question for master at creating "good" excuses when calling in sick

[SoreArms]

So monday morning, I woke up feeling exhausted and unmotivated to go to work, so I called in sick. Since it is alwasy highly suspicious to call in sick on Mondays or Fridays, I thought I'd raise the "beleiveability" scale by also calling in sick on Tuesday, then this morning (Wednesday) I just felt too lazy so i called in again.

Each day I've left a message for my boss, with the best sick voice I can make and have left my number incase he wants to reach me. He called today to see what was wrong and I told him that I was out Saturday night in the open air wihtout a sweater and got sick. I told him that Monday evening I was feeling a little better and decided to go to class and it made it worst. So, if I go back tomorrow, I will have no obvious signs of recent sickness. What is the best thing to do to appear as if i've been sick the last few days? I am thinking of taking a vic or two the night before so that I wake up real groggy and look out of it at work. What do you guys think?

 

[Y_lifter]

Yellow HighLiter...

word.

 

[biogeared]

Don't do your hair, pretend to have a sniffly nose, take comfort food in with you like warm oatmeal or soup, take some kleenex, etc

 

[Moderate_THIS]

Or as I do, don't shower or brush your teeth for a few days, go into work smelling like death, and you're golden.

 

[hamstershaver]

its a shame your boss reads C&C

 

[BileStew]

Your boss will believe you more if you don't do the fake sick voice and the inbetween sneezing and coughings.

Trust me, I had employees calling me with some of the worst performances available.

You're better off calling him before he gets to work and leave a message. If he wants to speak to you, he'll call back.

 

[SoreArms]

also, today being a party day, i don't want to give the suspicion of hangover, which Chaos Mange's suggestion might do

 

[jerkbox]

you are so busted...they are gonna can your ass

 

[Moderate_THIS]

Unless your boss is a complete idiot, he already knows you're faking. If he's cool, he knows everyone does it at some point... just go back to work and be productive.

 

[BileStew]

also, today being a party day, i don't want to give the suspicion of hangover, which Chaos Mange's suggestion might do

Yea, but he does that everyday without needing an excuse.

 

[jh1]

Tell him to mind HIPPA beotch.

Your using a Unplanned day off... PERIOD. Get a lawyer if ya wanna know more. Hmmmphh...

 

[Moderate_THIS]

Yea, but he does that everyday without needing an excuse.

at least I'm consistent

 

[BileStew]

at least I'm consistent

True dat.

Maybe Mcnabb can follow your lead.

Bwah!!

 

[Moderate_THIS]

True dat.

Maybe Mcnabb can follow your lead.

Bwah!!

Only you have been able to find the chink in my armor. For that I hate you, yet also love you. Dualism is the answer you seek.

 

[BileStew]

Dualism is the answer you seek.

No way, Yankee bean soup is what I seek.

 

[Razorguns]

I agree. Don't do the coughing shit.

Really want to be safe. Get your ass to work. Work a couple hours. Go in the office and complain you're feeling kinda lightheated and naseous. throwing up kind. YOu need to go home. Go on your vacation at 10am. Way safer, plus you get 2 hours paid time! Sometimes they won't even tack it as a sick day just not to deal with the extra paperwork of accounting for part days.

 

[BileStew]

The best excuse I heard from one of my guys was...

"Boss, I won't be able to make it in today. My ferret is scheduled for surgery".

I burst out laughing. It was true but the best line I ever heard.

 

[Scotsman]

Next time tell them you have anal Glaucoma....


































.......You can't see your ass coming to work today!

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[SoreArms]

Next time tell them you have anal Glaucoma....







.......You can't see your ass coming to work today!

Cheers,
Scotsman

hahaha

The thing I have working for me is that i usually work sick and they usually send me home because, by the way I look when i'm sick, they can tell I feel like shit and they don't want me to get every one else sick. I am so hoping that in their minds they say "well, that SoreArms is a hard worker and hates calling in even when he is sick so this must mean it is serious" or something like that

 

[canadianhitman]

Take a Viagra before going to work...you'll have a flushed face and stuffy nose. Perfect for faking the tail end of a cold. Just pretend to blow your nose alot and you're home free.

 

[SoreArms]

Take a Viagra before going to work...you'll have a flushed face and stuffy nose. Perfect for faking the tail end of a cold. Just pretend to blow your nose alot and you're home free.

but how do I explain the stiffy sticking out of my pants and all the bathroom trips to jerk off?

 

[Gambino]

Sore, you might have blown it. What you should have done on tuesday was go to the doctor and make some shit up...then you could have gotten the grail of slackers, the doctor's note. I have done this on occasion, faking the flu is fairly easy...

 

[canadianhitman]

You won't get stiffys unless there are hot chicks wear you work. Not full stiffies anyways...just a 'semi' that can be concealed with a combo of two pairs of tighty whitey underwear and carefully selected wardrobe.

 

[SoreArms]

Sore, you might have blown it. What you should have done on tuesday was go to the doctor and make some shit up...then you could have gotten the grail of slackers, the doctor's note. I have done this on occasion, faking the flu is fairly easy...

I tried but unaware to me, until now, my doctor has changed hours and is only available on Mondays and Thursdays. I tried to make an appointment on Tuesday. I was thinking of making an appointment for tomorrow and stretching it out for the entire week, but enough is enough, i need to get my lazy ass back to work

I think I'm going to go with the vicatin, i know the "half-awake" state I'll be in tomorrow morning, so I won't have to act much.

I will take more caution before taking on an act of slackery as big as this one again.

 

[ChefWide]

If you were a good enough actor to pull off some fake sickness that a seasoned manager didn't see right through, you wouldn't be working there now.

Go to work, do your job, if anyone asks how you are feeling, say "Much better, thank you" and change the subject. If you pop oxycodones to look half-witted, then you already are and need not waste the drugs.

 

[Y_lifter]

Have a trusted co-worker send a get well card around for you, also collecting money
for flowers ..

 

[SoreArms]

:nocksonwood:

So far so good

cough!

 

[Moderate_THIS]

:nocksonwood:

So far so good

cough!

Back at Taco Bell today? Good. I'll have a #9 plus a stuft burrito.

 

[SoreArms]

Back at Taco Bell today? Good. I'll have a #9 plus a stuft burrito.

as long as you know that I'm going to have to cough on it (for credibility purposes)

 

[Moderate_THIS]

as long as you know that I'm going to have to cough on it (for credibility purposes)

I've eatier dirtier tacos.... throw on some of your special Baja sauce too while you're at it

 

[Buddy_Christ]

I've eatier dirtier tacos.... throw on some of your special Baja sauce too while you're at it

yeah, but those were tuna tacos, so i don't know if they count.

 

[SoreArms]

Wellguys, I was brilliant. I think if any of you would have been there to see me you would have given me a standing ovation and a nomination for an Oscar. Several times through out the day I actually thought that I was sick and then had to remind myself that I was only acting.

The whole day I spoke in a soft, raspy voice (but not over done), I kept my head down and walked slightly huch over with semi-sleepy eyes. Each time people would stop me and ask about my sickness I would jsut say that I felt better (thanks Chef) but then emmediatley changed the subject and said that i had a lot of work to catch up on. My boss (and his bosses) were just happy to see me back 'casue I could continue my work, that they had to try and fill in while I was gone.

Actually, this was an important week for me to have missed, as my work these last few weeks are crucial to an important product release, so I am not proud of this deed. I want it to be known that I do not make this a habit. I am lucky I have credibility, likeability and an over all god reputation on my side. If it was anybody else, they mgiht have probed deeper in to it.

Why looky here, tomorrow is already Friday

B utif I ever do this gain I am going to amke sure I have better things to do with the time thatn change my oil and clean around the house.

 

[Hengst]

I have one final suggestion for the future. Do you have any allergies? e.g. an animal? If so, keep a small amount of the animal fur in your desk. When you want to leave the office early or 'maintain' a sick appearance, smear a small bit of the animal fur where it affects you the most (corner of the eye, nose). Use just enough to force the flu like symptoms to appear......... runny sneezy nose, swollen red watery eyes but not enough to cause a severe reaction.

Then,once you are out of the office, take your anitdote for the allergy, clear up and go on your merry way.

This is fool proof. Symptoms are REAL !!!

 

[SoreArms]

thanks