fuck’ in front of your mom. I want you to wish Marie Osmond was dead.
In other words, the book is damn funny but depressing as all fuck.
A lot of times the narrator sounds like a royal asshole, but a lot of the things he says aren’t that out of line and are things I’m sure my ex-boyfriends thought about me at one time or another, because they are the normal things you think. Guys complain when girls stops wearing sexy underwear a couple months into the relationship, girls don’t like finding skid marks when they’re doing his laundry. So you can point out all the asshole things this guy says, but it makes you wonder how often some guy you were dating thought the same things but simply knew better than to say them.
The narrator begins to redeem himself in the end when he gets a really cool girlfriend who coincidentally fucks him as often as he wants (for the first several months), until one day a year and a half later he has an epiphany of sorts:
The relationship has clearly run its course and this is its final state. I’m surprised this doesn’t enrage me more. Instead, Alyna’s lack of desire to fuck has given birth to a rapidly growing disinterest in her that strangely hasn’t been replaced by interest in anyone or anything else.
It will never be like it was. It will never be better than this.
Which leads to the “happy ending” ironically enough:
I take another bite of scrambled eggs knowing that any bitch I ever fuck will ultimately become any other bitch I’ve ever fucked and they’ll all become the fat old bitch eating yogurt in the airport. I look at Alyna and see Casey, Jenna, Katy, and every bitch I’ve ever fucked or gotten head from or a hand job or even thought about while I jerked off. There is nothing better. There is no fucking escape.
And so that night in bed he proposes to her. It is not romantic, loving, or even sweet. After they talk about happily ever after for a while, he waits for her to fall asleep, and then he goes in the bathroom and jerks off.
This? This shit terrifies me. First, that there are people in the world who think and act this way all the time, not just some of the time, for instance when it’s been a while since they’ve gotten laid and are therefore horny to the point of dumbassery like a normal person. But all the time? Really??
And second, that they get away with it. That no girl ever calls him out on it.
And then the biggest fear, that I may one day be the “any bitch” to some guy who wakes up next to me and wonders what the fuck happened to the fun-loving nympho with the tight ass he met years ago.
I’m especially scared because I sense this tone of resignation from so many of the middle-aged male readers out there, nice middle-aged male readers, whether in comments or in emails where they say “I love my wife, but…” In other words, it’s not just the assholes who think this way. Normal guys do too. That is absolutely terrifying. I don’t want some guy to be saying about me one day, “I love my wife, but…”
S
Spartacus
Guest
excerpt from the commentary
"This is in addition to the scene where the narrator and his buddy have a perfectly serious conversation (about how to cheat on his girlfriend, again) while they’re receiving three-for-one lap dances."
"This is in addition to the scene where the narrator and his buddy have a perfectly serious conversation (about how to cheat on his girlfriend, again) while they’re receiving three-for-one lap dances."
S
Spartacus
Guest
S
Spartacus
Guest
hi mom
S
Spartacus
Guest
I love those 35+ woman's profiles that contain lines like these
"I have 2 teenage daughters..."
"I have 2 teenage daughters..."
S
Spartacus
Guest
unclecharlie
Banned
Spartacus said:
Bikini Mod
New member
I guess Mr Hung's momma was so much more than just "any other bitch" that his father fucked. Lucky her.unclecharlie said:
Just saying is all.
unclecharlie
Banned
4 children=4 college degrees
her brother
4 girls=4 college degrees
her brother
4 girls=4 college degrees
unclecharlie
Banned
Incidentally the book was highlighted in yesterday's wall street journal
I read that along with "female masturbation quarterly"
I read that along with "female masturbation quarterly"
Rabid_Goose
New member
p0ink said:
That makes a lot of sense with the stories you post.
How was his short story book? I got out of reading before it came out and am thinking about looking it up to buy.
S
Spartacus
Guest
taking a date tonight to see "little children"
google it
google it
S
Spartacus
Guest
still banned?youngguns said:
Similar threads
