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Tink!

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So here it goes. I should be divorced no later than the 31st of this month...about damn time i know!!! I bascially bent over and took it once again. Let him be in controll of things. I found out some not so good things about him and don't him to be any part of my life what so ever unless it comes to my daughter...so here is what is happening in a nutshell. He did not want to give me a dime of his money...for me personally. though i am entitled to his retirement, he didn't want me to have it, so we agreed that it would go to my daughter. He didn't want to pay me spousal maitenance, so i said fine. He did however agree to give me $500 a month for kiara, spend another $100 a month on her himself and put $100 in her college fund. So bascially $700 in child support. He said we could leave all posessions as they were, as i was more than generous when i went and got my belongings out of our house. I left him half of what he told me i could take all of. Instead of taking the 33% of debt which i am required, i took 50%. So now we are selling our bmw which we should get about 20000 at least for. Our escalade which we owe 37000 on...so yes..if you know the market you will see in the end of that, i will have possibly 2000 to get a car with after all is said and done. He knows the kind of debt we are both in and that i have the baby to take care of...but does he care....fuck no. We are selling our house and splitting what ever comes of that debt or profit. If out house isn't sold by december, then i will start making half the payments on it.
The way things are now...which he is fully aware of...i work full time, and am looking for another job to make some quick money. I have never had to take care of myself or a child....i have probably 10000 in debt..plus all of my current bills...which the money i make doesn't cover it. His money he gives me doesn't even cover rent. Let alone she just started school, he did buy her school supplies and shirts..but she super desperatly needs pants!!! She has hit a major growing spurt and i sware all the jeans she has, has holes in them.
Oh yes..visitation..we divided everythign down the middle and i gave him joint custody..which really doesn't bother me, because he is NEVER here..NEVER around. He wasn't here last xmas and won't be here this, as he is going back to iraq.
I have been in contact with a few people he was messing around with while he was in georgia the last 7 months, one married and two under the age of 18..true or not i do not know..they could just be butt hurt and fabricating.
the morning he returned, i got my daughters cell to put my work number in it...there was a text message..(i had hit the wrong button) all i have to say is THANK GOD I DID!!!!! it was a message from him and it said "best i could do' and was a picture of his you know what!!!!!
Thank freaken God that she did not see it!!! Holey shit. But he will be going back to Iraq and out of my personal life for good!!!! Very hard, remember i have been with this man 8 years and married to him since i was 17. so doing EVERYTHING on my own is very new, very scarey and so fucken hard!!!! there are days that i wish i would just die...because i know my daughter would go some where she is better off. But her and i had a big talk last night about how she probably won't see me much because i need to get another job, and i already work 9-6 every day, so that wouldn't leave for much mommy&kiara time. She said still she would rather live with me than go anywhere else, and that she understood.
She is such a trooper..through all of this she is so strong and just rolls with the punches...at times she will tell me, maybe when daddy loves you as much as he loves me mommy he will marry you again. Breaks my freaken heart!!! She is to smart for her own good...when i am sad she says...i know why you cry mommy...and i say why and she says because daddy broke your heart. She over heard me taling on the phone about 2 weeks ago, and when i was off she was holding her little dollar bills and i said what is that for and she said because you need money and i just want to make you happy mommy...OMG FUCKING CRUSHED ME!!!! i explained to her that her being happy was all i needed to be happy...for her to never ever feel that she has to do anything to make me happy because her being my angel makes me more than happy every day...i think that was the day i really decided to pick myself up from my boot straps and get my life headed in a more positive direction.

So for all of you who asked...that is it in a nutshell....at least kiara and i are alive right!!! :heart:
 
Divorce with children is a mothefucker. So devastating for everyone involved that has a conscience. I'm sure you did all you could and I wish you the very best. :)
 
Thank you both so much!! Sassy unfortunantly he is no longer in GA!!! LOL...just got back the first of the month.
This divorce has been extremely hard...but i have just agreed to all of his terms to get it done and over with. Otherwise we would have been dragging it out for another year as he goes back to iraq..i sure as hell did not want that...lol.
But i will give him this...since he has been back from GA, he has spent all the time with his daughter, except this weekend that he can. He has been a great father to her right now. Which is amazing to me.
 
Tink! said:
But he will be going back to Iraq and out of my personal life for good!!!! Very hard, remember i have been with this man 8 years and married to him since i was 17. so doing EVERYTHING on my own is very new, very scarey and so fucken hard!!!! there are days that i wish i would just die...because i know my daughter would go some where she is better off. But her and i had a big talk last night about how she probably won't see me much because i need to get another job, and i already work 9-6 every day, so that wouldn't leave for much mommy&kiara time. She said still she would rather live with me than go anywhere else, and that she understood.
You seem like such a nice person. I cannot understand how anyone could be stupid enough to leave you 7 a little girl. Not much of a man IMO.
Don't EVER think that she would be better off without you. YOU are the difference between her growing up right, or growing up in the system, which would be devastating.
I wish I could help you. Hang tight, 5 yrs from now you will be worlds away from where you are now.
 
Good point.

Well I hope he spends the rest of his life realizing what he's left & who he's hurt w/ his selfish BS. Paybacks are a bitch, esp when you dont' even have to do anything.

Tink you are truly a strong girl & your daughter is lucky to have you. She will grow up knowing the difference between gutless & gutsy.
 
Sassy69 said:
Good point.

Well I hope he spends the rest of his life realizing what he's left & who he's hurt w/ his selfish BS. Paybacks are a bitch, esp when you dont' even have to do anything.

Tink you are truly a strong girl & your daughter is lucky to have you. She will grow up knowing the difference between gutless & gutsy.



thank you....you brought tears to my eyes..lol. I had always known how greedy he was with money as i was not to spend it..it all got dumped into his car and his interests..i had never even gone out of the house....but i never ever ever knew he would turn out so very selfish. It astounds me that he has no clue the kind of person he is and how he looks to every one. I think it is sad truthfully.
I am so afraid i am going to fail my daughter in some way shape or form. It has been only the two of us for 5 years, but now i have to do the finanacial part which is a huge challenge. I know he wants to see me fail...so in the end i will have the last laugh and be a lot stronger than i already am, if that is possible...i just feel so horrible for all my daughter has to endure and sacrafice in the mean time.
 
hidngod said:
You seem like such a nice person. I cannot understand how anyone could be stupid enough to leave you 7 a little girl. Not much of a man IMO.
Don't EVER think that she would be better off without you. YOU are the difference between her growing up right, or growing up in the system, which would be devastating.
I wish I could help you. Hang tight, 5 yrs from now you will be worlds away from where you are now.
i agree sweetie, i wish you the best tink and my prayers are with you and your baby girl. reading this made me choke up. your daughter is so precious reminds me of mine when her daddy and i were going through our matters. im positivly happier than i have ever been but i miss her terribly sometimes.
you will be fine sweetie take it day by day you'll see no matter how tough it is, you will always make it -cause your the mommy. hugs to you sweetie big hugs!!!
 
Dakotah said:
i agree sweetie, i wish you the best tink and my prayers are with you and your baby girl. reading this made me choke up. your daughter is so precious reminds me of mine when her daddy and i were going through our matters. im positivly happier than i have ever been but i miss her terribly sometimes.
you will be fine sweetie take it day by day you'll see no matter how tough it is, you will always make it -cause your the mommy. hugs to you sweetie big hugs!!!


thank you love! it's people like you who give me the strength to get through what i have to get through. :heart:
 
Tink! said:
thank you....you brought tears to my eyes..lol. I had always known how greedy he was with money as i was not to spend it..it all got dumped into his car and his interests..i had never even gone out of the house....but i never ever ever knew he would turn out so very selfish. It astounds me that he has no clue the kind of person he is and how he looks to every one. I think it is sad truthfully.
I am so afraid i am going to fail my daughter in some way shape or form. It has been only the two of us for 5 years, but now i have to do the finanacial part which is a huge challenge. I know he wants to see me fail...so in the end i will have the last laugh and be a lot stronger than i already am, if that is possible...i just feel so horrible for all my daughter has to endure and sacrafice in the mean time.

Never be afraid of failing your daughter. The most kids ever want from their loved ones is to be loved. You are a huge success for just being there. Don't let the fear of what you think will be a let down for her interfere w/ just being w/ her. It might drag down what she sees as really sufficiently quality times w/ you. You are good person and you are obviously a very giving & selfless person to make it this far. You will do just fine. Revel in every minute w/ your family and don't let fear take away from that.

:)
 
Sassy69 said:
Never be afraid of failing your daughter. The most kids ever want from their loved ones is to be loved. You are a huge success for just being there. Don't let the fear of what you think will be a let down for her interfere w/ just being w/ her. It might drag down what she sees as really sufficiently quality times w/ you. You are good person and you are obviously a very giving & selfless person to make it this far. You will do just fine. Revel in every minute w/ your family and don't let fear take away from that.

:)


Thank you, and i will do my best. It is so hard not to be happy when around her though ;) She is the light of my life!!!! :heart:
 
Tink! said:
The morning he returned, i got my daughters cell to put my work number in it...there was a text message..(i had hit the wrong button) all i have to say is THANK GOD I DID!!!!! it was a message from him and it said "best i could do' and was a picture of his you know what!!!!!
Thank freaken God that she did not see it!!! Holey shit.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through Tink. You're in my prayers. I do need to get something straight though, he sent a pic of his "member" to your daughters cell phone??!! Did I read that right? OMG! :confused:
 
Prittykitty said:
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through Tink. You're in my prayers. I do need to get something straight though, he sent a pic of his "member" to your daughters cell phone??!! Did I read that right? OMG! :confused:


Thank you sweetie...and yes you read that very right. I was so pissed off!!! he did call and aplogize....see he still won't face me, he won't look at me or be in the same room with me, so after his aunt told him what happened, he told me he hit the wrong button and thank god i caught it because he would have been devestated if his daughter saw that...i am thinking..OMG you??? You selfish boy would be devestated..think of how she would have reacted and the questions i would have had to answer!!!! YIKES!
 
Tink! said:
Thank you sweetie...and yes you read that very right. I was so pissed off!!! he did call and aplogize....see he still won't face me, he won't look at me or be in the same room with me, so after his aunt told him what happened, he told me he hit the wrong button and thank god i caught it because he would have been devestated if his daughter saw that...i am thinking..OMG you??? You selfish boy would be devestated..think of how she would have reacted and the questions i would have had to answer!!!! YIKES!

Wow! That was a huge stroke of luck then. I couldn't imagine!!! I thought he did it purposely though. I was about to die!! I thought he was maybe doing things to your baby that he shouldn't do. Thank God you caught it before it got to her though! :worried:
 
LOL no complete accident!!! but then he said...I hope you didn't send the picture to yoru phone or email...lmfao....yea because that is what did it for me buddy!!! lol
 
samoth said:
Someone actually knows how to type and use paragraphs, amazing.

Best of luck!



:cow:



LMAO!! Well thank you...English was my best subject, i'll have you know!!! LOL
 
i am leaving work shortly and won't be able to get on the computer till tuesday...could some one please bump this so yasmina can see it?? I would appreciate it greatly..thank you!!!
 
good luck to you and your daughter. Sounds like a horrible thing to go through, but it is for the best and better times are ahead of you..
 
Thank you tytan!!! We are trying our best to hang in there....here is another bit of an update...lol..your going to love this...i had to contact the army, because he wasn't giving me the amount he was suppose to be, for housing...well the commander has decided to lie for him..getting a memorandum for court and all, so now i have to go through I.G.
Plus i heard yesterday my best friend and room mate is moving out and sticking me with $900.00 in her bills so yea....can you say fucked yet again!!!
 
hey tink. im glad that its soon to be over and you can move on. being that i did 12 years in the military you could have raped him of his pay. seriously. i would have. cheating to me is a breach of marriage. id take him for whatever i could have. the courts would have to go by law and the military law is that you are entitled to much more than you got. i know you wanted it over and done with but now he gets out pretty mnuch scott free. you could ruin his career still if he doesnt pay the child support. put his ass in jail and then he will be UA from the army and have to face them when he gets out. if hes not paying you what hes supposed to than take away his means of making any money. your not getting it anyways. im sorry but i dont believe in cheating and rubbing it in someones face. i couldnt even cheat on a girlfriend in high school and it was acceptable to do so. im glad i never did cause the friends i hung out with got so used to cheating they still do it today, married and all. thats why i no longer talk to them unless i go home and visit. ill stop by just to say hi and thats it.

hang in there tink. theres a lot of good peeps on this board to turn to if you need to talk. im sure you know that. take care girl.
 
bigmann245 said:
hey tink. im glad that its soon to be over and you can move on. being that i did 12 years in the military you could have raped him of his pay. seriously. i would have. cheating to me is a breach of marriage. id take him for whatever i could have. the courts would have to go by law and the military law is that you are entitled to much more than you got. i know you wanted it over and done with but now he gets out pretty mnuch scott free. you could ruin his career still if he doesnt pay the child support. put his ass in jail and then he will be UA from the army and have to face them when he gets out. if hes not paying you what hes supposed to than take away his means of making any money. your not getting it anyways. im sorry but i dont believe in cheating and rubbing it in someones face. i couldnt even cheat on a girlfriend in high school and it was acceptable to do so. im glad i never did cause the friends i hung out with got so used to cheating they still do it today, married and all. thats why i no longer talk to them unless i go home and visit. ill stop by just to say hi and thats it.

hang in there tink. theres a lot of good peeps on this board to turn to if you need to talk. im sure you know that. take care girl.


Hey there you. I know i could have totally screwed him and his career...for one the first girl, was under age at the time. Second, he is an E6, and was with and E4 while in Iraq...not to mention, defrauding the government by not giving me my BAH2 and oh yea...the steroid use. I am sure i could think of more, but my brain isn't working right now. I really wanted to be able to walk away and know that i was the bigger better person. I don't want to ruin his life. I don't blame him for falling out of love with me...just the way he handled it. He should have owened up and been a man...he should stop being so selfish and realize the two lives he has ruined ...but it will be a cold day in hell when that happens, so i just need to cut the poison out of my life and get on with it. It is definantly hard...but i guess there is something doing it all by yourself, that makes you feel pretty damn good~!!!!
 
Tough times don't last, tough people do.

Best thing for you is to close this chapter, and start a new one. Be a good role model for your daughter and don't let these unpleasant events have a lasting effect on her.
Instead, be the woman that she wants to be like when she grows up through your determination, toughness and resolve.
 
All the best to you. It sounds like you and your daughter feed off each other's inspiration and determination. I'm sure you will both survive and flourish and create an unbreakable bond in the process (if you already haven't). A child only needs love to grow......they don't need toys, dvd's or other material possessions. You are the best person to give her that.
 
Razorguns said:
Sweet! You can come to LA now!! Disneyland awaits! :)
Hey and if you go next year, let me know when and we can make it a family affair. EF families meet up. lol

Seriously though, I'm glad you're getting better now. I'm sure you'll have great stories ahead about someone new sweeping you off your feet or wining the lottery.

And if you win...;)
 
BIG HUGS to ya girl!! Hang in there!! You're & that girl of yours are going to do just fine......I feel it.... :heart:
 
Tink! said:
I don't blame him for falling out of love with me...just the way he handled it. He should have owned up and been a man!!!!
Just a point here. People don't just fall out of love. They allow it to happen through neglect or distraction. He chose not to do what it took to keep you in his heart. Do not allow him to escape the blame in your mind. If you do, you'll end up allowing people to crap on you & think it's your fault.
Keep strong. I'll be praying for you.
 
vinylgroover said:
All the best to you. It sounds like you and your daughter feed off each other's inspiration and determination. I'm sure you will both survive and flourish and create an unbreakable bond in the process (if you already haven't). A child only needs love to grow......they don't need toys, dvd's or other material possessions. You are the best person to give her that.


thank you sweetie!!! Hopefully we will be strong as steel!!! My daughter gets so frusterated with me, because she can no longer live the life she did before...so it is hard to explain to her that mommy has no money. LOL...she is starting to get better. Hard on me having to tell her no, or i can't or something...breaks my heart because it was never an issue before.

GRAND~ 18!!?? LOL i wish i was that young again..thing would be so very different in my life..lmao
 
this is TRUEsoldier

how you doin there turbo, u dont know much about the military must have been awhile since you were in there old timer! she would need proof to get so much from me, and she doesnt have any, cuz there wasnt any...civilian law trumps military for one, plus 700 a month, is alot for one child!!! I got out scott free, maybe she was bullshittin you bruh and that is why she backed down, cuz she paid for a lawyer, but I never did, cuz I didnt need one...hello...message...there's probably a reason for that! ahh its good to be honorable, you do seem to be that, but next time before opening your mouth get the facts, cuz to belive one side is kinda crazy dont you think!!! ;)


bigmann245 said:
hey tink. im glad that its soon to be over and you can move on. being that i did 12 years in the military you could have raped him of his pay. seriously. i would have. cheating to me is a breach of marriage. id take him for whatever i could have. the courts would have to go by law and the military law is that you are entitled to much more than you got. i know you wanted it over and done with but now he gets out pretty mnuch scott free. you could ruin his career still if he doesnt pay the child support. put his ass in jail and then he will be UA from the army and have to face them when he gets out. if hes not paying you what hes supposed to than take away his means of making any money. your not getting it anyways. im sorry but i dont believe in cheating and rubbing it in someones face. i couldnt even cheat on a girlfriend in high school and it was acceptable to do so. im glad i never did cause the friends i hung out with got so used to cheating they still do it today, married and all. thats why i no longer talk to them unless i go home and visit. ill stop by just to say hi and thats it.

hang in there tink. theres a lot of good peeps on this board to turn to if you need to talk. im sure you know that. take care girl.
 
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