Should I get involved?

[EnderJE]

So here's the story. Previously, my wife bailed out my MIL from her debt problems a few years ago. It was so bad that my MIL had to leave her apartment because she couldn't pay rent anymore.

Over the last few years, we put up my MIL (first in our home, then a small condo) up because she looked after our kids. Very recently, we discovered that she acquired a credit card. We thought 'WTF' how did she get one without a regular job? Sure, we give her a couple of bucks now and then but not enough to maintain a credit card.

Now, it seems that each time we go to her place, she's got something new. It pissed the hell out of my wife because she's afraid that the MIL will get behind in the payments and ask for some help again. Each time we come back from her place, it's 2 hours of hearing my wife talk like a sailor with the fear that the bailout request is coming?

I figure it just might be easier to ask the MIL how she's paying for this stuff, but then again, it's not really my business (so long as it doesn't impact me). The amount of money that we pay to put her up is slowing reaching the amount of money it would cost to hire a full time care for our kids, so I figure that it there is a request for more money that we'll just switch providers (from MIL --> hot 30 year old).

What would you do? Would you ask and just get to the bottom of the mystery or would you leave it alone because it's not your business?

 

[75th]

You and your wife share bank accounts, yes?

Then IMO it is your business...especially if you are part of the equation that helped her get back on her financial feet.

 

[silverstar1025]

You and your wife share bank accounts, yes?

Then IMO it is your business...especially if you are part of the equation that helped her get back on her financial feet.

+1 I would be making your wife ask her. It's her mother so she needs to step up and get to the bottom of it.

 

[nefertiti]

You are supporting her. It is your business.

 

[velvett]

Here's some food for thought:


My SO's friend's brother has a problem with his wife.

The wife built up just over 90k in credit debt and they could no longer afford the monthly payment so they decided to sell the house they lived in and move into a rental property they owned to pay off the debt. The house took a while to sell but in the mean time the husband's mother loaned her son the money to pay off the debt which he paid back when the house sold.

They have been in the new house since last fall, the wife does not work and they have 5 children from 3-17 years old and the wife has already put them back in over 60k in credit card debt. You know how he found out? When he wrote a check and it bounced he found out that all his bank accounts were drained to balances under $50.

Now, what would YOU do?


****spoiler alert****
























This guy canceled all the credit cards, took his wife's name off all the bank accounts and is now giving her a food shopping allowance in cash.

 

[EnderJE]

You and your wife share bank accounts, yes?

Then IMO it is your business...especially if you are part of the equation that helped her get back on her financial feet.

When my wife bailed out my MIL, we didn't share bank accounts. That's why I'm hesitating right now.

 

[EnderJE]

+1 I would be making your wife ask her. It's her mother so she needs to step up and get to the bottom of it.

I've asked her to, but she refuses. I think because the relationship is strained right now and that this could put it over the edge.

 

[velvett]

I've asked her to, but she refuses. I think because the relationship is strained right now and that this could put it over the edge.

Then tell your wife that you will not pay to bail her out.

Put whom over the edge, your wife or MIL?

 

[nefertiti]

Here's some food for thought:


My SO's friend's brother has a problem with his wife.

The wife built up just over 90k in credit debt and they could no longer afford the monthly payment so they decided to sell the house they lived in and move into a rental property they owned to pay off the debt. The house took a while to sell but in the mean time the husband's mother loaned her son the money to pay off the debt which he paid back when the house sold.

They have been in the new house since last fall, the wife does not work and they have 5 children from 3-17 years old and the wife has already put them back in over 60k in credit card debt. You know how he found out? When he wrote a check and it bounced he found out that all his bank accounts were drained to balances under $50.

Now, what would YOU do?


****spoiler alert****
























This guy canceled all the credit cards, took his wife's name off all the bank accounts and is now giving her a food shopping allowance in cash.

He should have done it the first time.

 

[velvett]

He should have done it the first time.

Exactly!

That's just why I typed out the story.

 

[nefertiti]

Exactly!

That's just why I typed out the story.

Seriously....when I was in college I got about 7K in debt...Some of that was for legit things, but some of it definitely was not. I just had no concept of how to live within my means at the time. Over the next year I paid off everything and cancelled all my cards save my amex gold that I have to pay off every month. I will never own another credit card, those things are pure evil.

 

[EnderJE]

Then tell your wife that you will not pay to bail her out.

Put whom over the edge, your wife or MIL?

I think it would put my wife's relationship with my MIL over the edge and she could / would cut out all communication (ie kick her out and the whole bit) for a few years. Naturally, this would put a strain on the family relationship on her side. The impact to me is that my wife will be pre-occupied on this and I won't get some alone / unstressed time with her.

As for me, my father told me along time ago..."EJE, I love you and all, but this is business, you, I, we, your brother, everyone is expendable" So, it doesn't bother me if we kick her out.

 

[EnderJE]

Exactly!

That's just why I typed out the story.

I do appreciate the story. I'll use it if it ever comes to that...

"Well, Vel said to do this..."

 

[Raptorex]

have her post nudies on EF, lots of dudes will pay electric bills around here for a few ass shots!

problem solved = I take Karma, no credit cards.

 

[EnderJE]

have her post nudies on EF, lots of dudes will pay electric bills around here for a few ass shots!

problem solved = I take Karma, no credit cards.

Have you see my MIL?

 

[heatherrae]

I think I would just have my wife tell her that if she gets in trouble again financially that you won't be bailing her out again and then follow through on that promise.

 

[Raptorex]

Have you see my MIL?

lol!!! remember there is someone for everyone - and I bet she would get some nibbles here