Something aweful happened -- my shirt... advice please...

[Citruscide]

Ok, as some of you may know... I have a certain relationship with my shirt... things get spilled on it... and I yell at it, insult it... it's a love/hate relationship... but one thing I know... this shirt, is the SHIRT OF MY LIFE...

So, over the weekend... on Saturday night, I was wearing a new Nike shirt... it was that soft Dry-Fit material... I was watching Christina Agularia's "Beautiful" video as I was channel flipping... and my shirt... it started to CARESS me... Being that it was hot ass material... I touched it back... I touched my lips to it... but I didn't put my tongue on my shirt...

Now, all this time, the shirt I usually wear and yell at is at the cleaners on an extended leave... to get some sauce stains out... I know that my shirt isn't caressing other people... and I feel so guilty...

I want to tell my shirt about the Dry-Fit Nike shirt... how it's black texture stimulated my skin as I sat on the leather couch.... but it would destroy him... and my shirt means everything to me!!!

I mean, is it really cheating on my shirt? It's not my fault it is at the cleaners for so long, or that the cleaners is closed on the weekend... If my own shirt were home, I would have never caressed that shirt, but DAMN... when you are sitting on the couch with a HOT ASS Dry-Fit Shirt... it's so hard to resist!! And, it isn't anything that wouldn't happen at a department store changing room...

Please advise me, I'm seriously thinking of committing fashion suicide and wearing only cut-off Barry Manalow At the Mandalay shirts!!

C-ditty

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Dude,
What if the cleaners are cheating on you with YOUR shirt? Forget about you cheating on your shirt with the new Nike dry-fit. What's going on over @ the cleaners? That's what I want to know?

 

[WarriorPL]

Disturbing.

 

[Citruscide]

Dude,
What if the cleaners are cheating on you with YOUR shirt? Forget about you cheating on your shirt with the new Nike dry-fit. What's going on over @ the cleaners? That's what I want to know?

But what IS cheating.??? I was only doing cute stuff with the dry-shirt ... I wasn't doing anything serious, like yelling at it... like i do with my SHIRT of my LIFE....

C-ditty

 

[Citruscide]

Disturbing.

Very.... the entire point of the story.

C-ditty

 

[PolishHammer1977]

But what IS cheating.??? I was only doing cute stuff with the dry-shirt ... I wasn't doing anything serious, like yelling at it... like i do with my SHIRT of my LIFE....

C-ditty

Were you the same person posting about suicide as a solution? lol. What kind of cute shit? dude, don't be fuc*ing around with your shirt like that. How would you like it if your shirt all of a sudden didn't like your ketchup drip stains anymore?

 

[FreeballinDC]

C, it sounds like you needed a break from your SHIRT, whether you knew it or not. Don't feel guilty by your flirtations with your Nike shirt (I personally would prefer an Underarmour shirt, but that's another story).

Once your SHIRT comes back from the cleaners, you will be secure in knowing your true feelings to your SHIRT, and it will strengthen your relationship.

 

[The Shadow]

...just do not cuddle wirth the new shirt

 

[The Shadow]

...just do not cuddle with the new shirt

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Corn,
I like the thread where you spelled with "wirth" better. Can you delete the correct spelling post please?

 

[Citruscide]

But you all don't know how much I know my shirt at the cleaners is the SHIRT OF MY LIFE!!!! And I was only doing cute-cuddly things with the Nike Dry-fit shirt... so it's not bad right? I mean, isn't it a little bit my other shirt's fault for being at the cleaners in the FIRST place?!

I wasn't really fucking around... I was just being cute... my lips touched the fabric, and at one point we dry-humped... but that is nothing that wouldn't happen at a dressing room at the mall!!

C-ditty

 

[BBJ]

haha.....thats funny as hell.....LMAO...................................i think i know why you are having this trouble.......your a dick, but its still funny.

 

[PolishHammer1977]

C,
Is or has your shirt ever visited a military facility?

 

[FreeballinDC]

but that is nothing that wouldn't happen at a dressing room at the mall!!

C-ditty

Depends C. were you freeballing when you tried on the shirt at the mall? If so, then the shirt directly touched your genitals, and that was SEX! YOU CHEATED!!!

If you wore boxers, then no biggie.

I don't want to get into the tangled legalities of wearing briefs and getting sexually aroused by tight shirts.

 

[kronk]

Cditty - - I didn't want to tell you this before, but now that you have come out about the "shirt affair" you had with the dry fit, I feel its necessary to clear the air.

When we were in Vegas for the Olympia, I had an experience with your shirt.

Remember when I had to run back to your room to grab Saints camera, well when I grabbed the camera off the bed, your shirt rubbed up against me. I glanced nervously at the shirt as it seemed to stare back up at me, piercing me with its gaze of soft and supple cotton.

The feeling that came over me was uncontrollable, its soft cotton feel, the way the fibers seemed to dance on my fingertips, sent my head spinning. Your shirt was pursuing me trying to get me to put it on and feel its warmth all over my body, but I resisted.

I jumped back and with the camera ran from your room as fast as possible, I never looked back...

I am sorry my friend, but your shirt is not faithful to you. I wanted to tell you before but I couldn't break your heart.

 

[Citruscide]

Cditty - - I didn't want to tell you this before, but now that you have come out about the "shirt affair" you had with the dry fit, I feel its necessary to clear the air.

When we were in Vegas for the Olympia, I had an experience with your shirt.

Remember when I had to run back to your room to grab Saints camera, well when I grabbed the camera off the bed, your shirt rubbed up against me. I glanced nervously at the shirt as it seemed to stare back up at me, piercing me with its gaze of soft and supple cotton.

The feeling that came over me was uncontrollable, its soft cotton feel, the way the fibers seemed to dance on my fingertips, sent my head spinning. Your shirt was pursuing me trying to get me to put it on and feel its warmth all over my body, but I resisted.

I jumped back and with the camera ran from your room as fast as possible, I never looked back...

I am sorry my friend, but your shirt is not faithful to you. I wanted to tell you before but I couldn't break your heart.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Life IS over!!!! I'll never be able to look at another shirt the same way now! Where is VeggieLifterchick... she has been though something like this, I need her illogical advice!!!

I would cut my wrists with razorblades and watch the blood, but then... my shirt wouldn't be there to soak up the blood... BOOO HOOOO!!!

OOHHHH THE TRAVISTY!!!

C-ditty

 

[Citruscide]

Depends C. were you freeballing when you tried on the shirt at the mall? If so, then the shirt directly touched your genitals, and that was SEX! YOU CHEATED!!!

If you wore boxers, then no biggie.

I don't want to get into the tangled legalities of wearing briefs and getting sexually aroused by tight shirts.

I had on thong briefs... but my left ball may have become exposed and gently caressed against a shirt or two in the dressing room... which may have led to an inadvertant dry-fuck or two...

As for my shirt being to a military facility... I'm not sure... it made it with Kronk... why not the whole fucking Army...

I really need VeggieLifterChick's advice... as she has been thought a situation JUST like this..

C-ditty

 

[Puddles]

I don't think either of you are ready for a commitment yet. And, sorry, but that shirt's just a floozy...it's not really at the cleaners, it's here with me.

 

[Citruscide]

I don't think either of you are ready for a commitment yet. And, sorry, but that shirt's just a floozy...it's not really at the cleaners, it's here with me.

Until you've experienced something like this, I don't think you can know how I could feel!

I'm thinking that if I tell my shirt, it might just get really hurt... I mean, wouldn't it be healthier to NOT tell him?!

C-ditty

 

[FreeballinDC]

If that is the case, then I hear if you cut yourself longwise along your forearm, instead of directly across your wrists, you will bleed more, and its harder for the blood to clot.

For maximum effect, run a tub full of hot water, and soak yourself as necessary.

It was nice knowing you.

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Bump for veggielifterchick. Where you @

 

[Citruscide]

If that is the case, then I hear if you cut yourself longwise along your forearm, instead of directly across your wrists, you will bleed more, and its harder for the blood to clot.

For maximum effect, run a tub full of hot water, and soak yourself as necessary.

It was nice knowing you.

But what about my shirt?! If I don't tell my shirt I feel like committing suicide over this, I won't get the extra-attention of how REALLY bad I feel... I mean... I don't REALLY feel like commiting suicide... I just want my shirt to not get pissed at me... and, at the same time, give me some sympathy..

C-ditty

 

[FreeballinDC]

Too late bitch.

Your whore shirt has already fucked with kronk, and by proxy, kronkette.

I know for a fact that it has dusted its way around the Pentagon, and wound up as a cum rag in the POAC sauna.

CHEERS!

 

[Puddles]

I'm thinking that if I tell my shirt, it might just get really hurt... I mean, wouldn't it be healthier to NOT tell him?!

C-ditty

Your shirt deserves to know the truth.

And you deserve to be flogged.

 

[BBJ]

sorry bro, but it seems that you've fallen in love with a slutty shirt....before slitting your wrists why not re-think what your looking for in a shirt.....i have a feeling that you were confused and not really in love...it sounds like you paid more attention to the material than what is inside the shirt.

 

[Citruscide]

But you all don't know how much this shirt is the SHIRT OF MY LIFE.. THE SHIRT OF MY LIFE... THE SHIRT OF MY LIFE!!! I knew this when I was 20 years old!! that it was the SHIRT OF MY LIFE!!!

And I know my shirt feels the same way I do... but is it anything else that anyone else wouldn't have done??? Ohh wooooah is me... No one will self-justify me! If I don't get sympathy quick, I'm going to cut my wrists!!!

Where is VeggieLifterChick... she has been though something EXACTLY like this...

C-ditty

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Just end it all

 

[velvett]

What C-ditty neglected to tell ya'll is that THAT is my shirt.

Hmph.


Can't even leave a shirt hanging around anymore.

 

[VeganSquatterHo]

C,

Let's have a heart to heart.

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I have been there, I know.

I had a teddy that I loved dearly. We would have our spats, but love would always bring us together in the end.

One day, I took it to the cleaners to get some stains out. While it was away, I found an old flannel night shirt I used to wear. An old flame.

I wore it every night. Nothing happened the first couple of nights, but one night, it rubbed my nipples.

I thought nothing of it, until it caressed my ass and my

*kitty*.

I had to pull it off.

I threw it into a corner. I had to take a shower afterwards, because I felt so dirty.

I was at the throws of suicide. I couldn't bear it.

But because my teddy is the most understanding teddy in the world, my fling only strengthened our relationship, and that badassed teddy now rocks my world every night!


Take it from me, hon. You will survive!!!

 

[Citruscide]

CDitty -- why don't you think about how your other shirt feels? Do you really want to throw away ALL those memorable experiences and time spent together with your main shirt, just because of this little trampy for the moment sleazebag shirt? You need to look in the mirror and vision WHICH shirt you'd feel good wearing. Only then will you realize which shirt is for you.

-= nav =-

What you say is very rational... but I'm irrational, since I consider suicide and think that cutsey cuddling and dry humping is not cheating...

So you'll have to use a differet approach to get through to me..

Ohhhh the SHIRT OF MY LIFE!!

C-ditty

 

[Puddles]

I had a teddy that I loved dearly. We would have our spats, but love would always bring us together in the end.

that badassed teddy now rocks my world every night!

 

[Citruscide]

Let me guess...it was a *HOT ASS* shirt wasn't it??!! hehe.

-= nav =-

I already said that in my posts... the shirt was a HOT ASS... you need to read more carefully!!!

Where is my sympathy and self-justification!!

C-ditty

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Just end it all

 

[TxArmyGuy]

Oh YOU BASTARD!!!

how could you do this...That shirt was your FUCKING LIFE...oh wear are my tissues...this is just too much for to handle...

 

[VeganSquatterHo]

Jesus Christ C, are you blind? Take a look at my post above, there is your sympathy, bitch!

 

[BBJ]

ok, C , how about this?
the only way you are going to figure out what is really right for the two of you, is if you take some apart. why don't you go join the military, you'll be away for a couple weeks....and you can leave your shirt at home. if while your away your shirt isn't Ho-ing off. i say when you get back you should both get married and have some little shirts of you own.

 

[Citruscide]

Jesus Christ C, are you blind? Take a look at my post above, there is your sympathy, bitch!

I did, and I liked it... but since I'm threatening with Suicide, everyone should be giving that same kind of emotional support... because I wouldn't just threaten with suicide for nothing...

C-ditty

 

[VeganSquatterHo]

Oh Dear God! You might as well wait for your perfect woman to show up. It would be a shorter wait. Off yourself now and get it over with. Just let us know how you are going to do it.

 

[grlpwrd]

This post is way too hilarious

..but didn't you dry f*ck it?? That changes the variables. LOL

Oh well... humor is very becoming to you, C.