Someone tell me a joke ...

[SpyWizard]

Any good tornado jokes?

Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the most amazing thing ... it was the most amazing thing." she kept repeating dazedly. "What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers. "I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away."

source: Tornado Jokes - Weather Jokes

 

[musclemom]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather ...
















... not screaming in terror like his passengers.

 

[chris302001]

This was my fav joke as a kid.

There is a kid name Buttitches. On the first day of school the teacher ask him what his name is he told her and she laughed she asked him again and he told her his name this time she was angry and said to him that if he doesnt give her his name she is going to send him to the principal office he told her his name and got sent to the principal office.

There the principal asked him for his name the same thing happened with the teacher except he sent him home instead (sorry I didnt want to retype everything). On his way home he got hit by a car and his mom saw this and ran up to him screaming "OH MY BUTTITCHES OH MY BUTTITICHES!!!" then a cop came by and said "lady if your butt itches then scratch it"

 

[musclemom]

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, "Where are you flying to today?"

She responds, "To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." His mind reeling, he asks, "And what will you do at this meeting?"

"Well," she says, "We try to dissolve some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"And what myths are those?" he continues, choking back his excitement.

She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men of Jewish decent who make the best lovers."

"Very interesting ..." the man responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I just feel so awkward discussing this with you when I don't even know you! What is your name?"

The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto ... Tonto Goldstein."

 

[PICK3]

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, "Where are you flying to today?"

She responds, "To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." His mind reeling, he asks, "And what will you do at this meeting?"

"Well," she says, "We try to dissolve some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"And what myths are those?" he continues, choking back his excitement.

She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men of Jewish decent who make the best lovers."

"Very interesting ..." the man responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I just feel so awkward discussing this with you when I don't even know you! What is your name?"

The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto ... Tonto Goldstein."

ololololstr8!

more fodder for tomorrow's water cooler dialogue that I'll pass off as my own material

keep them cuming!

 

[musclemom]

Here's one for us old farts:

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything ...

She's married, so we can't go to her house.

I'm married, we can't go to my house.













The Holiday Inn charges $98.
















The Hilton charges $139.














We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.

 

[PICK3]

We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.

too close to the truth to be funny

 

[Redrocker13]

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, "Where are you flying to today?"

She responds, "To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." His mind reeling, he asks, "And what will you do at this meeting?"

"Well," she says, "We try to dissolve some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"And what myths are those?" he continues, choking back his excitement.

She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men of Jewish decent who make the best lovers."

"Very interesting ..." the man responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I just feel so awkward discussing this with you when I don't even know you! What is your name?"

The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto ... Tonto Goldstein."

LMAO!! Priceless MM! Simply priceless!!

 

[musclemom]

too close to the truth to be funny

See, now I was having an affair (with my current husband) when I first heard it, and money was a major issue for us (both of our spouses controlled the pursestrings). When he needed a new car a tinted window van was mandatory (I told him to get a windowless econo van but he said the kids would cry).

Anyway, we both thought this joke was a fucking riot back then.

 

[PICK3]

Anyway, we both thought this joke was a fucking riot back then.

You two are easily amused