realized something today

[Sushi X]

many of you might not know but i used to be a volunteer firefighter and recently a female firefighter died while driving to a brush fire. the truck hit a slick part on the road and from what i understand rolled and threw her out. her seatbelt broke and she eventually died. i did'nt know her but our departments have close ties. her funeral was today and i wanted to attend but was'nt sure if i should call into work though. my manager later told me it would have been ok. well, i went to her grave site today, and payed my respects. i've not felt right all day but this threw me overboard. i've been crying off and on since then. there's a bond between firefighters that most don't realize. again, i did'nt know her but she was only 3 years older than me and for the first time in a long time i realized my own mortality today. i think i weep not just for her death but for the fact that i realized i've been missing out on life. i have'nt put nothing into it and have been expecting something out of it. i know one day my time will come and i will be called home on high. but what will i leave behind? what kind of legacy or memories will i leave? i've been thinking about this today and i'm gonna try to get back on the dept(volunteer squad) and offer my services as a chaplain, mainly. i don't know if that will work but if it does'nt then i'd still like to join up again. i left due to lack of time but i can make time. my time is only borrowed. it'd running out and i feel i need to do more with it. being a nurse one day will help but what about now. this will require some thinking and meditation as well as prayer. i only hope i leave this world much like she did, doing her civil duty for her fellow man/woman.

there is no greater gift than a person lay down their life for someone else.

 

[BigGuns2]

Sounds like you learned a very valuable life lesson my friend.

 

[Sushi X]

i think she'd be pleased to know that she's still helping people even though she's passed on to the next life. she's in God's arms now. one day i hope to be there but i think there's much work for me to do here before i can earn that honor.

 

[Franco C]

People are forgotten no matter how good the deed; Tyrants are feared for their aribitrary cruelty. If you are willing to a cause, go out and fill that cause with everything you have, any superfluous yearning is in vain, conquer or be conquered by the pathos of self.

 

[dballer]

I am sorry to hear this news. I understand the kinship that firefighters have. For a long time I wanted to be a firefighter.

Good Luck to you Sushi.

 

[Sushi X]

thanks db.

 

[polarpixie]

That is a sad story Sushi, thanks for sharing it...She was obviously a strong and more than decent individual have picked that profession, which means this was a great loss to humanity... Hope you feel better soon, let this make you stronger.

 

[Sushi X]

thanks pixie, i'm starting to feel somewhat better. i contribute some of it to the fact i restarted my anti depression meds today and i took a dose around 4 oclock. i'm sure i'll feel even better tomorrow after a good night sleep.