Stirring shit up round here.

[Nathan]

In an effort to please my fellow EF compatriots (I'm sure that's not the proper use of the word compatriot but I'm not going to change it and you can't make me!), I have decided to spice things up here on Elite by discussing my favorite subject: Jesus!
I have always advocated that our lord and savior JC is, in fact, a puppy-hater. The man clearly has a distaste for all things furry, with the possible exception of Moses' slab (which comes in a furry satchel you'll be happy to know I'm sure). Now, we all know he likes a good cuddle-fest as much as the next homo, but the fact remains that he has never, nor will he ever - what with him being dead and all - fuck rabbits. That's right. Nevertheless in the event squid have anuses I'm sure old Jeez would rape them. Fuck it, even if they don't have anuses I'm sure he could fit his phallus into their eye sockets, or even cut a hole down their bellies and then fuck 'em that way. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Jesus could swim?" What with him obviously having to swim to find the squid. Well, the answer is no, he couldn't swim because he wasn't smart enough. In fact, Jesus had to get his mom to wipe his ass until he was 35 years old. Loser.


Mods, feel free to edit this should you find any of this material offensive in any way, though really they're just words and I am attacking no one in particular. If religious people feel they need to retaliate by attacking me personally, then I suggest they hit me where it hurts: my spelling skills. Thank you very much.

 

[hardrock]

Best post ever!




















No, I meant that! Best post ever!

 

[Nathan]

Oh good, I'm glad hardrock likes this thread cause he's the only one whose opinion really matters.
Sermon, I'm reluctant to click on that link but I'll give it a go anyways just for you.

 

[PoyeBoy]

If I stole a car we could drive around running people over in the name of jesus.

Of course we would be on a quest looking for jesus, we wouldnt ever find him, that is until we went to mexico.

 

[Lao Tzu]

your posts are too out-there to be offensive. You should talk about how jesus was a homeless mentally ill criminal. That will piss people off more(so).

 

[hardrock]

Oh good, I'm glad hardrock likes this thread cause he's the only one whose opinion really matters.

Oh yeah? Well thats too bad! I've changed my mind. WORST THREAD EVER!!!

 

[Nathan]

Oh yeah? Well thats too bad! I've changed my mind. WORST THREAD EVER!!!

I was being serious lover. Don't cry. I love you. I love you like the wond cause wind is very loveable in a romantic way - like lions with furry manes and sign posts on streets.

 

[john937]

Well, trying to do a little research, neither for or against your position, I did a simple search,
and found on the word "puppy" our Lord is strangely silent.
One would have to assume he either is indifferent to the whole idea, which is preposterous, how can you be indifferent to a puppy, so must be the alternative, there were no puppies in his area, being a poor starving community, they probably ate them.

On the matter of dogs, there is slightly more information to draw from:

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. "
So obviously he was under the misunderstanding that his poor friends were rich enough to own pearls (understandable, given he could turn water into fine wine),
but he correctly understood that pearls are sacred and not to be used for dog collars.
From this we can deduce that all PetCo stores are living in sin.

But of course his most profound insight is from 2 Peter 2:22 - "A dog returns to its vomit."
Which, strangely, explains this thread.

 

[decem]

Of course we would be on a quest looking for jesus, we wouldnt ever find him, that is until we went to mexico.

stupid ass.. don't you know that jesus moved to France after he was "crucified."

 

[thisshouldkeepyoubusy]

Look everyone....its a bird....its a plane.....no its just another banned member touching himself with his dick skinners.