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serious ex husband probs robs

shirlene29

shirlene29

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so the ex husband moved to NC and originally took our daughter with him (I consented)
this lasted a couple of days before shes hysterically calling me saying he choked her ...I call him and say look you can not say a word to her and put her on the first flight to ct or I can call the cops

he wisely puts her on the flight....shes been here since
well..she tells me all sorts of shit she was afraid to tell me before and suffice to say as if the first incident (I knew about) wasn't enough by the time shes done I'm never letting her go back to him again..ever, not even for a short visit

tonight he calls me up and tries to get all tough and bitchy (contradiction?) with me..i shut him down, hard..to the point he hangs up...calls back..tried to apologize ..I shut him down harder and I hang up

so...do I get a restraining order?? she doesn't want to talk to him at all...feels intimidated and upset when she does...
or do I ride this out?
or do I at least file for sole legal custody (shared now)

I'm not sure how to proceed...
cliff notes are the last five lines
 
shirlene29 said:
so the ex husband moved to NC and originally took our daughter with him (I consented)
this lasted a couple of days before shes hysterically calling me saying he choked her ...I call him and say look you can not say a word to her and put her on the first flight to ct or I can call the cops

he wisely puts her on the flight....shes been here since
well..she tells me all sorts of shit she was afraid to tell me before and suffice to say as if the first incident (I knew about) wasn't enough by the time shes done I'm never letting her go back to him again..ever, not even for a short visit

tonight he calls me up and tries to get all tough and bitchy (contradiction?) with me..i shut him down, hard..to the point he hangs up...calls back..tried to apologize ..I shut him down harder and I hang up

so...do I get a restraining order?? she doesn't want to talk to him at all...feels intimidated and upset when she does...
or do I ride this out?
or do I at least file for sole legal custody (shared now)

I'm not sure how to proceed...
cliff notes are the last five lines
Click to expand...

Restraining order, sole custody
 
see what bugs me about it is this...his on again off again gf claims he picked her up by the throat...and at the time I didn't believe it
and even defended him...and really didn't believe it when she went back to him
dude never laid a hand on me in 8 or so years...and I threw a lot of shit his way

but now my daughter comes up and says the same shit...and is obviously bothered by him and his really now apparent alcoholism

so did she say it just to move back to ct? or did she say it because its true?
 
Im not for accusing someone of domestic violence if its not true kwim?
 
been through this with my sister in law and niece...

What age is she.. who has legal physical custody of her.. and in what state..

also, file in your state, then he'll have to come back to fight it, or let it go...
 
SpyWizard said:
been through this with my sister in law and niece...

What age is she.. who has legal physical custody of her.. and in what state..

also, file in your state, then he'll have to come back to fight it, or let it go...
Click to expand...


ct, true shared custody (legal and physical) not just joint

shes 13
.
and he'll come back without a doubt but shes old enough in this state to have a say...but honestly I could bury him in court given his previous domestic with the ex


and IDK cindy...she can lie convincingly about homework..or anything to avoid trouble but I know she really loves her dad. she says she never said anything before because she was afraid he'd get in trouble..and shes that kind of person as am I (gullible maybe)
 
shirlene29 said:
Im not for accusing someone of domestic violence if its not true kwim?
Click to expand...

Talk to her about it. She'll probably tell the truth if you explain that he could get in serious trouble (assuming she's old enough since she could'be been smart enough to lie to come back)
 
she watched him get in serious trouble with the on again off again gf

but Im not sure fully understands the repercussions you know? I mean, how could she really at 13





my gut reaction is what ender said...restraining order and sole custody


but Im really at a loss ...and maybe cuz like i said, Im just gullible and try to see the inherent good in people
 
It's way safer to believe your daughter over your ex.

You believe your daughter and she's lying, boo hoo, dad doesn't see her.
You believe ex and he's lying, your daughter could get more seriously hurt.

Always better to stay on the side of caution in these cases.
 
That's logical thinking from AFeedz, Shirlene.. and your responsibily is for your daughter not the ex.
I'm sorry to hear this is going on with you
 
only issue I have with it is cutting off a relationship with her father which is also detrimental...but if its a bad one its gotta be done right?

she seemed relieved when i promised her I'd do everything in my power to stop her from having to go back to stay with him

I guess that should be answer enough
what kind of asshole...especially some 6' 3" asshole intimidates a little girl
 
shirlene29 said:
what kind of asshole...especially some 6' 3" asshole intimidates a little girl
Click to expand...
It might not be good to ask yourself that question. It will only lead into a spiral and demonize him further.

You don't know what the other side is going through or what problems that he might have at this time.

Rather, just walk away from it and him.
 
shirlene29 said:
only issue I have with it is cutting off a relationship with her father which is also detrimental...but if its a bad one its gotta be done right?

she seemed relieved when i promised her I'd do everything in my power to stop her from having to go back to stay with him

I guess that should be answer enough
what kind of asshole...especially some 6' 3" asshole intimidates a little girl
Click to expand...

I started a NPO a couple years ago that deals with abused young girls, trust me, going without a father (or mother for that matter) isn't half as bad as what an abusive relationship with one does especially if the other parent they do have is actively involved and stable.

Your daughter would be just fine without him.
 
EnderJE said:
It might not be good to ask yourself that question. It will only lead into a spiral and demonize him further.

You don't know what the other side is going through or what problems that he might have at this time.

Rather, just walk away from it and him.
Click to expand...


dude has got a shit ton of probs...I have to kind of not worry about them because then the pity card comes into play
 
AFeedz said:
I started a NPO a couple years ago that deals with abused young girls, trust me, going without a father (or mother for that matter) isn't half as bad as what an abusive relationship with one does especially if the other parent they do have is actively involved and stable.

Your daughter would be just fine without him.
Click to expand...

I see your point but I disagree. If she's making this shit up it's not fair to dad, and regardless of what people say I think kids need both parents in their lives.

If it is true then never mind. Wominz are manipulative lil bitches and with shirl as a momma she has pry learned a thing or two.

Lol :qt:
 
miplank said:
I see your point but I disagree. If she's making this shit up it's not fair to dad, and regardless of what people say I think kids need both parents in their lives.

If it is true then never mind. Wominz are manipulative lil bitches and with shirl as a momma she has pry learned a thing or two.

Lol :qt:
Click to expand...

I didn't say a kid doesn't need both parents. What I said was, in my experience, girls with one good parent come out light years ahead of girls with two parents, one of which is abusive, in the normalcy department.

I do agree if she's lying, it's not fair to the dad at all. It'd be terrible to lose your child over a lie, but if I have to risk that or a child getting severely hurt, it makes no sense to choose the latter.
 
AFeedz said:
I didn't say a kid doesn't need both parents. What I said was, in my experience, girls with one good parent come out light years ahead of girls with two parents, one of which is abusive, in the normalcy department.

I do agree if she's lying, it's not fair to the dad at all. It'd be terrible to lose your child over a lie, but if I have to risk that or a child getting severely hurt, it makes no sense to choose the latter.
Click to expand...

I know. Bottom line is nobody here knows this guy, or shirts daughter.

She was married to the guy, had children with him etc. she knows him best.

Shirl, ask yourself. Is he capable of doing this? Would she lie about it to get her way or maybe exaggerate the truth?
 
miplank said:
I know. Bottom line is nobody here knows this guy, or shirts daughter.

She was married to the guy, had children with him etc. she knows him best.

Shirl, ask yourself. Is he capable of doing this? Would she lie about it to get her way or maybe exaggerate the truth?
Click to expand...

totally concur
 
messed up shit

how can a dad hurt his daughter, there must be deep issues
 
Sorry to hear about all this, I'd say go for sole custody given your daughters reaction.

BTW your ass is lookin right!!!
 
wow, the rules in US are a fucking mess
 
clearly..now you're all driving me to drink

bombing alters is cool right?
 
shirlene29 said:
so the ex husband moved to NC and originally took our daughter with him (I consented)
this lasted a couple of days before shes hysterically calling me saying he choked her ...I call him and say look you can not say a word to her and put her on the first flight to ct or I can call the cops

he wisely puts her on the flight....shes been here since
well..she tells me all sorts of shit she was afraid to tell me before and suffice to say as if the first incident (I knew about) wasn't enough by the time shes done I'm never letting her go back to him again..ever, not even for a short visit

tonight he calls me up and tries to get all tough and bitchy (contradiction?) with me..i shut him down, hard..to the point he hangs up...calls back..tried to apologize ..I shut him down harder and I hang up

so...do I get a restraining order?? she doesn't want to talk to him at all...feels intimidated and upset when she does...
or do I ride this out?
or do I at least file for sole legal custody (shared now)

I'm not sure how to proceed...
cliff notes are the last five lines
Click to expand...

Do you ride it out!? Ur joking rite? Hell no take up lawfull manner on him and protect her
 
shirlene29 said:
so the ex husband moved to NC and originally took our daughter with him (I consented)
this lasted a couple of days before shes hysterically calling me saying he choked her ...I call him and say look you can not say a word to her and put her on the first flight to ct or I can call the cops

he wisely puts her on the flight....shes been here since
well..she tells me all sorts of shit she was afraid to tell me before and suffice to say as if the first incident (I knew about) wasn't enough by the time shes done I'm never letting her go back to him again..ever, not even for a short visit

tonight he calls me up and tries to get all tough and bitchy (contradiction?) with me..i shut him down, hard..to the point he hangs up...calls back..tried to apologize ..I shut him down harder and I hang up

so...do I get a restraining order?? she doesn't want to talk to him at all...feels intimidated and upset when she does...
or do I ride this out?
or do I at least file for sole legal custody (shared now)

I'm not sure how to proceed...
cliff notes are the last five lines
Click to expand...

This is ur daughter and you hv to think about this!

I should bomb you
 
clearly you missed the part where hes in NC and shes in Ct with me....shes not exactly in eminent danger
 
shirlene29 said:
yeah, totally..he was regularly shitfaced in front of me
Click to expand...

Then may I ask, why leave your child with an abusive addict? (not judging, just curious
Of course, you need to get sole custody. Not to say addicts cannot change (though most never do), but sounds like your child would be better off away from the destruction of an addict.

I see this in Al Anon often, you're not alone!
 
he wasn't abusive...and I naively thought he had gotten the addiction part under control

I actually put her in ala teen a cpl of weeks ago because theres no question (I dont question her, Ive heard it on the phone myself) his alcoholism is out of control again...
believing hes abusive is harder for me but he does have major anger management issues...Ive just never seen them directed at women/children/animals



and yeah smurf...called in to our attorney this morning...waiting for a call back
 
Kudos to the ALAteen.......All kids of addicts should be in AlAteen! Even when kids are not physically abused by an addict, there is so much mental and psychological abuse and issues that the kids have anxiety, mental issues etc.

Good luck with all this, I'm sure it will all work out
 
shirlene29 said:
ct, true shared custody (legal and physical) not just joint

shes 13
.
and he'll come back without a doubt but shes old enough in this state to have a say...but honestly I could bury him in court given his previous domestic with the ex


and IDK cindy...she can lie convincingly about homework..or anything to avoid trouble but I know she really loves her dad. she says she never said anything before because she was afraid he'd get in trouble..and shes that kind of person as am I (gullible maybe)
Click to expand...

You need to have a long talk with your daughter. At 13, if she goes in front of a judge and says, "He's choked me and abused me, I'm afraid of him, and I never want to be alone with him again." No judge is going to put her in jeopardy. Is she at that point?

Talk to a lawyer; as long as the ex can't show up with the sheriff and walk out with your daughter (based on the current court arrangement) then she is safe. If he initiates a court battle, you'll have to fight.
 
is the dude former military and do his problems stem from his service?
if so, i feel for him...still fuk him for abusing his daughter, unexcuseable.
 
At the very least file for sole legal custody now and then you can make visitation decisions afterward.

Your daughter may be manipulative and a good liar but he did something seriously wrong. Otherwise, he doesn't put her on a plane back to CT so fast. Add the history of physical abuse with his girlfriend, anger issues and alcoholism and this is a no brainer.
 
Get in with the attorney asap.If its court appointed shared parenting he can show up on his time to get her and if you dont let her go,you will be in contempt.Unless you have previous reports of abuse.I would still keep her from him until I knew for sure.
Silent
 
shirlene29 said:
so the ex husband moved to NC and originally took our daughter with him (I consented)
this lasted a couple of days before shes hysterically calling me saying he choked her ...I call him and say look you can not say a word to her and put her on the first flight to ct or I can call the cops

he wisely puts her on the flight....shes been here since
well..she tells me all sorts of shit she was afraid to tell me before and suffice to say as if the first incident (I knew about) wasn't enough by the time shes done I'm never letting her go back to him again..ever, not even for a short visit

tonight he calls me up and tries to get all tough and bitchy (contradiction?) with me..i shut him down, hard..to the point he hangs up...calls back..tried to apologize ..I shut him down harder and I hang up

so...do I get a restraining order?? she doesn't want to talk to him at all...feels intimidated and upset when she does...
or do I ride this out?
or do I at least file for sole legal custody (shared now)

I'm not sure how to proceed...
cliff notes are the last five lines
Click to expand...
What exactly did he admit to when apologizing?
 
of course I did when I initially had her flown up here...

he said she was exagerating
 
redemption is available for everybody
do not make matters worse
try one time to forgive him and accept his flaws
you don't have to make love to him
don't make hate
 
I can't find the vid I'm searching for in the above flick
half are in Spanish
 
I think you still love this man
and are posting "biased" history searching for confirmation to cast bait
 
you know what the answer is
post 12 years or so when your daughter goes to college
 
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