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mrdeeznuts
New member
i don't think std's are funny, i don't have any because i follow safe sex
but i can imagine a funny stories about a dude getting ready to do a chick and finding an apparent std
but i can imagine a funny stories about a dude getting ready to do a chick and finding an apparent std
dullboy said:
Dullboy neglected to refer to himself in the 3rd person.
How is he gonna build an online persona with this type of inconsistency?
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
RottenWillow said:
Who is that hot, slutty looking chick in your avatar? Hook me up.
Scotsman
New member
The best one ever involves one of my best friends. He and his then girlfriend decided that it was time to start having unprotected sex. So she insisted that they both go get tested for STD's. So my buddy goes to the clinic to get his test and they suggest the swab test as it is more reliable. For those who don't know what the swab test is they basically stick a long q-tip in your eurethra (pee-hole). So I am working at the gym when he comes and asks me to spot him. As I am following him over to the leg press I sort of notice he's walking a bit funny but then again he's doing legs so I don't think too much on it. When we get over there he only has four plates on each side which was pretty light for him so I ask what he needs the spot for. He says he'll tell me after his set. So he struggles a bit and looks like he's going to pass out. After the set he tells me about the test. Now being the true friend that I am I break out in hysterical laughter. Then I give him a power bar so he won't pass out. Next thing he's sitting there with this really pained look on his face, so I ask him what's wrong. He said he has to piss but is afraid to (more laughter). He finally goes to piss and I am sitting in the office when the big boss walk in. One of the other employees follows him in and asks what's wrong with our buddy because he's in the bathroom screaming (more laughter). When he comes in I make him tell the crew what's wrong (more laughter). He then says "where the hell has this bitch been that she thinks we need this then voices concern about being able to perform duties over the weekend. This is where I proceed to say "You know if I were you and my shit didn't work because of this, her tongue would be in my ass". Start hysterical laughter by whole group. Best part is our boss had broken ribs so he was laughing in between gasps of pain as was our swab tested friend.
It was good times working at the gym. Sorry to be long winded, and that no real STD was involved, he tested clean.
Cheers,
Scotsman
It was good times working at the gym. Sorry to be long winded, and that no real STD was involved, he tested clean.
Cheers,
Scotsman
alien amp pharm said:
Put a pair of shades on her and you dont even recognize your own sister. Dude.
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
RottenWillow said:
If my sister looked like that I'd be incesting in a heartbeat.
(I live in Tennessee so it'd be okay)
anabolicfreak
New member
When I was 19 I nailed this complete whore when I was drunk. A few months later I found out the bitch gave me herpes!! Can you believe that? I was pissed.
I had to kick out like $50 at the free clinic and the shit didn't go away for about a week or two.
I sure learned my lesson about screwing skanks though, man I'm glad that shit is behind me!
I had to kick out like $50 at the free clinic and the shit didn't go away for about a week or two.
I sure learned my lesson about screwing skanks though, man I'm glad that shit is behind me!
anabolicfreak
New member
Alpine said:
Sure there is, you just take some antibiotics for a week along with some Vit C and you are good to go.
You're thinking of AIDS, there is no cure for AIDS. I'm sure glad I didnt get that! Can you imagine having an STD for the rest of your life?? Man that sure would suck!!
Quadsweeps Sister
New member
anabolicfreak said:
There is no cure for herpes. That's why they make 'another' little blue pill called Valtrex. You have it for life - and if they told you at the clinic you are miraculously cured, then I think you did not hear them correctly. Look it up on the web. Be careful when playing with others.
anabolicfreak said:
There is no cure for HSV. Drugs like acyclovir just suppress the virus a bit, but cant destroy it. Herpes is forever.
But I wouldnt call you a skank for having it.
chewyxrage
New member
anabolic freak is either joking (pretty sure) or the biggest fuckin' idiot on the planet.
never seen him post before so I don't know his style
never seen him post before so I don't know his style
Ok we all just piled on him as fast I'm sure he suffocating down there. Get off me dudes..this feels funny.
N
novamanms
Guest
Yet another bad time to e-flirt.RottenWillow said:
anabolicfreak
New member
flyingjer said:
i dont know if i'd call it a gift, but i got my ass straight down to the free clinic after i nailed that slut and gave it right back!
anabolicfreak
New member
Alpine said:
That thing that turns your lights on and off? Dude what are you talking about? We're talking about STDs here, sexually transmitted diseases. You need to get educated about this pronto if you plan on getting any strange any time soon!
I was lucky and only got a little case of herpes my first time, but you may not be as fortunate as me and end up with something you cant just walk into the free clinic and get a shot or a pill and its gone.
chewyxrage
New member
anabolicfreak said:
How can I get this thing called "The Herpe" ?
novamanms said:Yet another bad time to e-flirt.
No this is a good time, especially since everyone else in the thread is ignoring me.
foreigngirl
New member
lol @ "little case of herpes"anabolicfreak said:
I hope you are fucking with us when you say that there is cure and that you are free of the virus
anabolicfreak
New member
chewyxrage said:
Get piss drunk and then rail some raver chick at 4am in her trailer with no condom, thats how!
Seems like a fuckin great idea until you bust a nut!
foreigngirl
New member
they are just intimidatedRottenWillow said:No this is a good time, especially since everyone else in the thread is ignoring me.
anabolicfreak
New member
foreigngirl said:lol @ "little case of herpes"
what virus?
foreigngirl
New member
never mind. Its getting old playing stupid. Change to another tacticsanabolicfreak said:
anabolicfreak
New member
LOL, yeah you got me I cant keep it up any longer.
Thats my funny STD story.
I cant keep it up any longer.Thats my funny STD story.
B
BrothaBill
Guest
lmao @ AnabolicFreak, fucking funny bastard hahaha
foreigngirl
New member
anabolicfreak said:LOL, yeah you got me
Thats my funny STD story.
ok, so you have herpes and you know its not curable. There. I'll make sure I announce it to the world
anabolicfreak
New member
BrothaBill said:
glad you enjoyed it!GoldenDelicious
New member
cut n pasted from where i wrote it on another forum:
lets briefly turn this into a Delicious Nightclubbing report for a second....so there i was, right, in this bar, and seriously guys...i was looking really, really hot
like, REALLY hot! i know everyone was looking at me, and not just for my very stylish handkerchief or incredible shrinking waistline so anyway, the bar around us was dead and we decide to switch to a place across the street that seemed to be pumping...and it was a total dickfarm 
. it was terrible sad it had a schlong rating of an extreme 7...which means 7 schlongs per square metre 
it was terrible. but i wasnt going to be discouraged by such minor details as there being 5 times as many guys in that club...after all, we're talking about me here ...and then...the wet Tshirt competition started
oh. my. God.
it wasnt a wet Tshirt competition. it was a livestock auction. it was a dairy farmers dream. those boobs were HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE. each boob was worth 4 rainas. it was sickening. they were slapping together like 2 haggis thrown at each other and colliding mid-air. oh God, i feel ill just thinking about it sad brrrrrrrrrrr :spew:
so i turned to my mates and said "lets get the hell out of here before the crowd starts hurling, and we get swept away by a vomit tsunami!!" and we do...and i spy, with my little eye, a really, really nice looking little philipino latin dancer girl i met once upon a time, in a pink mini and black strappy top. she just turned 18 ooooooh yyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhhh, i was in business, definitely.
so anyway, i go up to her and, cut a long story short, wave my freinds goodbye and walk her to my car (i am on the Jedi Pickup Artist Council, in case you didnt know
) where we have a chat and physically flirty, and right when i was giving her my Crazy Grasshopper stomach massage (TM) and she started making girly noises, she leaned in and said "golden, i have to tell you something". now, even in my dnp induced lethargic haze, in my car with foggy windows (from me sweating lol) Titanic style, i knew that she was about to say something about a boyfriend, so i thought "fuck! quick! emergency conversation evasive maneuvers! distract her! distract her!" but alas, she was adamant. and so i finally said "ok baby whats up?" and she said possibly te worst thing i have heard in my entire pickup career...
...
...
"i just want you to know, i have herpes"
*boot*
me = pwned by someone elses virus
ok fine so i didnt boot her. i actually spent half an hour reassuring her that it was a really common thing, and not to feel bad at all about it, and that its no problem sexually...despite teh fact that i no longer wanted to have sex lol (i wasnt going to have sex anyway, too sleazy...in a car? after clubbing?)
end snip
lets briefly turn this into a Delicious Nightclubbing report for a second....so there i was, right, in this bar, and seriously guys...i was looking really, really hot
like, REALLY hot! i know everyone was looking at me, and not just for my very stylish handkerchief or incredible shrinking waistline so anyway, the bar around us was dead and we decide to switch to a place across the street that seemed to be pumping...and it was a total dickfarm . it was terrible sad it had a schlong rating of an extreme 7...which means 7 schlongs per square metre it was terrible. but i wasnt going to be discouraged by such minor details as there being 5 times as many guys in that club...after all, we're talking about me here ...and then...the wet Tshirt competition started oh. my. God.
it wasnt a wet Tshirt competition. it was a livestock auction. it was a dairy farmers dream. those boobs were HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE. each boob was worth 4 rainas. it was sickening. they were slapping together like 2 haggis thrown at each other and colliding mid-air. oh God, i feel ill just thinking about it sad brrrrrrrrrrr :spew:
so i turned to my mates and said "lets get the hell out of here before the crowd starts hurling, and we get swept away by a vomit tsunami!!" and we do...and i spy, with my little eye, a really, really nice looking little philipino latin dancer girl i met once upon a time, in a pink mini and black strappy top
. she just turned 18 ooooooh yyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhhh, i was in business, definitely.so anyway, i go up to her and, cut a long story short, wave my freinds goodbye and walk her to my car (i am on the Jedi Pickup Artist Council, in case you didnt know
) where we have a chat and physically flirty, and right when i was giving her my Crazy Grasshopper stomach massage (TM) and she started making girly noises, she leaned in and said "golden, i have to tell you something". now, even in my dnp induced lethargic haze, in my car with foggy windows (from me sweating lol) Titanic style, i knew that she was about to say something about a boyfriend, so i thought "fuck! quick! emergency conversation evasive maneuvers! distract her! distract her!" but alas, she was adamant. and so i finally said "ok baby whats up?" and she said possibly te worst thing i have heard in my entire pickup career......
...
"i just want you to know, i have herpes"
*boot*
me = pwned by someone elses virus
ok fine so i didnt boot her. i actually spent half an hour reassuring her that it was a really common thing, and not to feel bad at all about it, and that its no problem sexually...despite teh fact that i no longer wanted to have sex lol (i wasnt going to have sex anyway, too sleazy...in a car? after clubbing?)
end snip
anabolicfreak
New member
Seriously though, one time I was at a frat party going at it with this chick when she stopped and told me she "had something she had to tell me" before we went any further. LOL I knew what was coming because she was starting to cry a little bit and couldnt look at me when she told me that she had herpes. I played it cool though and told her that it was alright, that alot of people did, etc..etc..etc...and that I would be right back, I just had to get a condom out of my car....
...yeah you guessed it; I got in my car and got the hell out of there ASAP!!
Dirty slut
...yeah you guessed it; I got in my car and got the hell out of there ASAP!!
Dirty slut
foreigngirl
New member
anabolicfreak said:
lol...but arent you lucky she told you before anything happened?
GoldenDelicious
New member
like lickin a pizzaPICK3 said:
oh fuck that was nasty, even for me
B
BrothaBill
Guest
foreigngirl said:
did you know you can get gonorrhea from riding a tractor?
R
ROFLMFAO
Guest
anabolicfreak said:
"going at it with this chick "
so you had already kissed her?
foreigngirl
New member
nope...I didnt need to know that.BrothaBill said:
anabolicfreak
New member
foreigngirl said:
Yeah, thats why I was also considerate and appeased her and told her it was no big deal before quietly jetting on her rather than make a big scene at the party and embarass the little disease ridden trick.
B
BrothaBill
Guest
foreigngirl said:nope...I didnt need to know that.
Sophie: You know, Jerry, there's this thing that I haven't told you about.
See, there was this tractor and, oh boy, this is really difficult.
Jerry: Sophie, it's me. I know about the tractor story and I'm fine with it.
Sophie: How could you know?
Jerry (putting his finger to Sophie's lips, then to his own, then back to
Sopie's): Shh. Shh. Shh. It's not important. What's important is I'm not
gonna let a little thing like that ruin what could be a very long-term and
meaningful relationship.
Kramer and Mickey barge in, they're in the middle of an argument.
Kramer: ...I didn't say that, no.
Mickey: You gave me gonorrhea, you didn't even tell me!
Kramer: Well, I'm sorry. I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun
with it.
Jerry: Hey, hey! I'm with someone.
Kramer: Oh. Hello.
Sophie: No, I understand. This could be a tough thing to deal with. The
important thing is that you have a partner who's supportive.
Kramer (to Mickey): You know? She's right.
Sophie: Unfortunately, I didn't have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a
tractor.
Jerry: You got gonorrhea from a tractor?? And you call *that* your tractor
story??
Kramer: You can't get it from that.
Sophie: But I did. My boyfriend said I got gonorrhea from riding the tractor
in my bathing suit.
Jerry (walking out): Alright, that's it for me. You've been great. Goodnight
everybody.
anabolicfreak
New member
ROFLMFAO said:
yeah I'd been making out with her, thats it though. she was smokin hot, and only 18 or 19 years old, too. i really felt kind of bad for her. i'm sure she was a nice girl who came to college, got too drunk at a party and let some guy take advantage of her and now its a shame she's branded with a scarlet H for the rest of her life.
dirty slut
foreigngirl
New member
BrothaBill said:
LOL......her bf was very smart
I caught the crabs 2x does that count? 
Back in HS days on summer vacation. LOoooong time ago. Went out with a chick for a week or so. Nice piece of ass I might add. One of the best ever. Anyway buddy and I got a 2 month job at point pleasant NJ about 10 hours away from here working for UPS. Washing and waxing the trucks. I started to itch little a little bit. Thought nothing of it and figured I was getting jock itch even though I had never had it before. Well it got worse and worse and I went to piss and actually seen one of the little motherfuckers crawling on my hair! I ripped out some hair and was checking it out and sure enough I had the spider crabs!
I freaked out. At the time I had no idea what the fuck to be honest. I did not want anybody to know and I was way far away from home. I went to the truck to see what I could find to help out. I found some Lysol and stuck it in my shorts and went back to the bathroom. I sprayed the shit all over down there hoping it will kill them. Went back to work and all it did was piss those little fuckers off and I was in real bad shape then.
I went to my buddy and told him about it and he remembers another friend of ours had them and he got rid of them with Denorex. After we got off work. 2nd shift. WE went to store and got some Denorex. Went back to the place we where staying at and used it and all that shit did was stir them up also!
There where also 2 other dudes with us from WV and I got the balls to ask one of them and they got all serious and said you have to get this shit called AT2000 or something. So I went back to the store and to embarrassed to buy it I stuck the shit down my pants and went back and that did the trick!
Few months later when we got home I went back to girl who gave them to me and told her she gave me the crabs and she insisted she never had them. I guess it’s harder for woman to tell if they have them for some reason but she swore I must have got them from somebody else. I found out another friend of mine had sex with her also and I told him about it and sure enough she gave him the crabs also. Ha-ha. I don’t know how she could stand it but those things bit the shit out of me.
Back in HS days on summer vacation. LOoooong time ago. Went out with a chick for a week or so. Nice piece of ass I might add. One of the best ever. Anyway buddy and I got a 2 month job at point pleasant NJ about 10 hours away from here working for UPS. Washing and waxing the trucks. I started to itch little a little bit. Thought nothing of it and figured I was getting jock itch even though I had never had it before. Well it got worse and worse and I went to piss and actually seen one of the little motherfuckers crawling on my hair! I ripped out some hair and was checking it out and sure enough I had the spider crabs! I freaked out. At the time I had no idea what the fuck to be honest. I did not want anybody to know and I was way far away from home. I went to the truck to see what I could find to help out. I found some Lysol and stuck it in my shorts and went back to the bathroom. I sprayed the shit all over down there hoping it will kill them. Went back to work and all it did was piss those little fuckers off and I was in real bad shape then.
I went to my buddy and told him about it and he remembers another friend of ours had them and he got rid of them with Denorex. After we got off work. 2nd shift. WE went to store and got some Denorex. Went back to the place we where staying at and used it and all that shit did was stir them up also!
There where also 2 other dudes with us from WV and I got the balls to ask one of them and they got all serious and said you have to get this shit called AT2000 or something. So I went back to the store and to embarrassed to buy it I stuck the shit down my pants and went back and that did the trick!
Few months later when we got home I went back to girl who gave them to me and told her she gave me the crabs and she insisted she never had them. I guess it’s harder for woman to tell if they have them for some reason but she swore I must have got them from somebody else. I found out another friend of mine had sex with her also and I told him about it and sure enough she gave him the crabs also. Ha-ha. I don’t know how she could stand it but those things bit the shit out of me.
R
ROFLMFAO
Guest
KA-BAR said:I caught the crabs 2x does that count?
I freaked out. At the time I had no idea what the fuck to be honest. I did not want anybody to know and I was way far away from home. I went to the truck to see what I could find to help out. I found some Lysol and stuck it in my shorts and went back to the bathroom. I sprayed the shit all over down there hoping it will kill them. Went back to work and all it did was piss those little fuckers off and I was in real bad shape then.
I went to my buddy and told him about it and he remembers another friend of ours had them and he got rid of them with Denorex. After we got off work. 2nd shift. WE went to store and got some Denorex. Went back to the place we where staying at and used it and all that shit did was stir them up also!
There where also 2 other dudes with us from WV and I got the balls to ask one of them and they got all serious and said you have to get this shit called AT2000 or something. So I went back to the store and to embarrassed to buy it I stuck the shit down my pants and went back and that did the trick!
Few months later when we got home I went back to girl who gave them to me and told her she gave me the crabs and she insisted she never had them. I guess it’s harder for woman to tell if they have them for some reason but she swore I must have got them from somebody else. I found out another friend of mine had sex with her also and I told him about it and sure enough she gave him the crabs also. Ha-ha. I don’t know how she could stand it but those things bit the shit out of me.
eww
I know its a great story. Many of my friends have had the bore punched and I hear it hurts really bad. I feel lucky I just got the eebs and nothing else. 17 years later and still clean as whistle. Crabs would have a hard time now anyway because shave my shit bald.
Crabs would have a hard time now anyway because shave my shit bald.
megamania500
New member
What do you get when you fuck beer? burpies
what do you get when you fuck a bird? chirpies
what do you get when you fuck ice cream? slurpies
those were terrible
what do you get when you fuck a bird? chirpies
what do you get when you fuck ice cream? slurpies
those were terrible
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
megamania500 said:
you should be banned for that train wreck of a post
N
novamanms
Guest
I've grown accustomed to being ignored, but I flock to your posts, sweets.RottenWillow said:No this is a good time, especially since everyone else in the thread is ignoring me.
justinjones1963
New member
anabolicfreak said:
Dude, herpes is like AIDS and diamonds...it lasts forever.
http://www.yoshi2me.com/herpes-faq.html
Knowledge is power....and you can spread it without an outbreak. I had a friend who had a girl who though the same thing as you did. She gave it to him and she never told him she had it until he broke out.
dullboy
New member
dullboy has a friend who was accused by this filthy slut he was seeing of giving her the clap.
this was especially worrying to him because he is married and is worth about ~ 5 million or so. not a good divorce scenario.
so he did the prudent thing and told his wife that they were both going on a 2 week diet and that he would prepare meal replacement shakes for them.
he of course was adding the appropriate antibiotic protocol (ciproflaxin)to her drinks. lol - she said the drinks tasted funny.
so it turns out that he gets tested and doesn't have the infection at all.
he dumped that filty slut STAT.
this was especially worrying to him because he is married and is worth about ~ 5 million or so. not a good divorce scenario.
so he did the prudent thing and told his wife that they were both going on a 2 week diet and that he would prepare meal replacement shakes for them.
he of course was adding the appropriate antibiotic protocol (ciproflaxin)to her drinks. lol -
she said the drinks tasted funny.so it turns out that he gets tested and doesn't have the infection at all.
he dumped that filty slut STAT.
PICK3
New member
Last edited by a moderator:
at least positive dating is more discrete but a site with STD on it, who would want that in the browser history? jeez...
Well did you bother to report the post??
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