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Scientist isolate the stupid gene
- Thread starter SpyWizard
- Start date
French isolate stupid gene
Discovery will lead to golden age of genetically-improved French teenagers
by Lester Haines
French boffins claim to have isolated the "stupid" gene in what is being heralded as as major breakthrough in genetic engineering.
The tiny slither of DNA, which has been found in 94 per cent of French teenagers, is claimed to control stupid, tiresome and petulant behaviour.
The team behind the discovery have spent five years and FF90 million locating the gene from among four million suspected mutations.
Speaking yesterday at his laboratory near Paris, chief research scientist Dr Henri DuPont Nordel predicted a bright future for humanity as a result of the discovery. "This is le Saint Graal [Holy Grail] for French geneticists. Once we have eliminated the offending piece from DNA," he explained, "we will have removed the need for French teenagers with too many hormones to stand around at the bottom of Tube escalators shouting meaninglessly."
Other spin-off benefits are believed to include:
* An end to French people shrugging and pouting at even the simplest question
* Reduced occurence of colour-blindness in clothing
* Elimination of the desire to put rucksacks on the front of the body rather than on the back like normal people
* No further collaboration between French governments and invading German armies
British genetic experts have cautiously welcomed the news, but noted in a press release: "When they have isolated the gene which makes your French unspeakably pompous about food and fine wine, then that will be news."
Meanwhile, the same UK experts are reported to be attempting to identify the gene which causes British journalists to persist in attacking the French, despite the fact that it's years since they handed over any Jews to the Gestapo.
Discovery will lead to golden age of genetically-improved French teenagers
by Lester Haines
French boffins claim to have isolated the "stupid" gene in what is being heralded as as major breakthrough in genetic engineering.
The tiny slither of DNA, which has been found in 94 per cent of French teenagers, is claimed to control stupid, tiresome and petulant behaviour.
The team behind the discovery have spent five years and FF90 million locating the gene from among four million suspected mutations.
Speaking yesterday at his laboratory near Paris, chief research scientist Dr Henri DuPont Nordel predicted a bright future for humanity as a result of the discovery. "This is le Saint Graal [Holy Grail] for French geneticists. Once we have eliminated the offending piece from DNA," he explained, "we will have removed the need for French teenagers with too many hormones to stand around at the bottom of Tube escalators shouting meaninglessly."
Other spin-off benefits are believed to include:
* An end to French people shrugging and pouting at even the simplest question
* Reduced occurence of colour-blindness in clothing
* Elimination of the desire to put rucksacks on the front of the body rather than on the back like normal people
* No further collaboration between French governments and invading German armies
British genetic experts have cautiously welcomed the news, but noted in a press release: "When they have isolated the gene which makes your French unspeakably pompous about food and fine wine, then that will be news."
Meanwhile, the same UK experts are reported to be attempting to identify the gene which causes British journalists to persist in attacking the French, despite the fact that it's years since they handed over any Jews to the Gestapo.
stosstruppe
Well-known member
They should focus on looking for the taking-it-in-the-ass-from-your-immigrant- population-rioting-and-destroying-your-suburbs-and-inner-cities-gene.
needtogetarmy
CEO of Project Mayhem
stosstruppe said:
+1
I've got a "shot" to cure that problem.
