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jnevin
New member
Yeah.
So I've been painting my house so it's nice for when my daughter pops out. Nesting or whatever. It seems that with every room I finish, my wife wants another one done. She's picked out colors for the goddamn storage closets for chrissake. Anyhoo.. I went to the Home Depot to buy all of my stuff, gave the guy the colors I wanted, and he said it'd take around 20 minutes. I decided to walk around and look at all of the things that I don't know what they're used for and that I'll never use. Like visiting a sex toy shop. I should have known something was up when the woman I saw coming out of the aisle I was entering gave me a strange, almost frightened look and avoided eye contact. It was probably 3/4 of the way down the aisle when it hit me. It was so strong it made me gag the second it hit my nostrils. The only way I could imagine a fart being that stinky would be from drinking a case of cheap beer and eating nothing but sardines and eggs for a weekend. So I did what any man would. I pulled my shirt up over my face, held my breath, and hustled down out of the aisle in kind of a prancing run/ walk with my one arm full of painting supplies and the other over my mouth to help filter the shit smell out. Then some guy with a big chew in his lip came around the corner and I tried to waive him off without talking so I wouldn't have to breathe and risk throwing up. He gave me a "WTF?" look, and hoping I was out of noseshot of the shit wall, I lowered my shirt and said it smelled like someone shit themself in that aisle. I don't know why he thought it was so funny, but he busted out laughing, sending some of his chew flying through the air. Some of said chew landed on my bottom lip. Before I even realized it was going to happen, I launched puke out so hard it came out of my nose. It went everywhere. My body kept heaving when there wasn't anything else left. I lost a contact.
So I'm buying the rest of my shit at Lowe's.
So I've been painting my house so it's nice for when my daughter pops out. Nesting or whatever. It seems that with every room I finish, my wife wants another one done. She's picked out colors for the goddamn storage closets for chrissake. Anyhoo.. I went to the Home Depot to buy all of my stuff, gave the guy the colors I wanted, and he said it'd take around 20 minutes. I decided to walk around and look at all of the things that I don't know what they're used for and that I'll never use. Like visiting a sex toy shop. I should have known something was up when the woman I saw coming out of the aisle I was entering gave me a strange, almost frightened look and avoided eye contact. It was probably 3/4 of the way down the aisle when it hit me. It was so strong it made me gag the second it hit my nostrils. The only way I could imagine a fart being that stinky would be from drinking a case of cheap beer and eating nothing but sardines and eggs for a weekend. So I did what any man would. I pulled my shirt up over my face, held my breath, and hustled down out of the aisle in kind of a prancing run/ walk with my one arm full of painting supplies and the other over my mouth to help filter the shit smell out. Then some guy with a big chew in his lip came around the corner and I tried to waive him off without talking so I wouldn't have to breathe and risk throwing up. He gave me a "WTF?" look, and hoping I was out of noseshot of the shit wall, I lowered my shirt and said it smelled like someone shit themself in that aisle. I don't know why he thought it was so funny, but he busted out laughing, sending some of his chew flying through the air. Some of said chew landed on my bottom lip. Before I even realized it was going to happen, I launched puke out so hard it came out of my nose. It went everywhere. My body kept heaving when there wasn't anything else left. I lost a contact.
So I'm buying the rest of my shit at Lowe's.
